Oly Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 After a night out I took a trip to the obligatory chip shop...was leaning forward to make the menu behind the counter clearer and decided I was too tired to hold my head up anymore so I rested my chin on the fish/pie/sausage display warmer! They say 'caution hot' for a reason! Took the skin right off! When drunk at a mates gardan party I decided to move one of those large garden candles when lit. Taking it out was fine, stabbing it back in the ground caused it to vibrate massively resulting in burning wax to attach to the skin around my eye! I was rather lucky with that one! Had the barbed hook in the thumb thing myself, not the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon R Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 I was helping some mates converting a house into flats. One of the lads asked me to plane a bit off a piece of wood. I held the electric plane in one hand and the wood in the other. Upon contact, the plane flicked the wood out of my hand and took the tips off two of my fingers. Blood was squirting onto a wall two feet away, but they all stood around laughing. One complained that the wall would need replastering, another mentioned new skirting boards. Someone got me some kitchen roll and off to hospital. Big mistake as they then had to pick out the bits of roll. My fingers grew back square at the end, which had to be reshaped with silver nitrate. Not recommended when it hits a nerve. Honestly. Took a couple of years before I could grip properly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iaindp Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Whilst unhooking a 28lb pike on the broads, the ****** flipped and landed on the trace. This pulled the bottom size4 trebles straight into my little finger. I knew a trip to the hospital was on the cards and thought **** that - injections! - not for me, so tried to yank the two hooks embedded in my finger bone out, with a pair of pliers. The hooks didn't move but I almost snapped my finger! (I really don't like injections). In the end, no luck so I cut the line and carried on fishing (hand had gone numb anyway) before visiting St James Paget in Lowestoft. Caught another "20" before dark, then went to see the doc. Thought I was being ever so brave before he told me that he sees this injury every week from idiots fishing on the broad. 2 jabs later he sent me on my way. I enquired about a pair of cruthes, sling and eye patch but he just gave me a plaster and waved me off. The whole pup got to hear about what I brave soldier I had been that day! and today, 5 years on, my finger is still curved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 A few years ago, before I gave up smoking, I was driving along in the Summer, smoking a fag, with the window down. Like a ****, I flicked the fag-end out the window when I'd finished and it blew back in and over my shoulder, dropping down between me and the car seat. I involuntarily leaned forwards to get out of the way, and the fag end went down the crack of my harris, as was doing a bit of a builders bum with my strides. I couldn't get it out and I was going up the road at about 20mph like a kangaroo. Whooop-whooop-whoop, I nearly wrote the car off :lol: :lol: I also nearly cut my thumb off with a sharp knife, trying to lever a cartridge out of the breech of my old shotgun, after it had somehow got underneath the ejector Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Shouldnt laugh at those unfortunate mishaps ! BUT,HA HA HA ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enzo Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 1. Used to live in a pub, hence plenty of glass bottles around. Running along and carrying a bottle, trip , smash and nearly severed all the tendons in my wrist. 2. Tripped over again, this time with a pea shooter tube in my gob. Hit the deck and the tube was embedded in the roof of my mouth. 3. Sitting down sharpening some wood, stanley knife slipped and ran straight across the top of my right leg - caterpillar shape scar. 4. Used to keep ferrets - had 16 at one time. One was running around inside my jumper and decided to lock onto my chin. Ran around looking like Abe Lincoln!! 5. Human dart board for my older brother. Stopped when one stayed in my arm. Not through choice mind. 6. Had one of those handwarmers that burnt the charcoal sticks inside the 'wallet' affair. Opened it whilst sitting, orange charcoal goes through trousers and proceeds to rest, just to the left of percy. Now that did make me yelp. Two near drowning experiences, luckily rescued both times. Once in Hawaii, one in Blighty. Various Bike and Car 'experiences'. Christ, I sound like Mr. Bean............ Enzo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony9r Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Back in my younger days - getting my todger zipped up in my flies, and having to get Dad to un-zip it... yeeoooooowwwww!