kyska Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 I'd still give her some gifts in a stocking like half a crown some nuts and a orange. Was fine for generations. Or do what my wife did with our son at around the age of your daughter,when the rag n bone men came round calling our son asked his mam what they were calling. As he had just burned the new carpet with an iron, my wife had just done some ironing and was sorting the next wash loads out so switched the iron off at wall and put iron on floor so he couldn't pull it off and hurt himself. Little sod switched it back on at the socket got the tea towel and started ironing it on the new carpet, turned teatowel over by which time iron stuck to carpet, panicked left it and hid by laying across the dining room chairs under the table. So when this golden opertunity came my wife told him to get his bag packed as there were calling for naughty boys and as he was naughty she had to let them take him away all the mams had to take there naughty boys out to them. Funny as hell as it worked for years, everytime he heard them he said to his mam ill be a good boy and he did. All need a deterrent,just need to find what works. Figgy Great, so he got scared witless for mimicking his mother, a natural, perfectly normal, and to boot for a child to mimic his parents being a sign of admiration. Detterents are great, not self tightening ones though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Great, so he got scared witless for mimicking his mother, a natural, perfectly normal, and to boot for a child to mimic his parents being a sign of admiration. Detterents are great, not self tightening ones though. Don't quite understand scared witless for mimicking his mother the little tyke had burned the carpet and being scared of the consequences is what a deterrent is. He is now a adult and laughs about it and says he will use it for his kids when he has them, this was back when you could still smack your child and my wife found this worked better. I have never agreed with the namby pamby way of parenting after give them a smacked ***** was banned. As far as I'm concerned as parents our job is to teach them right from wrong and when doing wrong there are consequences. If you thought he hid because of the rag bone men he didn't be hid because he knew he was wrong burning the carpet for a second time hence the deterent. Figgy Edited December 15, 2013 by figgy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 there are for a 5 years old dude... Not for mine. But each to their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Obviously all of us and our parents and grand parents must be hell bent nutters and maniacs as they got smacked things taken off them and removed from human contact ie sent to room. This worked for a very long time, prisons were not overfill people had respect for eachother and there belongings and good manners. The youth of today are so obviously much better behaved just go into schools or ask the teachers. I know which society I favour. Figgy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FalconFN Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Our 5 year old's behaviour has been off the scale this year with a cracked door frame and other bits of damage to the house ..... I can't be the only one thinking the words Dave and Barnsley? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluebarrels Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 I can't be the only one thinking the words Dave and Barnsley? Dave and Burnley BB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Don't quite understand scared witless for mimicking his mother the little tyke had burned the carpet and being scared of the consequences is what a deterrent is. He is now a adult and laughs about it and says he will use it for his kids when he has them, this was back when you could still smack your child and my wife found this worked better. I have never agreed with the namby pamby way of parenting after give them a smacked ***** was banned. As far as I'm concerned as parents our job is to teach them right from wrong and when doing wrong there are consequences. If you thought he hid because of the rag bone men he didn't be hid because he knew he was wrong burning the carpet for a second time hence the deterent. Figgy Apologies I'm not knocking you as a parent, I'm sure you've done a fine job, but less tolerant and skilled parents struggle with this type of 'I dare you' parenting, I've seen catastrophic outcomes, escalated very quickly. In your scenario what would of happened if your child carried on regardless one day? The man wouldn't of taken him away, then you're in a situation where you have become impotent, so worse parents escalate. I'm not namby pamby either, I just think things have moved on, we understand little ones behaviour better. But for the record, IMO unless a child does something so reckless, and life threatening, there is no place, whatsoever, for violence against a child, assault, battery, whatever we want to call it just shows a parent has lost control. It wouldn't be tolerated with elderly people, or adult people with learning difficulties, and of course adults full stop. These are only my opinions. Edited December 15, 2013 by kyska Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FalconFN Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Dave and Burnley BB Barnsley, Burnley, Bolton, Bury, all pretty much the same place aren't they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laird Lugton Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Ok I can see some of you have an extremely low opinion of my post, each to their own.... In our house Santa only leaves one present so the little one won't be without presents as they'll still get them from Mum & Dad, the grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. Just not Santa's. At school they're told if they're naughty they won't get anything, a letter arrived this week from Santa (sent by Grandparents - give me strength) saying they'd been such a good child all year he would be visiting..... So it got us thinking, well actually you slammed your door so hard the trim on the door frame has fallen off, when you get sent to your room on a time out (no physical punishment in our house) when you'd been naughty you try and damage your room and it's contents. When you were naughty and were brought up for it you picked up a 2 inch stone and hurled it at the car causing a dent in the door, when you didn't like the dinner put in front of you last week you took your metal spoon and used it to gouge grooves in the kitchen table (luckily we bought it with a distressed look - it can only look better). So we thought this year you can do without Santa's present, but maybe I need to rethink this. Kyska, been to the GP and it is in the normal spectrum of behaviour for a 5 