Deer Stalking with a Good Ole Boy?????

[poorwullie]

I have just received this letter from a friend in the US................

 

Actual letter from someone who farms, writes well and tried this!

 

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up

on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

 

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they

congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we

are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed

while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult

to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then

hog tie it and transport it home.

 

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle,

having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any

of it.

 

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out....a

likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw..my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist

and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and

stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope

situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little

tension on the rope and then received an education.

 

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there

looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you

start pulling on that rope.

 

That deer EXPLODED.

 

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger

than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down

with a rope and with some dignity.

 

A deer-- no chance.

 

That thing ran and bucked and twis ted and pulled. There was no controlling it

and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and starte d

dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope

was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

 

The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many other

animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk

me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to

realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big

gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just

wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

 

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would

likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all

between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venturea guess that the feeling was mutual.

 

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly

arrested the deer's mome ntum by bracing my head against various large rocks

as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to

recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of

responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to

have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my

truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a

squeeze chute.

 

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

 

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have

thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when...

 

I reached up there to grab that r ope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being b it by a horse where they just

bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head --almost like a

pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

 

The proper thi ng to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw

back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was

likely only several seconds.

 

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now),

tricked it.

 

While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with

my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in

deer behavior for the day.

 

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back

feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are

surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal --like a

horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the

best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards

the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

 

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not

work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

 

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

 

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that

paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of

the head. Deer may not be s o different from horses after all, besides being

twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit

me right in the back of the head and knocked me down,

 

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately

leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do

instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there

crying like a lit tle girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl

under the truck and the deer went away.

 

So now I know w hy when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope

to sort of even the odds.

 

All these events are true so help me God...

[gixer1]

fantastic story, had tears running down my face reading it!

[Ozzy Fudd]

rifle and a scope? jesus id want a m60 at that rate!

 

great story

[nipper]

fantastic story, had tears running down my face reading it!

 

So gixer !, what exactly are you going to do with that rope you just borrowed off me ?

[gixer1]

ha ha! might be worth trying with my pin up labrador......

[Glensman]

Quality story. That should be in a newspaper!

[Andy H]

Nearly choked on my cheese butty while reading it , I bet he winces every time someone talks about venison.

[Lez325]

Thts the funniest thing Ive read in ages the guys a comic for sure

 

Les

 

Ps anyone know how to get coffee from a laptop screen

[happyhunt]

MINT

[Spaniel]

So Very Funny

[njc110381]

Only in America

 

Good story though, it made me laugh (nearly wet myself by the end actually).

[cooter]

Truly excellent reading.

[mikee]

i recently read this on another site, it made me chuckle then aswell

 

mikee