Jonnyni Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 These are the fundamental differences between men and women & most of them are so true, especially the thought of the day...!! NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, ****-Head and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in ?20, even though it's only for ?32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay ?2 for a ?1 item he needs. A woman will pay ?1 for a ?2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTMS Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 How true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 excellent jonny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled_cky Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 :thumbs: true.. true.. and well true.. Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red_stag88 Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crowstopper Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 :thumbs: very good crowstopper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sniper Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 "Deteriorate during the night "......brilliant... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdev Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 Another good one Jonny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pigeon_decoyer Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 exerlant (sorry about my spelling its dredful) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernyha Posted April 29, 2004 Report Share Posted April 29, 2004 :thumbs: exerlant (sorry about my spelling its dredful) Then why not check it with a dictionary or a spell check before posting and making yourself look so un-educated? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tody27 Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 Fantastic! :thumbs: Especially the NATURAL topic. cheers tody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quercus Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 Not sure if these have been posted here before or not, but they make me chuckle. Mens Rules Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like northing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping ................................................................................ ................................................................................ .............................................................................. Some more Why Men Are Just Happier People! Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You can wear the same pair of underpants for a whole week (and the matching socks). You can build flat pack furniture without the instructions (usually). Chocolate is just another snack. You never have to worry about breaking a heel. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. It only takes 5 minutes to get ready for a big night out. A haircut costs £6.00. The world is your urinal. You will never give birth. You can parallel park. Women think your faults make you more lovable (usually). You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too icky. Wrinkles add character. You get to taste the wine. Wedding dress - £2,000; kilt rental - £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected, as is farting under the duvet. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood, ALL the time. You can sunbathe topless without worrying about perverts. You can do practically anything without worrying about perverts. You can be a pervert. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A two-week holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.99 for a three-pack. Everything on your face stays its original colour. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. An empty medicine cabinet in the bathroom. You can go into a pub on your own without feeling like a hussy. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have VPL problems. You don’t need a hot water bottle. You understand the offside rule. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Sex can be (and often is) meaningless. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. The same comb lasts for years, maybe decades. The TV remote control is all yours. You don't have to shave below your neck. You don’t cry at stupid sad movies (usually). Your belly will hide your big hips. You don't need to ask for directions when lost because you are never truly lost. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife or your teeth. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache or beard. No one will question your morality if you have hairy armpits. When you wake up in the morning, you look like you did the night before (usually) You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes Q Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled_cky Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 lol well done there Quercus Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ollie Posted April 30, 2004 Report Share Posted April 30, 2004 ah there brill Q :thumbs: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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