lurcherboy Posted August 20, 2005 Report Share Posted August 20, 2005 10 Rules for Dating my Daughter 10 Rules for Dating my Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waistline. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of “barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted August 20, 2005 Report Share Posted August 20, 2005 Been there done that...and she`s just binned him....OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pike Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Top one matey! If you want to send those pics over to me you can pm me through the site but I have recently had a two wheel upgrade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antuk99 Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Oh bliss so this is what i've to wait for my blonde blue eyed girl is 9 years old read the riot act when she was 2 hours old on her blue tooth phone i have called it MY DAD HAS A GUN lol cos i know what boys are like i was the worst :*) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Lol, my two daughters are still too young for this thank god. But I am really dreading the day the first boyfriend knocks on the door. Now where did I put that camo face paint. Perhaps I have time to memorise this and quote it when it eventually does happen! Nice one. Regards, Axe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leon Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Just noticed....HAPPY BIRTHDAY Leon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX Sniper Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 im normally the unfortunate guy taking the daughter out, thank god i havnt met yours yet. f in hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted August 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 Top one matey! If you want to send those pics over to me you can pm me through the site but I have recently had a two wheel upgrade. You have PM Pike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 my little princess is 11 years old and my worst fear is that in a few years time she will bring someone home who is like i used to be , i know what young men are like and what they are thinking because i used to be one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX Sniper Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 im a young man and all i think about is politics, respect for women, christianity and so on and so forth. perfect gent me, theres loads of women who testify to that aswell as that im a great lay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magman Posted August 22, 2005 Report Share Posted August 22, 2005 what time did u say u wanted her in by SIR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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