Fatcatsplat

Agreed - She's a comedian. They tell jokes. Someone or something is always the butt of the joke. Some jokes are in "good taste" and some are in "bad taste" - I like both, but prefer the latter

Start on pork - Very forgiving and cheap!!

Look up snake or minion method online

The key is maintaining temperature - For a long, slow smoke you want it to be somewhere around 220/250 Fahrenheit constant. Sounds like you have an offset and they're pretty difficult to leave alone. Get used to spending all day in the garden, drinking beer while you maintain the charcoal and wood chunks. Or spunk a ton of cash on a proper smoker and electric thermometers with iPhone hook ups!

I just want to be able to go for a poo in the pub without having to ask 3 fellas with what seems like a bad case of the sniffles to come out of there.

I'll have the poles, net and deeks please - PM inbound

Bone in rib, about 2 inches thick, done indirect on the barbecue for half an hour or so and then seared to blackened perfection. Let it rest and then slice it up. Dip some ciabatta bread in the juices and then toast on the grill as an accompaniment

I can just about manage a nibble as a dare, but that's about it. Insanely hot and not really fit for human consumption, except where very heavily diluted. After Habanero and maybe Naga there's no real flavour, just heat and it's a willy waving contest

I probably have 7 BBQ's at home, for all sorts of jobs and the gas Barbie has its place - It's very controllable on a low heat, comes up to temperature in minutes and with a smoke box (or a pierced foil wrap), you can get all the carcinogenic smokey goodness you desire. Fancy a couple of quick steaks in the garden - Gas is ideal. Do you want to keep the food you've cooked on charcoal warm, the top shelf on a gas BBQ is ideal. Wouldn't want to cook on one full time, but it does make life a little simpler sometimes.

The Singleton Aberfeldy 12 Deveron 12 (but not the 18) Anything by Bruichladdich or Auchentoshan - A bit craft but all "out there" in a good way

Seconded!!

Game changer - For a really easy ginger infusion, Tiptree Ginger Conserve - All mushed up and mulched for you (and lovely on toast as well)

I'll take the bobbin holders and very interested in the capes!

Travel to the US 3 x a year and regularly have knives in my hold luggage either as gifts or for use while there if I'm lucky enough - Have never had a problem (yet!!)

That's the extreme end of the scale though - My second one was eight grand 10 years ago and ground rent of twelve hundred per annum - so roughly two grand a year for which we're down there most weekends and the missus will go down with any number of the 11 grandkids in various tranches throughout the summer holidays or when one of our kids aren't using it. One of the best things we've ever done