Guest The Outlaw Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 I liked this thread and thought we could keep it going, I had another really stupid one when I was using a Paslode nail gun doing some decking. Nailing two mitred bits of timber together I managed to nail my finger that was holding the back piece. The nail went through the wood and my finger and out the other side. What was worse was the nail had barbs on it, I just had to pull it off because the decking wouldnt fit in my van for a trip to casualty. Casualty is a swear word to me now as if I do a good one like deep cuts I just sew it up with a needle and some sewing thread. Calam nearly fainted the last time I did it because she had to sit on my leg to stop it shaking. 5 mins after cutting myself and its sewn up and healing. Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 as if I do a good one like deep cuts I just sew it up with a needle and some sewing thread. More fool you dude.....theres a less painful and much easier way....a fresh(unopened) bottle of superglue few drops, slight burning sensation.....job done!! :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidibear Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 My missus recently tried to remove a condom off me by pulling the tip of it. It stretched to about 4" before it slipped out of her fingers :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 as if I do a good one like deep cuts I just sew it up with a needle and some sewing thread. More fool you dude.....theres a less painful and much easier way....a fresh(unopened) bottle of superglue few drops, slight burning sensation.....job done!! :blink: Its the wrong sort if you use off the shelf super glue. It has cyanidey like gear in it and the surgical stuff doesnt, already asked the doctor-in-law about it. Just found this, I will read up on it and if he is wrong I'll give him the needle! http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=85071 Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 :blink: It all has cryanocyte in it...DOH...the one we use in a/e is called CRYANOCYTE!!! lol :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 It stretched to about 4" before it slipped out of her fingers blink.gif what? iT STRETCHED THE OLD FELLOW TO twice ITS NORMAL SIZE? :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 It all has cryanocyte in it...DOH...the one we use in a/e is called CRYANOCYTE!!! lol :blink: :lol: I stand corrected, looks ok to me. I might go to see the in-laws tomorrow with y sewing kit. Thanks for that Evil. :blink: You any good at setting bones? Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 1, 2007 Report Share Posted December 1, 2007 :blink: Nah....hate orthopaedics.....cardiacs my bag man!!! Quite good at breaking them though!!! :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antuk99 Posted December 2, 2007 Report Share Posted December 2, 2007 :blink: Can't see screen now 4 tears of laughter started reading from page 1 but i cant beat any of them you lot are nutters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookie Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Stupidest injury? Good gods... Too many to list, but here are some highlights. The school years: Lighting a mixture of potassium nitrate and magnesium powder with a match, only to have the flash cook my hand slightly. Cue a trip to casualty and a lot of burn cream for the two charred fingertips and the yellow and slightly crispy rest of hand. Big smoke ring though. Sharpening a carving knife with a meat iron, slipped, put knife halfway through joint of my left tumb. Cue trip to casualty to have stitches in to hold the tumb together. On exercise with the cadets at my last camp. Rugby tackled a mate, we both hit the ground, I hear a snap and think I've broken a twig or something. Push myself off the ground and my left arm goes U-shaped. Cue a long walk back to the van, a long drive back to RAF Swanton Morley, a long wait for another van, a long drive to Norwich, a long wait to be seen in A&E, then painkillers when I started swearign loudly. The adult years: Last year I managed to liquify a stomach muscle out wakeboarding. NEVER (and I mean that) try doing a boardslide when on a wakeboard. If you catch your front edge, and you will, then you fall over very fast (cue concussion) and you act as a big anchor for the length of time it takes you to let go of the rope. I think I got dragged about two metres, it was enough to pop one foot out of the bindings and ruin my stomach muscles. Cue a drive to casualty, lots of heparin and painkillers and a stay overnight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunkield Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Loads, but most recently cutting through a small branch with my new gerber sport saw and continuing on though to my thumb. Right through the top including the nail Jeez, those things are sharp, I didn't feel a thing until I looked at it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stealth Stalker Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Too many to mention, a few that stick in the mind are playing football having a 6 foot