Honest opinion on the kids and the internet

[Mice!]

Bullying has always been there yes but with phones and internet its now a lot easier to do and can continue at home.

mate at work was saying exactly this the other night, someone said something about such a body and now they want a fight, bring back the old days, how glad am I that there were no phones/cameras back in the day growing up. Things have certainly changed but this is why you need to monitor what your kids are up to.

we also have the rule no phones at the table.

[anser2]

Kids under 15 are too young to go on the internet or have a PC or TV in their own room. They become isolated in their own computer\TV world and distanced from family life. My kids from the age of 10 had access to a computer and internet at home in our living room. At all times we as parents could just look up and see what they were watching or who they were in contact with. We never had any issues from people they were in contact with or what they watched. 

 

[PPP]

If you have chance, find ‘the two johns’ on Facebook (ex coppers) they are brilliant, if you can get to one of their seminars even better!.  Taking devices away or blocking them from kids isn’t the answer, they are devious little ******* and will find a way, better that they know and understand the risks.

[The gouse]

The net is the play ground for these dirty horrible people.

you think your kids are streetwise think again.

13 minutes ago, PPP said:

If you have chance, find ‘the two johns’ on Facebook (ex coppers) they are brilliant, if you can get to one of their seminars even better!.  Taking devices away or blocking them from kids isn’t the answer, they are devious little ******* and will find a way, better that they know and understand the risks.

Taking devices away is not the answer I agree. But you think the sites they are on are safe think again! these sick people pray on sites that you would not believe.

[Pushkin]

TT you are right to worry about this.  8 years old with a  phone and access to you tube - too risky by far.  What does a child that age need a phone for other than to be the same as their pals - and so another clone appears eh.  lot of pressure on kids and adults but stick your ground and be part of the rules system for him.

Good luck mate.

 

Pushkin

[Jaymo]

Nath 

Was making the comment in a ‘General’ manner that it isn’t just restricted to ‘online’

Obv in your daughters case it is.

Solutions are difficult as she will wish to continue to use Social Media as her friends also do, but at the same time she needs to take a break or temporarily delete  her account.

Depending on which form I.e Facebook , Insta etc then she should also report it.

If it’s carried out by known children from School then armed with a few screenshots it might be good to approach the School directly.

Good luck with it, bullies really are the dross 

[team tractor]

2 hours ago, Jaymo said:

Nath 

Was making the comment in a ‘General’ manner that it isn’t just restricted to ‘online’

Obv in your daughters case it is.

Solutions are difficult as she will wish to continue to use Social Media as her friends also do, but at the same time she needs to take a break or temporarily delete  her account.

Depending on which form I.e Facebook , Insta etc then she should also report it.

If it’s carried out by known children from School then armed with a few screenshots it might be good to approach the School directly.

Good luck with it, bullies really are the dross 

Surprisingly it was through a game . It’s crazy I know.

shes deleted the game/account now but it took her a while to tell us. 

I knew what you meant tho  

 

[PPP]

8 hours ago, The gouse said:

The net is the play ground for these dirty horrible people.

you think your kids are streetwise think again.

Taking devices away is not the answer I agree. But you think the sites they are on are safe think again! these sick people pray on sites that you would not believe.

Depending on what training the school has done you will be amazed how streetwise kids are.  I can’t recommend ‘the two johns’ enough, it really opens your eyes, i was amazed and I’m reasonably up to speed on this stuff.

25 minutes ago, team tractor said:

Surprisingly it was through a game . It’s crazy I know.

shes deleted the game/account now but it took her a while to tell us. 

I knew what you meant tho  

 

Games are the biggest access point, roadblocks, fortnight etc are problematic if you don’t know the pitfalls.

[henry d]

As above.

I`m a youth worker and YP usually access pornography for the first time between 8 and 12 years old (broad generalisation but reasonably true) and this can have a devastating consequences on a developing mind as well as scary videos, bullying etc. I wouldn`t go so far as to say it is laziness but that may have some baring on some people`s attitudes to parenting but it is an easy option when people have busy lives to just give an electronic device to a child and let them get on with it.

