Parental Advice Needed

[Mungler]

don't want to get too involved with this post but what i will say is my stepson who is a fantastic polite careing person aged 23 has just had his 2nd stint in hospital because of using too much skunk and resin and paranoia set in big time...this lad has never been in trouble and due to the side effects of pot he is now on very severe mental health drugs for life he has tried to kill himself and came to my house to try and kill me thinking i was a fake and the real me had been murdered by the church people in his mind....my advise is try try try to establish a level ground with your son and do not let this **** take control of him and to those people in this world that say it does no harm i say **** yourself ...

regards

and good luck

 

 

A couple of my clients at work have had mental health issues from smoking too much skunk; depression, paranoia and all manner of mental health issues.

 

We had a discussion at work and it turns out we all knew someone who suffered mental health issues connected with smoking high strength cannabis.

 

I reckon that certain people are naturally magnetised towards drugs and high strength cannabis simply tips people who are on the edge, over the edge.

[retromlc]

A few facts have never changed

Kids of all generations have rebelled,drink,drugs,anti-social behaviour,shop lifting the list goes on.

 

you are in a differcult situation,most of what people have said is true,

i have a 15 year old,and we have a very open and honest relationship.i noticed on his facebook photo's and his friends comments that he was experimenting with drink etc,so over the next few weeks I started to strike up conversations about this sort of thing and telling him about my younger wilder days.but not referencing them to what I had pieced together.

During our conversations,and they went on over a period of months, he opened up to me and some of the things he admitted to and some of the things he has done have shocked me,not because I've never done those things,but the age that they are doing it,a lot younger than I ever did.

I found that informal chats,after the event(2-3 days) is a good time to talk to them,talking causally will often reveal more,and it gives you both a chance to digest what the other is saying and reduces them being defensive and you flying off the handle.

With my son it's a combination of inquisitivness,peer pressure and the need to be grown up.

Most of the time he doesn't like the feeling when under the influence,and has admitted that,over time with me chatting to him and him reflecting on his own behaviour and armed with my councel about the long term problems with drugs and drink he has come back from a party and commentated on seeing the negative effects it's having on his friends and I think he is making his own choice now to ease away from it and be less pressured to indulge to make his friend feel validated.

I have set ground rules e'g he is forbidden to enter 1 boys house,because of what goes on in it,and he know if he breaks this rule there will be consquences,if i find anything I shouldn'd there will be the same.

He knows that I am reasonable and I have tried to guide him,but if he goes to far and is totally disrepectful then he knows what I can be like,He has choice

You have to give them choice,reasonable choice,if they then mess up it's time to be very firm and they will accept that easier.

[libs]

Its a strange one this. Everyone has their 'fight/**** the system phase' but at different times, luckily I got it all out of my system a good few years back and now I limit myself the the occasional 3 crates of larger per week, its not a problem, its a choice...

 

But seriously anyone who says dope isn't all that bad hasn't seen the gradual change it can cause, chronic use of it will seriously mong your lad out. And if he floats around types that use ectascy/MDMA then he can right off monday-wednesday of every week if he dabbles at the weekends. Simple fact is you can't learn when your comming down or monged out on any form of gear and failure at school is the first step to big time waster-itis if he loses his drive and future goals in the process.

 

Talk to the lad, I'm sure you will find the right words.

[proTOM1]

If he wants too do it then he will

And nothing you do will stop him

Your just got too hope he sees sence before it gos too far.

most do.

 

try not to let it come between you and your son because if he do get involved heavy in the use of drugs. Then

at some stage their will be a cry for help. And if so make sure its you that receive it.

 

All i can say is the more you say he cant or should not do it the more he will pull away from you , he will hopefully grow out of it before it gets bad ,then in a few years he will thankyou .

 

I had the same thing with my dad he kept on at me and i went the wrong way from pot to harder drugs, football voilence (which got me in trouble) heavy drinking but 1 day it just clicked what i was doing and i managed to stop and turn things around (thanks to my missus ) so just be there for him as and when he needs you to be . good luck and i hope you can help him and get it sorted

Edited December 6, 2010 by proTOM1

[starlight32]

I have to say that in my opinion the use of drugs by teenagers in our current society is at epidemic levels.

