Alpha Mule Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 The wife has decided that I'm not romantic enough (fair comment) and that we have grown too far apart for her to coninue with the relationship. I have been the house husband for the last ~4 years looking after our young kids while she chased her career (putting mine on hold in the mean time). So now I find myself 4 years out of date as an IT Infrastructure/Network/Helpdesk Manager, looking for a job and a flat. We are going to tell the (5 & 7 year old) kids this weekend. Life sucks. Thank 'goodness' I have a little (**** it) door in my head that I can open when necessary. So: if you know of anyone in south Wales (so I can stay close to the kids) looking for a rusty IT professional / plasterer / plumber / handyman / randy stud / wine taster / [add whatever is required here] send me a PM. (not looking for sympathy, just need to blow off a bit where she doesn't go) (excuse any typos, the wine is flowing) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artschool Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 hope everything works out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CZ550Kevlar Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Not much i or anyone can say to make it better, but if it`s any consolation i feel sick for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocker3 Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 hope the kids are ok buddy not very nice for them at that age hope you get it all sorted out buddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death from below Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Good luck mate, I hope it stays friendly for your little 'uns sake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagsy Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 The wife has decided that I'm not romantic enough (fair comment) Blimey, my Mrs should have kicked me out years ago Best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince Green Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Welcome to the club. Happened to me 25 years ago. Working 24/7 to pay the bills. Then she said she felt neglected. Remarried since and happy. There is life after.But the resentment never goes. Edited February 24, 2012 by Vince Green Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbit_stu Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 I just broke up with my Mrs tonight :( sharing ur pain, and booze chin up mate and best of luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulr5604 Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Sorry to hear this. As others have said hope it stays friendly for the kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Mule Posted February 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 I'm a big boy (fnar) and I've lived life (52 in a couple of months). This is/was marriage #3. So as much as I'm peed off about it, I'll deal with it, but I really am not happy about what this is going to do to the kids. I'm really proud that I'm (yes 'I'm', not so much 'we're') turning out a couple of fairly rounded kids and the thought that there is a decent chance that some other bloke may well be a substantial part in their development from now on, really does not sit well with me. I don't like the idea of her sleeping with someone else, but that pales into insignificance when the kids future comes into the picture. I know I'm likely to be the dumping ground for her whenever she fancies some 'time off', but to ensure that I have as much time as possible with the kids, I'll just have to swallow it. On the up side, my daughter (7) has been out with me a couple of times 'hunting' and she loves it. She is still way too noisy and gets all squealy when she sees the 'baby lambs' and is quite keen for me to splat the nasty foxies that try to eat them (but only the boy foxes, 'cause they are the really naughty ones). My boy is 5 and is very close to being classed as having Aspergers (doesn't mix well and can't find the words to express himself, therefore lifts his hands) is now declaring that he loves us all and is proud of us, is going to go through Hell and back when this hits. Wife has decided that this is the weekend that we tell them that life is going to change. If anyone could loan me a time machine that would skip me forward 5 years where I've been a good dad and the kids have been through all the angst, screaming, accusations and crying, to get us all together where we have reached a point where the whole thing works and no one hates each other: I'll give you my kidneys, or whatever else you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kes Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 My friend you are not alone. Even tonight there will be many people going though something similar. Recognise its not you - we are all in the same boat its just that not all of us end up in the situation you find yourself in. life changes people and relationships. What was once magical becomes mundane and 'normal'. Most people are not 'stayers' although that is what marriage requires us to be. Take the opportunity to reevaluate what it is you want out of life and choose that new path with certainty. look after your kids and the rest will be ok. It may take a week or two - maybe a month but you will get there - I know, lots of us know so you arent alone. All the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazzab Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 All the very best mate. You have my thoughts. Its total **** when it happens but time is a great healer. It will all fall into place busy. And think of all extra shooting time you will have. ATVB Bazza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ST3V3 Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Feel sorry for you mate if you are the childrens main career why not chuck the bitch out and retain custody of the kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cant hit rabbits 123 Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Although I'm sure I can hardly start to imagine what you're going through, you have my upmost sympathy. All the very best, Josh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Mule Posted February 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Feeling your pain RS! I have been the main carer for the kids, but they where we all currently live is a big old farmhouse and the grandma and grandad are close (living in grandma's house), so if I were to take them with me, it would be totally on the benefit (which is not ideal). I have thought long and hard about fighting for the kids and reckon I stand a good chance of 'winning' them (I get them up, breakfast them, dress them, get them to school, make their school lunches, get them home from school, make their dinner, bath them, do their homework with them and share their putting to bed time), the wife is on anti-depressants and the MIL is a tree hugging crystal worshiper who drinks WAY too much. The wife was spouted many flavours of po about her feelings about me taking the kids, but at the end of the day, if I fight to have them, any semblance of calm will evaporate and it wil be the kids who lose. At this point I don't give a monkey's about the wife, but I would do anything for th ekids, so I don't want to take the risk of alienating them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ST3V3 Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Feeling your pain RS! I have been the main carer for the kids, but they where we all currently live is a big old farmhouse and the grandma and grandad are close (living in grandma's house), so if I were to take them with me, it would be totally on the benefit (which is not