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaun4860 Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Ok I can see some of you have an extremely low opinion of my post, each to their own.... In our house Santa only leaves one present so the little one won't be without presents as they'll still get them from Mum & Dad, the grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. Just not Santa's. At school they're told if they're naughty they won't get anything, a letter arrived this week from Santa (sent by Grandparents - give me strength) saying they'd been such a good child all year he would be visiting..... So it got us thinking, well actually you slammed your door so hard the trim on the door frame has fallen off, when you get sent to your room on a time out (no physical punishment in our house) when you'd been naughty you try and damage your room and it's contents. When you were naughty and were brought up for it you picked up a 2 inch stone and hurled it at the car causing a dent in the door, when you didn't like the dinner put in front of you last week you took your metal spoon and used it to gouge grooves in the kitchen table (luckily we bought it with a distressed look - it can only look better). So we thought this year you can do without Santa's present, but maybe I need to rethink this. Kyska, been to the GP and it is in the normal spectrum of behaviour for a 5 year old. Thats how I read it However its not something I have ever heard of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Kyska I can see where your coming from as some parents shouldn't be allowed to breed and good parenting takes a degree of intelligence. I for one know as a child I would not just cross the line I would march right over it, if it wasn't for the wupping and grounding toys removed etc I got for being naughty I would have been a tearaway, I used to calculate the pleasure pain thing as to what I wanted to do. If I had to be in by a certain time but my mates were doing something I wanted to do I would weigh up if it was worth the punishment to go ahead and do it. Allways did from a very young age. The original poster said his daughter had split a door frame amongs other misdemeanours. As a four year old child I woke up during the night often and got bored so wanted to go downstairs, as i crept across the landing my younger sister aged three woke both of us didnt sleep much as children and wanted to come with me i climbed over my younger sisters baby gate mesh type back to help her over then went down stairs and had a whale of a time smashing glasses out of the sideboard till my parents woke up and came down thinking they were getting burgled. When asked why I done it, I liked breaking glass just like ice over puddles to a child and parents had loads on the shelves all twinkling just waiting for my enjoyment. Parents then put a safety chain on my door to stop me getting out, couldn't figure out how to undo the chain so stood my car garage up then my guitar on top to reach top of door,swang on door every night till it fell of its hinges, well the screws came out the frame hey ho me out and about in house again, till got caught and bigger screws were put in hinges. So yes children can break most things if determined. Perfect example drink driving, as adults we all know we shouldn't but if there was no fine or loss of licence for doing it. Would all not do it because really its wrong. Also being drunk and disorderly is against the law but not really punished much, just look at most town centres on a weekend night. We all at times way up things this way, with out deterents we would all just do whatever we liked. It's no different when finding ways of teaching children right from wrong, need to find what works and suits each child. Figgy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FalconFN Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 We have a stocking from Santa that we fill with little cheapy toys, games and nick-naks plus a nut and a tangerine in the bottom, their main presents are from the family but the magical bit for them (and us) is them finding the stocking in front of the fire with the half eaten mince pie and carrot. I know where you're coming from and I can understand the reasons but at 5 they really aren't able to comprehend belated punishments and it could just be counter productive. I know how hard it can be to get through to kids and how badly behaved they can be sometimes but I also know that most kids are good kids even though they do make mistakes and get annoyed etc, and what we feel is a correct punishment isn't seen that way by the kid which can sometimes make the behavior worse. Good luck and have a good Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laird Lugton Posted December 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 Fair points FalconFN, pigeon watch is very cathartic. The child in question has a heart of gold until they don't get their way and then hours can be wasted dealing with the resultant bad behaviour. I can see why some parents give in. We are fair but I guess boundaries are there to be crossed and this one is a stubborn one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Laird Lugton I'm sure you know your daughter better than anyone and you can decide what you see fit as punishment for her. If you decide to use the threat of whatever it is sometimes you have you have to carry it through otherwise whatever you say in future won't mean jack. Figgy Edited December 15, 2013 by figgy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted December 15, 2013 Report Share Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Laird Lugton I'm sure you know your daughter better than anyone and you can decide what you see fit as punishment for her. If you decide to use the threat of whatever it is sometimes you have you have to carry it through otherwise whatever you say in future won't mean jack. Figgy Absolutely, no one has the final say but the parents, but you must be fair, that's the only way little ones work and become functional and balanced adults, whatever you do will imprint your child's behaviour, and that's as much as I'll say on on this as its another debate. Figgy, I kind of get your point, but the drink driving, adult behaviour anology is not applicable to children, the risk of losing your driving licence and freedom isn't the same as changing a child's behaviour, although they are human, they really aren't the same as us, their behavioural drivers are so abstract from adults we forget, you'd be surprised how much a reward/praise attitude helps even with the 'worst' young terrorist child. Regardless, violence towards anyone, let alone children is proven to be ineffective, counterproductive. Edited December 15, 2013 by kyska Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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