mikky Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 make sure she is in it....dont let her get to you,just smile ,pick a point on her forehead and wonder what grouping you could get at 100mtrs.. or like floating chamber suggested..take her clayshooting,get her to sit on the trap and press the button Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 As a union branch secretary I have been through this before. I`m sorry to say but some peoples advice to record her is illegal without her consent so do not do it. You need to have a diary of events and witnesses and as this is on a lesser scale of bullying my suggestion is to confront her and tell her that her conduct is unwarranted and is having an effect on your wellbeing and that if it doesn`t stop then you will be forced to take it further. Any further advice PM me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floating Chamber Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 As a union branch secretary I have been through this before. I`m sorry to say but some peoples advice to record her is illegal without her consent so do not do it. You need to have a diary of events and witnesses and as this is on a lesser scale of bullying my suggestion is to confront her and tell her that her conduct is unwarranted and is having an effect on your wellbeing and that if it doesn`t stop then you will be forced to take it further. Any further advice PM me. Remember, she can do the same to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul223 Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 When she has a go ask her in front of the whole class why she is singling you out / being horrible towards you, if she says she's not then ask the class / mates............. don't ever put the blame / point finger at someone else ......... if that don't work let her tyres down then when she's pumping them up tell her she's got hairy legs and a fat a**e then don't turn up the next day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurcherboy Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Flash, my approach would be to have a chat with her. Ask to meet after class and be honest with her. Explain you don't think her behavior is appropriate, you don't like it and request it stops. If she has any sense this will be enough. Make a record of the conversation and if problems persist take it further. It would be better for all if it stops without the need for this - she is still your tutor after all. Make sure you record this conversation Flash Then go to the top possible place you can to report your complaint mate. In the meantime don't let it get you down or affect your work mate just stick in there and I know that may seem easy for me to say but you need to keep your mental strength up to the attack. I have met you and you come across as a nice kid so don't let her get in your head. LB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash Posted November 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 would be funny, and god knows how many times ive been tempted. was gonna threaten her with a woodchipped fox on her car, but thats just harsh to the fox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iaindp Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 FC There's some good advice on here and there's some put on just to lighten the situation. It's a very serious issue and definately not condusive to good learning, which is what you're there for, but don't forget you have to want it to! If you're putting yourself in situations where you can possibly be a target i.e. through messing about, stop messing about! then it can't happen. We all did it, and probably all got caught for it and it IS natural for a teenager to want to have a laugh, so it's probably not you, but you're probably not helping by putting yourself in Mrs Charisma's firing line. I would record a few different incidents. So what if it's illegal? That just means it's not admissable in court but who's talking about court? Either way, she's hardly going to cry wolf if the recording shows her to be a bully is she? I would record her over a number of dates then present the recordings to her to ask if she thinks her approach is appropriate. (Don't let her listen to the original recording, obviously). Then tell her that you'll take it higher if it doesn't stop. That way, you'll always have something against her that SHE will fear, rather than you being afraid of what she is saying to YOU. Other posts have mentioned a code of conduct, school rules, blah blah. In the real world, these are all B*****ks. Bullying has to be dealt with by you and you need to take the action to stop it either by not giving your tutor any excuse to have a go at you, or if this fails, take it back to her. Good luck, again, feel free to PM me if you want to but you've got to get it sorted. Don't give her the satisfaction. Best wishes Iaindp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 I would record a few different incidents. So what if it's illegal? That just means it's not admissable in court but who's talking about court? Either way, she's hardly going to cry wolf if the recording shows her to be a bully is she? No it`s actually illegal even if it isn`t for a court case............once again for those who missed it .........It`s illegal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul65 Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 You should confront the situation directly and publicly. Next time she says something personal and nasty about you, tell her there and then in front of your classmates that you find it offensive and that you would be grateful if she didn't do it again. There will be silence in the class and she will go red. Then the situation is in the public domain, she will know that it's an issue and if she persists you can then take it further and everyone in your class would be a witness that it has happened before. Bullies hate publicity, trying to deal with the situation in private would suit her down to the ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SecretFollower Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 As henry d says, it's illegal to record her without her consent BUT I have a feeling if you get the consent of the top dog it may be legal. I'm fairly sure in companies if the MD for example gives permission to record people/events then that's all you need but I'm not sure if that would apply to a college. As others have said, I wouldn't bother speaking to her first as this will just give her the chance to put some complaint in about you first. Get some support from fellow class mates who are prepared to back you up no matter how far it goes and make an official complaint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Hi, something odd happened to my post before ..... but to add to the discussion..... Don't record anyone without their permission in person or on the phone. ..... but diary everything however trivial it seems at the time. The longer term picture of abuse is what it will show which will do your cause a lot of good when your class mates can confirm many incidents.... MS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chunk Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Rather than confront publicly, ask to speak in private. Ask what the problem is and say that you wished to speak in private rather than in public through respect and that its an issue to be resolved between yourselves which is more than she had done. Furthermore say you find the comments unprofessional. To someone who undoubtedly will consider themselves a qualified proffessional this will gripe and should have the desired effect. Having done the above and nothing changes then she needs reporting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWHunter Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Go and buy or borrow a dictaphone, then try and get it to give you a hard time in front of your true mates, make sure you record the onslaught of verbal bullying, you also will have your true mates to back you up. If you can try and get the bitch sacked as this country doesn't need lecturers like her. You want to tell her, ok i maybe a bit over weight but i can loose weight starting from tomorrow but you will be ugly forever. Retaliation gets yours in first. Do unto others what they do unto you. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranfield Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 You should confront the situation directly and publicly. Next time she says something personal and nasty about you, tell her there and then in front of your classmates that you find it offensive and that you would be grateful if she didn't do it again. There will be silence in the class and she will go red. Then the situation is in the public domain, she will know that it's an issue and if she persists you can then take it further and everyone in your class would be a witness that it has happened before.Bullies hate publicity, trying to deal with the situation in private would suit her down to the ground. This is the best advice you have been given, in my opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul223 Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 You should confront the situation directly and publicly. Next time she says something personal and nasty about you, tell her there and then in front of your classmates that you find it offensive and that you would be grateful if she didn't do it again. There will be silence in the class and she will go red. Then the situation is in the public domain, she will know that it's an issue and if she persists you can then take it further and everyone in your class would be a witness that it has happened before.Bullies hate publicity, trying to deal with the situation in private would suit her down to the ground. agree 100% and as I posted earlier ask her 'why are you being so horrible', ask in front of the whole class, it really is a very hard question to answer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vole Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 I fully agree.Sound advice.Dont despair,mate.You hold all the cards. ps.Paul65,s avatar looks very much like George Bush Senior.An ex head of states opinion is a qualified one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calamity Jane Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 It is how you FEEL that matters. No one can change that. Even if you messing around there are ways a good tutor should deal with this and that is not through bullying. Even if she does not think she is bullying or intimidating it is how you FEEL. Being an ex Tutor myself this behaviour is not acceptable and is very unprofessional. I would put money on it that her attitude and teaching practice is known by others and if you sniffed around probably find that she has received other complaints. You could diary events as suggested as factual information is very powerful, make sure that when an incident happens however that you use the words.... I felt, it made me feel etc as people cannot argue with how you personally feel about something. I would be inclined to say out loud that you found that comment unacceptable etc as others mentioned and if she continues to do this you will report her or you could take it to her line manager or ask another staff member. Dont put up with it, but then you should not be part of a wind up with others. CJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferret Master Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Good luck sorting it out mate. FM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Outlaw Posted November 16, 2007 Report Share Posted November 16, 2007 Rather than confront publicly, ask to speak in private. Ask what the problem is and say that you wished to speak in private rather than in public through respect and that its an issue to be resolved between yourselves which is more than she had done. Furthermore say you find the comments unprofessional. To someone who undoubtedly will consider themselves a qualified proffessional this will gripe and should have the desired effect. Having done the above and nothing changes then she needs reporting. I have taught in a college in the past, I have worked with rowdy, rude and difficult students (New Deal so if they didnt attend they got no dole money) but I gained thier respect by playing along with it for a few lessons. Then gradually weened them off the bad behavior. Respect is the key word here. You admit you mess about a bit. Was this before or after she started having go's at you? Either way if you do as "Chunk" says you will at least show that enough is enough and you want to get your head down and move on. The ball is now in her court. Now you tell her if she still has attitude with you, you will go to her boss, not her departmental head but the big boss and report her. You can not record her nor can she you legally but the college can use surveilance devices but everyone in the class will be informed. Do not goad her in front of your class mates as SW Hunter says, dont lower your standards, remember you know how this feels and it is incitement if the rest of the class join in. If you really cant handle things speak to the student union rep because there could be history of this before you cane along. But dont give her any ammo. Keep your nose clean. Not easy but be bigger and braver. Calam and I still have contacts in further and higher education so if you need any more advice we can go and source current up-to-date info for you. Tony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 The legalities of recording a voice conversation are interesting. There are copyright issues and data protection issues but as for it being "illegal", no the police won't come round and arrest you. How much longer do you have to go under this woman so to speak? Cranners advice is the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno 357 Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 taking the **** out of my weight. when its mates i know its friendly banter, but the way she says it infront of the class, for affect i guess, or to make her look tough infron of them. things like that.singeling me out of the class for punishments, when marking assignments etc. and death from below, shes more of a man then most men, so even if she offered i would rather turn gay Are you packing a few extra pounds? Jonno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pushkin Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Is it possible that she thinks she is responding on a par with you as regards comments? If it was comments made by yourself or others that caused her to act in this way - as in trying to get along with all of you. The you need to speak to her on a one to one basis and explain that the comments she is directing at you are really hurtful and can she stop. You for your part need to respond in kind - by not being a part of any micky taking in the classes. If that is not the case - and she is genuinely being nasty to you in particular, then go and have a word with the student advisor - that is partly why they are there - to act as a mediator between students and lecturers who are experiencing difficulties. As someone else said earlier, there is some good advice on here and there is some light hearted as well. Just be careful you don't end up taking advice that makes the situation worse. As regards recording someone's conversation without their knowledge, not sure about legalities but it is against their human rights if you intend to benefit from this in any way. Leave it for the college authorities to deal with recordings - don't get involved in it yourself. Good luck mate. Pushkin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Get your mates to ruff you over and then grass to the head that she did it. By the time the investigation concludes and she is back from suspension you would have finished college I joke of course. I couldn't be a teacher or a taxi driver and fair play to anyone who is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RICH ACK Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 just stand up in the middle of the class next time and GO RIGHT OFF YA HEAD WITH VERBAL ABUSE TELL HER WHAT YOU THINK OF HER BULLYING TACTICS THEN RUN OUT OF THE CLASS straight to someone with more authority than her . if that doesnt work nothing will mate . you cant take abuse off people if they can give it they gotta be able to take it back . i lost my mum 2 years ago to cancer also and know what your going through . believe me it WILL get easier . people told me that and i didn't believe it but it's true . CHIN UP MATE . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floating Chamber Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 It may be too late! The college may be on to you and your mates and have all the evidence THEY need! Have you done ANY work in lectures! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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