 

There is no bones about it, excessive use of cannabis does cause permanent mental and pyscological damage.

 

My other half works at a secure mental unit, and the vast majority of the 16-25 year olds that end up there do so because of prolonged use of drugs.

Most have to realize is that if you want any type of future in this modern day at present around 75% of employers have a fitness for duty policy which involves random drugs and alcohol testing.

 

I have seen everyone from apprentices to chartered engineers go down the road with very little prospect of re-employment back in the industry.

[charliebrown]

I dont think smoking a bit of ganja will do him much bother, most 16-18yr olds will have done.

Those who say its much stronger now than it used to be, well yeah ok, but vodkas stronger than lager but I dont drink it by the pint do I? A few joints shared with mates in a local park I wouldnt be worried at all about. If his mate's driving him home stoned afterward however I would not be amused. You say hes a intelligent kid, so trust him to know the difference between right and wrong and know where to draw the line.

[charliebrown]

Also I wonder about the link between Skunk and Mental health disorders. I think that a lot of those who smoke weed and later show signs of mental illness may have been self medicating without realising. They are aware that somthings not right, but have never seen a doctor about it. They find that a few joints helps them feel better and a few years later their pre existing issues become obvious to all and sundry. Everyone jumps in with blaming weed for somthing that may have been there in the first place.

[Salopian]

I think the most important thing is for Mom & Dad to be there for him.

Talk to him, reason with him and bond with him.Identify with him he's your lad he has your genes, did you never do anything daft? Tell him about it and laugh together.

It is fairly easy to identify the bad apple in the crowd, heaven forbid it might be your lad. But guide him away from evil.

If it is the elder youth inform the Police.If they don't appear to do anything about it, I am sure the local community officer will? (LCO = somebody who will give the baddy a bloody good thrashing) It works round here and always has done. We are aware that it goes on, we don't condone it but we sure as hell are scared to death of the consequences of being identified as a trouble maker.

 

I sincerely feel for you, my druggy stepson cost me my marriage, but he turned out alright in the end and too late I realised I should have supported him and my wife, not hit the roof and go around yelling and shouting. As she said at the time ' I have to support him, he is my own flesh and blood'

Let us all remember that. These people need help. Pushers need exterminating.

[Spaniel]

My 18 year old son isnt much different then yours FM.

Nothing wrong with the odd drink but I dont like the fact that he spends far to much of his money down the pub and he as not got much being still in further education.

When i drive him past his favourate pub i wave out and say book your holiday Mr Landlord my son will be down later i get a laugh from my son but he knows what i mean.

I try to teach the kids not to waste their money on booze and smokes and to spend it on the things which they really want....it sort of sinks in but knowing how i was at 18 there is no sense shouting and balling at him as he just will not listen.

 

There is a difference with experimenting and being hooked, you have to let them live and discover things for themselves but just keep an eye on them that it does not get out of control, but if all else fails then get the size 10s out as there must be a line drawn at some point, if you know what i mean

 

all the best

Edited December 7, 2010 by Spaniel

[Mungler]

Cannabis is not physically addictive but appears to be mentally addictive if you are that way inclined. I agree with what Charliebrown says about the people who smoke a lot of gear and end up with mental health issues - in the people I know that it's happened to, there was always something not quite right with the people in question or an underlying issue, long before cannabis came into the equation.

 

Cannabis is however a gateway drug. Whoever is selling cannabis will normally be holding stock of other drugs that are likely to be addictive and far more dangerous.

 

It's the peer group he is in and associations he is making that would be of concern to me.

[leeds chimp]

I know how you feel as I was going the same way when I was 16..hanging round in a group and doing what they did...My Mum dropped a few comments and that was it..turned my back on them and got more into my rugby...

Years ago I go into the clubbing scene pretty badly..going out solid from a Friday night to Monday morning not even going home sometimes....again a couple of comments and I realised what I was doing...

As said its hard to judge when I have done it myself. Personally the soft way worked for me and I was able to see the light...shout and scream and they would not of worked as I just would have said "**** you I am doing what I want"

[charliebrown]

Cannabis is not physically addictive but appears to be mentally addictive if you are that way inclined. I agree with what Charliebrown says about the people who smoke a lot of gear and end up with mental health issues - in the people I know that it's happened to, there was always something not quite right with the people in question or an underlying issue, long before cannabis came into the equation.

