Would you smack your kids

[Jim Sarakun]

And there we go AGAIN..... will you please stop associating properly administered corporal punishment with abuse, violence and beatings..... they are worlds apart...

 

Perhaps it is nothing to do with the fact that you 'give your children something others can't' please don't be so pious and condescending to imply that those of us who have had to administer said corporal punishment are not being good parents or giving our children 'time'

 

You have stated you were 'beaten' as a child... I am sorry, that is very sad and I'm sure it will affect how you discipline your children. You may also have children that are not 'difficult' and so have never needed stronger discipline than a good talking to...

 

I was disciplined as a child, with the cane at school, with the back of a copper's hand for lying about why we were on the roof of Nat West in Chorley and on very rare occasion by my parents (usually for smoking!) I can hand on heart say, I deserved every single one and it is the only thing (fear of consequence of) that made me stop and think about what I was about to do!

 

Next time you have a 3 year old who has crayoned on somemone elses wall for the third time, after having the telling off, the calm chat, the treats and toys taken away etc.. etc... some children do not respond to reason!

 

I feel I am pretty qualified in this area, having 4 children of quite different emotional and personality types... I do not administer corporal punishment willy nilly, it is done with thought and is only ever done if absolutely necessary... If it was done in any other way, I would have 'abused, bullied and beaten' all of my children. As it stands only 2 of them have not responded to other methods of discipline and only the little chap has had a smack more than once... it is what works with him and therefore, when necessary, it will be used until we reach the point where he is old enough to respond to reason or withdrawal of treats etc...

 

 

I do believe children learn from the behavior modelled by their parents. Children copy what their parents and elders do. I see it in mine and my friends children.

 

What do you mean by difficult? Are YOU difficult?

 

I would say that the child who crayoned on the wall was either bored, artistic, or seeking somebodies attention.

 

Instead of the telling off, the calm chat, the treats and toys taken away, did you try giving the child out door crayons to use on the drive, some paper, a huge piece mind, as they go mad, and a large pencil

 

I was associating nothing, have another read.

 

I try to understand my children and why they do what they do.

[FalconFN]

Lots of ghosts of the past in this thread.

 

Unless you have lived it you won't know that you can just get a smack growing up and still have had a good child hood from a loving home. If you never experienced just a smack that didn't end up in something far worse then that will affect your views and judgment. It might also make you a teensy weensy bit blinkered in your view.....

I was, very rarely, smacked as a kid and most definately not beaten. I had a fantastic childhood and I knew my parents loved me and I have grown to be a well rounded, respectful person. But I still don't believe that smacking a child is a reasonable form of discipline.

 

At best, smacking (not beating, I may add) is only as good as a well-delivered telling off - at worst it will teach your kids that it's ok to hit someone if they don't do what you want. The over-riding feeling I had after a smack was the same as the feeling I had after full-on dressing down - that of shame, guilt and remorse and I don't remember the pain. The smack was no better than a dressing-down as a punishment, but what it did do was to instill in me an idea that to disciplin a child you it was ok to hit them.

 

I have never struck my children (even though before I had them I thought I would do if needed) but I have made them feel sorry for things that they have knowingly done wrong and I cannot see any merrit in doing so.

 

I'm not pious, preachy or think I know better, I just think smacking belongs in a diffrerent age - along with comb-overs, beige-coloured cars and wood-chip wallpaper.

[wy111]

When I was a kid, I know I was a right sod. Got the slipper and cane at school and if I also got detention, was late home, so family tea was delayed. Old fella used to give me the leather belt on top of that. BUT, I knew I had done wrong and deserved the punishment.

I have 2, now grown up daughters, who, if got too far out of hand, used to get a clip round the *****, the wife did nowt. Not as some, put it, "punch their head in" or "physical abuse". When my divorce went though and the kids had their own choice who to stop with, what was their choice?......... ME....... and now they are all grown up and moved on, they still love T'old fella.

A good clip round t'lug ole or *****, never did any kid harm, but certainly taught them right from wrong, something desperately lacking nowadays

[reddan]

I was, very rarely, smacked as a kid and most definately not beaten. I had a fantastic childhood and I knew my parents loved me and I have grown to be a well rounded, respectful person. But I still don't believe that smacking a child is a reasonable form of discipline.

 

At best, smacking (not beating, I may add) is only as good as a well-delivered telling off - at worst it will teach your kids that it's ok to hit someone if they don't do what you want. The over-riding feeling I had after a smack was the same as the feeling I had after full-on dressing down - that of shame, guilt and remorse and I don't remember the pain. The smack was no better than a dressing-down as a punishment, but what it did do was to instill in me an idea that to disciplin a child you it was ok to hit them.

 

I have never struck my children (even though before I had them I thought I would do if needed) but I have made them feel sorry for things that they have knowingly done wrong and I cannot see any merrit in doing so.

