old rooster Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Subject: HURRICANE HITS ESSEX A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit In the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin ell" ... The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of memento's from the Balearic and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three Areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: -- Fila or Burberry baseball caps -- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) -- Shell suits (female) -- White sport socks -- Rockport boots -- Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: -- Microwave meals -- Tins of baked beans -- Ice cream -- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. **Breaking news** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop - 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnskevena Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MC Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 We aren't all like that in essex!! Although I did ***** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Nice one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipster Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 OOOOOOps Boss just walked in :*) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old rooster Posted February 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 I was expecting cries of "RACIST" from all quarters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pav Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 quality Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave-G Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 remarkerble that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNAKEBITE Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 I was expecting cries of "RACIST" from all quarters I'll call you one if it makes you feel better.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warcop Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highlander Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 ethicks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronttuk Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 theres nothing wrong with basildon its like canvey nothing a good bomb wouldnt sort out !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno 357 Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Jonno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devilishdave Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 wind is measured on the Beaufort scale Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 wind is measured on the Beaufort scale Dave WHY HAS SOME ONE ****** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old rooster Posted February 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 wind is measured on the Beaufort scale Dave Not in Essex it ain't mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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