Cheating on partners

[kip270]

Well this is something i would not normally do (washing my problems in public) but i feel that you are after all my friends

 

Your partner is a friendly person, gets on well with fellow work colleagues etc, and you trust them. Then things start happening that seem wrong, so you start snooping and look at the Mobile phone and find a text from a bloke saying "Morning Sexy xxx" and your partner had been out the evening before while you have been to work!!!!

Then you find out that they have purchased a Christmas present for this persons child but not your own with your ex-wife. So you have an argument and decide to try and get through this.

I phoned the guy in question and asked what his game was, and told him to back off. Then i had to work with him for one shift, and he asked why was i on this shift my reply "To keep an eye on my girlfriend, and to make sure i know your face "

 

Then over a year later your suspicion's are aroused again so you check the phone and there is a text message "Morning sexy, I'm knackered, c u later xxx" but this time it is on the phone under a girls name :o And the previous evening she said she was going to collect some Avon books from a friend, so when i came home there were no books in the house, so when she was up for work i mentioned the books "oh they are in my boot" and she heads off for the shower. So i get up go to the car and there are NO books in the car either, hence why i checked the phone.

So for me it has all ended, i moved to Scotland to make a new life for the pair of us leaving my family in Wales, so no-one to talk to really hence this post to my Friends.

 

 

If it were not for the fact i hold my FAC & SGC i would of asked for Steven Seagal to possess my body and let loose.......

 

 

There is a line when you are in a relationship, and how far over the line would you let it go. Now i have never been one for exchanging my number with the opposite sex, some people do but they know how far they can take things.

Since i have been here i have had offers, but have always declined because i know where the fine line is in a relationship.

 

I have my faults (who doesn't??) but i was committed to this relationship 100%.

I am BORING as i don't drink, smoke, like TV sports,Porn etc, i dress in GREEN and there are books with guns on them everywhere, when a passenger or driving for that matter i am always looking out in the fields, her words "God your SAD"

 

I do not have any one's number i shouldn't and there are NO WOMENS NUMBER OR EMAIL ADDRESS. But she is trying to make out that i have been up to something.

 

So i have to try and get a transfer with my job back to wales, as i cannot afford to stay in Scotland (CSA payments) and will have to move back with my parents(38 yrs old, this is not a good prospect).

 

I would like to hear your thoughts, and i know there are two sides to every story

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this

[pav]

Kip,

 

My heart goes out to you, certainly sounds like you do not deserve all this.

 

Unfortunately some women seem to think the grass is greener, only to find its not. Don’t let her blame you for the way she is acting it is totally out of order.

 

I personally would not let it go any further after this.

[Mungler]

Having seen a number of divorce cases I am very cynical - the grass isn't normally that much greener and the cases where people leave their other halves because they are just downright unbearable are few and far between.

 

I reckon that the high divorce rate is due to (1) unrealistic and high expectations of what being married is all about (2) lack of responsibility and maturity accross society - we live in a want all, not my fault, selfish society.

 

I am minded of my friend's dad:

 

"Homosexuality. I can't condone it but I can understand it".

[AndyCM]

Hey Kip,

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

Just look at all your options - short and long term - before deciding on a route, there are always many alternatives.

 

I am BORING as i don't drink, smoke, like TV sports,Porn etc, i dress in GREEN and there are books with guns on them everywhere, when a passenger or driving for that matter i am always looking out in the fields, her words "God your SAD" blink.gif

 

I am similar to most of that, a comment I often hear from the passenger seat is "shall we watch the road?" when I'm pigeon / rabbit spotting.

 

Good Luck

 

AndyCM

[Stealth Stalker]

I feel for you mate

 

I had a similar situation with " a mate" who pestered my missus, who I might add didn't want anything to do with this bloke, she told me loads of times that he was coming on to her even when we were out together, he had a bit of a reputation for being a "ladies man" & I just used to tell her that he was only joking & just having a laugh.

 

I use to employ this guy & we worked together for 4 years, he was a great lad but just couldn't control himself in the company of women, he came on to numerous ladies that we were working for & I just used to think it was a bit of a laugh.

 

I'd hint to him that if I was to catch anyone messing about with my missus the way he used to I'd give em one hell of a pasting, but I think he used to get off on this threat

 

Any way to cut a long story short he got what was coming & 2 black eyes & a broken nose later, I've never

spoken to him since.

 

A bit different to your situation, but I think in these cases actions speak louder than words.

 

Obviously you've got your licence to think about, but in my case when the red mist descends all of that went out the window.

 

Hope you sort it out

 

SS

[Cranfield]

You don't mention having talked to your partner about your suspicions and concerns.

That should be the first step.

 

Regardless of her reply (including a confession of infidelity), then decide if you want to save the relationship.

 

If you do, then it would certainly improve your chances of success, if you are mobile enough to move away from your current location.

 

If you decide you don't want to save the relationship, cut your losses and move on.

 

Whatever you do, you cannot continue with all these suspicions hanging over you both.

[Oly]

Sorry to hear that, but unfortunately in situations like this when you are searching for an answer - nobody can tell you. It's your call, if possible take some time out alone - go walking for the weekend and have a good think of the options - be good to yourself and do what's right for you, and importantly don't worry about what others think.

