jimdfish

Gloria? What you talking about. jim P.S is chinwag like dogging or something? :yp:

As you may be aware by now by my previous posts I really enjoy going to the local river and catching a few crays for the pot. With this in mind let me tell you a story about an event that happened to me shortly before last years tree induced nightmare. My favourite cray spot is a large waterfall with dressed stone sides rising some 15 ft above the level of the basin, On the extreme left and right of the waterfall proper is more dressed stone with recesses big enough to fit a trap. These are my favourite spots to lay the traps and being inaccessible except by water I took to going up with my mate Steve, scudding down to nothing but a pair of suede desert boots and part wading, part swimming across. All was well. One day ( the traps had been out all night) we drove down the farmers track to the layby which had enough room for three car tops, and we were suprised to see it full. Walking back up, covering my self with a pair of waterproofs dug out of the boot I happened to pass a tall blonde. Curiouser and curiouser thought I as the only people I had ever seen here were fishermen. A chap who had obviously just packed up fishing and was shooting his boot jumped a mile high when I gave him the friendly " caught owt Mate". He came at me with a rush and I thought " here we go" and he grabbed my arm. Using my own brand of martial art " jimjitsu" and with a cry of "unhand me fellow" he did just that. Looking down at the poor cur I enquired of him " and what game is this" he replied with a terrified expression on his face for me to turn around. On doing so I was greeted with a view of the lovely blonde who had so recently caught my eye gettimg into her car. As I zed upon the legs thateemed to go for ever and the mini skirt that never seemed to start my eyes were drawn upwards towards her chest , a natural progression one is told, and instead of taking in the expected view that one would expect from the fairer sex my eyes were inextricably focused upon a protrusion of coarse hair more fitting of the male of the species. On considering his visage, a matter which seemed to take forever, but on reflection was probably milliseconds I came to the conclusion that this femme-fatale was not so and in all likeliness a builder or some such tradesman with the name Barry. At this point the witless fisherman and myself were once more in the emraced position as it were and watched agog as this creature clambered in to her/his car and drove off. Steve my mate emerged from the undergrowth barely able to control his mirth, an attribute which at that time I felt unworthy of a friend. On closer examination of the hapless angler we gleaned that he had been approached by this "trannie", not my choice of words I assure you, and told that he/she had heard tales of naked young men cavorting in the area and would this disciple of isaac walton like to participate in the love that thay dare not mention. Needless to say a boiler suit has been acquired and is worn now whenever i venture forth to provide for the table. This tale is absolutely true and if you do not believe you can ask me mate steve Jim

I left a load in a black bin bag the other day over the weekend as I had completely forgotten about them. I would strongly advise that others do not do the same. Yhe drive to work on monday was not fun jim

Cockermouth, get it, cumbria, cockers, cockermouth. The spirit of Ernie Morecambe is a live and well and living in jims head gloria

Straight swap then. I will be cutting me own throat here, and i wont be able to fit the tackle in the boot but if you want the rascal the offers still there, but not for long. jimdaleyfish

Apologies for the above post. Sozzled on a Monday? Jim? never? !!!!

My Ferret Dave, Only a six footer, but I find that if he stands stock still apart from swaying slightly, in much the same way as a stick insect does, is very hard to see on days when the old mincers are not up too much. I find that if I tow an old sock filled with parsnips and toaster leavings behind an aardvark with dandruff, this usally breaks his attention enough for me to see the movements from a distance of anywhere up to 5 cubits. As soon as his "cover" is broken I bring him back to heel, as it where, using the entire brass section from a now defunct colliery in Northamptonshire. I have tried using the woodwind section from several small villages in the Darlington area with only limited success. I realise that there is a place in ferreting for new modern fangled devices, but the old practices of using an entire marching band to lure you ferreet from the hole are dying out and must be preserved. jimDfish P.S my new book, Stalking deer using the azerbijhan syncronised swiming team is now on general release. Never seen before photos of women with lipstick and showersaps bringing the stag into rifleshot using splits second aquatic aerobics

Last time I impart a secret to you. Anyway, theyve all gone now. jim

:thumbs: White Fox I agree wholeheartidly with you that the above is without exception, the world worst joke. I thought for a short while that the unwanted epipeht of worlds worst joke teller was going to fall to me. Now you have taken the burden off of my shoulders I feel free to tell you all the joke( to be taken in the loosest sense of the word ) that I was concealing due to an overwhelming sense of shame and self loathing A cat walks ont a plane, pulls a gun and holds it to the pilots head, Pilot" where do you want to go?" Cat " Take me to the canaries" Jim falling off his chair and laughing for hours in that annoying way, as if to suggets that you would not get the joke but obviously you do, Dfish :( :(