skinhead jumping on my arm & hearing the snap of my forearm, then driving myself home & popping a handfull of nurofen to numb the pain, half way through the night in absolute agony I go down stairs for some more painkillers & trip over the ******* cat at the top, sending me **** over *** down to the bottom Six months later I broke the same arm playing football again, this time I insisted at the hospital they pin a steel bar in there. Also playing football again, getting both front teeth kicked clean out of my mouth, I was out cold & when I came round I was looking for my teeth & my mate had picked em up & stuck em in a pair of his dirty socks Possibly the worse pain I have ever suffered was having them hammered back in at casualty The joys of being a goalkeeper At the age of 11in the summer holidays I was round some lad from schools house playing snooker on a full sized table in the smallest room in the house, playing a shot with the cue 75 degrees to the table I managed to put a foot long tear down the cloth He went to his dads cupboard got out an air rifle & shot me in the stomach from 2 yards I was in hospital for 4 days with the pellet lodged dangerously close to I forget what organs. I thought I was gonna die, very scary. SS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 At the age of 11in the summer holidays I was round some lad from schools house playing snooker on a full sized table in the smallest room in the house, playing a shot with the cue 75 degrees to the table I managed to put a foot long tear down the cloth He went to his dads cupboard got out an air rifle & shot me in the stomach from 2 yards I was in hospital for 4 days with the pellet lodged dangerously close to I forget what organs. I thought I was gonna die, very scary. That is flippin brilliant. Justice, Herts stylee. Bet you will be more careful next time. Seriously though, was he a nutter and is he inside now? Also, do they have internet access 'inside'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stealth Stalker Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 At the age of 11in the summer holidays I was round some lad from schools house playing snooker on a full sized table in the smallest room in the house, playing a shot with the cue 75 degrees to the table I managed to put a foot long tear down the cloth He went to his dads cupboard got out an air rifle & shot me in the stomach from 2 yards I was in hospital for 4 days with the pellet lodged dangerously close to I forget what organs. I thought I was gonna die, very scary. That is flippin brilliant. Justice, Herts stylee. Bet you will be more careful next time. Seriously though, was he a nutter and is he inside now? Also, do they have internet access 'inside'. Yep he was a nutter, at school he was known as "Div" At the tender age of 11 the court case was a harrowing experiance not to mention his mum collaring me outside the court room before hand, pleading with me to say that he didn't mean to shoot me Div got away scott free His dad had the rifle confiscated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Remind me not to play you or anyone from Herts at Snooker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEFTY478 Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Two spring to mind. 1. At school, aged appx six. The door to the playground was wooden panelled with glass on the top 1/3. Directly below the windowed bit, was a small hook, on which a sign would be hung if in-clemment wheather ment we couldn't play outside. Having always been a cynic, I never took anything at face valve, so I climbed on the door's panels, to see for myself. After satisfying myself it was indeed raining, I jumped down off of the door. Hook in to left nostril, claret everywhere. A&E and half a dozen switches later, it finally stopped bleeding. 2. Aged about sixteen, I came off a motorbike. Not the normal way, however. This bike was sitting on a trailer and attached to a mate's car. He was in a hurry to leave and I wasn't. he started to drive off, no problem at first but then he went round a bend and I discovered practical physics, at first hand, followed by the floor. Got up OK, just a few grazes I thought. 5 mins later I was walking home, carrying my left arm. A&E and three weeks in plaster followed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunkield Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 That has just remined me of coming off my moped. I was following a van with the exhaust hanging on by a thread. JUST as I thought "if that comes off..." it came off I hit it and went straight over the handlbars. The driver initially thought he had killed me, and paid for all the damage to bike and clothes in cash. I got away with just a few scratches - and bought a car as soon as I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimdfish Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Looking for carp up a tree. fell out and woke up weeks later. fractured skull, collarbones femur pelvis detached retinas ribs punctured lungs broke hands perforated eardrums etc etc Jim The carp werent up a tree. I was looking down in to the water that i missed by