Pike Posted October 9, 2004 Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 A many walks into B&Q to buy a bath. Quite happy with his purchase he goes hope safe in the knowledge he can have a nice relaxing dip. Two hours later he comes back into the shop stark naked , covered in bubbles and clutchinging the newly aquired bath. He storms up to a shop assistant and shouts " Look I have just bought this bath, filled it up, and before I even had a chance to rinse my hair all the water disappeared!" The shop assistant stops and thinks for a while then says calmly "Did you buy a plug for it sir? " You, Ba***rd - nobody told me it was electric!!!" :*) :*) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled_cky Posted October 9, 2004 Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 class. Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted October 9, 2004 Report Share Posted October 9, 2004 Nice one centurian. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pike Posted October 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 A very well dressed, well spoken lady walks into an Aston Martin showroom and starts to look at the new DB9. She opens the drivers door and bends down to feel the depth of the carpet - and farts! Turning round to see the car salesman she tries to keep some air of dignity and asks him "and how much would this be with cream upholstry?" to which he replies "look lady, if you do that just feeling the carpet who knows what will happen when you find out the price!!!" Why was Jesus not born in Dagenham? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pike Posted October 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 A chav walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and says "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year". The chav says "You're having me on!" The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!" Apologies for anyone out there with a Nova with more body work thany it left the factory with or a liking for Burberry designer wear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 Jordan&Peter Andre are relaxing at home when Jordan rushes into the front room shouting"Peter I`ve finished my jigsaw!and it only took three days"Peter replies"So why are you so happy?" "Well it says on the box 2to3 years!" :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 henry i take that as an insult to my intelligence and those rumours about me and peter are all lies i only met him once lmao lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 The truth hurts(so does a size ten in the crackers)thank God work(?) is quiet 2nite Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 :( :( Stop it now. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 work henry you wouldnt know work if it kicked you in the teeth lmao what do you do mate? apart form insult me of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Mike Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 MORE JOKES!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 Anything to oblige.Peter Andre leaves the love of his life,the ample breasted Jordan,fixing her breakfast of O.J. and toast and goes off to work.On his return,many hours later,finds his beloved still in her babydoll negligee staring intently at it"What are you doing?" asks Peter "It said "Concentrate" on the carton"replies Jordan :( no offence like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 very good made me laugh you havnt answered my question though what do you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 10, 2004 Report Share Posted October 10, 2004 I try not to get caught when my PC freezes on diggas posts,but generally my job is a "Deflagration deluge specialist" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 a what??? lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Work it out kiddo!(wots lmao?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 lmao = laughing my *** off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 lmao,much obliged,worked out wot i do yet(apart from get mesmerised by Mrs.digga!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdfish Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Henry Do you spend a lot of your time polishing your helmet and sliding down poles? Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 11, 2004 Report Share Posted October 11, 2004 Should do but prefer to race about with 6litres fullbelt not stopping 4no one(`cept lil old ladies,blessem,who`ve not switched on theyre deaf aids)and waving to kiddies who`ve got nice mummies in mini skirts!Ain`t life a bitch :devil:Worked it out yet J? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Do you spend a lot of your time polishing your helmet and sliding down poles? Your one of them bloody stripper types aren't you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jordan Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 i think your a fireman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Or he could actually wield a flame thrower A deluge doesn't necessarily mean water - but in this case I suspect it does Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 13, 2004 Report Share Posted October 13, 2004 Well done J you got there in the end!I have done a bit of striping b4 but only with a steamer and scraper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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