ronttuk Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty ****. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a **** that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she ****s on you!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 B) :*) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 lmfaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo o thats good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Browning GTS Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Brave men jokes What's the definition of the bravest man in the world?? The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next, fatty." Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading. Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies: "I think you'll find, that is a sheep." Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year". A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: * 2 litres of low fat milk * a carton of eggs * 2 litres of orange juice * a head of lettuce * half a dozen tomatoes * a 500g jar of coffee * a 250g pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what,you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darebear Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave-G Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 nice ones them B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Blinding The last one is the best one LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tosspot Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 a married couple driving home see a wounded skunk lying by the side of the road. the wife gets out and brings the skunk to the car "it's shivering, it must be cold,what should i do?" she asked her husband "put it between your legs that should keep it warm" he replied (wife) "but what about the smell?" (husband)"don't worry it will get used to it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnskevena Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Very good lads Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tosspot Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 newsflash newcastle utd's trophy room was burgled earlier today police are looking for two men with a roll of black & white carpet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackthorn Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weimermad Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 Sol Campbell is moving to Charlton FC after hearing the news that the scorers against Liverpool were Young and Bent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tosspot Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 picture Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemini Posted February 11, 2006 Report Share Posted February 11, 2006 A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started. "Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box. He turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider.20 Posted February 12, 2006 Report Share Posted February 12, 2006 (edited) good stuff (jus noticed post 100 i'm now exellent aparently ) spider Edited February 12, 2006 by spider.20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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