Cranfield Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 I found these alleged examples of Yorkshire humour, posted elsewhere. They made me laugh. The works' boss, "Young Mr Peter" had to tell old Joe it was time for him to retire after 60 years with the firm. The old man was indignant: "So, it's come to this, 'as it? Ah'm not wanted any longer? Ah worked for thi dad, thi grandad and 'is dad an' all. Ah tell thi what lad, if Ah'd known this job weren't going to be permanent, Ah'd nivver 'ahe tekken it on". I was walking down the street t'other day when ah met me mate. "Hows tha bin"? he asked. "I feel like an 'os" ses I "An 'os" ses he "Aye lad, Champion". At a cricket match a fast bowler sent one down and it just clipped the bail. As nobody yelled "ows att" the batsman picked up the bail and replaced it. He looked at the umpire and said "windy today int'it". "Ay" said the umpire "it is, mind it don’t blow thee cap off walking back to t'pavillion ". A man goes to the vet because his cat is poorly. The vet says "Is it a tom?" and the man says "Nay lad, 'ah've got it 'ere in t'basket!" A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire. 'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband. "Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!' "Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!' "Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top. "Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in" 'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!' A couple had been courting for nearly twenty years and one day as they sat on a seat in the park she plucked up courage and asked, 'Don't you think it's time we wed?' He answered, 'Aye lass, but who'd ave us?' A Yorkshire farmer went into a jewellers shop in Harrogate. He was constantly chewing. The salesgirl said, "Can I help you Sir?" "Aye" he said, still chewing. "I'd like one 'o them theer rings". "Yes Sir, wedding or engagement?" "Wedding, tha nos", he said, chewing constantly. "Gold or Silver?", said the salesgirl, watching him chewing. "Gold", he said. "Eighteen Carats?", said the girl. "Nay lass", he said. "It's toffee and it's stuck in me teeth". A 'Tyke' struggling home at night, obviously after having had a reet kneckful, sees a man from the water board with a big 'T' handle, in the middle of the road opening a valve at the bottom of a manhole. He walks up behind him and gives him an almighty clout. "What's that fer" says the waterman... "Thats fer tunin' all t'streets roun' when I'm tryin' ter find mi way home" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 :( Very good cranners. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webber Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Cranfield very good; I do however wonder if your posts are timed to coincide with the absence of YP, who is I believe on honeymoon. Im a lancastrian so you can take the p out of Yorkshiremen all you like! webber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernyha Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Cranfield very good; I do however wonder if your posts are timed to coincide with the absence of YP, who is I believe on honeymoon. Not too sure about that, we will certainly find out tonight though. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webber Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 I cant wait either, but I shall have to wait until the morning, as I shall be signing off soon. webber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sniper Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Webber, To be reet honest I can't tell thee if he's gone or not. But I'm still here holding t' fort for us Yorkies. Plus 'am not t'ony un on here either. :( Do's tha want me t' get me gang ont' thee. Cranners, Lets have some more please. I really enjoyed them. But you forgot to mention the Yorkshire War Cry. " HOW MUCH !!!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yorkshire Pudding Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Alleged yoomer .. Still laffin now ... Gun un cranners all the best yis yp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 :( @ Cranfield Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunnerman Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 excellent will post them to a home sick yorkshire friend in the U S if thats ok with you Rgds Andrew (yorkshire man thro and thro) :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webber Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cranfield So, YPs not on honeymoon then, my mistake. Its good to see that hes taken it all in good humour, which I would have expected. I cant explain why I am prepairing for some kind of backlash, but if I were you, the hard hat and flackjacket would be readily to hand. webber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
webber Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cranfield Your story about the retiring chap reminds me of my grandad. He worked for United Glass for 52 years, with a small break whilst he went and killed some Germans and got taken prisoner in the 1st world war. Grandad was compulsarly retired at the age of 70, when the 65 years pensionable age came in in the early 60s. Now 52 years is a long time and UG wanted to celebrate this fact, and held a do in the canteen. Following a presentation of both a clock and a fine watch, grandad aparently made a speach, although he was almost completeley deaf due to the factory noise. He told them that he needed neither a clock or a watch as he had never been late for work, or missed a shift. He slagged off the management for sacking him after 52 years loyal service, and told them that they could stick their clock up their ****. He needed a job not a clock. He then clocked off and walked home. My uncle who also worked there and was present at the do, visited grandad the same evening, clock under arm. The clock was from his workmates, the watch was from UG. he kept both untill he died aged 99 years. The following week he got a job as a part time brusherup, he worked untill he was around 80. Many years later I started as an apprentice. My grandads name still held good, and his record, and act remained unbeaten. Well done Fred! webber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Nice story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranfield Posted June 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Thats a nice story. Unfortunately, a job for life, is very rare nowadays. I didn,t expect any backlash from our Yorkshire based friends. All of the Yorkshiremen I have ever met, had a great sense of humour. Tight as a ducks axxxx, but a good sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sniper Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Cranners, Tha'll do fer me old love, as rough as thy is ! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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