Penelope Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 'One is named after the late Guy Gibson's dog' or the little black birdseed that has lost an 'i' and gained a 'y' to please the PC's at the RSPB, et al. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 Exactly dear lady! It's a word frequently used here usually preceded by a vulgar epithet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDog Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 We are well off piste now with this thread but it is infinitely more interesting than some of the others running at the moment. CaptC, I presume the twins were born in the Lindo Wing at St. Mary’s hospital? Remind me again if you dare what Guy Gibson’s dog was called. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 How many points have you lot accumalated on this thread................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 42 minutes ago, CaptC said: Exactly dear lady! It's a word frequently used here usually preceded by a vulgar epithet. Awfully sorry to disappoint my good man, but I too am a chap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 21 minutes ago, Penelope said: Awfully sorry to disappoint my good man, but I too am a chap. Terribly sorry Old Chap - you just cannot tell these days - You have only to look at Algernon down in Brighton doing his impersonations of a certain female news reader? Good news though - Jocasta who is in Saudi Arabia looking for a husband has been introduced to Prince All Weed Ben Halal Allsort who is purportedly worth 20.4 billion. The poor girl did not like her visit to "chop - chop" square last Friday though but she's a tough one and will pull it off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 love to take part in this surreal thread...but alas cannot....i have accumalated more points for fake news and profanity than sandy shaw did in the squitavision song contest singing muppet on a spring..... so i will just lerke.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 Nothing fake here dear boy. Absolutely pukka! The Farquaharsons have invited us for lunch so best get Olga to iron the tweeds (half a bottle of 110% vodka soon cured her back pain) and dust off the Memsahib (another rough night for her and the sherry) Jerry Farquaharson is thinking of giving his estate away to the National Whatsit - Trust me, I've seen the state of some of his estate houses and they are in deplorable condition with tenants living in damp conditions but apparently the National Whatsit like that idea as its more authentic and appeals to their chocolate box mentality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted January 31, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 26 minutes ago, CaptC said: Nothing fake here dear boy. Absolutely pukka! The Farquaharsons have invited us for lunch so best get Olga to iron the tweeds (half a bottle of 110% vodka soon cured her back pain) and dust off the Memsahib (another rough night for her and the sherry) Jerry Farquaharson is thinking of giving his estate away to the National Whatsit - Trust me, I've seen the state of some of his estate houses and they are in deplorable condition with tenants living in damp conditions but apparently the National Whatsit like that idea as its more authentic and appeals to their chocolate box mentality. Surely not Lady Farqui of Halfout manor ! how are her ivory dentures ? poor Jerry he must be glad to see the back of that leg, those traps can sting a bit.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 The very same! Her dentures have long gone due and due to the paucity of the estate she's had a new set fashioned from an old ivory key board. Jerry has recovered from the amputation of his right leg (he asked the surgeon for the old one but was declined for H&S reasons) and calls it a bonus on the grouse moor as he has had a stainless steel peg made that screws into the foot of his new leg thus lifting him a good 12" up over the butt plus he can now swivel 180 degrees a lot faster than any other gun! Deadly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted January 31, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 12 minutes ago, CaptC said: The very same! Her dentures have long gone due and due to the paucity of the estate she's had a new set fashioned from an old ivory key board. Jerry has recovered from the amputation of his right leg (he asked the surgeon for the old one but was declined for H&S reasons) and calls it a bonus on the grouse moor as he has had a stainless steel peg made that screws into the foot of his new leg thus lifting him a good 12" up over the butt plus he can now swivel 180 degrees a lot faster than any other gun! Deadly! Great news then , dear Marjory sporting one white one black tooth must cheer up the children whilst singing descant at the choral society , Lucky Jerry, typically comes up smelling of roses, one long leg will help walking on the side of hill, in the manner of the legendary Chamois of Eurasia, Sad to say i must be off, as Genghis my youngest is late for her arm wrestling lesson and the Jehovah witnesses need feeding. "cheery" as they say in the Highlands Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 What you probably did not know was that Marjory has had holes drilled in both incisors matching, on the left her silent dog whistle and on the right a very tight fitting straw so she can whistle for her dog and breath in at the same time. Jerry refuses to walk down the hill unless his right leg is the outer down hill side thus causing many hours of waiting as he unwinds himself down the hill. Luncheon was followed by a hand or two of bridge. Majory is a Palooka of a player and we only won two rubbers. Marjory is not adverse to the gambit of distracting the opposition. This afternoon she sat with her spare hand beneath the baize with her hand on her pussy. The poor thing had had lost some of its fur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old farrier Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 If you don’t mind me asking how do you find mellors as a keeper i had heard only hearsay mind that a few had said he’s past it and can’t go the full distance the whole 9 yards others have said Its reported that he frequently fires blanks out in the woods on the off chance that he was to need replacing with a younger version there’s a lad here goes by the name of smellhers they maybe relate apparently his lordships wife has given him a good reference and can recommend him for any position you can name Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 52 minutes ago, Old farrier said: If you don’t