inches Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dead-Eyed Duck Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 I liked this thread and thought we could keep it going, I had another really stupid one when I was using a Paslode nail gun doing some decking. Nailing two mitred bits of timber together I managed to nail my finger that was holding the back piece. The nail went through the wood and my finger and out the other side. What was worse was the nail had barbs on it, I just had to pull it off because the decking wouldnt fit in my van for a trip to casualty. Casualty is a swear word to me now as if I do a good one like deep cuts I just sew it up with a needle and some sewing thread. Calam nearly fainted the last time I did it because she had to sit on my leg to stop it shaking. 5 mins after cutting myself and its sewn up and healing. On the same theme, we have a pallet manufacturing depot at work run by a bunch of nutters. One lad nailed himself through his hand to a pallet, and we had to saw off the edge of the pallet and put him in a taxi (with said part pallet still attached) to the A&E where said part pallet and nail were removed. He came back to work a fortnight later, and one of his nutty mates said to him "'How did you manage to do that, when there is a safety device on the nail gun to stop it happening?" "Oh, it's quite easy, you hold down the safety catch and then do this" (pointing said nail gun at his hand which was resting on a pallet) Yep, out came the saw to remove part a of pallet with him attached, and into the taxi to A&E. When he came back to work a fortnight later he was given the nickname 'Jesus' by his mates :yp: Don Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titus aduxas Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 Done the large treble in the finger,nailed foot to plank etc,but caused a rather painful experience a few yesrs ago. After chopping a few chillies for dinner,and putting pans on the cooker, 'er indoors takes me upstairs for a quick one. Suddenly she starts getting agitated, and its oviously not moans of ecstasy.I'd forgot to wash my hands after chopping the chillies! on a good day you can allegedly hear the man in the boat sing.On a bad one, he dont arf scream. She's now the ex wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazkb Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 fishing hooks aside i am accident prone champion or at least i was my son's are rapidly suppassing me one of the daftest was working for the forestry dept. lot's of chicks about while we are having a teaching seasion on axes,saws etc when the instructor asn't looking i grab this double handed axe (i had a fair ole body in them days and strong as an ox) so i decide to show the girlies some testosterone fuelled chopping, full swing at this tree and I woke up up with a crowd round me and a paramedic axe was totally blunt bounced off the tree and hit me between the eyes boy did i have a headache good job is was that blunt or i wouldnt be here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 3, 2007 Report Share Posted December 3, 2007 good job is was that blunt or i wouldnt be here :yp: Going on about hooks again, My mate jo was at lakeside pike fishing one day, he had discoverd a massive shoal of rudd behind the old Orleans boat and was casting a feeder down to them and catching a 1/2lb to 1lb rudd each time. He was hammering the pike!! He was just about to unhook a big pike, 19lb to be precise, when 2 old biddies walked past, the pike still had the live rudd(which was banned at the lake) dangling from a flying treble, and in his haste to unhook it and get it out of site, the pike gave an almighty head shake impaling the treble trough his thumb and leaving itself hanging fron Jo's thumb!!! Blood was hissing out in bucketfulls when the old biddies decide to notice, one said to the other in a loud snooty voice " Look Gladys, look what that nasty man is doing to that poor fish!" Jo's reply was unprintable!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 Verminhunter going on about his toe reminded me of another one, one night in our brief summer jerico and i were shooting a farm in clacton after we had finished i was getting changed out of the camo gear as it was hot, pulled on my shorts and as i did so caught my little toe nail on the way in for it to come right off!!!! happened too quick to really hurt.... i handed it to my mate at the farm and said what do you reckon this is? he didnt know and passed it on to our other mate who was there also, after examining it for a few minutes....you should have seen their face when i told them what it was.....i thought jerico was going to hurl too...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerico Posted December 4, 2007 Report Share Posted December 4, 2007 Yea that was nice Although them two were owed a bit of pay back after tieing the rope to the landys boot and forgetting to tie up the other end while I was sitting in it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 :lol: Oh yeah......brrrmmmmm.....DONK!!!! :lol: :o ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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