berettaman1 Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 a dizzy blonde is on a transatlantic flight, one hour into the flight theres a bang and one engine shuts down, the captain announces we have a engine fault and our flight time will be half hour late, after a while here is another bang and another engine packs up, the captain announces we have another engine fault our flight time will be two hours late, a hour later the third engine packs in and the captain says sorry folks, but we have another problem our flight is going to be four hours late,!! Jeeze says the blond if that last engine packs up WE WILL BE UP HERE FOR HOURS!! Ha Ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magman Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Thats quite good for you :yp: made me laugh anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Forgot the punchline didn`t ya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted October 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Forgot the punchline didn`t ya I dont know I cant remember!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob G Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 A small boy walks into his parents bedroom and catches them having sex.The father looks round and laughs and shouts 'get out of here'.The small boy goes to his room.The boys parents go down stairs and sit down to watch tv.After about an hour they hear a lot of noise and screams coming from the boys room,they run up stairs and run into the boys room.To find the boy got his nan bent over his bed having sex with her.The boy looks round at his dad and says'not so funny now it's your mum is it' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter-peter Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 a dizzy blonde is on a transatlantic flight, one hour into the flight theres a bang and one engine shuts down, the captain announces we have a engine fault and our flight time will be half hour late, after a while here is another bang and another engine packs up, the captain announces we have another engine fault our flight time will be two hours late, a hour later the third engine packs in and the captain says sorry folks, but we have another problem our flight is going to be four hours late,!! Jeeze says the blond if that last engine packs up WE WILL BE UP HERE FOR HOURS!! Ha Ha. He's at it again! He's at it again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagsy Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special deal for you.'' ''I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £150, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Ok, why not?" He pulled his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time laid three fifty pound notes on the bar, and said, slowly: "Paint…my…house." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted October 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special deal for you.'' ''I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £150, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Ok, why not?" He pulled his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time laid three fifty pound notes on the bar, and said, slowly: "Paint…my…house." Now look, Mark I tell the jokes ok? Ha Ha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owenwill Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Gorgeous Chinese girl meets a guy at a club, takes him back to her flat, takes off her clothes and says " What the hell, tonight I'll do anything you want " The guy can't believe his luck and says "How about a 69?" Girl replies " If you think I'm cooking this time of night you can #@# off!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrowboy Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing , and before he left ,he told her that he did not have any cash with him,but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her calling the payment RENT FOR APARTMENT On the way to the office he regretted what he had done , realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for %250 and enclose the following typed note : Dear Madam : Enclosed find cheque in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon , because when I rented the place , I was under the impression that : 1 . It had never been occupied ; 2 . There was plenty of heat ; and 3 . it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home . However . I found out that it had been previously occupied ,and that there wasn't any heat. and that it was entirely too large . Upon reciept of the note ,the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note ; Dear Sir , First of all , I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely . Has for the heat ,there is plenty of it , if you know how to tun it on . Regarding the space ,the apartment is indeed of regular size ,but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it , please do not blame the management . Please remit the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sussex Countryman Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Boy in his mum's bedroom hears the front door go and people running up stairs. Frightened, he jumps in the wardrobe. Hearing moaning and groaning, he cracks open the door to see his mum having it off with a very naked guy. Front door bangs. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, my husband!!" says the wife, "Quick, in the wardrobe!!" Guy grabs his clothes and jumps in the wardrobe closing the door, tight!. "Oh, its dark in here innit!!" says the boy. "Jesus God, wwwho are you!" gabbles the guy. "That was my mum you were doing all those things to" says the lad "and if you dont give me all your money, I'll call my Dad!!" "Nnnnooo", says the Guy "dont call your dad, pleease!!". Fumbling through the pockets of his clothes in the dark, he grabs all the cash he has and stuffs it in the boys hands. Next minute the wife cracks open the bedroom door and watching the landing, says over her shoulder "Quick, he's in the loo, get out now!!". The guy leaps out the wardrobe, rushes out the bedroom, past the wife, down the stairs and out the front door, throwing on his clothes as he goes. The boy waits until the coast is clear and sneaks out the wardrobe and goes to his room. The family are Catholics and go to church as normal on the Sunday. When the collection plate is passed around the boy puts in a tenner. "Where did you get that?" says the father. "Errr, I er, er, um, ffffound it" says the boy. "Youre lying to me" says the father, with steam coming out his ears, "Lying to me in Gods holy house, how dare you!!". He grabs the boy by his coat collar and marches him down the aisle to the confessional box. "Get in there!!" the father says. "Get in there and confess your sins before God!!" he roars and shoves the boy hard into the confessional and bangs shut the door! "Ooooh, its dddark in here innit" says the boy. ""Oh Jesus, not you again" comes the reply!!!!!! Sx Ctymn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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