Ricko Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I'm lying on the sofa with the gf and have ****** three times now. I've run out of excuses; I can't help it, It must be something I ate, I'm too relaxed. Help More excuses needed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 How about, 'sorry love, an air of complacency has crept into our relationship.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVB Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 The dog? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sian Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 We score each other in our house, length of ****, sound quality and of course aroma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddy Galore! Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 are you currently baking one? time to lay a cable mate... are you sure it's just a ****? there's a lot of norovirus about, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blunderbuss Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Blame her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 what have you done three times with your girl friend ? didnt she notice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 what have you done three times with your girl friend ? didnt she notice Ha ha. That did occur to me too. As any fool knows, all women love men to break wind constantly in their presence. On that note, the South Park episode Eat, Pray, Queef was on the other day. Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Geordie Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Just tell her the dinner she cooked was SOOOOO good, you simply want a reminder of how good it really was Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zx10mike Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 i would be ashamed of your self.leave her and let her find a propper man.what kind of bloke farts three times un noticed.my advice....light the next one and be proud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longbower Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Tell her to take ' big sniff's ' to get rid of it !!! Or, your bums gone to sleep , and its snoring ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aris Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 If she cooked dinner, blame that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Just drop it out, then ask her if she thinks the smell is getting better. Tell her it smells like her dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davyo Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Must be love if your on farting terms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack-ack Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Go outside and do it you dirty man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keg Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Tel her to think of it as an airborne vitamin pill- the whole alphabet floating to be enjoyed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 A man went to the doctor and said " doctor I have a wind problem, I keeping farting but it's ok they don't smell and they're quiet" The doc says " take these tablets and come back in a week" A week later the man returns and says " I don't know what you gave me but they now stink, it's ok they're still quiet tho" The doc replies " now we've got you sinuses fixed we will work on your hearing" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kes Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 A chap I knew from Wigan occasionally did this in public or at home. He had the engaging habit of blaming it on the dog by simply saying "gerr under", he was never bothered by the fact that he didnt have a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezi bez Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Be it church or chapel the the bloody thing rattle .......!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ack-ack Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I once sneaked a quiet one out which to my horror absolutely hustled. I tutted quietly and muttered that the dog needs to go out. Unkown to me The little swine was not lying under the coffee table as i thought but out in the hall and on hearing the words 'go out' came trotting in thus blowing my ruse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kes Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 It is possible to lose ones sense of smell - this happened to my other half - needless to say I have a way of getting my own back - but quietly !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzy518 Posted January 7, 2015 Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Test her true love for you. Get a bad boy brewed up , get her head down there n let rip. If she still in the house by the time the smell goes n you ain't bleeding, she loves you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longbower Posted January 8, 2015 Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 My Mrs bought me a 'roll on' antiperspirant for Christmas, having never used one before I followed the instructions. It said "unscrew top and push up bottom", now my f###s smell lovely, but its difficult to walk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted January 8, 2015 Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 My Mrs bought me a 'roll on' antiperspirant for Christmas, having never used one before I followed the instructions. It said "unscrew top and push up bottom", now my f###s smell lovely, but its difficult to walk. the ball or the arisole ? no its for my underarms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Geordie Posted January 9, 2015 Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 My favourite move, is when shopping! Drop one in an empty aisle! Hustle to the bottom of the aisle and double back. When you come down the aisle again I shake my head at who ever is there you often get the quip, Wasn't me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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