 

Cannabis is however a gateway drug. Whoever is selling cannabis will normally be holding stock of other drugs that are likely to be addictive and far more dangerous.

It's the peer group he is in and associations he is making that would be of concern to me.

 

 

Spot on. Thats the issue you've got to face, at some point when hes buying a bag his mans going to say 'Ive got a bit of this as well if your interested'. If its been drummed into him thast weed is just as bad as coke, pills etc and he enjoys a joint and cant see the harm then the temptation would be 'well weeds been fine, so why not charlie?'.

Give him the drug talk by all means, but also be prepared to listen to what he has to say, and be aware that despite what the Daily Mail thinks the odd joint will not bring civilisation crashing down, although it in this weather its advisable to stock up on M&Ms and Doritos before hand

[Fisherman Mike]

Thanks for the fantastic response guys and advice

 

Ive had a heart to heart with my son and we have each expressed our own views and agreed to cut each other a bit of slack. He has also apologised to his Mum for coming back so late and in such a state which is a step in the right direction.

 

As he told me that most of his close friends have the occasional splif at parties and the like I can see that their parents must be concerned also !

 

Hopefully he will grow out of it in time.

 

Thanks again the replies have all been very reassuring.

 

PW forums to the rescue again

[Devon Fox]

FM

 

I think your son would not be "normal" if He didnt cause you stress & experiment!

 

The people who say that there kids wouldnt do such a thing are wrong - they just do not know about it!

 

You obviously have a good relationship with the lad and I think its good that you baoth can talk about issues without losing it!

 

Good luck and I am sure He will make you proud.

[inthedark]

Find him something better to do?

[Mrs Sweepy]

Having kids dont suddenly make us all perfect nor do it make us have all the right answers

 

Like are children it all new too us so we all make mistakes and maybe dont handle things the right way.

 

But as long as you can communicate though it all and they feel that you are approachable

Then thats half the battle won.

 

Its sounds like you have a good son their, Mike

And you also have some soild ground to work on

Which you can only put down too good parenting

well done

xxxxSuzy

[TJ91]

don't watch emerdale ,but I hear what you are saying.Definitly dealing and should be jailed

 

and at no point did i say my uncle went out and bought it for him..he caught him with it and made him smoke the lot

therefore he was not dealing/supplying

i dont know what he would of said if he had died...i will ask him next time i see him

 

i dont think its a good idea but he did it..and it worked

 

apologising to mum at 16 is a good step.. did you bribe him into doing it

oj

 

i tried it, it was a fad, had a few joints now and then when out with friends at the pub, soon grew out of it

but ther are a few mates that didnt, they no longer have friends, but they never had the type of parents that would sit down and talk to them, they had the type of parents who got sent down for doing it themselves

[officerdibble777]

and at no point did i say my uncle went out and bought it for him..he caught him with it and made him smoke the lot

therefore he was not dealing/supplying

i dont know what he would of said if he had died...i will ask him next time i see him

 

 

I think you will find ther is not too much difference whether he bought it or not in the eyes of the law.He made him take it.

That takes it into a whole load of other offences,corruption of a minor,child abuse.Do you want me to list them all?or should we just agree to disagree and put this to bed ?

[TJ91]

I think you will find ther is not too much difference whether he bought it or not in the eyes of the law.He made him take it.

That takes it into a whole load of other offences,corruption of a minor,child abuse.Do you want me to list them all?or should we just agree to disagree and put this to bed ?

 

 

Yeh but he wasnt dealing which is what you first said

 

feel free to list them if you so desire

 

He did wrong but in his eyes he didnt because it ha dthe effect he wanted, maybe it was a stuopid thing to do in others eyes but if it works it works, it happened and no amount of 'its wrong' 'you shouldnt do that' etc will make the past change

 

i never said what you are saying is wrong either

i arent disagreeing that it was wrong in the eyes of the law and he could get done for some stupid little thing by some idiot thats been given abit of power and gone mad with it