henry d Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 We have just had our Christmas party and it turned out to be funny and a disaster all in one. I had arranged to meet at the Hotel with a friend and his wife so the 4 of us could have lunch and then go back for a few drinks at the hotel bar and then get ready for the party and meet the rest of the couples down in the bar, so far so good. Nice meal a few laughs and a few drinks, then I start to get ready and I find I have left my cufflinks at home !!!! I try phoning the lads but their either in the bar or aren`t answering the phone/driving. 7PM and I`m legging it around a deserted seaside resort looking for a shop that sells cufflinks nowt open except a small tesco I wander around and don`t see anything as it`s so small and decide to use the old adage "Adapt, Overcome, Survive!" and buy a plastic box containing 200 paper clips in an assortment of colours We grab a drink and settle down at the table and it appears the hotel is short staffed, the waitress at our table has to ask twice what everyone wants and eventually gets it sorted. The Chicken liver parfait(pate) was a slab 5"x3" by 3/4" thick !!!and there is some salad and onion confit and 2.....yes 2 oatcakes 1 1/2" in diameter. I was going to see if I could get a half on each oatcake but ended up with a leaning tower of pate with just 1/4 of it ! The soup was basically veg in stock that had been liquidised and you could float a spoon on it and instead of "a" roll, there was 1/2 a roll for each soup ! Main course(or is it coarse ?) was Turkey and all the trimmings, the turkey was the compressed roll and 50% connective tissue/gristle the trimmings were 2 roast spuds 1 piece of carrot a broccolli floret and possibly parsnip but just the hard central stem and stuffing that needed a steak knife to cut The puds were classic, Christmas pud 3" wide by 1" tall with brandy sauce that had set, a selection of cheeses and a blueberry cheesecake with fruit culis. The cheese selection was decided by whatever could be hacked off, and mine was a triangle of gouda the size of my palm, a nice sized piece of stilton, a 4oz chunk of cheddar with one side cracked and dried out and the centre piece was a rind of brie !!! I kid you not it was just the rind, once again there were 2 crackers to go with this !!!! There was a couple of quids worth of cheese too much and they skimp on the crackers The cheesecake was to die for though........literally, it was off, not in the sense it was slightly strange tasting, but it was stinking of rancid dairy products. My wifes piece was 2" thick her nearest neighbour had a piece of biscuit base smeared with 1/2" of topping. Anyway we complained and it was eventually sorted amicably. we then got down and shook our funky stuff and drank for Great Britain until the DJ stopped at exactly midnight, halfway through a song with a thank you and goodnight :blink: we were told that it was also last orders at the bar so we got another round in. At 12:30 we were told to drink up and leave !!!! However Scottish tradition/law(?) states that if you are stopping as a guest the hotel bar can be allowed to stay open and serve as long as the guests stay up So I was propped up between 2 lovely ladies and had a pint of guiness thrust in my hand and I nursed it for the next 2 1/2 hours when one of the nice ladies collapsed to the floor totally unconcious, very nearly followed by myself I might add. Then the concensus was it was time for bed so the Taxis were hailed and we went our seperate ways. All in all we will remember it for many reasons, so spill the beans on your Best/Worst Christmas party . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floating Chamber Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 From the 1970s, when I was a 'young', (mmm) 'youngish' teacher. My school always put on a Christmas Party and Sing-Song for the local nursing home. One year we had three rather amusing episodes. One old guy was winking at one of our girls when she was serving the food; (he had previously arranged with this waitress to have the 'Parson's Nose' on his plate. The modern-day girl had no idea what he was talking about and took it as a joke). When the Parson's Nose was seen on the plate of another pensioner, the old gent jumped up and tried to snatch it from the guy. A bit of a fight ensued, during which, another old guy fainted. An old lady began going through his pockets and when challenged by the compulsory member of St. John's Ambulance with: 'Is he on medication, Madam; are you looking for his pills?' 'NO' shouted the lady, 'His raffle tickets, before anybody else gets them.' Another lady stood up and inquired, 'Who's having his pudding?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 We had a do for some clients last Friday. Ended up in Spearmint Rhino and a cab home at 4 a.m. Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I am still feeling unwell and am never drinking again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floating Chamber Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 We had a do for some clients last Friday. Ended up in Spearmint Rhino and a cab home at 4 a.m. Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I am still feeling unwell and am never drinking again. Mung, seriously, BECHEROVKA with its 32 herbs will do you the world of good - along with the 800 mile dash to get it! Google it! You can get it in the UK from a few places or 'styria.1' on eBay! (see 'Christmas Spirit' on PW) I hope you feel better soon! Alan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Problem is I am supposed to be out Tuesday, Thursday and Friday for more of the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr W Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Mungler, can I come to your next client do, sounds quality. I assume you pay for all the dances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Mungler, can I come to your next client do, sounds quality. I assume you pay for all the dances. Dr. W you wouldn't believe what we paid for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunkield Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I can't be the only one struggling to purge that image from their mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr W Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I can't be the only one struggling to purge that image from their mind You mean a little pink silk number that's just too short Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wookie Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Gah! WROOOOONG IMAGE! Dear gods, must think of something less sickening... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I can't be the only one struggling to purge that image from their mind You mean a little pink silk number that's just too short :lol: Good grief :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dunkield Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Back on topic briefly. As a yoof I was picked up at one of my first office parties by the classic older woman, I was 18 she was 30. Long story cut short, my parents were going away for Christmas, and thinking they had already gone I suggested we went back to 'mine' She followed in her car but when we got to my folks house they were still in drive packing their stuff into the car. So I drove round the block with her following, but my old man saw us and new exactly what was going on, and found this all highly entertaining. Round and round we went, but did they leave? did they heck Anyway, because of the old mans antics, we ran out of time and she had to get back to her psychotic husband on time, so although disappointed, it was definitely for the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Problem is I am supposed to be out Tuesday, Thursday and Friday for more of the same. Dont you worry my young friend!! I ,YES I B,MAN Will sacrifice my nubile young???_ish Body to this noble cause!!!, I will let the young women who are after you , get their hands on me, while you hide from their carnel probings!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazzyboi Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Iv got 2 xmas do's, one really posh one being held at the birmingham metrol hilton hotel, and another one held in a rugby club where the first part of the party is reserved for each division to dress up and do an act and make a fool of themselfs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chunk Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Went out on the christmas lash from work one year, and drank against a real animal. Pretty soon i couldnt even lean on the bar without missing so in a moment of clarity i staggered home. It took me twice as long as i was using the whole pavement and fell in a couple of gardens too. I had put my knee through the new chinos that mother in law had bought me for christmas and had early. Rolled in mud, too wrecked to get up, eventually got home. The wife stripped me off and started cleaning up my knee, i feel asleep, but woke up immediately sending a multicoloured stream of vomit over the neat stack of christmas presents the wife had spent the evening wrapping. I woke in the spare room and it all came flooding back, the shouting, the swearing. I thought simply "******". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 the best one , the one am going to this friday .works do should be a blast let you know on saturday if it was xxxxx suzy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Went out on the christmas lash from work one year, and drank against a real animal. Pretty soon i couldnt even lean on the bar without missing so in a moment of clarity i staggered home. It took me twice as long as i was using the whole pavement and fell in a couple of gardens too. I had put my knee through the new chinos that mother in law had bought me for christmas and had early. Rolled in mud, too wrecked to get up, eventually got home. The wife stripped me off and started cleaning up my knee, i feel asleep, but woke up immediately sending a multicoloured stream of vomit over the neat stack of christmas presents the wife had spent the evening wrapping. I woke in the spare room and it all came flooding back, the shouting, the swearing. I thought simply "******". Yahoo, at last someone who knows what I go thro every day I remember vaguely a Xmas about 3 years ago, I sort of remember my wife undressing me when I staggered hope P***D out of my brain, and my terrible verbal lashing I came out with towards her, (and to my shame she had never done anything to deserve it) anyway about 4am in the morning I awoke to go to the loo and I had flashbacks about my disgusting behaviour and I remember staggering downstairs and emptying a full pack of Tennents Super into the kitchen sink!! Since then I tell my wife I love her everyday and realise I would be dead without her!, What would we become without a loving wife/lady to come home to??. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Spent whole of Saturday in my dressing gown. I can't be the only one struggling to purge that image from their mind You mean a little pink silk number that's just too short The Outlaw has a lilac frilly number that is also too short.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hey Outlaw What about the Perno and Black bathroom refurbishment at a very very posh hotel? The did not make it to the bathroom in time and the dressing gown got it? Oh and what about the BBQ Sauce and Ice Cream......? Do tell Calam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hey Mungler how much to sue a wife for a Divorce due to public embarassment of spouse. I would be going for the house and kids, she can have the bills including your fee's Only one of the above situations is Christmas party induced. I will come back to it anon Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Hey Mungler how much to sue a wife for a Divorce due to public embarassment of spouse. I would be going for the house and kids, she can have the bills including your fee's Only one of the above situations is Christmas party induced. I will come back to it anon Tony I will not have any bills if Outlaw gets the house!! Just make sure he has the Electric Bill (just as well we have broadband) !! Make sure I get a good deal - let me know if I qualify for Legal Aid...... As long as I have enough for a tent and and to see the kids for 1 hour a month!! (only joking kids ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 I can just about recall the Christmes party Calam was on about. We were invited down to Luckham Park in Wiltsshire for my Company do. The Hotel was a lovely country house and had all the usual things to do there. A weekend away all in was to grabbed with both hands. We had dinner which was very rich food and small portions but there was copious amounts of wine on the tables. We ate then partied, and boy did we party. I can remember asking for Pernod and black and they obliged. The hotel were billing by the bottle so the bigger the measures the more they charged, Great. I must of had 4 or 5 very large pernod and blacks so the taste was getting easier to handle so I started slimming them down. I remember seeing at least 12 of these drinks lined up on the table in front of me and when the bar closed. Bearing in ming they were bigguns I was getting hammered. By 02:00 they were gone and I was well and truley lathered, off to bed. I laid down on the bed for what must have been 10 mins with the room going round and round like the clappers. All of a sudden I started to salivate a lot and thought Oh Dear here we go. So I stumbled off to the lovely white china and marble bathroom were I boffed it all back up. I aimed for the loo and hit it, but did so with so much force it hit the china and went everywhere. It looked like a murder had taken place, all the grout in the tiles was stained and the marble floor and surrounding bathroom was purple. When all had quietened down in the bathroom I looked about and thought "Oh My God". I then spent the rest of the night with huge white towels mopping up my evenings intake. I have never felt so bad because the floor was ruined and so were the towels matching the feeling in my head. We left our room at 14:00 the following day and shot off home like a rocket. That was a weekend to remember if I can. Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markm Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 When I was a young lad (16) thought I was a rock star and downed a bottle of jack daniels at a party at a friends house, got to a state where i could not stand up and my host thought I was going to be sick on her mothers carpet. My friends decided to take me outside and put me in her wheely bin - which i am sure they found really funny, 5 minutes later my mother arrived after being called by my girlfriend to pick me up, lets say it was a struggle to get me out the bin (apparantly). All I remember is waking up the next morning with my girlfriend sat in a chair next to me incase I vomitted in my sleep with crispy bits in my hair (spaghetti tomatoe sauce etc). Lets just say no-one talked to me that day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Mrs Sweepy' date='Dec 10 2007, 10:17 PM' post='417361'] the best one , the one am going to this friday .works do should be a blast let you know on saturday if it was :unsure: :unsure: xxxxx suzy well no party for suzy not unless the latest fashion accessory is to carry a bucket on your arm instead of a handbag am starting to think someone is sabotageing my social life .this is the third do this year, i have had to cancel because of illness. and i do love a good party :unsure: o well always next year . xxxx suzy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Have you been eating dirty meat Suzy? Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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