Aspergers

[Mungler]

one place i worked, there were multiple instances of people intentionally poisoning people. not due to thefts or anything. just because the staff were weirdos.

 

 

Come on, spill the beans, you can't leave that hanging there

[88b]

The thread wasn't meant to take the **** out of him. I actually would like to help him.

That's clear from your original post. Well put Munzy , having seen a friends son with AS I wouldn't wish it on many.

[leeds chimp]

I use to know a good friend that had it and it's very hard to understand but he was so kind and would do anything for anyone

[bruno22rf]

If people with these types of disability want to work and be treated like everyone else then they should follow the same rules - theft is theft and any normal person would be punished or are we heading towards "able bodied" discrimination. People fall over themselves in the fight to ensure equal rights but its got to work both ways or not at all.

[islandgun]

 

one place i worked, there were multiple instances of people intentionally poisoning people. not due to thefts or anything. just because the staff were weirdos.

I'm guessing a fast food outlet or motorway services

[four-wheel-drive]

Like Lord Geordie I also have a son with Aspergers, he's coming up on 24 and was only diagnosed at age 15 after years of being abused at school and with no help from the staff who just said he was a lazy little *** and we should put him on Ritalin!. If you met him you'd think twice about saying a lot of things that have been said to his face, like me he's well over 6 feet tall and of a good build, the thing is that unlike me he wouldn't retaliate in any way, he'd be upset but would just turn around and walk away which, unfortunately, is taken by some bullies to be a form of weakness or cowardice.

 

He's been bullied verbally and physically since he was in the juniors, even at college he was assaulted several times and even came home 15 miles on the bus with blood still coming out of the back of his head where they had thrown a rock at him as he walked away.

 

When he gets to know someone he's a very nice well mannered young man, unfortunately his understanding of social etiquette, emotional signals/triggers and body language is very limited so he comes across as stand-offish or looks like he's deliberately being ignorant and not understanding you. It's taken a long time to get him where he is now, he's been shooting for almost 8 years, he's joined 4 different clubs, clay pigeon, full bore rifle etc. and has passed every induction test including our local club who go by the NRA guide and stick to it unlike some other clubs. He's had his safe shooters card for three years and is a decent shot.

 

Shooting seems to be one aspect of his life where it works for him, on the other hand ask him to choose what he wants to eat and you could be waiting a very long time to get a decision out of him.

 

Aspergers is part of what's known as the ASD group of conditions (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) the clue being in the word Spectrum as very few ASD sufferers are identical, they have a lot of the same basic traits but especially with Aspergers there are many forms and levels of affectation.

 

I sincerely hope none of those passing the worst comments ever have someone in their lives that is affected by an ASD condition, there is no cure and very little in the way of basic help. To know that no matter how much you love them and try to help them they will always be that way and there is nothing you can do but stand and watch is a horrible thing to have to live with.

One has to think that in a way by giving a name to something that affects a person to a greater or lesser degree you are putting them in to a box ie a disability and by doing that you are in affect telling everyone that this person is not normal and needs to be treated differently.

 

I do not now if this is a good thing or a bad thing I just wonder if I would rather be thought of as being a bit different to other people or to be labeled as one of those people with that strange thing wrong with them.

 

I have problems with my spelling I do not now if it is just because I cannot remember certain things or I am that word that I cannot spell that begins with Dis but then if I could spell it then I would not have a problem spelling in the first place.

Edited February 24, 2014 by four-wheel-drive

[phaedra1106]

I tend to agree, but unfortunately being put in a box or labelled is the only way to try and get any help from the system. In the case of most ASD sufferers this amounts to very little actual help.

 

With most genuine disabilities it seems to be the case that it's easier for the government to give out extra benefits than it is to actually provide any sort of real support and assistance with getting people into work. My eldest sons best friend has ME and spends 90% of her time in a wheelchair, she also has joint hyper-mobility but has pushed herself (no pun intended) through college and Uni to get a degree in forensic science, at the end of it all she was offered one job out of the 20+ she applied for, some firms were very honest and said that they would have to spend too much time and money adapting their workplace to meet her needs, others just said no thanks. She took the job which is with Devon and Exeter Police and has moved over 350 miles away from her family, friends and support, she's a damn site braver than I am!.

