Mrs Sweepy Posted January 3, 2009 Report Share Posted January 3, 2009 Am left handed And up to about five years ago My reply to people who asked was. Yes i am cock handed. No one in all that time ever bother to put me right. That would also explain why when i went on first dates why the lot of my dates spate their beer out when i told them . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhunt Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 my wife is also 'cock handed' she also thought the emblem on the front of a jaguar car was a 'panther' and when I was installing some 'galvanised 'railings outside the house her mother asked if they had been 'vascectormised'?? don't think that would hold the rust back for long. it was only last year that that the wife realised you didn't need a passport to go to the isle of man, when I told her,she thought I was winding her up you couldn't make it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeyjaimz Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 One of my ex's refused to fill her car up because the petrol might go out of date in her car before she used it B) A friend of mine also told me about a lass he used to know who he helped pass her driving test, he was testing her on her road signs: Mate: why are stop signs a unique shape? Girl: dont know. Mate: it's so you know what sign it is even when it's covered in snow. Girl: thats a good idea, they should do that with all the signs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnGalway Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Prague is in Poland apparently, and the map I showed her was either wrong or out of date... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taff Mason Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 i know a girl who once asked ''who is ben nevis'' i nearly choked to death laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gixer1 Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 My lovely wife and I are due are first baby on the 7th (this wednesday) :( and when we bought the various new baby stuff (pram, cot, car seat etc) the sales assistant at john lewis explained how it was the law that the new baby had to be taken home in a car seat (in the car) and my wife then asked me if people without a car have to rent one to get thier baby home legally!...... Garry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_b_wales Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Brilliant Garry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasons gold Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 Me and my other just saw the advert for the brit flick trainspotting, and she said why would they make a film about trainspoters she is always coming out with little jems like that only the other week she found out that britain actually has submarines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy_B Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 It would take hours to type the amount of crackers my wifey has come out with....she once just after passing her driving test rushed into the house in a huge panic telling me she had just ran over a goosyturkey thingy...on closer inspection on said road she was on, i found it was most definatley.....a cock pheasant.....And only the other night we were watching a movie with the kids that had loads of golden lab puppies in it....i commented on how well the dogs must have been trained to do the things like sitting and rolling over at such a young age....she replied " and they can move their lips like they are talking too".....did have a few tears in my eyes at that one !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 See its are silly little ways that make you love us even more. xxxxSuzy(Sweepys little Muse) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozzy Fudd Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 (edited) See its are silly little ways that make you love us even more. :( xxxxSuzy(Sweepys little Muse) nope, its those little ways that give us grey hairs and make us stand in the freezing cold with a gun in winter for hours on end! Edited January 4, 2009 by babbyc1000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reedbradshaw Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 after going to a local pub for a meal and a pint, just an excuse to watch cricket on the T.V. After near on a hour into watching it over a few drinks and trying to make out she was interested she asked....."why is the bowler trying to get his team-mate out then?"....she thought because they were all in white they were on the same team....mmmmmmmm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Browning GTS Posted January 5, 2009 Report Share Posted January 5, 2009 About 15 years ago the misses and myself were enjoying a boat trip around Poole harbor when the bloke doing the comentary pointed out the "nodding donkeys" on the island ( the one with the oil derick on). The wife replied in a loud voice oh yes look you can see him nodding his head up and down on the beach !! and i had nowhere to hide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAJ2 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Many years ago a coach load from my local went to France for a weekend booze cruise. On arrival at Dover, we all had to disembark (in those days they actually checked your passports). One of the women in the party said in a really loud voice "What happens to the coach now? Does it drive round to meet us the other side"? Her old man never lived it down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEFTY478 Posted January 6, 2009 Report Share Posted January 6, 2009 Shamelessly plagiarised from another site: Having a nice quiet day off in the pad with the Mrs when the Germans tested the sirens (last thursday of the month or whenever it was) quick quick get away from the windows and under the table Whats going on, she asked It's the Russians sending a sattelite over to take pictures, you have to stay away from the windows or they capture you on film There we were under the table, I had to play this out now, right it's ok thats the all clear Well that was that................until a few months later, I came home one night from work and she went garity at me You ****in bustard, I had the wives club around for coffee today !!!!! While making a curry the other evening I told my lady that curry was invented by a man called : "Gary Masala" and so they named the spice mix (Garam Masala) after him and gave it an Indian sounding name. Also that outdoor eating was invented by Alfredo Fresco and so they call it Al Fresco after him. She believed both even tho her favourite joke is 'who invented the flip flop...Phillipe Flop' Her: (After she had been shopping). "I got some liver today". Me: "Oh yeah, what are you going to cook with that?" Her: "Steak and kidney pie". I asked my husband if a wurzel was an animal he said "yes but its extict now" "the only place it could be found was the in the Isle of Man on a hill. It was difficult for them to breed as the males went one way round the hill and the females went the other way, it was only if they happened to meet in the middle that they would mate." By this point I was quite interested in the creature. He went on to tell me that they were discovered by the victorians who realised that when put on flat ground they would run round in circles coz they had one side of their legs longer than the other (which is why they could only go one way round the hill) the Victorians used worzels as entertainment and eventually they died out because they couldn't breed. So I took this information as fact.... Two and a half years later I was at my dad's house and there was a gameshow on the telly, the question was "Who had a one hit wonder with, I've got a combine harvester" dad answered "the wurzels". Then I piped up with "ah, but do you actually know what a wuzel is dad? I do Mr Dolly86 told me all about them" so I passed on my superior knowledge of wurzels. It was a this point dad said "oh right thats interesting luv......just so you know Christmas has been cancelled this year because of global warming". Me "really?".... I have never lived it down or learnt my lesson. I am still the most gullable woman in NATO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yonic Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Had a few of these as well , Last night we drove past Kemble airfeild and there is a 747 parked on it wiating to be broken down, It arrived yesterday, She say I wonder if they are able to fly when then get there, I said no they transport it by road with the wings on .On end of course otherwise they would be too wide.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silver_pigeon Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 These are all really funny however, I am just waiting for Salop Sniper to post some anicdotes that will may me look a muppett, wait for it!! :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pavman Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 err yep was on hols with the ex in Spain and the waiter said, where you peeps from, she says Suffolk he says Suffolk i no know this place you help me understand, she says about 15 miles from Beccles I just said UK mate, another pint for me and a fruit based beverage for my good lady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 These are all really funny however, I am just waiting for Salop Sniper to post some anicdotes that will may me look a muppett, wait for it!! You two are still the couple of love up love birds . So in Mr Snipers eyes you are still perfect. Am just glad old Sweepy has not found this post yet. xxxxSuzy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
al4x Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 See its are silly little ways that make you love us even more. xxxxSuzy(Sweepys little Muse) nope I reckon its the bumpy bits that make us put up with these Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Sweepy Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 And after Christmas i have so many of those bumpy bits Just not in the right places. xxxSuzy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildshot Posted January 7, 2009 Report Share Posted January 7, 2009 Just got rid of the outlaws who were down for Xmas - and then stayed and stayed. Father -in - Law was fast asleep in chair when Mother - in- Law approaches him and says: "When you wake up will you move the chairs?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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