What do you do

[Mrs Sweepy]

My youngest boy started secondary school last week.

He has gone from the village primary school to the towns secondary school.

So in many ways a big wake up call for him.

unfortunately not many of his friends have gone with him as they have gone to private schools.

So his having to make new ones which is not a bad thing .

I started to notice these last few days that he has been a bit moody.

luckily he gos to the same school as his big brother(little sweepy)so i have been able to ask him how he is settling in.

Josh seems to think his doing ok.

 

Anyway last night we sat having tea . Now like most houses this is when we talk the most.

In the middle of tea tom blurted out that the boy on the bus is hitting him.

So i asked why and if this boy was hitting anyone else

I thought if he was he was just the bus bully.

And every bus has one.

But by what i can understand its just Tom.

So i asked him if he wanted me to do anything about it. His reply was no he can handle it .

Josh has also told him if the boy starts again to go see him .

 

Now this is the hard bit.

I was bullied as the child. I know the pain the anguish and the heartbreak it can cause. I dont want my son to go though that.

So what do i do .Am i being the bit over sensitive because of my own background.

And should i just step back and keep the eye on him.

I think my main concern is that because of what happen to me i could end up making matters worse .

I know the way i handle it as the child was the wrong way . And it mess me up for many years.

So i have to be really careful that i dont overreact to something that is not the problem.

So has anyone been though this or as the child had it done to them.

Talking to someone who has had similar experience either as the child being bullied or the parent whos gone though it just might help clear my head abit.

Please PM me if you want.

xxxxsuzy

[Evil Elvis]

Take him out, a nice piece of 4x2 in his bag, when he starts to bully him, crown the ****** with it, it will humiliate him hurt and most of all.....stop the little ****!!!!

 

Its harsh but these days its the only way!!!! It will get him in trouble but also get some respect from a lot of kids on the bus.

[Chard]

I'd get Josh and a few of his mates to go on the bus for a day or two with Tom, and get them to humiliate this turkey on the bus.

 

It's what big bruvvers are for

[Dunkield]

Our son was, as I was, the smallest kid in class at junior school.

One day he cam home from school in floods of tears but didn't want to talk about it.

Next morning he wouldn't go to school, so we had to drag it out of him.

They had been playing and the bigger boys were 'wedging' the smaller ones, his pants were ripped apart they grabbed so hard, and he was obviously marked by the assault.

I called the headmistress and explained the situation, she told me to bring him school and the situation would be dealt with.

Both boys were told to apologise to him and the other kids, and their parents were told.

It wasn't bullying as such, just a game that got a bit out of hand, but it stopped there with no repercussions.

 

I would not do anything drastic yet, but I would make it known he has a bigger brother who is prepared to get involved, if the kid or kids persist you have to do something.

[MC]

I'm with Elvis on this one,

 

The old "my big brother will get you" will only antagonise them, just get big brother to wade in and sort the little ****s out. It is the only language they understand.

 

I was picked on at school, not really bullied but the day I gave the ringleader a ******* good hiding when he and I were alone was the day it all stopped.

[Mungler]

In my eldest's year at school (he's only 6) there's a boy who goes to karate club and likes to get fisty with everyone in the year - he is the alpha male school bully / ring leader in the making. He's from a broken home and by all accounts the dad's not interested at all. My son got clumped the other day and like all boys he didn't want to snitch to the teachers but we could tell it upset him more then he let on.

 

It sounds trite and it has been said on here but the only thing that makes a bully think twice is a hiding - the bully will move onto another target that won't lamp him back.

 

The thing about bullying is that it lasts. A black eye clears up in a week but being made miserable at school week in and week out lasts forever. I would consider boxing classes - it's more in the head than anything else - knowing that taking a punch isn't that bad and having the self confidence to fight back and most importantly how to get the first one in and properly.

 

As long as your boy has a clean record at school and the bully has "the form" then realistically he's not going to get into trouble.

Edited September 11, 2008 by Mungler

[MM]

have a word with the school head is the first thing. its not like 20 years ago when a bit of fisty cuffs could sort out most issues. kids are not like this anymore, and its got to be done right.

[PUSC]

mungs right bullying lasts for a while. while i never really remember being bullied in senior school, i know the kids that were bullied in my year (and yes some kids will always get it cus of the little twits). i was never very big (still am a short ****) and not a genius, however my little role and this worked like a treat was to approach the bullies in middle of said abuse of nerdy kid, and point out how much stick they were getting for not getting homework in on time, and point out how well miles <insert poor nerdy kids name here> was doing. and got them to make a pact, miles would help with the bullie's homework and in return got protection off said alpha male kid from other bullies. worked like a charm because these kids that are picking on others have generally got some serious issues they contend with and need more help themselves to stop ruining other normal kids lives at school.

 

other thing you can do as a parent is throw a really "cool" party for the kids aka let them go paintballing and invite the bully, this will automatically give them somthing in common to talk about and then the bullying will die out^

[rabbithunter2008]

You have three options

 

1 get big brother to have a word

 

2 phone the school

 

3 tell him two fight back

 

Seen as he has a big brother at the same school, this is the best way stop this.