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loopy bunny blaster Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 bowie knife stuck into my shin, went in a good 3 inches, lucky it missed everything important Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pushkin Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Last Sunday, working outside with a slide saw, cold hands, gloves on - very careful and managed not to cut myself. Went out later to put the frost covers on my car and whilst doing the tailgate one (Meriva) wind slammed it shut and trapped my middle finger between the side panel and the piston ram. Hands so bloody cold I didn't feel much pain and just opened the tailgate and finished putting the cover on. Got inside the house and wondered why my hand was wet? Next 3 hours spent in casualty - burst finger - paper stitches and I'd split the end bone on the finger. Taking ages to type this now! Pushkin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Getting married, at the time it was painless, the symptoms get worse. It starts with a pain in the neck which when combined with the constant whine in the ears becomes a right pain in the ***. Me toooo........... Weirdest one was, i severed the nerve in my right leg from the knee downwards in a motorbike accident, took several years to grow back. While it was still numb, and i mean numb, my party trick at drs parties was to stick 10-12 white needles in my leg...or let young nurses do it to me......one day i received my new motorbike from florida, a honda vlx shadow, and it was delivered to my door in a massive crate, Lisa and i broke it open by whacking large blocks off each corner, They were held on with 6-8" nail, one which remained in a block that i knelt on, i looked down and saw the block on my leg, went to brush it off and it stayed put, then i realised it was nailed into my bone so hard that Lisa had to put both hands on it and the push with her foot to pull it out!!!! I really thought at one point she was going to faint, but fortunately....i didnt feel a thing!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richie1606 Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Managed to put a garden fork through my big toe when unloading a trailer load of manure for my parents garden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 While it was still numb, and i mean numb... I slipped with the drill and snapped the drill bit in my left hand between my thumb forefinger. I pulled the broken bit of the drill out of my hand (about an inch long) and fainted. the tip of my thumb on my left hand is still numb years later... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferret Master Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 This thread had made me paranoid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J@mes Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 1. getting a piece of pencil lead stuck in my eye. it broke off a freshly sharpened pencil and flicked up. straight to the medical centre to have it removed, still have the scar on my eyeball today and I can see it when looking at the sky. 2. almost cutting my finger off on a can of soup, of all things! opened it with a swiss army knife can opener, and then tried to bend the rest of the lid up. I slipped, the jagged metal almost took my finger off, I went white, thought I was going to bleed to death and a colleague had to give me first aid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 One of the funniest and a could have been tragic, was bionicle and myself were shooting targets in my garden at 90 feet with hw45's firing promethius and one came back and hit him right between the eyes, leaving an nice round bump......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno 357 Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Falling off the sofa when Luca Toni scored after 70 seconds Jonno Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berettaman1 Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 I take back my earlier humourous reply, Reading what has happened to some of you made me flinch. especially E Elvis ordeal,I purchased a ballistic sledge for air rifle power reading , I was kneeling on the floor firing a pokey .177 rifle into the sledge when the pellet came back and went into my thigh up to the bone, its still in there today, Surgeon said to remove would give me a dead leg. dont know I still have it, causes humour when on holidays if there is kids on the beach with metal detectors I allways ask them to put the detectors on my leg then when the things start bleeping I tell them I was shot down in the war and say I have a meschermit cannon shell in my leg!! makes me a hero for ten minuets, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markbivvy Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 kin ell, and you lot are walking about with guns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Berettaman, that reminds me of an incident, My dad had let me have his bsa mercury for the day, my mate had a bsa supersport, we were taking a shortcut thro some woods to his house....guns in thier cases, when we came across 2 lads with airguns, one had a jackal,one had a cougar. They asked us if we wanted to have an airgun fight, obviously we declined and carried on walking, when one of them fired and i felt a thwack in my back, then another, luckily I had a mod parker on and it penetrated the coat but only bruised me, my mate however was not so lucky, he was hit in the lower buttock and was whining like a bitch...we ran off and in the end he said he could walk no further, he pulled down his kecks and I saw the hole...ooooops....lots of blood, at which point he fainted, so i threw him and 2 bsa's over my shoulder and carried him all the way to the nearest gp surgery, some 3 miles away!!!!!!! On arrival the gp called an ambulance and he was taken to orsett a/e where they took him to theatre to remove the pellet, on the xray the pellet was flattened against his femur, had it missed his femur i reckon it would have gone straight thro!!!! The police caught them and the guns were confiscated, the officer said that the jackal had an fac level spring in it!