 

In my sons case hopefully we'll manage to get him into his own place with some sort of support service before I'm not here any longer, it certainly won't be any time soon as any sort of progress takes a very long time. At the moment his biggest problems are his sleep pattern (6am to 2pm) which isn't helped as he has an aversion to bright light and keeping him clean!, going in the shower is something like being water boarded for him, the way the spray of water feels on his skin is extremely distressing to him but we don't have a bath so getting him in there can be a real struggle.

Edited February 24, 2014 by phaedra1106

[Guest cookoff013]

it was in a small scientific reagent manufacturing company.

 

i can tell you after a few months of this going on, everyone ate elsewhere. (pub, maccyD, etc) it was not nice.

[Greenhorn]

I agree munzy my 7yo son is lower function high sensitivity AS and there is only black or white there is no grey area as they cant comprehend the in between bits of life. It would be a good idea to put his name on a sandwich or even a coloured post it on his sarny then in his mind that sandwich is his, it works for my son so it may work for this guy.

[truflex]

Well after I gave him two roast beef and mustard baps and had a talk with him he's now my best mate

[Munzy]

Well after I gave him two roast beef and mustard baps and had a talk with him he's now my best mate

Good man!

[bakerboy]

Well after I gave him two roast beef and mustard baps and had a talk with him he's now my best mate

Much better way, rather than broken glass and wiping your bum etc. as suggested by people with no thought for other peoples problems; who most probably would not have the balls to do it themselves. Tough talk is easy, action is much harder, Sensible solutions much better.

 

Well done to you.

[pontbeck]

Very well done. A far better solution to the problem and it makes you feel good too

[Mentalmac]

And at least he has the balls to be working. Many are out there with a 'bad back' or such like and never loft a finger. Good on you for helping him and trying to make him feel accepted

[Shooterluke]

Well done munzy i have found on this forum there is a lot of arrogant people do this do that real funny isent it these people think its funny untill some one in there family gets a illness most people taking the mick probaley would not say a word to peoples faces as in other posts on this forum just makes you wonder some times some of remarks users come out with really should they have any gun licence at all atb luke

Sorry well done truflex

[oneshot1979]

+1 MUNZY, I've followed this thread with interest as I have a nephew that exhibits traits of AS among other things, there's a long and complicated back story to his case but the outcome is he's so like Sheldon from the BIG BANG THEORY it's scary. Next year he'll be doing work experience and my sister is concerned how he will interact with strangers in the workplace and due to his fathers ignorance and refusal to deal with situation she has asked me to spend some time with him to smooth the path as such. It is difficult to know how to deal with sufferers and their social mistakes (because that's what they are) and at first I was often offended by his attitude/remarks and his inability to grasp when he has offended someone or took a liberty with someones property, but instead of retaliating or admonishing him I took time to read up on AS and ways of dealing with sufferers, sure we have days when he just walks off gets on the bus and goes home, but they're getting less and now when we have a conflict he is more open to discussion and debate. Sufferers cannot be cured, my only hope is to expose him to as many experiences/situations as possible and then "walk" him through the normal social protocols and accepted behaviour, he has an exceptional memory and we have devised a way in which he steps back from a situation and picks a way to deal with it from one of our "lessons" he is learning to adapt these "lessons" and while not every one is a success, it has given him confidence to interact more. The long and short of it is that you bringing in lunch for this lad and taking time to sit and chat with him will be worth more than any counselling session he could be given, and gives him a connection with a workforce that he would probably have considered distant and hostile to begin with. Welldone.