A friend of mine worked in china for a bit and he said one of the nicest things he had were pinkie mice that had been fed on cows milk for a day and shallow fried in a wok jim

I will post a pictue of mine soon. It works on the same principal but it it more industrial jim

All I do is boil. take the tail, claws are fiddly but you do get a good return, remove black line out of tail meat and that it. No fiddliness. Do it outside if you can. STB I think crays were introduce when commercial farms flooded Jim

Ah the stirring words of Rabbie ( my **** ) Burns. Penner of words, master of FUG and a kebab lover to boot

YP I am beginning to question your devotion to what is quite easily and suprisingly often the most argued about film in my boozer. Usually me saying it the most bestest, greatest cinematic spectacle ever produced in the medium. Withnail shouted at the schoolgirls when he was going there and not when he was coming back you great yoghurt. A farmer you are YP, but an expert on w&I you are not. AAAGGGGHHHHHH jim P.S Also the best use of the C word in any film ever. ever. ever

All Alone like jim,an educated giant of a man, bound by the tethers of ill fate to spend his days, bumbling round in the intellectual barren land that are pigeon watch. Ot the ignomy JimDfish What about t'marraw the day after today, or that posh bird who nearly won Im an ********, give me a panto

Seeing the withnail and i clips reminded me just how much i love that film. everything about is brilliant. I cannot use enough superrlatives. I think i know YP,s choice but what is yours? jim

HB AP JD

Craig, Jim hates who? I know Jim and as far as I can tell He does not hate anyone! He has a dislike of people who are unable to substansiate an argument, and instead use petty goading and aggressive posturing instead of putting forth a cogent point. Another bugbear of Jims is people who post statements that are monumentally wrong, a factor that Jim thinks is increduluous in this world when all relevant facts are available to anyone who has access to the internet, which is possibly the worlds biggest reference library. Jim is a peace loving bloke with a love thy neighbour attittude but like David Banner, dont make him angry, because if you want to eat humble pie, Jim can recommend a very good recipe. Dave( jims alter-ego) D squirrel P.S cleaver is my middle name

As i have mentioned in an earlier post I have my 93 yr old grandad to stay with me for a while. It is the first time in years I have spoken to him and tonight he has drank me under the table as well as be being the wittiest raconteur I have ever had the good fortune to meet. He is a war hero as well as being honourary president of several berkshire golf clubs as well as numerous channel island golf clubs. He served 60yrs in the army 25 of which where setting up the army benevolent fund. It was a reminder to me as I hope this will be to you that if you have any elderly relatives, go and see them and treat them like royalty, cause once they are gone, they are gone. jim P.S Apart from David Niven he is the only person I have ever met who spells ****** off with two R's

4 heads and six legs. should be great. Only joking whichever one you have they all look corking. jim

SClub 7 , lets get ready to party! Do i win the prize? jim

Happy Birthday Ern You take out all the cr#p I write and regret later. mUch thanks and HP JIM

I have at the minute staying at my houise my grandad. Not only is he a Lt.Colonel he was also awarded an MBE for services renerded in Burma during WW2. It is my opinion that anyone who was willing to lay down their lives for Britain should be given exactly the same priveliges as any other irrespective of their colour or creed. I am proud of my grandad ( and he has got stories that would turn you hair white ) as i am sure descendants of all veterans are proud of theirs. This has always been my opinion and always will be. As for sitting on the fence if anyone were to read all posts from this member (fnarr fnarr) you would see this poster is opinionated, and beligerent to the point of having most of his most vitriolic and cantankerous posts removed. jim P.S My grandad firmly believes for his own reasons that the pension entitlement fot ghurkas is adequate considering the cost of living in Nepal and that they should not recieve citizenship for the UK as they were employed by the UK to do a job which they did admirably, but it was a contract of employment and this should not extend to full citizen rights

I do Craig if you had read the first post. the topic starter, you would have noticed FM referred to the BRITISH army. Dumb ****. Hurts a bit. dont it Jim

tHE DECISION NOT TO GIVE THE GHURKAS EQUAL PAY AND CONDITIONS WAS TAKEN WHEN THE TORYS WERE LAST IN GOVERNMENT. C.MOSELY ANTI-ENGLISH? IS THERE AN ENGLISH ARMY NOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT? JIM