Bigbob Posted December 13, 2022 Report Share Posted December 13, 2022 Well i am a new grandad again , but my daughters struggling a bit so my wife and i do her running about getting her messages etc , So i had a doctors app today so i went earl and went to the chemists and the wife on duty is on i have a carry on with . So she says be with you in a minute i said take your time i have a daft one for you Then i asked " have you any nipple cream ?" . She looks at me and says for you BOB ?. I them tell her no its for my daughter she gave birth on Saturday . Oh okay i dont think so but i will have a look , Them this youngster who looked all of 16 chrips in Its lirp somethings your wanting for nipples . Cheers just tell every beggar in the shop we had a look and none in stock then she chirps in again you can get it from Amazon so guess where my daughter can buy her own cream from . 60 odd years old and still getting a red face Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon R Posted December 13, 2022 Report Share Posted December 13, 2022 (edited) A few years ago, I went into the Royal Bank of Scotland to draw out £3k. The cashier said in a fairly loud voice "You want £3k". I said, can you speak up, there are a few people behind me who didn't catch the amount. She duly shouted £3k. I was half expecting an attempted mugging on the way out. Edited December 13, 2022 by Gordon R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chesterse Posted December 13, 2022 Report Share Posted December 13, 2022 12 minutes ago, Gordon R said: A few years ago, I went into the Royal Bank of Scotland to draw out £3k. The cashier said in a fairly loud voice "You want £3k". I said, can you speak up, there are a few people behind me who didn't catch the amount. She duly shouted £3k. I was half expecting an attempted mugging on the way out. Reminds me of a story a friend of mine who was a bookmaker at the time with several betting shops. He went into his bank to draw a substantial amount of money out. The girl behind the counter asked him what he needed the money for. Affronted about being asked about his own money he replied in a loud voice so that the rest of the customers could hear “ My wife insists I pay her every time we have sex” . The girl went bright red and gave him his money! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted December 13, 2022 Report Share Posted December 13, 2022 when my wife was on "the turn"........vaginal lubricant was the order of the day.......anyway i was speaking to her on the mobile onthe way home and indicated that i expected her to have a mattress strapped to her back when i got home to cobholm in yarmouth......... she said she had run out of motion lotion and if i was expecting satisifation then i was to drop by Boots on thye market place and get some more......she then said as a throw-a-way "dont forget to ask for to sign the register" so in i went to Boots got the afor said lube and went to the counter to pay......with 4 old gals behind me....handed the lube over to a young girl to scan....and quietly said to her that i had to sign the register...she said what was the name ...so i told her.....(i didnt know it was a controlled substance)...she then turned to the window behind her and shouted at the chemist............"mr ******** is here and needs to sign the register for the tube of vaginal lubricant he has just bought"............. i heard quiet sniggers behind me and my neck started to sweat....the chemist came thro and asked why i needed to sign the register...and i said because my wife told me i would need to........he then ....with a nice smile said.."your wife has a sense of humour then ? "......... the sniggers behind me continued.......................i left the shop sick to the pit of my stomach with shame........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figgy Posted December 13, 2022 Report Share Posted December 13, 2022 When my wife was expecting our first child we went to ante natal classes. loads of other expectant parents sat around and the midwife extolling the virtues of breast feeding, mentioned nipple cream as they get sore. As soon as she took the lid off squeezed some out onto her hand and then passed the tube around., the very distinctive scent it me. I piped up I can remember my mother using it. Plenty of sniggering ensued as I explained i was around seven years old my baby brother was breast feeding and this cream was used. I also went very red. ic only we thought sometimes before speaking or acting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted December 14, 2022 Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 Fat too much information for breakfast time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted December 14, 2022 Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 We worked with a joiner who had small man syndrome, a bit of a Richard head and very unpleasant at times with the younger members of our workforce. He came on site with a ring tone which his girlfriend had recorded for him, which said, ‘will the man with the enormous penis please answer his phone’, which was very loud just as he was, and which he thought was hilarious at the time. Anyhow, we went into town for lunch and while we waited outside a newsagent while he went in for some fags, guess who I rang. 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boybrit Posted December 14, 2022 Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 Had a colonoscopy on Monday it went well up until the three young nurses said "off with yer kags then". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted December 14, 2022 Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 11 hours ago, ditchman said: when my wife was on "the turn"........vaginal lubricant was the order of the day.......anyway i was speaking to her on the mobile onthe way home and indicated that i expected her to have a mattress strapped to her back when i got home to cobholm in yarmouth......... she said she had run out of motion lotion and if i was expecting satisifation then i was to drop by Boots on thye market place and get some more......she then said as a throw-a-way "dont forget to ask for to sign the register" so in i went to Boots got the afor said lube and went to the counter to pay......with 4 old gals behind me....handed the lube over to a young girl to scan....and quietly said to her that i had to sign the register...she said what was the name ...so i told her.....(i didnt know it was a controlled substance)...she then turned to the window behind her and shouted at the chemist............"mr ******** is here and needs to sign the register for the tube of vaginal lubricant he has just bought"............. i heard quiet sniggers behind me and my neck started to sweat....the chemist came thro and asked why i needed to sign the register...and i said because my wife told me i would need to........he then ....with a nice smile said.."your wife has a sense of humour then ? "......... the sniggers behind me continued.......................i left the shop sick to the pit of my stomach with shame........ That is about the funniest thing I've ever read!!!!!!!! Bravo Mrs. Ditchy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsh man Posted December 14, 2022 Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 11 hours ago, ditchman said: when my wife was on "the turn"........vaginal lubricant was the order of the day.......anyway i was speaking to her on the mobile onthe way home and indicated that i expected her to have a mattress strapped to her back when i got home to cobholm in yarmouth......... she said she had run out of motion lotion and if i was expecting satisifation then i was to drop by Boots on thye market place and get some more......she then said as a throw-a-way "dont forget to ask for to sign the register" so in i went to Boots got the afor said lube and went to the counter to pay......with 4 old gals behind me....handed the lube over to a young girl to scan....and quietly said to her that i had to sign the register...she said what was the name ...so i told her.....(i didnt know it was a controlled substance)...she then turned to the window behind her and shouted at the chemist............"mr ******** is here and needs to sign the register for the tube of vaginal lubricant he has just bought"............. i heard quiet sniggers behind me and my neck started to sweat....the chemist came thro and asked why i needed to sign the register...and i said because my wife told me i would need to........he then ....with a nice smile said.."your wife has a sense of humour then ? "......... the sniggers behind me continued.......................i left the shop sick to the pit of my stomach with shame........ Well would you believed it , I wouldn't had laughed out loud if I had knew it was you who was in front of me , mind you , the only reason I smiled was I thought the lube was for you , as you well know there were some rumon ole bois over Cobholm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigbob Posted December 15, 2022 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2022 Old guy goes to the doctors ,and the receptionist asked what's wrong ,he goes its my pensis i cant pee . The receptionist horrified says you cant say that here .and again says how can i help you ? ,The old guy goes its my ear , The receptionist goes thats much better whats wrong with it ?. The old guy says i cant **** out of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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