 

I'm not pious, preachy or think I know better, I just think smacking belongs in a diffrerent age - along with comb-overs, beige-coloured cars and wood-chip wallpaper.

 

Is it partly that we are all thinking of different age kids here. I kind of get your point for say a child over 7 ?? But how do you convey your disappointment, explain that there are consquences for their actions and that something is likely to end up them getting injured to a 3 year old.

 

I buy the reasonable conversation but for a young kid this may not be possible. Another point to consider here is where the issue is one of safety, running out into the road was mentioned earlier; if you can't get your point across and adhered to with words because the child is too young whats better?

 

Dan

[Boromir]

Ah so you reward them for crayoning on someone elses wall js? if I do this I will get that excellent. Maybe the children of your household are the boss.

[Jim Sarakun]

It's not about who is boss BFG, it's not a control thing, more about nurturing your children's needs.

[Mungler]

I need my children not to crayon my or anyone else's walls.

 

Mind you, you had me at "home schooling"....

[Jim Sarakun]

Hey Mungler, didn't think I was that bright did you? Think I will just leave this now and agree to disagree, or shall I wait till it gets messy, mmmmmm, tough one that..

[Mungler]

I'm sure home schooling is the right thing to do. It's the personal choice of the responsible parent, much like smacking (or not smacking).

[FalconFN]

Is it partly that we are all thinking of different age kids here. I kind of get your point for say a child over 7 ?? But how do you convey your disappointment, explain that there are consquences for their actions and that something is likely to end up them getting injured to a 3 year old.

 

I buy the reasonable conversation but for a young kid this may not be possible. Another point to consider here is where the issue is one of safety, running out into the road was mentioned earlier; if you can't get your point across and adhered to with words because the child is too young whats better?

 

Dan

I'm not talking about getting into a philosophical debate with a 3 year old - they know when they have done wrong if you tell them off. I don't see how hitting a 3 year old explains the consequences any better, either way they feel bad and will cry.

 

And I don't think age has anything to do with it as some teenagers can understand consequenses about as well as a 3 year old!

 

My point is, smacking works - no doubt about that, but so do other, less violent methods and, to me, a grown man feeling the need to hit a 2 or 3 year old is very disturbing.

[paulf]

I was smacked ocasionally as a child although not often, did it leave me any mental harm? No. Was it any more efective than other punishments, No.

 

If i ever have kids I won't chose to smack them but Im not going to condem others who do.

[Jim Sarakun]

AAh the democracy we live in. Yes it is a choice thing and like anything else, what ever your choice, someone will disagree.

[wy111]

Home schooling? Yea, we had a couple in our village like that, years ago, veggies At weekends, their kids were straight round to play with my kids, AND a bacon butty. Take them to the beach and get them mucky as hell. They were NOT impressed

[Vipa]

 

 

I would say that the child who crayoned on the wall was either bored, artistic, or seeking somebodies attention.

 

 

 

There are children who are naturally destructive, unfortunately, I own one! I also was one... between smashing the tererium [sp] at infant school, to putting a school chum in hospital by sweeping his feet away when he wasn't expecting it, to putting a javelin through the changing room door at secondary school as well as the Nat West incident.... none of these things were done with malicious intent, they were done without any forethought and seemed like a jolly good jape at the time.... I had no concept of the consequence until after I had done it... My youngest is exactly the same...

 

The crayon incident's were nothing more than thoughtless acts that must have seemed like a good thing for him at the time... My children have very attentive parents who are at home all day, their attention seekig, boredom, artistic streaks are well managed and channeled... These incidents were the same mindless acts that were probably fun at the time as when he decided to take the flowers off every single plant in his grandparents garden... some children (I was one) are just 'naughty!'

 

I had, and still do have, very loving parents and had a great up-bringing and childhood despite the 'abuse' I apparently suffered.

 

You seem to have perfect children and also know all the answers.. perhaps you should look at a career in child psychology and behaviourable science... When you do, feel free to tell me why my children act the way they do and offer suggetions and solutions!

[utectok]

I was home schooled spent most of my childhood running round the woods fishing and hunting with a bow and arrow or ferreting for pocket money. Lived in a hut in the woods in the summer with my brother! Brilliant never been a vegi tho. Finally went to school university and postgrad etc etc.. Good luck with the home schooling Jim!

[utectok]

Not sure I'd be that bothered by a bit of crayon on the Walls tho nothing a tin of emulsion won't sort when u get round to it!! Don't make life to complicated I say

[Laird Lugton]

 

 

My point is, smacking works - no doubt about that, but so do other, less violent methods and, to me, a grown man feeling the need to hit a 2 or 3 year old is very disturbing.

 

So at the start of your sentence you refer to smacking and then later you refer to hitting. I agree a grown man feeling the need to hit a 2 or 3 year old is quite worrying. Not so worrying is a grown man feeling the need to discipline a 2 or 3 year old with a light slap.

 

The last part of your sentence makes it sound like child abuse, as has been said before there is a huge difference between a light slap and knocking a child senseless.