 

I was a kid and my brother stop me getting a kicking at school most days.

 

But when i went to secondary school the only people who could beat me up was my brothers mates and they did beat me most days, ie upside down in very dirty bins

[Browning GTS]

Take him out, a nice piece of 4x2 in his bag, when he starts to bully him, crown the ****** with it, it will humiliate him hurt and most of all.....stop the little ****!!!!

 

Its harsh but these days its the only way!!!! It will get him in trouble but also get some respect from a lot of kids on the bus.

 

Sounds like you are trying to drum up a bit of trade to me

[pavman]

sorry to hear this suzy

 

as an adult its quite easy to say I have feelings don’t hurt me in that way (what ever it is) and when said to another adult such as a boss or group member it will normally get a result. bullies thrive on your lack of ability to stand up to them however most if not all have low self esteem or may be bullied themselves and are looking to even the score so to speak.

 

Now the hard bit, believe it or not the best way forward may well be for little lad to look him in the eye and say, “Don’t do that I have feelings why are you hurting me†If it continues, as it may the next step is to get his parents involved if possible and say the same thing, my son has feelings why is this boy hurting him?

 

The 4X2 whilst being the choice of most is a temporary fix that may stop the lad picking on yours, however he will in most cases just select another victim because he has not learnt what he is doing is wrong!

[me and my lad]

best way to look at it is that he's obviously grown up/mature enough to tell you what has been happening straight away.

sadly in the real world 'talking to a bully' about his feelings wont really make things better.

 

if he's confident enough to stand upto the bully, doesnt have to be in a violent way, then chances are it should die out.

also a couple of months boxing should see him sorted

 

hope you get it all sorted out

[Dr W]

Now the hard bit, believe it or not the best way forward may well be for little lad to look him in the eye and say, “Don’t do that I have feelings why are you hurting meâ€

 

Unfortunately that will probably get him called 'homo' for the rest of his school life.

 

Kids are cruel and will look for weakness so that they can side with others and divert the attention away from themselves.

 

I used to get grief off this lad, tried being nice and got me no where so thumped him and it stopped.

 

Get his brother to sort it out, that way he doesn't loose face by being a snitch and the bully will get a dressing down, I suggest verbally to start with rather than him wading in with fists flying as you never know whether the bully has and even older brother and things could escalate.

[Mrs Sweepy]

Thanks guys

just sharing it with someone is a great help.I know it sounds silly but when he walk out that door this morning like the whole world was on his shoulders . I just wanted to take his place. It just get to you when its your own.

 

I suffered years of physical abuse from both sides .And for years i took it. I didnt tell my parents as they had their own problems at the time (my mum was not a very well person).I even went to the teacher unfortunly i made a bad choice in teachers to tell.

So it got worse.

Anyway it came to the head one day And i took on my tormentors

Boy you cant beat that feeling of walking away leaving three on the ground . Unfortunatly the school did not see it the same way.

And so i had to leave.

 

We all want are kids to be able to fight back both mine are trained in karate.i know for a fact that josh would stand no nonsence from anyone.

But Tom is more like me . And that is my biggest worry.

I shell keep the eye on it at the moment and hope it is just the little settleing problem.

 

What i must not do is let my past demons get the better of me. And read more into the situation.

xxxxsuzy

 

p.s THANK YOU.

[rocksaplenty]

DO NOT TOLERATE IT

 

Deal with it straight away. Any continuation will 'normalse' the role of being bullied, then the other lads will start on him.

 

Either drive him to school or get him on a later bus. Once at the school the head has an obligation to deal with it. Don't get his older brother to sort anything, that will lead to it's own problems / damage his self esteem more.

 

The old fashioned idea that you need to stand up to bullies is a load of ********. Some lads can be twice the size at that age and things have moved on in society.

 

There are many, many options, but make sure you do something.

 

He told you because he wants you to do something about it!

[pavman]

Now the hard bit, believe it or not the best way forward may well be for little lad to look him in the eye and say, “Don’t do that I have feelings why are you hurting meâ€

 

Unfortunately that will probably get him called 'homo' for the rest of his school life.

 

Kids are cruel and will look for weakness so that they can side with others and divert the attention away from themselves.

 

I used to get grief off this lad, tried being nice and got me no where so thumped him and it stopped.

 

Get his brother to sort it out, that way he doesn't loose face by being a snitch and the bully will get a dressing down, I suggest verbally to start with rather than him wading in with fists flying as you never know whether the bully has and even older brother and things could escalate.

 

 

I know what you mean Dr however the exact verbal content will I am sure differ from my suggestion, however we could not say it on PW now could we!

[Stillsy]

being 15, and in the middle of it all, there's a bully in every year in every school, and having myself having problems in junior school, i think i have a good idea of it all.