Children need a framework for their lives such as boundaries of what they can see, when they can see it and how often. It won`t be easy but try to communicate your worries to your ex , best of luck.

[Benthejockey]

Had a similar thing with my step daughter. Her dad decided she needed a phone when she was 8 because apparently he wanted to be able to reach her any time. When I said the phone lives in the kitchen, I have full unlimited access to it, it doesn’t go anywhere it can get lost, stolen or broken and under no circumstances does it go into her bedroom at night time he hit the roof. We had an exchange of views which he didn’t like but I stayed firm. Our house our rules. A few months later at his she downloaded the musically app. Very proudly she showed us this app where you record videos of yourself dancing and miming to songs and upload them to the musically world. He couldn’t grasp why it was unsafe for a 9yr old girl to be uploading videos of herself to an unregulated, unmonitored online world and I was the bad man for deleting it. 6 weeks later there was a news report about someone using it to groom kids which I showed to the step daughter and she got it straight away what I’d been talking about. Suddenly I wasn’t quite such an ogre. She’s now nearly 12 and a lot t more savvy but I still monitor it all very closely. I hate her having a phone, she doesn’t need it but because her dad wants her to have it we have to compromise. Fortunately she’s not a bad kid and even when she doesn’t like it she knows we’re ultimately trying to look after her. 

[ditchman]

19 minutes ago, Benthejockey said:

Had a similar thing with my step daughter. Her dad decided she needed a phone when she was 8 because apparently he wanted to be able to reach her any time. When I said the phone lives in the kitchen, I have full unlimited access to it, it doesn’t go anywhere it can get lost, stolen or broken and under no circumstances does it go into her bedroom at night time he hit the roof. We had an exchange of views which he didn’t like but I stayed firm. Our house our rules. A few months later at his she downloaded the musically app. Very proudly she showed us this app where you record videos of yourself dancing and miming to songs and upload them to the musically world. He couldn’t grasp why it was unsafe for a 9yr old girl to be uploading videos of herself to an unregulated, unmonitored online world and I was the bad man for deleting it. 6 weeks later there was a news report about someone using it to groom kids which I showed to the step daughter and she got it straight away what I’d been talking about. Suddenly I wasn’t quite such an ogre. She’s now nearly 12 and a lot t more savvy but I still monitor it all very closely. I hate her having a phone, she doesn’t need it but because her dad wants her to have it we have to compromise. Fortunately she’s not a bad kid and even when she doesn’t like it she knows we’re ultimately trying to look after her. 

that is sooo difficult...i rekon you have really done well on sticking to your plan...your daughter sounds really grounded as a result of your calm persistance....well done...cant be easy

[Rewulf]

14 hours ago, anser2 said:

Kids under 15 are too young to go on the internet or have a PC or TV in their own room. They become isolated in their own computer\TV world and distanced from family life. My kids from the age of 10 had access to a computer and internet at home in our living room. At all times we as parents could just look up and see what they were watching or who they were in contact with. We never had any issues from people they were in contact with or what they watched. 

 

How long ago was this ?
The world is changing very rapidly these days, what was once taken as a red line, is no longer relevant.
Do you seriously believe that it is normal to chaperone a 13 or 14 year olds TV or internet habits, as in they cant go to their own room to talk to friends, or watch those silly 'kid' programs you cant stand?
I agree too much game or net time can be very bad for very young children ,Ive seen 3 years olds with ipads glued to their faces for hours, its wrong, and terrible parenting.
But some measure of freedom is necessary for normal growth.

 

3 hours ago, henry d said:

As above.

I`m a youth worker and YP usually access pornography for the first time between 8 and 12 years old (broad generalisation but reasonably true) and this can have a devastating consequences on a developing mind as well as scary videos, bullying etc. I wouldn`t go so far as to say it is laziness but that may have some baring on some people`s attitudes to parenting but it is an easy option when people have busy lives to just give an electronic device to a child and let them get on with it.

Children need a framework for their lives such as boundaries of what they can see, when they can see it and how often. It won`t be easy but try to communicate your worries to your ex , best of luck.

