BOTCH Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight32 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Splendid reports coming in from around the UK. Maiden22 in particular with his avid account of Essex girl behaviour. I directly link this to the wearing of gold. We seem to still be a little short on accounts from people who actually live in Essex though don't we? Please continue with all the infomation you are providing. I will also plead with forum members to please refrain from any distasteful remarks as while I appreciate it is a topic which carries a certain amount of embarrassment for people living or residing from Essex, we really must concentrate on revealing the truth, for the benefit of all. It is possibly the closest we will ever come to finding out the real answers to these questions. When I have completed the evidence of my findings I shall make these reports available as public records. Regards starlight32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harnser Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) Dear mrs sweepy , How many essex girls are we actually talking about here and is the offer open to simple little old norfolk boys as well . In anticipation , Harnser . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls B) Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) "SQUEEK"! im quite luck as my wife isnt materialistic, she just asks for the cash the local atire in this neck of the woods has moved on from the sovereign rings. they now have a complete uniform consisting of: 1. as many gold hooped earings as their neck can take 2. hair scraped back to resemble an Onion 3. they must attend the local bargain booze in pyjamas 4. some of the local stunners also have a childs dummy stuck in their mouths they transform themselves from good looking girls into........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 (edited) I don't know about bling but they all wear those "follow-me-home-and-bonk-me" shoes with plasters on their heels And orange legs Edited May 30, 2008 by Chard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob300w Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls B) Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) "SQUEEK"! im quite luck as my wife isnt materialistic, she just asks for the cash the local atire in this neck of the woods has moved on from the sovereign rings. they now have a complete uniform consisting of: 1. as many gold hooped earings as their neck can take 2. hair scraped back to resemble an Onion 3. they must attend the local bargain booze in pyjamas 4. some of the local stunners also have a childs dummy stuck in their mouths they transform themselves from good looking girls into........ You could have finished the sentence..... into real belters. Actually the Mafia are negotiating a bulk rate with this one as we speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob300w Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Starlight, I sympathise with your plight. You ask a perfectly sensible and genuine question, and childish members of this forum treat it as an opportunity to make apish jests. For shame. I have been making enquiries as to the nature of the Essex female, or Slaggus Loosus Maximus as our Roman ancestors would have known her, and I have stumbled across a fascinating anthropological tract that examines the social practices of this much-maligned but alluring creature. For some reason it is entitled "jokes" - perhaps this is a local dialect term for "scientific observations"? Essex Girl Jokes Q: What's an Essex Girls form of protection? A: Bus Shelters Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Bag of Crisps? A: You only get one bang out of a bag of crisps Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine? A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it. Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex? A: "Do you really all play for the same football team?" Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board? A: An ironing boards legs are difficult to part. Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy? A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count. Q: What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her feet. Q: What does an Essex girl do with her ******* after sex? A: She takes him down the pub. Q: What makes an Essex girls eyes light up? A: A torch shone in her ear. Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic? A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic. Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl? A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of it's own. An Essex girl is driving along and asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere warm, wet and smelly. He tells her that it's to late to drive to Canvey Island. Q: Why do Essex Girls wear knickers? A: To keep their ankles warm Q: How does an Essex girl turn the light off after sex? A: She closes the car door I trust that you will find the above useful in your quest to understand the Essex Girl, or La Grande Tarte Sans Undercrackers, as our French cousins would say. For the rest of you, if you have nothing serious to add, it would be better to say nothing at all. Robert Nice one Maiden, some crackers in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellow Bear Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . B) xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) "SQUEEK"! im quite luck as my wife isnt materialistic, she just asks for the cash the local atire in this neck of the woods has moved on from the sovereign rings. they now have a complete uniform consisting of: 1. as many gold hooped earings as their neck can take 2. hair scraped back to resemble an Onion 3. they must attend the local bargain booze in pyjamas 4. some of the local stunners also have a childs dummy stuck in their mouths they transform themselves from good looking girls into........ AAhh a true wooly back speaking of his scouse neighbours - genetically close to the essex girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 i dont have scouse neighbours thanks you , although i do have one to mow my lawn, i keep him in my shed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight32 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) Yes I am up for that, I would like to sample a first hand account of close contact with a group of Essex girls for the evening. I will bring metallergy equipment to test for precious metals. It should help my report no end. On a further note how many blokes to you wish me to bring? A ratio of 3:1 ok or will you require more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight32 Posted May 30, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) Dear mrs sweepy , How many essex girls are we actually talking about here and is the offer open to simple little old norfolk boys as well . In anticipation , Harnser . Yes you can come Harnser, but on one condition I can borrow the Dephibrilator from the medical center at work as i feel for a man of your age the shock may all too much. A few conditions though; No talking about your football team No mention of your wooden structures No mention of turnips Cramps my style you see. And I must concentrate on compiling my report. Regards starlight32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harnser Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Dear Mr Starlight . There is only one way you will find the answer to your question. And that would be to have the night on the town. With a load