nobbyathome Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 This seems to have veered a bit off topic. She has no obligation to tell you where she is going, or when she is going there. As long as the welfare of the children is not at risk, then you have no rights at all on where she is, or when she is there. Same as she has no rights as to your whereabouts. I agree with robbiep if she is not taking the kids she has no legal obligation to tell you what she is doing or where she is however if she is taking the kids I do believe she has to tell you if she had any decency she would have informed you but there we are separation and divorce is painfull Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonny thomas Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 You could always look at it as a positive she is obviously in no doubt that you are a capable parent There is also a negative isn't it a bit controlling demanding to know where she is all the time I always think and get slaughtered for thinking you need to see both sides of a story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Sorry but I think the OPHas a point in the case of an emergency, if his ex is away in this country or abroad I think he has a right to know and another contact number just in case her mobile doesn't have reception. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Sorry but I think the OPHas a point in the case of an emergency, if his ex is away in this country or abroad I think he has a right to know and another contact number just in case her mobile doesn't have reception. Why? He's their dad, you seem to be diluting his responsibilities, I don't need my daughters mother to tell me how too look after her. He has no 'right' to know what she is doing, likewise she has no right, they are no longer a couple. Do you speak from experience? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Me and my partner split in May, she was that vindictive she took an injunction out against me. We're back together, so although I don't have masses of experience I've a little. All I'm saying is if the OP and the kids were in an accident how does he contact her and let her know?, of course she's entitled to get on with her own life as she sees fit and he has no say in what she gets upto when he has his children I'd of just thought anyone with a little common sense would leave contact details in case of an emergency. I may have it all wrong but I know I'd do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 Me and my partner split in May, she was that vindictive she took an injunction out against me. We're back together, so although I don't have masses of experience I've a little. All I'm saying is if the OP and the kids were in an accident how does he contact her and let her know?, of course she's entitled to get on with her own life as she sees fit and he has no say in what she gets upto when he has his children I'd of just thought anyone with a little common sense would leave contact details in case of an emergency. I may have it all wrong but I know I'd do it. That's her choice to leave contact details, when my mrs goes to work abroad I don't ask for extra contact details, I see no difference, he's in charge, in care of his his kids, because they're separated it doesn't change things. Common sense in these situations would solve a lot if issues, unfortunately it's not common, that's the sad bit. You must of been naughty to get an injunction against you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sian Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 I would want to give my contact details in entirety purely because I would want to know immediately if anything happened to my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorianbuilders Posted January 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 I thought after reading a few of the comments I should perhaps provide a little bit more info. I have no interest when or where she goes away, I honestly couldn't care less. Pegleg has my point. I am more than capable of looking after my children myself. They spent 9 out of the 16 nights when not at pre school over Xmas with me. My disappointment/resentment comes from the fact that when we split we agreed we would both be there and share the care of our children, then she claims full parental responsibility and I have to go to court to try to get more access, (which is still ongoing) at one point due to her exaggerated allegations and lies I could only have access to my children when my mother was present and I had to get a letter from my GP clearing my sanity. She also demanded face time every day with the children which she seemed to forget all about whilst she was in Switzerland! This was only in September! She only has concerns when it suits her. I am actually of the opinion her actions could be helpful to me in my continued pursuit for more time with my children, my daughter cries every time she has to leave and has asked mum whilst I was present to spend longer with daddy. I am in the process of moving 100 miles giving me a 100 mile commute for work some days trying to get more time with my children who spend more time with careers/grandparents than my ex as she works a lot. This has been met with I can have from 3pm till 7pm every Wednesday! Which I consider an insult to my children and myself! I would want to give my contact details in entirety purely because I would want to know immediately if anything happened to my children. My point exactly! I would be there in a shot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted January 5, 2015 Report Share Posted January 5, 2015 I'll add that if you have a court agreement of for example 3 days a week , the court can only add more time and not reduce it. Also the only time court can enforce is 4 hours a fortnight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lloyd90 Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 