TIGHTCHOKE Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Do you trust your Solicitor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Indeed I do, she has 25 years of just family matters, I also visited a different solicitor after my initial consultation with her to confirm what I was told was accurate and the other solicitor (23 years experience) was singing the praises of the first one so I dotted the I and crossed the t so to speak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 That's good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 5 minutes ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: That's good! She is a small unassuming Indian lady, the type you wouldn't see coming :-), from my best guess I went and found the best I could locally and the wife went and found the cheapest and probably ended up with the clerk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 (edited) Good luck with it and stick to the financial matters and look to the future, make a plan and get it sanity-checked by people you trust. Our decision making processes are compromised when under times of high stress. As others have said, be careful what you put in writing. Try and cut loose all the fault stuff. When you decide what you're going to ask for in the settlement, act reasonably but take into genuine account the practicalities of your future needs. Spousal maintenance can indeed go both ways. Your solicitor would have explained the different types of settlement I expect; 'clean break' etc. Contrary to what some might say, in my experience most decent solicitors don't want to help you start a fight, despite that being the apparent way they will earn more fees. They tend to be pretty pragmatic and will try to cut through to a fair solution. They shouldn't give you advice which is against your interests. Lastly, from some advice I once had which will be recognised by one person on this thread; don't help her build the stage on which to act out the drama. Edited September 6, 2019 by Thunderbird Typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Thanks, I get what your saying about the drama but aside from some expletives and an angry tone of voice on my part she has already built herself a stage to protect her ego it appears and is Indeed away with the fairies and detatched from reality in most aspects, with regards to finance I have absolutely no interest in playing her games at mediation, been here before when they put a nice fluffy cardigan on and appear to be all sweet and innocent for the camera, I am going to take it all the way and simply tell my solicitor I want as much as she thinks I am entitled to regarding finances, not interested in plea bargains I have to put my daughter and I first now, Im 50, she is fully aware that I can never go back to work or get a mortgage whereas she can as she is 38 and I have given the last 20 years of my life and deteriorating health to this relationship, I have a clean conscious here so don't feel in the slightest bit guilty about carrying this through to the very letter of the law, I have no interest in my wants but will push 100% to get my legal entitlement Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Don't blame you, best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Good luck. it’s all #me,me,me,me and me!! to them!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Just now, Thunderbird said: Don't blame you, best of luck. Thanks chap, my. Solicitors instructions will simply be "rince her" as I am disabled with a huge clinical history any funny business will simply mean I will need a ground floor home at her expense Just now, Penelope said: Good luck. it’s all #me,me,me,me and me!! to them!!!!!! Oh yes, always has been, hope you are well my friend, thanks for the chat the other night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 TS - exchanged contracts yesterday with completion and move next Thursday. Not looking forward to it. Never wanted any of this carp and heartbreak. Feeling pretty rubbish. You’re welcome, I hope it helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Geordie Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 On 02/09/2019 at 11:04, Twistedsanity said: she was supposed to be out with her girlfriends for a night and my mate caught her alone with another Man in his car in a deserted pub car park late at night down a country lane, of course she claimed innocence and had a million reasons to justify her behaviour but then I found a message on her phone two days later to the girlfriend she claimed to be going out with "his friend caught us together in the car but didn't see anything, thanks for your help jess". This sounds familiar! If SHE served you the papers, get her to admit her Adultery! It will speed up the process no end. This is what happened to my marriage. She went on holiday with her brother and his wife, I stayed home and looked after the 6 kids. Three from her previous marriage and two from a previous relationship. Then of course Our child. She was going behind my back with her brothers friend who had property out there. I found letters too. When I confronted her she of course denied it, but eventually came clean when I filed for divorce. I walked away from the moment I found out leaving everything but my Son, who she insisted I take with me, after I got a place of my own. The solicitor was amazing. Got everything tied up very efficiently and if I remember right it was months from lodging it to the decree absolute! But this was speeded up because the courts had proof she was adulterous due to her own confession. Its not a nice place to be! But it’s worse for the kids! Hope you get it sorted swiftly. Life moves on, as will you! I now have a GF of 12 years who has recently helped me through a family loss. She is amazing and we’re right for each other. But we’re also not wanting to get married again as she is a divorcee too. We are planning long term to be together though with our own place. Hopefully you will come out of this stronger as I did and find the right one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Lord Geordie said: This sounds familiar! If SHE served you the papers, get her to admit her Adultery! It will speed up the process no end. This is what happened to my marriage. She went on holiday with her brother and his wife, I stayed home and looked after the 6 kids. Three from her previous marriage and two from a previous relationship. Then of course Our child. She was going behind my back with her brothers friend who had property out there. I found letters too. When I confronted her she of course denied it, but eventually came clean when I filed for divorce. I walked away from the moment I found out leaving everything but my Son, who she insisted I take with me, after I got a place of my own. The solicitor was amazing. Got everything tied up very efficiently and if I remember right it was months from lodging it to the decree absolute! But this was speeded up because the courts had proof she was adulterous due to her own confession. Its not a nice place to be! But it’s worse for the kids! Hope you get it sorted swiftly. Life moves on, as will you! I now have a GF of 12 years who has recently helped me through a family loss. She is amazing and we’re right for each other. But we’re also not wanting to get married again as she is a divorcee too. We are planning long term to be together though with our own place. Hopefully you will come out of this stronger as I did and find the right one She won't ever admit to adultery I'm afraid, that destroys her fantasy moral high ground she believes she has as sh etalks in a soft nice tone of voice :-), lots have changed recently regarding divorce and family /finances and there is absolutely nothing to be gained by adultery anymore, the court favour no fault divorces, children no longer automatically reside with the mum as they used to historically