of Essex girls. Now i can supply the girls Are you brave enough to take them on . So whats it to be Mr Starlight. Are you a man or a mouse . xxxxxSuzy (Essex girl and proud of it) Dear mrs sweepy , How many essex girls are we actually talking about here and is the offer open to simple little old norfolk boys as well . In anticipation , Harnser . Yes you can come Harnser, but on one condition I can borrow the Dephibrilator from the medical center at work as i feel for a man of your age the shock may all too much. A few conditions though; No talking about your football team No mention of your wooden structures No mention of turnips Cramps my style you see. And I must concentrate on compiling my report. Regards starlight32 Starlight , Before i could agree to come along i would have to know if any of the girls can speak norfolk , how many there would be ,if only say 10 ,will other girls be coming along at a later stage ,if not what is the recovery time of the original 10 .We would want to make a night of it wouldnt we ,will they insist on going commando ,and would i be expected to pay for the orange juice all night and can i bring my camera as i tend to forget what happend last night . Harnser . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bob300w Posted May 30, 2008 Report Share Posted May 30, 2008 Yes you can come Harnser, but on one condition I can borrow the Dephibrilator from the medical center at work as i feel for a man of your age the shock may all too much. A few conditions though; No talking about your football team No mention of your wooden structures No mention of turnips Cramps my style you see. And I must concentrate on compiling my report. Regards starlight32 It's going to be a very quiet night, they don't talk about anything else in Saarfick. Oh, and the Southwold dog trials, when 3 collies were found guilty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 I have just caught up with this thread and have been giggling the whole way through. I have previously given the subject to hand prior consideration and am able to report and update. The phenomena of ladies wearing naff bling is not limited to the County of Essex - there is a new generation that appears to have ignored the knowledge of the previous generation - this new generation have no recollection that Skoda Cars were once only for laughing stock and that items of jewellery purchased from Elizabeth Duke at Argos neither count as items of jewellery nor as acceptable gifts. The core question that has to be asked (to ascertain the rationale behind the bling wearing culture) is that why do people not limit their jewellery wearing to within the bounds of taste and decency? Why not have one really nice ring on one finger instead of a handful of the thinnest shoddiest drink pulls on all ten? Alas, the question I pose goes deeper than the subject matter to hand. It crosses into issues relating to "leisure wear" - for example, the bling wearing ladies are often seen sporting Vicky Pollard leisure wear or looking like the young lady from the "am I bovvered sketch". Given current popular culture trends I am lead to believe that both the “Catherine Tate Show“ and “Little Britain†television programs enjoy very strong viewing figures throughout the UK. Accordingly, and as such, who would actually choose to look like a figure of popular culture parody? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight32 Posted May 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 I have just caught up with this thread and have been giggling the whole way through. I have previously given the subject to hand prior consideration and am able to report and update. The phenomena of ladies wearing naff bling is not limited to the County of Essex - there is a new generation that appears to have ignored the knowledge of the previous generation - this new generation have no recollection that Skoda Cars were once only for laughing stock and that items of jewellery purchased from Elizabeth Duke at Argos neither count as items of jewellery nor as acceptable gifts. The core question that has to be asked (to ascertain the rationale behind the bling wearing culture) is that why do people not limit their jewellery wearing to within the bounds of taste and decency? Why not have one really nice ring on one finger instead of a handful of the thinnest shoddiest drink pulls on all ten? Alas, the question I pose goes deeper than the subject matter to hand. It crosses into issues relating to "leisure wear" - for example, the bling wearing ladies are often seen sporting Vicky Pollard leisure wear or looking like the young lady from the "am I bovvered sketch". Given current popular culture trends I am lead to believe that both the “Catherine Tate Show“ and “Little Britain†television programs enjoy very strong viewing figures throughout the UK. Accordingly, and as such, who would actually choose to look like a figure of popular culture parody? I am grateful of your synopsis Mung. In your profession you must meet one or two 'naff blingers' which sit in front of you trying to take there old man for every pair of tracksuits he owns... Totally on legal aid of course. How do you deal with this? Does the tacky gold cloud your professional judgement- Or do you just smile and take the govement's money? I am so pleased you reconize this affliction of society in your usual professional manner. Many thanks for all your replies Regards starlight32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 jesus Mung, a bit deep for the weekend dont you think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagsy Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 jesus Mung, a bit deep for the weekend dont you think Especially before 5 in the morning I reckon Mung was up getting into the 'zone' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 jesus Mung, a bit deep for the weekend dont you think Especially before 5 in the morning I reckon Mung was up getting into the 'zone' I think he was playing tents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 Nope woke up worrying about work - very busy at the moment which is good in that it pays the bills and bad in that it regularly wakes me up at 4 a.m. Incidentally my firm neither does any criminal nor any legal aid work thank you Starlight I was at my desk by 5 a.m to get a few hours graft in and then back for a shooting party work day at 8.30 (more mad cap health and safety photos to follow). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted May 31, 2008 Report Share Posted May 31, 2008 awake counting his groats more like i can imagine the christmas party....... Jacob Marley, Ebenezer Mungler at law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted June 1, 2008 Report Share Posted June 1, 2008 anyone been shedding tonight? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookie Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Is that some sort of dodgy code for having a crafy one behind somewhere dodgy? I must be getting old. I can't understand you youngsters any more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Is that some sort of dodgy code for having a crafy one behind somewhere dodgy? I must be getting old. I can't understand you youngsters any more! cheers for that, i feel 21 again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookie Posted June 2, 2008 Report Share Posted June 2, 2008 Great, that makes me feel even older. Damn you whipper-snapper! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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