Although I agree it would be common courtesy etc to inform one another of such things , in SOME (I'm not saying yours) situations where a spouse wants to get away, they will not want to tell an old partner. I also see no obligation as to why they should have to do so. OP, I imagine this is very difficult for you etc but don't get dragged into he did / she did bull ****. Show an interest in the kids , give her absolutely no attention or contact personally. Unless it's to do with the kids specifically I wouldn't even speak to her, it's not going to help you in any way but only make things harder etc. Especially if getting into petty arguments and point scoring rubbish! THE KIDS ARE WHAT'S IMPORTANT! Enjoy your time with them pal , hope you have a fantastic few days together! They're bloody magical at a young age Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 That's her choice to leave contact details, when my mrs goes to work abroad I don't ask for extra contact details, I see no difference, he's in charge, in care of his his kids, because they're separated it doesn't change things. Common sense in these situations would solve a lot if issues, unfortunately it's not common, that's the sad bit. You must of been naughty to get an injunction against you!! You'd of thought so wouldn't you!. But like the OP I also had to go to lengths to prove what was in her injunction was fabricated. I'm not saying there was no blame on my part in the break up we were falling out due to the stree of our ill son. She wanted to control the amount I saw him, when I told her I was going to have him a lot more than her ex partner has his kids she didn't like it. I wanted to see him one Sunday after he'd been Down to St Mary's hospital in London all week and she was being awkward about it but I was insistent on seeing him. I took my mother over with me to get him after arranging it with her but feeling she was out for an argument I thought it would be better to have someone with me. The next day I was served with an injunction. There's more to it than this I don't want to derail the OP's thread but if you want to know I'm happy to tell you via a PM. It's worked out for us as we're back together and moving on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kyska Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 There's more to it than this I don't want to derail the OP's thread but if you want to know I'm happy to tell you via a PM. It's worked out for us as we're back together and moving on. I'm not that nosey! Glad you've sorted out your problems😊 Seems so much worse to fall out when you have an ill child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince Green Posted January 6, 2015 Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 The real problem is that when you are in this position its easy to speak your mind, then you find the police turning up at your place of work next day and leading you off in handcuffs. It never happened to me but I think I came close. It happened to my mate Just words can count as domestic violence, call me cynical but this is some divorce lawyers golden bullet. Once they have scammed you into losing it and had you arrested the injunction is bound to follow and you are toast. After that everything is "Ah but........." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 These situations are all about presentation and paper trails. If you can't regularly reach agreement and stay in agreement with your Ex then you will probably need a Judge to intervene at some point. The Judge will probably have a maximum of 4 hours exposure to you / your problems and so it's important to have an accurate and succinct contemporaneous paper trail. It takes years of experience to get the hang of letter writing and the ability to develop a paper trail. You write in and blast her for going on holiday and not telling you and that will boomerang back on you ten fold as further evidence of your controlling personality and indifference towards her..... yadda yadda However, if you come at it from a different angle - referencing the recent fought battle for sole custody in September and then question the motivation when she's seemingly happy to leave a sick infant with you to secretly go skiing... indeed if there was a medical emergency I guess you would need her formal authority for treatment? You may have even needed to speak to her generally about about her experiences in administering home medication such as calpol. Don't forget to blame the lawyers for everything when you're all done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tallshort Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Some rough stories on here.... I left my first wife about 5 years ago for someone else and we had 1 son together. When it came to the divorce I agreed she could keep the equity out of the house (20K) if she signed a clean break divorce so she could not have any claims on my pensions in future. I agreed to say I had been a naughty boy the court costs came to £150, and I never even attended just got the letters from her Solicitor (legal aid) and the court. In terms of seeing my lad she has only ever kicked off once in the beginning but I did play the meak and guilty ex husband for a year by which time she found someone else and everything settled down. My only regret is that for the year I was playing the game and taking a bit of **** the woman I left with now my 2nd wife inevitably had to put up with her man bending over backwards to keep a woman who hated her happy but she did and I can only be grateful for that and hope I can somehow pay her back in the future. What I have learned is once the ex gets a new fella things calm down and a kid free weekend every other week is normally something most woman are not going to turn down no matter how much they think they hate you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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