Never did me any arm guvnor! (dirty laugh emoji) 

Seriously though ,Im not disagreeing with the fact it can give an unrealistic idea of sex, body image and relationships, it most certainly can.
But if that is the case, how does that equate to where we are today ?
Its very difficult to walk down the street or switch the TV on without being literally bombarded with unrealistic body images and sexual innuendo, never mind the internet !
As well as advertising fashions and items that few can easily afford.

I most definitely agree children need boundaries, but how much control can you really exert? What about when they go to their friends houses ? Parents out ect.
One of the best things is to try to teach children to manage their own boundaries, self respect and a positive self image, and above all to be able to communicate with you or other adults if they have an issue, or if there is something they dont understand.

My daughters have had a phone since they were 10, access to the internet since they wanted it, they have set their own limitations on what they do.
Eldest was approached by an older girl on facebook at 12, she was supposedly in 6th form at her school, and had 20 odd mutual friends.
Starts innocently enough, but as soon as the 'girl' started asking for 'pics' she knew something wasnt right, and came to me.
Jesse Madison wasnt real, and the trail was taken up by the police, whatever happened I dont know.
The important thing is ,she learned a lesson that she was able to pass on to others about online grooming.
That its very real thing, but also perfectly avoidable if you practice a little self control about who you talk to online.

[Scully]

Neither of my kids had tv's in their rooms, nor laptops, but once they got that smart phone and access to the internet it becomes hard to monitor their viewing. They're only 21 and 18 lest anyone thinks this was the dark ages.

I always made sure we went out and about when time allowed.

We never really said 'you can't do this or that' because that inevitably leads to 'well such and such does'. We just tried to explain why some things were unsuitable for them. We were blessed in that our kids never complained or twined about things; they just accepted their lot and got on with it. While my kids friends had smart tv's and smart phones, PC's and PS1 or whatever, mine didn't and just accepted it as we didn't have the money. They got all those things eventually but long after others. 

I remember talking to my daughter about 'grooming' while in her early teens as she seemed to be spending more and more time online on her phone, and she laughed and said 'we've learned all about that stuff at school Dad.' It's right and understandable to care, but we also have to give them space to grow and experience, and credit for being intelligent.

I can appreciate it's not easy though. 

We live in a much changed world from when I was a teen and younger; I think the real problems arise when social media etc becomes their only source of entertainment or outlet to the outside world. It then becomes unsociable media. 

[ehb102]

YouTube do a kids app. Unsupervised access on that, maybe. If the child is old enough to understand  that lots of things shouldn't be seen and that they have a responsibility to walk away and come and tell you and you won't be angry with them. 

Internet access means the pressure of school 

5 hours ago, henry d said:

I`m a youth worker and YP usually access pornography for the first time between 8 and 12 years old (broad generalisation but reasonably true) and this can have a devastating consequences on a developing mind as well as scary videos, bullying etc. I wouldn`t go so far as to say it is laziness but that may have some baring on some people`s attitudes to parenting but it is an easy option when people have busy lives to just give an electronic device to a child and let them get on with it.

 

Yes! Child-on-child sexual assaults are rising rapidly, and that's just the reported ones. From my work I know that what you see early on imprints on you and your sexual preferences. Forty years ago you might find a dirty mag. Now you can find the most awful stuff on line, and that's just the porn. There are some very nasty poisons hidden in the sugar pills on YouTube.  

[henry d]

1 hour ago, Rewulf said:

Never did me any arm guvnor! (dirty laugh emoji)

Seriously though ,Im not disagreeing with the fact it can give an unrealistic idea of sex, body image and relationships, it most certainly can.
But if that is the case, how does that equate to where we are today ?

It seriously messes up a lot of kids, anal sex is classed as a norm (as it is on porn sites) for some as if is supposed to be a form of birth control (it isn`t). 2 Girls one cup was also seen as gross but defining for some YP, lots of nude selfies are emerging all over the place and young boys are at risk of being labelled a paedo for having pictures of underage girls on their phones as someone sent it via instagram, snapchat etc.