mind me asking how do you find mellors as a keeper i had heard only hearsay mind that a few had said he’s past it and can’t go the full distance the whole 9 yards others have said Its reported that he frequently fires blanks out in the woods on the off chance that he was to need replacing with a younger version there’s a lad here goes by the name of smellhers they maybe relate apparently his lordships wife has given him a good reference and can recommend him for any position you can name Good evening Old farrier . It's the same Mellors family but four generations further on. Our Mellors comes highly recommend as Jocasta used to spend a lot of time with him in her teenage years. They spent a lot of time together in incubator room and Jocasta would always appear with feathers in her hair. My grandfather bought Lady C's estate when she died of syphilis brought on by too many liason with the lOwer echelons of society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted January 31, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 2 hours ago, CaptC said: What you probably did not know was that Marjory has had holes drilled in both incisors matching, on the left her silent dog whistle and on the right a very tight fitting straw so she can whistle for her dog and breath in at the same time. Jerry refuses to walk down the hill unless his right leg is the outer down hill side thus causing many hours of waiting as he unwinds himself down the hill. Luncheon was followed by a hand or two of bridge. Majory is a Palooka of a player and we only won two rubbers. Marjory is not adverse to the gambit of distracting the opposition. This afternoon she sat with her spare hand beneath the baize with her hand on her pussy. The poor thing had had lost some of its fur. So glad to hear about Marjory's pussy, I spent many hours stroking the same before a rubber or two. lets hope the fur regrows soon, The straw and whistle ploy is typical Marjory always thinking of the hounds first. has she by chance used the tight fitting straw to aid G&T supping, which would no doubt save considerable time during dog training. I imagine Jerry's leg is causing him merriment at the lido with the inevitable swimming in ever decreasing circles. I have no idea where it will end Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted February 7, 2018 Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 African Blackwood - that's what Jerry used for his paddle - he simply unscrews the spike and screws in the paddle and the next thing he knows is that he is at the bottom of the pool as he did not realise how much the African Blackwood weighed! Spends an awful lot of time fighting to surface then being dragged down again by the sheer weight of the paddle. He is going to have a quick release button fitted "just in case". Funny you should mention Marjory's pussy - I've not stroked it myself as I have a fear of it spitting at me. From my position at the table its baldness was was quite startling! Strange about the mention of a pussy yet again as only this morning Olga, who as you know is our "handy person" left the lid off the kedgeree and the Memsahibs pussy (a huge hairy thing) was caught red handed (should that be paw handed?) sitting in the dish. Nothing worse than the smell of fish first thing in the morning! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mice! Posted February 7, 2018 Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 your all nuts, but I'm smiling and laughing with you not at you ? ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptC Posted February 8, 2018 Report Share Posted February 8, 2018 You would not believe what has happened! Poor Jocasta phoned us last night - again the line was appalling even though the Prince has a golden handset. Apparently, from the staccato of her voice and the odd sob we think we heard her say "I'm very sore" but it might have actually been "I'm very sure" - Jocasta is on the next flight home due to, again misheard perhaps "He likes the back passage" or He likes it in the back passage" Putting the two together we think she must have fallen over in one of his many passageways and landed on her bottom. Olga is preparing her rooms in the west wing. As to the mention of both the Memsahib and Marjory's pussy's it seems that a certain rather rude innuendo has been read, by some into my tale? Again another coincidence which I must relate quickly as we are at lunch with the Ssmith Ssmythes at tudor pile in the Cotswolds. Anyway, last night the Memsahib went to her room again slightly in her cups from yet another bottle of Waitroses's finest sherry (other brands are available). All went quiet until at around 0200 hours I felt something warm and slightly wet across my face! My God - its the Memsahib getting confused again with the dressing room doors! Desperately grabbing at what I thought was going to be a voluminous amount of flesh I was rather surprised to find it was in fact the Memsahib's pussy which I threw with both arms towards the open door. Alas, the damned thing hit the starboard upright of the four poster and slid, semi conscious straight down onto the black Lab (whose name we cannot mention). The poor dog emitted the most horrendous howl as the pussy's claws gripped either ear. He bounded through the open door with the pussy still attached and being now blindfolded by the beast he hit a suit of armour (late 16th century. Known as "The Black Knight" due to his father coming from, what was in those days, distant lands) knocking the whole suit down the Lutyens staircase. What a din! The snoring from the Memsahib's room told me that for the time being I would not be on punishment parade after brekkers! Who should then appear armed with a halberd quickly and skilfully snatched from the stairway display - Olga! What a magnificent sight! Clad in the most diaphanous gaberdine nightie she looked, as close as one could imagine at now 0230 one of the Valkyries. Her strong Slavic features were quite visible under the gaberdine and it wasn't until around 0600 that I could prise her free of my grasp as because the poor lady had such a fright she refused to return to her quarters and, as I has a vacant space she hopped in with me for reassurance. She was impressed by my stout cudgel I keep for such occasions. As to Cheery Blossom (reminds me of boarding school pranks) I'm sure that a slight colour change will not make much difference. It seems from "Chedder Man" that we all had, as my late father used to say "A touch of the tar brush". I await censorship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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