ronttuk

are there any landlords in this site who could answer me a few questions please ?? can you pm me for privacy thanks ron

h.s waterfowl decoy bag holds 36 standard decoy ducks or 24 mag decoys or loads of pigeon decoys. Made of durable polyester mesh 30 inches by 50 inches olive drab mildew and rot proof can be worn as a rucksack model 00246 £15 plus p&p brand new not even out of bag. I accept paypal

i unpicked my exs hem on her coat filled it with chopped onions sowed the hem up again it was so funny everyone asking her if she could smell onions i left it there for 3 days !! before i told her!!! funny though she left me shortly after but it was worth the laugh :thumbs:

i got an escort semi 4 xmas never had any probs and as u say 3 yrs warranty cant go wrong for under £300

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!" She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.) An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept! Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands. In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket. At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases. HAVE A GREAT DAY... And WASH your damn hands!!!!!!!!

theres nothing wrong with basildon its like canvey nothing a good bomb wouldnt sort out !!!

http://www.annsummers.com/bean.asp

thanks guys after what ive been driving for the last cpl of years 25mpg will be a god send!! is ive just lost my closest mate in a car crash my daughter has asked me to get rid of my fast cars so a big 4x4 is on the menue. R.I.P. JAMES (FUBAR)

make sure u havent got a broken or worn reed valve and the carb is set up correctly if it runs to lean you can detonate a piston !!

after lots of trying to find a toyota surf it looks like i might be swapping my boat for a pajero 2.5td exceed anyone got any links or advice on these all help greatfully recieved even the p***s takers :thumbs:

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty ****. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a **** that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she ****s on you!"

Dressed and Ready A couple was dressed and ready to go out into the city for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my Mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me but it worked. I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car......

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes (Must Read Out Loud) 1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia 4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai 5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni 8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat 9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim 10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching 11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………WaiYu Kum Nao 13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo 14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka 15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

The Honeymoon A guy out on the golf course gets hit in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week. The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; ..an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these." He immediately drops his pants and replies,....................... "Look at this,....still in the CRATE!"

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick!: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, > steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son. what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!" :thumbs: Broken Coffee Table £39.99 Hot Breakfast £4.20 Two Aspirins 38p Saying the right thing at the right time . . Priceless

ive got an abu mag elite 6500 ct for sale never even been out of the box £70 deliverd i won it in my fishing club raffle but its not needed

im a qulified chef/scaffolder/carpenter/welder/mechanic but stuff doing all that there so boring i now run a fishing tackle shop and if just got the owner to get an RFD so i get to play with all the new toys every day! :thumbs:

thanks guys shame they dont do a half back model but i think the 3ltr is going to be my nex car.now ive got to get rid of all my others ive got no room left :thumbs:

i saw him when i was walking home xmas eve about 1am in the middle of the high street. no wonder i dont drink much!!! :thumbs:

im thinking of getting rid of all my cars and getting a toyota surf anyone got/had 1? what they like?? any info will be greatfully used except for the oldies who still live in the dark ages with there landies!!

in essex they use these cause were quick :( http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search/images/v...3&ei=ISO-8859-1

:( :thumbs: funny but sooooo true !!!

do argos acutally sell these??

what part of london are you in theres a few game dealers in the chelmsford area if thats near you