and the courts main interest is whatever is in the best interests of the child so far as the court is concerned, finances are divided up on the needs of the parties where it has been a long marriage and not who put what in so the ability to get a mortgage in future due to age and health are all taken into account when the judge decides, it's all so different now and actually a lot fairer than it ever was before, I shoud come out of this a lot betrer than she will when the law is applied it's just a year of pain until its all finished unfortunately, what disturbs me now I am wiser to her is just how easy lying comes to her, about the smallest of things, she lies so much its become like second nature to her which clearly makes me question most of what I was suspicious about ofr many years now, she alps has a habit of saying things then denying she did, it's like an illness she has Edited September 6, 2019 by Twistedsanity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retsdon Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 (edited) On 02/09/2019 at 14:58, moondoggy said: I got divorced without a financial settlement. Luckily, it was very amicable for us. Likewise. Although not having children made it much easier. Actually, it's quite a heartening story. After three years of a pretty combative marriage, my wife finally moved out of the house and went to stay with her best friend, who just happened to be a divorce lawyer! Not only that, the firm she (my wife's friend) worked for was infamous for being the most vicious of the breed, and all my pals were warning me that I 'd better get set to lose everything. Even so, despite that our marriage was a bit of a disaster I still had a sense of faith in M's innate good nature ..... And I was right. A couple of weeks after she'd gone, one morning a large brown envelope containing a document arrived on the doorstep, written in legalese on the solicitor's company notepaper. From what I could make out, the gist of the thing was that we would each keep whatever we had brought into the marriage, or be compensated for it for a mutually agreed sum, and then there was this weird clause ..something like ' and final ownership of other goods that have been acquired jointly throughout the course of the marriage shall be decided by lot'. So I got on the phone to her (we were still speaking amicably enough) to get an explanation. Anyway, the deal was that she wanted the house, but would pay me for it, wedding presents, personal items, and such would revert to whatever family side, and then she got all cagey and asked me if she could come around sometime to assess everything that was in the house, and that she'd explain the bit about 'by lot' later. So I said sure, and the next day she came round while I was at work, leaving a note to say she'd been. A couple of days afterwards I got a phone call from her asking me what I was doing on the Friday night. When I said nothing planned, she said OK, cook us dinner for about 8:00 and I'll come round and we'll talk about this 'by lot' clause. So on Friday she duly came round, we opened a bottle of wine, had dinner - oddly. being about to divorce had improved our relationship immeasurably - and then, on the second bottle, we finally we got down to business. The first inkling of what was coming was when she produced a pack of cards. Then she produced a whole bunch of little slips of paper with stuff like ' spare room bedside lamp' or 'hall rug' written on them, each with a monetary value alongside. And then we played 5 card stud poker 7s and up using the slips as betting chips. "OK, I'll match your measly set of table mats with the carving knife and fork, and raise you...a set of 6 champagne flutes, valued at twenty quid' ....and so on and so forth. It was fun....so much so that in the latter stages we were both losing the odd hand on purpose just to keep the game alive - or at least I know I was. I think we played for about 4 hours (she'd itemized every last tiny little thing in the house and garage) but I'm not sure exactly how long it was because as the evening went on we were making increasingly severe and reckless inroads into our wine collection (like eating the casino chips), and by the end (we called a halt when our chip piles were about even) we were both completely and absolutely hammered. The upshot was that she stayed the night, we ****** like rabbits for old time's sake, and in the morning our divorce agreement was done. Edited September 6, 2019 by Retsdon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted September 6, 2019 Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 I always feel for the kids. We are nothing more than refined animals with biological traits which "nature" dictates we possess as "must haves" in order to ensure the survival of our species, indeed any species. In nature, more often than not you will see the female of species defending their off-spring to the death, but this is increasingly uncommon in human beings. I know it's old fashioned and gender stereotypical but I have to say that I have no time for any woman who does not put her children first; it's the classic "you had one job to do" and if you weren't going to do it properly or commit to that task then you shouldn't have had kids in the first place. One of my colleagues went through the most bitter divorce with a narcissist - the world span round them and only them with little regard for the carnage left in their wake. I digress... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 7 minutes ago, Mungler said: I always feel for the kids. We are nothing more than refined animals with biological traits which "nature" dictates we possess as "must haves" in order to ensure the survival of our species, indeed any species. In nature, more often than not you will see the female of species defending their off-spring to the death, but this is increasingly uncommon in human beings. I know it's old fashioned and gender stereotypical but I have to say that I have no time for any woman who does not put her children first; it's the classic "you had one job to do" and if you weren't going to do it properly or commit to that task then you shouldn't have had kids in the first place. One of my colleagues went through the most bitter divorce with a narcissist - the world span round them and only them with little regard for the carnage left in their wake. I digress... This is where we are at, she had become so selfish and egocentric it's was beyond a joke, she clearly loves her daughter but has absolutely no idea how to parent or be parent/wife, it's very sad to watch really. She was increasingly out after work with her "work buddies" as it always seems to be someone's birthday or leaving do it got unbearable, me and my daughter would always go out for something to eat alone when she did that and it got to the point the car knew it's own way to the wimpy bar, chip shop and every pizza place in town, the final straw was seeing my five year old staring out of the pizza shop window looking for her mum to see if she was coming to eat with us on more than one occasion, sports day she couldn't come as she had to get false eyelashes done because she was out for dinner that night again without us, tbh the more I look back on the more I realise we will be better off without her now, thousands of pounds in the last year on hair, beauty treatments etc. Madness, and last night she admitted that she had not put any thought whatsoever into who our daughter should. Live with and when and how we should share her time when the divorce is done despite knowing we have mediation to come in the next week or so. But of course she is the font of all parenting knowledge and sees fit to demand and dictate how I should act, when I should act and what is best for my daughter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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