Banks, do they annoy you?

[Ballymac]

A SENIOR MOMENT – I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS

 

 

A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

 

 

 

 

Dear Sir,

 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

 

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

 

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

 

1 – To make an appointment to see me.

2 – To query a missing payment.

3 – To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4 – To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5 – To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6 – to transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7 – To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)

8 – To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.

9 – To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

 

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

 

Your Humble Client

 

 

 

 

(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman;

DOESN’T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!)

[tuck1]

FANTASTIC!

[Gonna Shoot a Wabbit]

An example for the rest of us

[dazza]

brilliant

[SNAKEBITE]

I have seen that before a few times but slightly different each time. An urban tale perhaps?

 

I hope not.

[Cranfield]

Of course its not true, but it is entertaining.

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

[naddan28]

A law student at my uni took a high street bank to court over bank charges of £30+ for going over his overdraft by a few pence. He won and the banks were ordered to give him a pretty big pay out for compensation, I think it was enough to clear his student loan! I imagine he got a job pretty easily after that with a law firm, bloody good on the CV!

 

Dan

[SNAKEBITE]

A law student at my uni took a high street bank to court over bank charges of £30+ for going over his overdraft by a few pence. He won and the banks were ordered to give him a pretty big pay out for compensation, I think it was enough to clear his student loan! I imagine he got a job pretty easily after that with a law firm, bloody good on the CV!

 

Dan

 

:blink: There are loads of people taking the banks to court to reclaim charges made (me being one of them, so I am familiar with the procedure ). You can only claim for the charges initially but when you lodge a court date you can then include 8% intrest and reasnoble cost incurred.

 

Compensation? Never heard of that and I have spent a bit of time in the forum area of www.consumeractiongroup.com

[naddan28]

A law student at my uni took a high street bank to court over bank charges of £30+ for going over his overdraft by a few pence. He won and the banks were ordered to give him a pretty big pay out for compensation, I think it was enough to clear his student loan! I imagine he got a job pretty easily after that with a law firm, bloody good on the CV!

 

Dan

 

:blink: There are loads of people taking the banks to court to reclaim charges made (me being one of them, so I am familiar with the procedure ). You can only claim for the charges initially but when you lodge a court date you can then include 8% intrest and reasnoble cost incurred.

 

Compensation? Never heard of that and I have spent a bit of time in the forum area of www.consumeractiongroup.com

Well thats what I heard, the case happened a while back now and apparently was unique at the time. Perhaps I misheard with the whole compensation thing or people got confused with the 8% interest.

[Dunkield]

I don't know that many 98 year olds (honest) but 'level the playing field' isn't something they would say, I have to listen to that kind of BS all day long so I know exactly the sort of tw*ts that use sayings like that

 

In fact we received an email from marketing type person the other day that was so good it is now printed and displayed above my colleagues desk.

We drew the line at framing it, but vistors to our desks are invited to to try and explain to us what it actually means :blink:

[bbjunkie]

Thanks Ballymac - reminded me I need to send off my claim for refunded bank charges!

 

Maybe i'll get a new rifle with the proceeds