[Sauer]

_{I have two boys 4 & 5yrs old who are both autistic and to be honest reading the **** that's been written here by some regarding its just an excuse for lazy parenting and chastisement!?!?!?!!}

 

_{I was brought up old school.... misbehave... got a wallop.... eat yer tea no...well then get it cold later.....}

 

 

 

_{trust me ..I thought same till I was educated...... try that old style with autistic children AND IT WILL NOT WORK!!!!! IT CAUSES HARM AND MASSIVE STRESS!!!}

 

 

_{unless you know or experience the hurt of your own blood stressed out by a situation that is ok for your every day ordinary person ...then I suggest you shut the hell up and learn about the conditions and what it means for the persons with it.....}

 

 

_{go onto the national autistic website and do the questionaires on ther eto see if you have "markers" of autism.... more than 1 in 100 adults are on the spectrum undiagnosed}

 

_{easy for folk to comment unless they have experienced it themselves.}

 

 

_{hats off to the original poster on way you dealt with your colleague on the aspergers scheme..... showed compassion & understanding and Im guessing you might just be getting an idea how thankful this guy is to you.....hes probably been going through a lot inside his head dealing with what hes done......}

 

 

_paul

Edited February 25, 2014 by Sauer

[Kes]

I would like to propose an alternative question.

I employed someone with Aspergers syndrome, his mum was very grateful and glad to see him usefully doing something, his dad had left home. It was technical job and he was very intelligent but as has been said. emotionally,(apparently) neutral. No friends no team spirit, in fact an overwhelming attempt to be the centre of attention.

All the other members of the team (without exception) advised me he was not a sufferer just insufferable. In the end both parties were happy, he was promoted to another organisation and my team returned to 'normal'.

If he was a sufferer, how much do other people need to accept.

If he wasn't a sufferer how do we protect those with the genuine condition as no employer is medically trained and I took the word of the guy at interview. No help or support team then, just me trying to give him a chance.

 

Despite trying very hard to explain and justify his appointment to my team they would rather have not had him as a member - not their choice, mine, but I'd like to know how they shouldnt have a say - not all are the Munzy type of person.

[Munzy]

Despite trying very hard to explain and justify his appointment to my team they would rather have not had him as a member - not their choice, mine, but I'd like to know how they shouldnt have a say - not all are the Munzy type of person.

It's a tough question with a tough answer! As much as I obviously have great compassion for anyone suffering any physical or mental condition, when it comes to employment you have to give equal thought to the company and the other employees.

 

I joined a company a few years back and inherited a team including a lad with Aspergers. I would suspect he was pretty severe on the scale and he was hard work for everyone. As his line manager I had to mediate in situations every day simply to stop the rest of the company lynching him!

 

As a relatively small company his employment could have caused massive damage. He was in contact with suppliers and got their back up on several occasions and he made things awkward for employees who could easily have walked out. He was employed because one of the directors knew his mum.

 

Long story short, after 6 months everyone understood his condition and grew some thicker skin. He wasn't being rude and nasty he was just emotionally deaf and dumb. As soon as people were able to shrug off his annoying behaviour everyone got along well and this kid was very very very good at his job!

 

What happened with this thread is along the same lines; by putting out a friendly hand to this guy and giving some thought to his issues he may change his behaviour and people may become more accommodating leaving him to get on and do his job well for the benefit of the whole company.

 

That all said, I'm a cold-blooded capitalist business owner myself! I firmly believe that every company has a right to employ WHOEVER they want and every employee has the right to express their feelings towards any fellow employee. Many companies will refuse to employ someone like the guy I worked with, is that fair? How about forcing a company to employ him or forcing people to put up with him, is that fair?

 

At the end of the day leave companies to employ who they want, nobody has the right to force the employment of a person! If a company employs someone with AS and accommodates the strange traits of the employee they may well end up (as I did) with an excellent employee for years.

 

If on the other hand the company chooses to drive him out by putting glass in his sandwich the company can get back to normal and the young lad has a lucky escape from having to work with a load of ignorant psychos. Win-win!

 

Aspergers is a carp thing to have to deal with but with a bit of understanding companies and fellow employees can get past it for great mutual success. If a company doesn't want to understand the issue and chooses to boot the sufferer out then c'est la vie, it wasn't the right place for someone with AS in the first place.

