Cookiemonsterandmerlin. Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 "Never marry a pretty woman" I was advised by my first workmates."A woman is like an outside toilet. If you have the smartest one in the terrace, everybody else tries to use it" I followed their advise, but could never bring myself to marry an ugly bitch. I think I would rather have a good looking one that everybody else has used . Than a pig ugly one that nobody else expect me has used. OTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 "Never marry a pretty woman" I was advised by my first workmates."A woman is like an outside toilet. If you have the smartest one in the terrace, everybody else tries to use it" I followed their advise, but could never bring myself to marry an ugly bitch. Rjimmer, officially a smoother devil than Roger Moore and Sean Connery combined. I salute you. ZB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullbore Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 I think I would rather have a good looking one that everybody else has used .Than a pig ugly one that nobody else expect me has used. OTH Thats along the lines of 70 virgins for martyrdom, never quite grasped that, I mean if I had blown myself in bits I wouldn't want o start training! No, give me 20 slappers any day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vulpicide Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 Have a happy new year with the kids I've been married 22 years my wife understands me she goes to bingo I go fishing hunting or shooting my daughter goes with her mum sometimes othertimes she comes with me all about compromise. I've been laid up with torn ligaments since the 19th dec my daughter did Christmas dinner start to finnish incl xmas pudding (home made) .Hope things get better soon but dont hurry into a relationship.ATB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozzy Fudd Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 Thats along the lines of 70 virgins for martyrdom, never quite grasped that, I mean if I had blown myself in bits I wouldn't want o start training! No, give me 20 slappers any day why would you want 20 slappers? you only got two hands Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullbore Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 why would you want 20 slappers? you only got two hands But they would have 40, try using your head for thinking with, I know it's an alien concept Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy Galore! Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 What are you lot doing with pictures of my MUM! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullbore Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 What are you lot doing with pictures of my MUM! If I know Babby he's using them for unspeakable acts of depravity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagsy Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 What are you lot doing with pictures of my MUM! that explains it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zapp Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 What are you lot doing with pictures of my MUM! Wouldnt you like to know... ZB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozzy Fudd Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 If I know Babby he's using them for unspeakable acts of depravity :good: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mpk Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 I have some news !!!!!! You'll love these three fantastic excuses as to why my ex didn't want to marry me when I asked her on Christmas day.... 1. The relationship wouldn't be fair because I earn more than her 2. I told my daughters, my folks, and her folks that I was thinking of proposing before I asked her 3. Because I once said that I could have throttled my 2 year old when she was having tantrums, that makes me an exceptionally violent man who is capable of commiting murder Perhaps I would have stood a better chance if I had told her on Christmas day morning that I have requested that my salary be halved, my immediate relations be placed within a time machine and whizzed back to a time before I told them about the imminent proposal, and that I had sold all my guns, knives, all sharp objects and moved to a cave in Southern Yemen where I couldn't possibly meet or harm anyone. I have never laughed at someone so much as I did her when I heard these mental reasons And I got the money back for the ring.... and that's going on a damn good holiday for me and my kids i threaten to throttle my children daily !!! and my wife lets me have guns B), i think shes a very shallow lady giving silly reasons like that and if you dont mind me commenting your better off with out her time is a great healer and enjoy your holiday !!!!!!!!!! cheep smiling mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy Galore! Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 that explains it well at least i've got a mum! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagsy Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 well at least i've got a mum! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davecooper1 Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 My mates shacked up with one, all the lads in the pub call her looney tunes, he wont listen and is thinking of proposing, but thats life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy Galore! Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 on a more serious note, i guess you're well shot, still a shame tho. Women have the uncanny knack of ripping your heart out at the worst possible moment. good luck to one and all in 2010! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mossy835 Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 now you can buy a gun,she just saved you a lot of money, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 They are all mental to a degree. The balance of probability would say that if she is late twentys and older and single then she must be mental, otherwise someone else would have snapped her up. Has she got big NORKS though ? Got any pics ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 They are all mental to a degree. The balance of probability would say that if she is late twentys and older and single then she must be mental, otherwise someone else would have snapped her up. Has she got big NORKS though ? Got any pics ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjimmer Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 That's along the lines of 70 virgins for martyrdom, never quite grasped that, I mean if I had blown myself in bits I wouldn't want o start training! I've heard that some of them wore iron underpants to preserve their 'bits'. I presume they have to stone the 70 virgins to death afterwards, or doesn't Sharia Law work after death? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjimmer Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 Rjimmer, officially a smoother devil than Roger Moore and Sean Connery combined. I salute you. ZB OR, as the single bloke on Deal-or-no-Deal said. "Why make one woman miserable when you can make so many women happy?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fullbore Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 I've heard that some of them wore iron underpants to preserve their 'bits'. I presume they have to stone the 70 virgins to death afterwards, or doesn't Sharia Law work after death? That's assuming that Sharia Law works at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Iron underpants my #### Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MM Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 Don't be silly he will get banned by pm or email will do this is where i come in usefull. on a serious note, thats a feeble excuse about the salary. Mrs MM usualy earns twice my wage, and shows decorum , even though we are married. best out of it mate, even though its a painful time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattw Posted January 2, 2010 Report Share Posted January 2, 2010 Right, who just texted me this "with love from PW"??: If it was you Toombsy, I'd say her excuses were the least of your worries. ZB OK if she looked like that I'm not even sure I would go near it with yours.... They are all mental to a degree. The balance of probability would say that if she is late twentys and older and single then she must be mental, otherwise someone else would have snapped her up. Has she got big NORKS though ? Got any pics ? I think the rule your referring to is my tescos parking space rule, "all women are like tescos arking spaces, all the good ones are taken and all thats left are too far away or disabled..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toombsy Posted January 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2010 "all women are like tescos arking spaces, all the good ones are taken and all thats left are too far away or disabled..." I'm gonna use that one, definitely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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