nathanhutchison Posted January 27, 2012 Report Share Posted January 27, 2012 One of the counter assistants at my work finnaly managed to start his apprenticeship in October. Every apprentice gets a visitfrom the SMT invidulator at the start of their training. Anyway marlon (the apprentice) has his visit and the SMT guy says "i'll call to arrange our next meeting"...... a plan forms So a week later marlon comes back from his day off to get a message passed on from the smt guy by the manager. the message is that marlon is to come in on his day off the next week for an apprentice convention in aberdeen. we get to saturday that same week and at lunch time i go into the office and phone the front shop phone (from the office phone) nd ask to speak to marlon. At the time marlon comes on the other end he is standing directly on the other side of the door to me! So i tell him its john (the smt guy) and i tell him to be at the shop for 9am on his day off, too bring his work folders and all other paperwork and to wear his best suit (my impersination of this mans very strong grantown accent was to put my hand over my mouth) Anyway he fell for it and showed up on his day off at ten to 9 and was told to ****** off as there was no convention Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince Green Posted January 27, 2012 Report Share Posted January 27, 2012 Ordering smutty catalogues full of porn and sex toys to a colleagues work postal address.. He still gets them 5 years later. If I send you my address can you order some for me...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
activeviii Posted January 27, 2012 Report Share Posted January 27, 2012 we use to draw/write in the walls in the bogs at one place i worked, i got caught and had to spend the next two days with cloth and thinners wiping all the walls down, a mate thought it would be funny to get in early on the second day and write all over the walls again. so there's me wiping the walls with thinners on rags and as high as a kite. mate comes in to the toilet and locks the door on one of the stalls, i could hear the squeaking of the marker peg on the wall. shouting at him didnt work, all i could hear was him laughing. i will have the last laugh, i lit a rag of thinners and through it over the door. i hit his head and onto his lap and into his pants and trousers that are down his ankles. run, i never ran to fast in the whole of my life. he chased me for ages. turns out i set his fringe a light, took most of the hair from around his groin and burnt his pants. we are best of mates and have been for 20 years, since then we have caused all sorts of mayhem. at his wife's 30th birthday party everyone bought food or drink and one hell of a party was had. in in his garage for a smoke we spotted an empty chocolate biscuit tin, out the side door of the garage and down the garden looking for frogs. we must have put 20 frogs in this tin and put it on the side in the kitchen. all the women were in the kitchen when someone spotted the chocky tin. lets just say that i can hear the screams still now. we also proved that 3 women cant get through a door at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bullet1747 Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 I've always had a talent for mimicking other people's voices. Years back (before Iraq or Afghan before the grief whores get started), a mate of mine was detached to go aboard a submarine for 4 months. I cant remember why, but I had to phone his wife about some mundane nonsense whilst he was away. Ring ring... ring ring... Her: Hello? Me (in very posh tones): Hello, is that Mrs X? Her (nervously): yes... Me: This is Commander Smedley-Farthington (or somesuch rubbish) from The Admiralty. I'm afraid I have some rather bad news about your husband..... Her: <sound of phone hitting the floor>... Me: Hello? Hello? Not really... Hello?? Cue fast house visit. Harsh? Yes, but this was the man who ordered an enormous sex toy, addressed it to his wife and then had it delivered to work knowing that she would be asked to come and identify the contents. Poor lass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikky Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 all the lads at work got together and decided to go out for a meal,one of the lads Paul always dressed really smart always over the top,we decided on going for a chinese,so i suggested(the lads knew except for paul )that we all got dressed up in fancy dress and as we were going to a chinese lets all get dressed up in chinese clobber,knowing full well Paul would try and outdo all of us,,,,we decided on the chinese restaurant in town and to meet up in there at 8pm......the rest of us decided to got to indian restaurant directly opposite the chinese....8pm on the dot,Paul gets out of a taxi dressed as fu man chu he even had a pony tail and his eyes painted to look oriental,he walks into the chinese and started walking round looking for us,all the staff were looking at him as if he was mentally impaired,he eventually came out and stood in the doorway looking like an extra out of some martial arts film...by this time everyone in the indian restaurant was watching as well everyone was laughing so much,one of the waiters nearly wet his pants,eventually we called him over and he sat in an indian dressed as a china man...he got a free meal out of it mikky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperfection Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 A friend who's an engineer made a dildo out of solid alloy block on a lathe.As dildos go it truly was a work of art and you could see he's spent some time on the detail.His wife was due to fly out to Barbados on a girlie holiday a week or so later so he slipped it into her suitcase without her knowing. Unfortunately,she's one if these people who always get searched and apparently her face at customs was a picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peppergun Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 HA HA. A brilliant post, this is actually a library for the prankster!! Here are my entries: Filling a colleagues locker with expanding foam ( turns out it bursts the locker open and ruins everything). Filling a colleagues car completely with polystyrene chips through the sunroof in the summer. Swapping the mice of two people sitting opposite each other. Glueing the contents of someone's desk down. Swapping the A and O on the bosses keyboard. Borrowing car keys and hiding cars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack-ack Posted January 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 HA HA. A brilliant post, this is actually a library for the prankster!! Here are my entries: Filling a colleagues locker with expanding foam ( turns out it bursts the locker open and ruins everything). Filling a colleagues car completely with polystyrene chips through the sunroof in the summer. Swapping the mice of two people sitting opposite each other. Glueing the contents of someone's desk down. Swapping the A and O on the bosses keyboard. Borrowing car keys and hiding cars. Theres a few line crossers there chap I always used to leave my motor open at the access when working on track and Keith Chuffing Hayward popped the lid and filled my screen wash up with orange juice. It escalated rapidly and verged on criminal damage. I had the gang lift his works van on duff jacks and slip 3 pallets beneath it. Friday afternoon! Have one of those matey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4ck9519 Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 deliberately mishearing my workmate. - going on about rohipnol, so I said, why do you want to knock someone out with a pofitter roll. -or when he told me to go and stick something in the connie (container) anyway a text later on mentioning connie then his missus thinks he's having an affair. stealth bumming each other. unplugging his extension lead everytime he pulls the trigger on whatever power tool he is using. boz of screws down his trousers, also ive poured lucoade down his trousers. it goes on and on and on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4ck9519 Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 my keyboards no good. also post- it notes on his back, as people walk past, or he goes to the shop to get his lunch. the best one was writing sexy hot builder, into anything then his number in the mens public toilets nearby. supergluing his drink or tools to the floor. priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack-ack Posted January 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 stealth bumming each other. A high ranking member of a well known scandinavian construction company was been shown round our site which was at the time the biggest job on the books. As Paddy Mick bent over to split a mud line two 'crazy guys' thought it would be funny to pretend to hang out the back of him . They were oblivious to the fact that the man was standing staring at them awestruck at this un-savoury behaviour. You had to be there but needless to say I was in a state of uncontrollable laughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_evil Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Here's one for anyone who posts their new phone number on Facebook I'm going to use that I've got unlimited free texts to waste haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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