The genie is out of the bottle, unless you supervise your children then the net will do it for you and due to your/our inaction you/we are to blame

[ehb102]

2 minutes ago, henry d said:

It seriously messes up a lot of kids, anal sex is classed as a norm (as it is on porn sites) for some as if is supposed to be a form of birth control (it isn`t). 2 Girls one cup was also seen as gross but defining for some YP, lots of nude selfies are emerging all over the place and young boys are at risk of being labelled a paedo for having pictures of underage girls on their phones as someone sent it via instagram, snapchat etc.

The genie is out of the bottle, unless you supervise your children then the net will do it for you and due to your/our inaction you/we are to blame

*Nods*

Young girls are secretly seeing doctors with internal injuries because boys think it is their right to demand anal sex and neither the boy nor the girl think that a girl's pleasure is necessary. Inf fact, they both expect the girl to find it painful. How's that for equal rights, y'all? The next generation of boys won't be having sex with women whom they respect and who like sex with them, they will be looking for robots, whether paid blank face women or actual automatons. 

[Rewulf]

14 minutes ago, henry d said:

It seriously messes up a lot of kids, anal sex is classed as a norm (as it is on porn sites) for some as if is supposed to be a form of birth control (it isn`t). 2 Girls one cup was also seen as gross but defining for some YP, lots of nude selfies are emerging all over the place and young boys are at risk of being labelled a paedo for having pictures of underage girls on their phones as someone sent it via instagram, snapchat etc.

The genie is out of the bottle, unless you supervise your children then the net will do it for you and due to your/our inaction you/we are to blame

Thats what I mean, what are we going to do about the last generation , who were bought up on this?
Has the horse bolted ? What steps are being taken to curtail the 'attitude'
The proliferation of online porn is increasing, and new ways of keeping audiences happy are emerging.
And not in a good way either.
So how do you monitor your children 24/7 ?

 

17 minutes ago, ehb102 said:

*Nods*

Young girls are secretly seeing doctors with internal injuries because boys think it is their right to demand anal sex and neither the boy nor the girl think that a girl's pleasure is necessary. Inf fact, they both expect the girl to find it painful. How's that for equal rights, y'all? The next generation of boys won't be having sex with women whom they respect and who like sex with them, they will be looking for robots, whether paid blank face women or actual automatons. 

Again ,I agree with you.
But what can we do about it?

Its a bit late to switch the internet off now Im afraid.

[anser2]

Rewulf , my children grew up in the 1980s\90s , but my daughter maintains the same rules about TVs and internet today as I did for her and  her 3 children are from 8 - 16. If they want to use the internet an adult has to be in the same room. None are allowed mobile phones and indeed apart from a work phone ( I no longer have after retirement ), I do not use mobiles even today. What you do not have you do not miss. Its all down to the parent taking time with their children and putting up with the TV programs for a time each evening and putting off watching adult programs until the kids are in bed. In my family, the living room was for family life and the bedroom was for sleep. You keep the kids within a fair set of rules and they accept boundaries, but that works both ways. If something is promised to the kids such as a day out then it is honored even if it is cup final day. The kids come first no matter what, but when you lay down the law then thats it, with no ifs and buts.

Edited April 20, 2018 by anser2

[ehb102]

1 minute ago, Rewulf said:

Again ,I agree with you.
But what can we do about it?

Its a bit late to switch the internet off now Im afraid.

Treat women's rights as important. All the little things feed into and up to the idea that women aren't really people, they don't matter, male is the default and woman is "other". Easy enough to bust a gut laughing when a mum suggests that maybe sleeping beauty isn't a good idea in this time and place, but it all feeds in. And let your boys know that they are people too, that it's okay to have feelings and even cry, to show kindness and be a person not a caricature of toxic masculinity.

As for the Internet, control and communication go hand in hand. Communicating with your child about what is out there and why you want to keep them safe, combined with control of what they are allowed to see and do. If you trust your child enough to let them out on the web then monitor them, either by letting them use the technology in your presence, or using monitoring software. They have to know that the Internet is a public place, not a private one. Then actually check what they have been doing.  Limit their time - give them other things to do. Part of the reason children love the Internet is that it's the place where they have some freedom. 