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Size 6 double salmon fly to my right lughole whilst spey casting in a gusty wind, but funniest was when I went to casualty and the receptionist was so bored that she didn`t look up when i got to her desk so she just asked "What seems to be the problem ?" I just got to "Well I ......" when she looked up and just bust out laughing at a middle-aged man with a big colourful "ear-ring" bleeding profusely down his shirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 :lol: I witnessed a funny hook incident too, i was using a rig for carp called the beachcaster rig when a pike kept attacking it, so i got out my lure rod, first cast, bam, ***** grabs the lure, just then a bloke known as army john decides hes going to demonstrate to me( a very seasoned pike angler) how to hand land a pike, i suggested he didnt as there was a fling treble but being the anus that he was he went ahead and did it anyway!!! as he attempted to land it the pike shook its head and buried the treble through his thumb, he went white stood there with an angry 8lb pike stuck on his thumb, he then fell to his knees. on inspection the hook had gone thro his thumb and the barb could be seem UNDER his thumb nail. Try as you like we couldnt budge it, and despite getting whiter and whiter he kept saying....dont hurt!!!!! dont hurt!!! Im the end, a rather large brick poophouse called Ian biggs attatched a large pair of forceps to the hook, i held the wrist still and he gave it some kind of karate poke and it came out.......and apart from dead people and anaemics, i have never seen someone go so white....hehehehehehehe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 a similar thing happenned to my friend punky john in spain....he was in a small boat with a guide catfish fishing, he had a 112lb cat on and as he hand landed it he got a 5/0 treble right through his thumb, he managed to get the cat half way over the side of the boat when the guide saw the hook and fainted, john is huge and a bit warped and started to laugh, at this exact moment the cat decides to reverse at speed and pull john straight into the ebro, so hes now trying to tread water with a ton plus cat on his thumb!!!! He eventually managed to haul himself and the cat in the boat and wake up Paul, they cut the line and released the cat but in order to cut the hook and release him they had to go to a local garage and an amused spaniard cut thro it with a bolt cropper, you should have seen the hole!!!!!!!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 That reminds me of the time i was fishing for Herman the giant common carp at a place called Warmwell, It was 03.30 just light and i had the carp taking dog biscuits, as i reached across my rucksack with the bag of chum mixers in it i leant straight on the 2.5 inch baiting needle which went into my lower forearm to the hilt , fixing my arm in the postion due to being thro my muscle. It was also barbed and i couldnt budge it, so i went to the guy next door and said "excuse me mate, could you pull this out please?"..He turned round, took one look and fainted onto his bedcahir. I looked around and there was a guy on the other side of the lake. I went round there with my arm behind my back and said " excuse me mate, are you squeemish?" His reply was " Nah mate, im a butcher why?" so I showed him my arm and he went very white, that looks nasty he said, he clamped his forceps on and yanked....didnt budge, so i told him about the army john incident, and he gave it a wack...our it shot and out sprayed blood all over his face...he was even whiter and not best pleased!"!!!!!!! I had a huge haematoma on my arm for weeks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evil Elvis Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 Punky john once threw one of the same type of baiting needle at my head when we were carp fishing....as he ran away i pulled it out of my scalp and threw it at him, it went straight into his buttock...all the way in!!! Boy revenge is sweet...did he yelp. he had the last laugh, I had to cut it so that he could pull down his trousers, revealing a naked ***,....the bleeder didnt wear pants!!! eeeeerrghhhh. Unfortunately when i cut it the needle went right in and disapeared, so he had to bend over my bedcair and i had to push his but in till i could clamp a forcep on it(bearing in mind it was december too!!!!) You can imagine the face of ernie the bailiff as he came around the corner!!!! I did eveantaully manage to pull it out.....funny thing...he never bothered me with a baiting needle again............... This is the same punky john, who while in the philipinnes wearing shorts, decided to pick up a vine snake....result? no pants, ....one snake bite on the nads(slight venom) and a testicle the size of a coconut....hehehhehehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerico Posted November 17, 2007 Report Share Posted November 17, 2007 I was fishing a World Sea Fishing Forum Kent vs Essex match at Dungie in February, Before I started fishing I got my rigs lined up on the trace bar and did This A gulp of Jd from my hip flask and a quick pull with the pliers got it out, come 3'rd in the match with 424cm of sizable fish and we kicked Kents backsides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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