jimdfish

Jesus was "invented" before 1 AD In that case I hate him and think hes a **** JDF

Can I say Jesus? I think he is great. You give a little love and he gives it back to you tenfold. For free!! Good on ya J man JDF

Dont get me wrong. they were very nice. Its just i had my heart set on a pack of crumpets and a cup of tea on arrival at work and was denied the crumpage by the inspectors. Also I have what I am beginning to suspect might be the first recorded incidence of bubonic plague or even cholera recorded in the UK for quite some times. The symptoms I am suffering are very similar and it has to be more than a mere cold. I thought I might have to fill in a RIDDOR report on myself. I still might. No sympathy did I get though. Not a drop. Ne'er a thought was given to the fact that I might very soon expire and leave this mortal coil. They are hard breed the inspectors of her majesty. JDF

I had the HSE do a spot visit today. I dont know why they cant come here every day. Man it was fun. As the safety manager watching pepole who have more powers than the police scrutinise everything you do, or have done is just the most pleasurable experience available. God bless 'em. JDF P.S the above post was done with a certain level of sarcasm. I dont know what level, just that I am certain of it.

I also have heard both these stories before but It was a a mate of my mate Fat Tony who cacked in his hood. Must be a design flaw. JDF

My great big coat. got it for a song from a bloke in the pub. Great bit waterproof canvas with sheep fleece lining and a collar made of lambs fleece that goes right over the ears. toasty man JDF

wrong section i know but who from the northwest is up for a Worsley or Boar day. I have got a fleece for pete's sake. JDF

you can. try standing in the queue at argos witha dog with its limbs missing. people do NOT mess with you. try it. honest to God. admittedly the haul is not always greater than the cost of a new dog. A cat may just do it on pension day perhaps, but relly for impact, a marmalised wolfhound just makes them hand over the money. Daschunds may be used in middle class banks. JDF P.S the above may not really work. BUT: if it does first dibs on the moolah

you know it is spooky how accurate they can be: when in the un hung lo my cookie insert said and I quote verbatim" he who eats and drinks all day, and moves like the sloth, shall be fat and corpulent" and ****** me i am the size of a boat. gave me the fear. i am off opening me tin of family circle. the only oriental thing in there is the jammy dodgers if you squint a bit. or sit on them. confucious sy JDF

my ganndmother died today. no biggy as i did not know her. my dad however needs a hand tracking a bloke down called andrew mann. he has spent most of his life in armley as he is a bit of a rogue. andrew is my dads brother. if anyone on the site knows andrew could they mail me. all mails will be treated in the strictest confidence. please do not post any platitudes, just info if you have it. jdf

why oh why oh why do the cheese truckle manufacturer colour the wax the same as the cheese. drunken evening, poohing candles now. JDF

my original fleece order was lost in the post. Since then Cranfield has gone out of his way to make sure that i got replacements before christmas. They have arrived, they are great,well chuffed. Thankyou. I would also like to take the oppurtunity to point out that the mods were members of the forum, before they were mods. they have been given a thankless task that i would not touch with a ****** stick. They in my opinion do it well. i will state again that they were regular posters before becoming mods and are deserving of a break. Mod bashing is juvenile and ultimately self destructive as no-one will want the job and the site will shut down. What then? italian mods? JDF

stepping out on the ledge here but hey ho, Berettaman, if you had not filled in your proflie i would swear you are still pre pubescent. Your rambling, boring threads are an affront to most members of this site. To tell a joke or post a thread that YOU may find amusing does not make it so. i strongly believe that the site will be a better place without you. There, i have said and i offer no apologies JDF

i must have had thirty collared doves and the same amount of woodies in my garden in Stockport today. Where you chard? Jim

Al4x, well said that man JDF

Rampant rabbit deluxe JDF

My friends dog jinty once cocked his leg against a fence. Oh how we laughed. What made it even funnier was he proceeded to bite the fence and got another and another after that. Jim

Why do they go woop woop woop every time someone comes on stage. Jim P.S woopwoop wooop

You are all missing the point. Jennifer Love hewitt was neither bare nor naked in that clip. Cheating skelp Jim

you big x factor fan flash. thats big pants cowell on your tv. In fact it looks suspiciously like a computer monitor. that would suggest that you are watching it on line and that would not happen by accident. There is no " it just happened to be on" or " I was just flicking through" X factor with intent says I. JDF

Its terrible. There are unemployed British lads, salt of the earth, OUR FUTURE, who are unable to take unskilled, semi skilled jobs because all of these foreign types save up to leave their countries and families and come over here and work hard. Meanwhile our decent honest lads, god bless 'em are unable to find work anywhere and have to resort to hanging round on street corners, taking drugs and robbing for their money while moodily eyeing up these immigrants who have come to provide the much needed labour this country needs to operate. Impotent with rage these shell suit clad "victims" are as they watch these slavic workhorses make a positive contribution to the British economy and can only rage in clipped fury as they **** their giro's up against the wall. A wall the chances are the bleeding' poles built. This country is going to the dogs allright JDF

As for the comment about nine lives, I have a ten round mag!!! Total **** JDF

1240 JDF

I check me nads most days. Just cup your nuts and feel for any strange swellings or sore bits. If you find one nip to the docs. there is a bloke at work who had a testicular infection that was so bad his scrote was getting wet when he sat on the bog. The doctor thought he was a great big tw*t. which he was. He was to shy to go and nearly ended up losing his jewelry Doctors have seen it all and there is really no need to be bashful. Be good to your plums and give them a scrump Dr JDF

Quality over quantity. Here here. Arrange these words. wet ears behind still the 07 oct joined I on am and. good job moderators a do. Jim