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Flatulence


pavman
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Oh I ordered a curry on Saturday and it was something I'd never eaten (I thought I'd try something I've not ever tried...)

 

I swear on my life that my girlfriend (Who I was seeing for the weekend, as she goes to university in Nottingham) refused to let me get my leg over for the remaining time that we were together for the weekend, because my parps stank so much.

 

Even I felt like retching!

Edited by harfordwmj
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Anything we have on a boys night out, lots or Betty Stoggs or Cornish Knocker followed by a large curry with plenty of Kingfisher to wash it down.

 

I can wake the wife not just the noise but the smell :sick:

 

I can vouch for the stench.... :hmm:???:good: Cornish knocker is a breed apart....

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As old and grumpy as I get, I never cease to laugh at farts. I have a theory that when a bloke stops being amused by farting, he's tired of life :sick:

 

It's been a while since I've done this, but......

 

A lunch time session on something like Directors or Marston's Pedigree, with a few pickled eggs to stave off the hunger pangs. Carry on the motion until you dine on onion baji, chicken jalfreizi etc etc in the early evening. Back to the ale, and a few pork scratchings until you feel peckish in the early hours and acquire a kebab compass with which to navigate home (large donner, loads of chilli sauce).

 

Perhaps feeling a little under the weather in the morning, partake of a full English (including black pudding, kidneys and kippers) as a pick-me-up. By mid morning you are guaranteed to peel paint and make stray dogs vomit within 15 paces. I find the quality of flatulence on such a training regime, is such that if you let rip on a sofa or car seat, you get a sufficient reminder to induce retching whenever you sit there, for several days afterwards :hmm:

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Once in a hotel in Germany after a night on the local dark beer and a good steak I actually managed to wake myself and maybe the neighbours up in the middle of the night :blink:

 

After two nights in Munich on the dunkelbrau, wurst and saurkraut diet, an al fresco emission of mine caused an experienced Bavarian waiter to take evasive action. Brilliant.

 

In Blighty, I find that, whilst nothing quite beats a roast dinner with lots of mashed celariac for sheer volume, a lengthy weekend session of real ale followed by the inevitable curry guarantees pungent office-clearers for at least a couple of days.

 

And there is nothing funnier than farting.

 

:yes:

 

LS

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Pickled eggs in garlic :blink: :yes:

 

There a competition winner :P

 

over boiled coli and brussels, brocli, cabbage, faggots and mushy peas :P

 

well anything really, there's something really good about a stinky bottom burp that makes you feel like a real man :P

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Theres nothing funnier than a well timed ****. Preferably during a really serious or tense moment :good:

 

Years ago I took my girlfriend to see "Four Weddings" (I know, the things we will do to get some lovin' :good: ) at the cinema.

 

There is a bit where some guy dies which got all the ladies sniffing, and it was just at the height of this moment when some bloke at the back let loose an absolute monster of a honk. I have no idea what he had been eating, but every man in that movie theatre burst out laughing, much to the irritation of their sobbing girlfriends.

 

Happy days.

 

ZB

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Spend an entire evening on gone past it's best flat southern beer (Brakspears works wonderfully for this), and/or Newcastle Brown, with pickled egg chasers, then spend the next day shopping for clothes with the missus. Hilarity ensues round the changing cubicles, ohyez! :good:

Also has the added bonus of not getting 'invited' along on subsequent shopping trips! :good:

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Years ago I took my girlfriend to see "Four Weddings" (I know, the things we will do to get some lovin' :good: ) at the cinema.

 

There is a bit where some guy dies which got all the ladies sniffing, and it was just at the height of this moment when some bloke at the back let loose an absolute monster of a honk. I have no idea what he had been eating, but every man in that movie theatre burst out laughing, much to the irritation of their sobbing girlfriends.

 

Happy days.

 

ZB

Reminds me of when I was watching Kramer v Kramer in a tiny cinema. At the emotional twist at the end my mate said loudly to me " You,ve got dog **** on your shoes" which I indeed did,alot of it. The people in surrounding seats looked round and missed the crucial bit. One of my proudest moments even though the smell was not home grown.

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