Edited February 26, 2014 by Munzy

[Mungler]

I would like to propose an alternative question.

I employed someone with Aspergers syndrome, his mum was very grateful and glad to see him usefully doing something, his dad had left home. It was technical job and he was very intelligent but as has been said. emotionally,(apparently) neutral. No friends no team spirit, in fact an overwhelming attempt to be the centre of attention.

All the other members of the team (without exception) advised me he was not a sufferer just insufferable. In the end both parties were happy, he was promoted to another organisation and my team returned to 'normal'.

If he was a sufferer, how much do other people need to accept.

If he wasn't a sufferer how do we protect those with the genuine condition as no employer is medically trained and I took the word of the guy at interview. No help or support team then, just me trying to give him a chance.

 

Despite trying very hard to explain and justify his appointment to my team they would rather have not had him as a member - not their choice, mine, but I'd like to know how they shouldnt have a say - not all are the Munzy type of person.

 

This is a very interesting topic.

 

At my son's school there was a high functioning boy "on the spectrum". To cut a long story short, the boy in question wasn't bullied but was generally accepted to be completely and utterly unlikable - which is a trait for the disorder and which of course was quite tragic for his parents.

 

The school thought it should do something and put a rota together for other children in the year to spend time with the boy in question to try and force a friendship. It didn't work.

 

It's a real quandry - you have a medical disorder which explains the way someone is (and it's 100% not their fault or their choice), but it doesn't lessen the impact they have on others around them who probably have the right not to have someone who is completely unbearable foist upon them either as a friend or a work mate.

 

This topic has been kicked around in our household as my eldest is a good kid and gets on with everyone. He's now in secondary school and is in all the top sets, has never fallen out or faught with anyone or got into trouble with the teachers. Out of empathy for the boys parents we asked if he could spend time with the boy - as above, it's a "no no" for the reasons already set out.

 

I always think that one of the worst things for a parent to go through is dealing with sending a child to school everyday knowing that that child is permanently "outside of the pack"; having no friends, no one to talk to and to face a lifetime of more of the same.

[ehb102]

If people with these types of disability want to work and be treated like everyone else then they should follow the same rules - theft is theft and any normal person would be punished or are we heading towards "able bodied" discrimination. People fall over themselves in the fight to ensure equal rights but its got to work both ways or not at all.

 

 

 

 

First picture - equal. Second picture - fair.

 

The law is that we have to make "reasonable accommodations" for people. In the case of people with conditions such as Aspergers it doesn't mean that we tolerate stealing but that we work with them in order to help them learn to be able to function in the workplace. Yes, that means enforcing boundaries, but "reasonable accommodation" doesn't mean firing someone because they don't learn a lesson immediately.

[ehb102]

Well after I gave him two roast beef and mustard baps and had a talk with him he's now my best mate

 

You are awesome! What a nice way to go ahead. You've a very nice man. A very, very nice man.

[norfolk dumpling]

Our son is disabled; learning difficulties and epilepsy and now has cancer (if we could get a straight answer might not have long to live) and for 36 years we have encountered various forms of discrimination, the most upsetting of which has come from our local NHS. This is depressing for us but we have just learned to accept he will always be treated differently. The saddest thing is that, having been born normal (suffered an awful illness when 18mths old) he is quite a good looking lad and thus is expected to be normal but isn't.

[Shooterluke]

Our son is disabled; learning difficulties and epilepsy and now has cancer (if we could get a straight answer might not have long to live) and for 36 years we have encountered various forms of discrimination, the most upsetting of which has come from our local NHS. This is depressing for us but we have just learned to accept he will always be treated differently. The saddest thing is that, having been born normal (suffered an awful illness when 18mths old) he is quite a good looking lad and thus is expected to be normal but isn't.

[Shooterluke]

Sorry to hear that norfolk like a said earlier in this topic majority of people are ignorant towards people with Disabilities or illness until some one in there family gets one atb