tractorboy Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 An other cringe worthy moment i can clearly remember was many years ago me and my mates were down the dell smoking herbs . I do mean herbs ,dried nettles and other dried weeds that we used to roll in newspaper and smoke . There were three or four girls with us and one of them was known as sweaty betty . She was known as sweaty betty because she allways had a sweaty top lip . She was quite ugly and had one of those eyes that used to look the other way ,you never quite knew who she was looking at . But her redeeming factor was that she had big threpenny bits and was not shy to let you have a look if you kissed her . She was very good at smoking the herbs and i descided that i would smoke more herbs than her and demand a kiss and a look at her threpenny bits . Whilst i was smoking the herbs i was thinkink of ways that i could wipe her top lip before i kissed her .I decided that i would have a bit of a wrestle with her prior to kissing her and somehow wipe her top lip with my sleeve . I challenged her to a wrestle which she duly accepted . She jumped on me before i was able to get ready and knocked me to the floor ,where she sat on my chest and held my arms down and planted the biggest kiss on my lips with the sweaty top lip . A combination of smoking the herbs and being kissed by sweaty bettys top lip made me spew up all over her ,she screamed and then punched me in the face . Didnt get to see the threpenny bits that time . A truely cringe worthy moment . take note lads its true about naaaaarfuk inbreeding so watch out at the east anglian game fair if you dare go or any other time you freequent the county of naaaaarfuk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperfection Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 So I though well perhaps a quick hand shandy would help. Well, why not there’s no one in the toilets and I will be pretty quick. So as soon as I had finished I heard a round of applause and looked up to see all the apprentices stood around the cubicle clapping. TC Well that beats everything i've read so far!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tractorboy Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 At the age of 16 I started an apprenticeship with a firm of toolmakers. The factory was quiet small and had a friendly atmosphere about it. The offices were at the front of the building and there was one girl that worked in the office that was a stunner, but a real tease. All the apprentices fancied her, she would walk round the factory in a low cut top, winding up anyone that would take any notice. One of the lads asked her out and she accepted. The rest of us were green with envy. That night they went to the local disco, and she done the same to him there, off flirting with every Tom **** or Harry every chance she got. In the end he left and left her there. When she came into work the next morning she was livid and proceeded to flirt with anyone and everyone. She went from man to man flirting in font of the chap that had left her in the disco the previous evening. When she came to me she seemed to pick me out for some "special treatment" maybe because I was the ugliest and youngest there. She made a show of running her fingers through my hair, ( I did have some at that age) she even jokingly grabbed at my groin. Eventually she went back in the office to do some work. Unfortunately I could not get her fondling me out of my mind, and my young imagination was working overtime. About half an hour later I had to go to the toilet and while I was sitting there, what had happened started going through my mind, with the obvious consequences. So I though well perhaps a quick hand shandy would help. Well, why not there’s no one in the toilets and I will be pretty quick. So as soon as I had finished I heard a round of applause and looked up to see all the apprentices stood around the cubicle clapping. TC I HOPE YOU WASHED YOUR HANDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bleeh Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 take note lads its true about naaaaarfuk inbreeding so watch out at the east anglian game fair if you dare go or any other time you freequent the county of naaaaarfuk There's no inbreeding in norfolk. To prove it, I've got a picture of sweaty betty. look below.... Ain't she a stunner? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Markio Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I haven't read anything this good sice the "Where's DustyFox" thread, there's some absolute gems in here. However, i think this thread should be renamed "Girls, Drink and Cars - What's the dumbest thing you've ever done". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shot shot Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I haven't read anything this good sice the "Where's DustyFox" thread, there's some absolute gems in here. However, i think this thread should be renamed "Girls, Drink and Cars - What's the dumbest thing you've ever done". I never figured this out, what happened to old dusty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_mjs93 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 TC my fiend you deserve a bloody medal for most cringeworthy moment, now that was funny, im not even sure if im typing this write because im laughing so bloody much, so what nicknames developed from that :lol: HAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiercel Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 TC my fiend you deserve a bloody medal for most cringeworthy moment, now that was funny, im not even sure if im typing this write because im laughing so bloody much, so what nicknames developed from that :lol: HAHA Tosspot TC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_mjs93 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 haha what a surprise lol.... But seriously im still bloody laughing, absolutley brilliant lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 (edited) I was taking a girlfriend home one night after the pub when I was about 18 when the moment grabbed us. We parked up in a layby, the young lady had her hands on the top of the rear seat (looking out the back window) and I was behind her giving her some rodeo riding. Suddenly there was a REALLY bright light, we both stopped and looked to see two coppers sitting in a police car with their side beam halogen light on us, I wound down the window, they both sniggered, checked that the young lady was a willing participant and wished us a pleasant evening - god knows how long they had been checking out my moves ! Edited March 18, 2009 by LV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bleeh Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I hearby claim that this is the most entertaing Topic I have read in a long time. Keep them comming, There really funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomstick Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I was taking a girlfriend home one night after the pub when I was about 18 when the moment grabbed us. We parked up in a layby, the young lady had her hands on the top of the rear seat (looking out the back window) and I was behind her giving her some rodeo riding. Suddenly there was a REALLY bright light, we both stopped and looked to see two coppers sitting in a police car with their side beam halogen light on us, I wound down the window, they both sniggered, checked that the young lady was a willing participant and wished us a pleasant evening - god knows how long they had been checking out my moves ! Dogging ******** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomstick Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 OK now this is cringeworthy - coz it is just SO mean At my old school when i was about 14 we had a school disco with one of the local girls private schools. Now we hadn't been able to sneak booze in, but had got a bit blasted before. One of my mates ended up pulling a not particularly attractive girl - and we put it down to the booze and expected nothing more of it. To our great surprise we found out later that week that they were an item. We figured he had taken a turn from his usually extraordinarily shallow ways and maybe he actually liked her. Later that week we were on the train home chatting about sport and girls and booze at whathave you. We hadn't noticed he was on the phone until we heard him shout "IF I HAD A DOG WITH A FACE LIKE YOURS I'D SHAVE IT'S **** AND WALK IT BACKWARDS"......... silence ensued. We told him that was really harsh and he was like..... " o yeah, i suppose: I'll sort this out". By this point we were all watching, anxious to see what would happen. He rang her back but her mum answered the fone and we didn't hear what she said, but he said "no no no it wasn't me, look just let me speak to her, it was my friends playing a prank - I can sort this out". As the fone was passed over to the daughter, he then made us all shhh and put it on speakerfone. A snivelling girl answered... "h h hello?" He said "listen baby i'm so sorry about that - it wasn't me on the fone it was steve playing a prank. You know I'd never say ANYTHING like that to you.... If I had a dog with a face like yours I'd shoot it" Unbelievable.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 When I lived at home we had a large front room with an Inglenook fireplace in the middle of the room. My parents went away for a holiday so I decided to entertain the then girlfriend. One thing led to another whilst watching TV one afternoon and we ended up on the rug in front of the fire. Whilst on the job, I could hear a weird squeaking from behind me, but I carried on for a while. A few minutes later I looked round to see the window cleaner on his ladder cleaning the TV room windows. Needless to say, neither of us looked each other in the eye when he knocked for his money ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomstick Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 When I lived at home we had a large front room with an Inglenook fireplace in the middle of the room. My parents went away for a holiday so I decided to entertain the then girlfriend. One thing led to another whilst watching TV one afternoon and we ended up on the rug in front of the fire. Whilst on the job, I could hear a weird squeaking from behind me, but I carried on for a while. A few minutes later I looked round to see the window cleaner on his ladder cleaning the TV room windows. Needless to say, neither of us looked each other in the eye when he knocked for his money ! He may have looked at you in your brown eye mate - i think that's enough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeinVA Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 He may have looked at you in your brown eye mate - i think that's enough DAMN DUDE!! Eye see what you mean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_haganizer Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Anyone else noticed that LV seems to be the only one (or the only one admitting) to being catch in several sexual acts by service people?... Robo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GW80 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 this one happened to my mate a couple of xmas's ago, he had come home from the army on leave and was staying with his parents. We all went out on the lash on xmas eve and he had a complete skinfull, so much so that he woke up on xmas morning lying starkers in his mum and dads bed and he had also emptied his bladder all over the bed before getting in! The worst thing about was he didn't see anything particularlly wrong with his behaviour when he was telling us about on boxing day!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_mjs93 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 (edited) now you mention it robo, yh lol, i bet his costume collection is really widening now its when he starts admitting to being caught in sexual acts WITH service people that we should be really laughing, but ill get really worried when he starts talking about the sexual acts with the window cleaner :lol::lol: :lol: Edited March 18, 2009 by mark_mjs93 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunkield Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Does watching Robson Green do Extreme Fishing count? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shot shot Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Does watching Robson Green do Extreme Fishing count? sure! I couldn't bring myself to do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_haganizer Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 Does watching Robson Green do Extreme Fishing count? o dear, the fishing may be good, but he does my head in!! "WHAT A FISH!! GET IT!!! GET IN THERE!! COME ON!!!"- :lol: Robo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark_mjs93 Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 his random cries of "FISH ON" really really **** me off, i mean jesus that doubled over bend in the rod looks nothing like you have a fish on the rod, WHAT A FRIKKEN **** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Markio Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 I never figured this out, what happened to old dusty? Which poses another question... Who cares!! When I lived at home we had a large front room with an Inglenook fireplace in the middle of the room. My parents went away for a holiday so I decided to entertain the then girlfriend. One thing led to another whilst watching TV one afternoon and we ended up on the rug in front of the fire. Whilst on the job, I could hear a weird squeaking from behind me, but I carried on for a while. A few minutes later I looked round to see the window cleaner on his ladder cleaning the TV room windows. Needless to say, neither of us looked each other in the eye when he knocked for his money ! I think the shocking tale here is you grew up with a ******* TV room!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anni Posted March 18, 2009 Report Share Posted March 18, 2009 about ten years ago i was driving a tipper lorry, i remember it was a hot day and i had just tipped a load and was on my way back to the site when i had this uncontrollable need to tip a load of another sort. Being in the countryside there were no public loos and the urge was getting stronger. I saw a layby and had a brain wave, thought "i know i'll jump in the back of the wagon, nice high sides , perfect" .... Big mistake, just as i finished, still with overalls pulled down, i heard the sound of a diesel engine pull alongside me, then realised the layby i was in was a bus stop and the local double decker school bus had stopped right beside me, much to the amusement of the 20 or so teenagers looking down ! It still makes me cringe thinking about it now but what could i do apart from give an embarrassed waive, pull my overalls up and disappear over the side of the lorry pretty sharpish! Mate your lucky camera phones were,nt invented lol..... Can you imagine 20 kids pointing them at you HAHA.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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