 

I found that having an older brother, (even though i dont) helped loads, luckily i had family friends in the school who i could turn to as a brother, and things were soon sorted out, cause there is nothing worse than being in the **** with someone older. And even if it does stop it, bringing the rents in, its not always the best way, it kinda leaves a mark with the other kids that ur parents are always there, and they make u feel like a baby.

 

This happens everywhere, but i believe that the best way is with an elder brother or who ever, its easier for us to sort it out then u, as we have seen it before!!

[deeksofdoom]

He's got to stick up for himself Suz, he has to make his stand, this is one of life's little tests.

 

As EE says crown him.

 

He may end up in trouble, but he'll get over it, it'll be good for his confidence, no one will **** with him again.

 

But if he is going to make a stand make sure he has back up in just in case things go pear shaped.

 

Or if things do go wrong he can leg it, 'tis better to make a good run than a bad stand' at least that what an uncle of mine always says.

[Salop Matt]

Hi Suzy,

Is this happening on a daily basis or does tiny sweepy get the attention of this bully when he`s bored ?

Also is there something specific that this bully focus`s on about tiny sweepy ?

 

You never know if tiny sweepy is backed into a corner he may just come out swinging and have the upper hand.

 

The school probobly wont want much to do with what happens on the bus or much infulence

 

Could sweepy go and have a word with this lads parents and explain it wont be tollerated and the next step would be to inform both the school and local CSO.

[Fatcatsplat]

I got bullied for a couple of years in secondary school by one particular kid - By the 3rd year i had got very bored with it and whacked him in the face in the school gym - Bust his nose and lip - He was a "big hard man" so couldn't tell a teacher. Result was i didn't get into trouble, the bullying stopped and my kudos went up by about 50% immediately.

 

May or may not work for Sweepy, but hope the problems gets resolved.

[MC]

DO NOT TOLERATE IT

 

Deal with it straight away. Any continuation will 'normalse' the role of being bullied, then the other lads will start on him.

 

Either drive him to school or get him on a later bus. Once at the school the head has an obligation to deal with it. Don't get his older brother to sort anything, that will lead to it's own problems / damage his self esteem more.

 

The old fashioned idea that you need to stand up to bullies is a load of ********. Some lads can be twice the size at that age and things have moved on in society.

 

There are many, many options, but make sure you do something.

 

He told you because he wants you to do something about it!

 

 

Yes you are right things have moved on, and it is exactly this kind of **** that has loused this country up. Lets all give in to the bully, after all he is a victim to. What a crock of ****, I suppose that you are some kind of tree hugging do gooder who drives an electric powered car and lives in a treehouse.

 

There is only one way to deal with bullying and that is head on, lamp the ******* so hard that he thinks twice about ever doing it again.

[Zapp]

If there is one thing I hate with every fibre of my being it is a bully.

 

 

I would get the school involved, and keep on and on at them until it is stamped out. Report every incident.

 

Also try to resist the urge to catch that particular bus and give the little ******* a knuckle sandwich!

 

Hope it is sorted soon.

 

ZB

[magman]

Suzy i feel for you as i went through this with the lad but he was being bullied in school

After a few weeks he got fed up of it as i had told him as long as you don't through the first punch i will stand up for you if we get called into school .

he slowly picked off 5 or 6 of the gang one at a time not to hard when there on there own .

nobody hits him anymore in-fact seems silly but there his mate's now

Get his brother to sit in the background on the bus and tell the youngest to let rip the next time he has trouble .

He doesn't even have to win it will just make the lad think twice next time .

Edited September 11, 2008 by magman

[Chard]

DO NOT TOLERATE IT

 

Deal with it straight away. Any continuation will 'normalse' the role of being bullied, then the other lads will start on him.

 

Either drive him to school or get him on a later bus. Once at the school the head has an obligation to deal with it. Don't get his older brother to sort anything, that will lead to it's own problems / damage his self esteem more.

 

The old fashioned idea that you need to stand up to bullies is a load of ********. Some lads can be twice the size at that age and things have moved on in society.

 

There are many, many options, but make sure you do something.

 

He told you because he wants you to do something about it!

 

 

Yes you are right things have moved on, and it is exactly this kind of **** that has loused this country up. Lets all give in to the bully, after all he is a victim to. What a crock of ****, I suppose that you are some kind of tree hugging do gooder who drives an electric powered car and lives in a treehouse.

 

There is only one way to deal with bullying and that is head on, lamp the ******* so hard that he thinks twice about ever doing it again.

 

I have to agree with Merseaman

 

Bullies will stop if their actions bring about physical pain and humiliation for themselves. Things might have moved on, but that bit hasn't. Bullies will keep pushing kids around until it hurts, then they stop. Having his brother look out for him won't damage his self-esteem, but unfortunately going about it in a liberal namby-pamby way by whining at the school will do, and will probably intensify the bullying.

 

Or you could be very New Labour and buy the bully a bag of sweets

Edited September 11, 2008 by Chard

[ferretman]

i got bullyed untill i beat the bullys up then i was ok ever since.