ideal). I have thought long and hard about fighting for the kids and reckon I stand a good chance of 'winning' them (I get them up, breakfast them, dress them, get them to school, make their school lunches, get them home from school, make their dinner, bath them, do their homework with them and share their putting to bed time), the wife is on anti-depressants and the MIL is a tree hugging crystal worshiper who drinks WAY too much. The wife was spouted many flavours of po about her feelings about me taking the kids, but at the end of the day, if I fight to have them, any semblance of calm will evaporate and it wil be the kids who lose. At this point I don't give a monkey's about the wife, but I would do anything for th ekids, so I don't want to take the risk of alienating them. Fair comment i went through a nasty break up 10 years ago the hardest thing was walking away but if i didnt I would have ended up in prison (and nearly did) owing to her made up stories that her friends witnessed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDAV Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 The wife has decided that I'm not romantic enough (fair comment) and that we have grown too far apart for her to coninue with the relationship. I have been the house husband for the last ~4 years looking after our young kids while she chased her career (putting mine on hold in the mean time). So now I find myself 4 years out of date as an IT Infrastructure/Network/Helpdesk Manager, looking for a job and a flat. We are going to tell the (5 & 7 year old) kids this weekend. Life sucks. Thank 'goodness' I have a little (**** it) door in my head that I can open when necessary. If your decided then best of luck, if not http://nadiarose.co.uk/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M.I.A Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 All the very best fella! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alanl50 Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) The wife has decided that I'm not romantic enough (fair comment) and that we have grown too far apart for her to coninue with the relationship. I have been the house husband for the last ~4 years looking after our young kids while she chased her career (putting mine on hold in the mean time). So now I find myself 4 years out of date as an IT Infrastructure/Network/Helpdesk Manager, looking for a job and a flat. We are going to tell the (5 & 7 year old) kids this weekend. Life sucks. Thank 'goodness' I have a little (**** it) door in my head that I can open when necessary. So: if you know of anyone in south Wales (so I can stay close to the kids) looking for a rusty IT professional / plasterer / plumber / handyman / randy stud / wine taster / [add whatever is required here] send me a PM. (not looking for sympathy, just need to blow off a bit where she doesn't go) (excuse any typos, the wine is flowing) My heart go out to you mate stay on here so we can keep you sane ATB Alan I have the Teeshirt where career minded women are concerned. Edited February 25, 2012 by Alanl50 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeds chimp Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 its hard when you split with any partner. More so when children are involved. Just remember they come first no matter what your ex does Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloggs Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Alpha Mule, firstly I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment, I do know what you're feeling as I've been through the 'Mincer' myself You're absolutely right - it's the kids that will be hit by this the most as they just don't understand the need for the seperation in the first place! My ex-wife's words to me at the time of our seperation,were "Kids are very resilient and Tom will be fine", even to this day he still wishes that we were still together. However he now understands that we are both happier with our new lives, which in turn now makes things better for him... When we were at the spliiting up stage, I was told that Tom could stay with me, however once her parents/solicitor got involved it all changed. I thought about trying to get legal custody of Tom but being in the RAF and male I was informed by my solicitor that I would literaly be throwing my money away. I took the pragmatic approach to the situation and just accepted that I would become the 'Non-resident parent'. A bitter pill to swallow at the time with endless sleepless nights and lots of drinking! Just a thought, if you try for custody of your children, will you have to go to work, or will you stay at home and will your wife then pay maintenance to you for the children and also to you for being their carer? As said in a previous post - time will ease all of the emotions, it's so very true. I'm now glad that we spilt up and Louse and I are actually good friends and both of us are getting more from life than if we'd stayed together. Telling your children is going to be the toughest part of the whole situation, that I don't envy you. I found it extremely difficult! Alph Mule, things will get much better and one day you'll look back , like I do now, and realise that these things are meant to be and you will be a lot happier. Before you know it, you'll meet someone else and this whole thing will be a distant memory. These days I see Tom in his school holidays only due to the distance - I have to say that it works really well because all of the time we're together there's no school/work and we just have fun - I love it and he does too. I recently took him clay shooting for the first time, he hit his third ever target - little ***...!!! Mate, keep your chin up, keep yourself busy, enjoy your friends and enjoy your hobbies! I seriously wish you all the best for the future mate.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Mule Posted February 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the words guys. I was in a dark place last night (not out looking for rabbits etc. ). Edited February 25, 2012 by Alpha Mule Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack-ack Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Thanks for the words guys. I was in a dark place last night (not out looking for rabbits etc. ). Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better fella. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taz24 Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) . How old are the children? They have the right to live in the family home until they are 18 so if she is the bread winner and you are the house husband you could stay in the family home until the children are 18 and she would be expected to suport you!!! Well thats what happens if the man wants out...... I know you don't want to put your kids in the middle of this but if you are the main carer why should you be expected to leave the kids? All the best taz . Edited February 25, 2012 by taz24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elgreco Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Hi alpha I have every sympathy with your situation. My ex wife and I separated about 10 years ago and although we tried to be civil to each other the situation became very bitter very quickly. In spite of this niether of us ever had a bad word for the other to our two boys who were 6 and 9 at the time. We now get on really well and the boys have turned out as very well mannerd young adults. My oldest is studying astro-physics at Cambridge and the younger is at the local college studying art and design. It will get easier but be prepared to bite your tounge in front of the children. Good luck Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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