[Scully]

29 minutes ago, ehb102 said:

*Nods*

Young girls are secretly seeing doctors with internal injuries because boys think it is their right to demand anal sex and neither the boy nor the girl think that a girl's pleasure is necessary. Inf fact, they both expect the girl to find it painful. How's that for equal rights, y'all? The next generation of boys won't be having sex with women whom they respect and who like sex with them, they will be looking for robots, whether paid blank face women or actual automatons. 

Really!? It's obviously not that secret! Got a link? 

[Rewulf]

1 minute ago, ehb102 said:

Treat women's rights as important. All the little things feed into and up to the idea that women aren't really people, they don't matter, male is the default and woman is "other". Easy enough to bust a gut laughing when a mum suggests that maybe sleeping beauty isn't a good idea in this time and place, but it all feeds in. And let your boys know that they are people too, that it's okay to have feelings and even cry, to show kindness and be a person not a caricature of toxic masculinity.

As for the Internet, control and communication go hand in hand. Communicating with your child about what is out there and why you want to keep them safe, combined with control of what they are allowed to see and do. If you trust your child enough to let them out on the web then monitor them, either by letting them use the technology in your presence, or using monitoring software. They have to know that the Internet is a public place, not a private one. Then actually check what they have been doing.  Limit their time - give them other things to do. Part of the reason children love the Internet is that it's the place where they have some freedom. 

Womens rights ARE important, I cant really think of any one I know who doesnt believe that, bar a few Asian families.
Dont get me started on the sleeping beauty thing again, that comparison does the cause NO favours whatsoever.

What on earth is 'toxic masculinity' ?

You say let them have monitored access to the web, then check what they have done, possibly read their personal conversations ?
Then talk about the internet being a place where they have some freedom ?
 

[henry d]

As, ehb102, above

Plus there are things like net nanny (not very good but was one of the vanguard), qustodio (sp?) and others control content, but the best thing is education, sit down and talk, get a youth worker to sit down and talk if they cannot talk with you, go to rape crisis centres and the like, they also educate on internet safety etc.

2 minutes ago, Scully said:

Really!? It's obviously not that secret! Got a link? 

It is well known and I don`t think you should be asking for links to that unless you are in youth work or child care services

[Rewulf]

13 minutes ago, anser2 said:

Rewulf , my children grew up in the 1980s\90s , but my daughter maintains the same rules about TVs and internet today as I did for her and  her 3 children are from 8 - 16. If they want to use the internet an adult has to be in the same room. None are allowed mobile phones and indeed apart from a work phone ( I no longer have after retirement ), I do not use mobiles even today. What you do not have you do not miss. Its all down to the parent taking time with their children and putting up with the TV programs for a time each evening and putting off watching adult programs until the kids are in bed. In my family, the living room was for family life and the bedroom was for sleep. You keep the kids within a fair set of rules and they accept boundaries, but that works both ways. If something is promised to the kids such as a day out then it is honored even if it is cup final day. The kids come first no matter what, but when you lay down the law then thats it, with no ifs and buts.

Thats fine, you and yours bring your kids up as you see fit.
But many would find this restrictive, and perhaps a bit odd.

 

[henry d]

2 minutes ago, Rewulf said:

What on earth is 'toxic masculinity' ?

 

Man up, get with the programme you wimp, are you a man or a mouse, your just like your mother aren`t you....

[Rewulf]

2 minutes ago, henry d said:

As, ehb102, above

Plus there are things like net nanny (not very good but was one of the vanguard), qustodio (sp?) and others control content, but the best thing is education, sit down and talk, get a youth worker to sit down and talk if they cannot talk with you, go to rape crisis centres and the like, they also educate on internet safety etc.

It is well known and I don`t think you should be asking for links to that unless you are in youth work or child care services

I think he was thinking a link to a news article , or is that restricted too !