[FalconFN]

There are children who are naturally destructive, unfortunately, I own one! I also was one... between smashing the tererium [sp] at infant school, to putting a school chum in hospital by sweeping his feet away when he wasn't expecting it, to putting a javelin through the changing room door at secondary school as well as the Nat West incident.... none of these things were done with malicious intent, they were done without any forethought and seemed like a jolly good jape at the time.... I had no concept of the consequence until after I had done it... My youngest is exactly the same...

 

The crayon incident's were nothing more than thoughtless acts that must have seemed like a good thing for him at the time... My children have very attentive parents who are at home all day, their attention seekig, boredom, artistic streaks are well managed and channeled... These incidents were the same mindless acts that were probably fun at the time as when he decided to take the flowers off every single plant in his grandparents garden... some children (I was one) are just 'naughty!'

 

I had, and still do have, very loving parents and had a great up-bringing and childhood despite the 'abuse' I apparently suffered.

 

You seem to have perfect children and also know all the answers.. perhaps you should look at a career in child psychology and behaviourable science... When you do, feel free to tell me why my children act the way they do and offer suggetions and solutions!

You are clearly not a child-beating bully and your kids sound perfectly normal to me.

 

But has smacking stopped them doing thoughtless things? No. Would any other type of discipline? Probably not.

[Vipa]

 

 

But has smacking stopped them doing thoughtless things? Yes, he is calming down and incidents are becoming less frequent, the threat of a smack now usually suffices

 

Would any other type of discipline? No... tried all the stuff that worked with the other darlings.

Edited May 8, 2011 by Vipa

[reddan]

Not sure I'd be that bothered by a bit of crayon on the Walls tho nothing a tin of emulsion won't sort when u get round to it!! Don't make life to complicated I say

 

 

i haven't had to do it but i am fairly sure that paint doesn't go over wax crayon.

 

Dan

[reddan]

Think I am going to knock this one on the head now. I didn't know whether I agreed with it to the extent that I would do it or not when we began and still don't.

 

Intereting to hear others views though.

 

Dan

[FalconFN]

So at the start of your sentence you refer to smacking and then later you refer to hitting. I agree a grown man feeling the need to hit a 2 or 3 year old is quite worrying. Not so worrying is a grown man feeling the need to discipline a 2 or 3 year old with a light slap.

 

The last part of your sentence makes it sound like child abuse, as has been said before there is a huge difference between a light slap and knocking a child senseless.

Walk up to 2 people in the street, hit one and smack the other and see if the police see any difference. :blink:

[GW80]

At the risk of sounding like a Daily Mail" reader, Not giving a bit of disiplince to your kids is probably ******* them up!! No doubt about it i will keep administrating the rod!!

[Vipa]

Not sure I'd be that bothered by a bit of crayon on the Walls tho nothing a tin of emulsion won't sort when u get round to it!! Don't make life to complicated I say

 

erm... hang on matey.... Brand new static caravan (the grandparents)... very kindly allowed to use it for a long weekend, fisrt day, blue crayon all over the blown vinyl wall covering in the hall, bedrooms, bathroom and decking. we took our eyes off him for 5 mins... he's nearly 4.

 

Stern telling off, sent to bed early with the threat of no Flamingo Land if he didn't behave... and the promise of a grand day out and a treat if he did.

 

That evening it took us 4 hours to get the stuff off the walls... We then removed all the crayons and anything else he could have done damage with...

 

Day 2...... He pinched a felt tip out of his 8 year old sisters pencil case and managed to sneak into his bedroom and become 'artistic, bored and attention seeking' on the walls in there! More withdrawal of privilages, promises of reward if he was good... and another 2 hours getting the stuff off...

 

We were convinced we were going to have to have the whole caraven re-decorated, that stuff is not like paint or normal wallpaper!

 

Day 3...... Playing outside, he & his sister were being crafty (of the artistic variety)... she is very good at it, with mum, under direct supervision... He managed to half inch another crayon, slip off his chair and before we knew it, draw a nice mural on the outside skin of the caravan... at that point it was a smack and off to bed and we decided to come home a day early spoiling things for the 8 year old.

 

You might not be bothered about that 'bit of crayon' on the walls but we certainly were!

 

And please people, don't start analysing the events and punishment sequence, you weren't there, he is not your child, you do not live with him and therefore can have NO IDEA of what can and needs to be done. He is a fab, bright, adorable and gorgeous little fellah and is my best mate.... I intend to ensure he grows up knowing what is and is not acceptable behaviour and right now, the ONLY thing he responds to is a smack (or threat thereof)..... not a beating or abuse as some of you think it is

[artschool]

Walk up to 2 people in the street, hit one and smack the other and see if the police see any difference. :blink:

This thread gets more and more bizarre.

 

Ok walk up to two people in the street and throw one up in the air while going "weeeeeeeeee" then start ticking the other one.

 

See what the police make of that