 

Make sure you have all the facts first - confront your partner if required, not easy, but neccessary.

 

All the best.

[kip270]

You don't mention having talked to your partner about your suspicions and concerns.

That should be the first step.

 

Regardless of her reply (including a confession of infidelity), then decide if you want to save the relationship.

 

If you do, then it would certainly improve your chances of success, if you are mobile enough to move away from your current location.

 

If you decide you don't want to save the relationship, cut your losses and move on.

 

Whatever you do, you cannot continue with all these suspicions hanging over you both.

 

We have talked at length, and when it first came about i asked for her to delete his number, this took a few months for her to do it, but then to go and put the number on her phone under a girls name is a bit odd

 

 

 

Sorry to hear that, but unfortunately in situations like this when you are searching for an answer - nobody can tell you. It's your call, if possible take some time out alone - go walking for the weekend and have a good think of the options - be good to yourself and do what's right for you, and importantly don't worry about what others think.

 

Make sure you have all the facts first - confront your partner if required, not easy, but neccessary.

 

All the best.

 

 

I know that no-one can tell me the answer, but i would like to hear other people's thoughts as i am starting to blame myself, but it was not me getting texts from someone else

 

I have the facts, more than she knew Super sleuth, that's me

[Lord Geordie]

If there are any kids in the house get them to a friends house and when she comes home sit her down and talk.

 

Confess you checked her Messages on her phone etc and demand a full explanation!

 

You NEED to get this out of your system and find the truth for BOTH your sakes!

 

If she admits adultry as Cranners says you need to BOTH think about where you want to go from there (save the relationship or break it off) DON'T stay together for the sake of the Kids as it can lead to arguments then the KIDS get dragged in and it can scar the Children more than the adults

 

You need to want to stay together for YOURSELVES and no one else.

 

Perhaps a Trial seperation may let you BOTH think it over and take a good look at the situation!

 

Or even a Holiday just for the 2 of you to somewhere nice and rekindle the flame as it were.

 

I know you may not want to hear this BUT If you head for the divorce courts the Admission of Adultery will speed the process up i had mine through in about 6 month from start to the decree absoloute if i remember correctly and now live on my own HAPPILY with my Son for 9 years now.

 

I loved MY wife and tried to save our marriage till one day i went round in the evening to find a half clad man open the front door and her standing in her underwear looking through to the front door

 

It hurts like a son of a bitch and there is no sugar coating that it's up to YOU to make the moves and to take control of the situation.

 

We can ALL offer ideas etc but really it's down to you bud!

 

All we can REALLY do here is gove you moral support.

 

ATVB

 

LG

[Devon Fox]

Really tough one this, i was in a similiar position a few years back, i had heard rumours and choose to ignore them, but it eats at you and left me feeling like a basket case, even ignoring my pals and not listening to what they had to say about the "tart" !

 

It is all to easy to suggest you leave her, you have to do what you feel is right.

 

After it happened to me, i went through several relationships, as i became paranoid and walked out on them as soon as i felt unhappy, looking back on it, it was often without good cause!

 

I wish you the best of luck, and i am sure you will get all the support you need on here, and some!

[Axe]

I have been in a similar situation in the past, though it did not last that long. One thing I found was that after having tried to sort the problems and succesfully managing to get the relationship back on track, I just didnt have the trust in my partner after that.

 

Relationships arent just based on trust but without it, well you know what I mean. For me that spelt the end, even though I didnt want it to. So I said my goodbyes and never looked back.

 

And you know, I have never wanted to look back ever since and now have a wonderful family. Guess I was lucky.

 

But at the end of the day, you must follow what is right for you. Be strong, keep ya head up and dont do anything silly.

[dweeb]

If there are any kids in the house get them to a friends house and when she comes home sit her down and talk.

 

Confess you checked her Messages on her phone etc and demand a full explanation!

 

You NEED to get this out of your system and find the truth for BOTH your sakes!

 

If she admits adultry as Cranners says you need to BOTH think about where you want to go from there (save the relationship or break it off) DON'T stay together for the sake of the Kids as it can lead to arguments then the KIDS get dragged in and it can scar the Children more than the adults

 

You need to want to stay together for YOURSELVES and no one else.

 

Perhaps a Trial seperation may let you BOTH think it over and take a good look at the situation!

 

Or even a Holiday just for the 2 of you to somewhere nice and rekindle the flame as it were.

 

I know you may not want to hear this BUT If you head for the divorce courts the Admission of Adultery will speed the process up i had mine through in about 6 month from start to the decree absoloute if i remember correctly and now live on my own HAPPILY with my Son for 9 years now.

 

I loved MY wife and tried to save our marriage till one day i went round in the evening to find a half clad man open the front door and her standing in her underwear looking through to the front door

 

It hurts like a son of a bitch and there is no sugar coating that it's up to YOU to make the moves and to take control of the situation.

 

We can ALL offer ideas etc but really it's down to you bud!

 

All we can REALLY do here is gove you moral support.

 

ATVB

 

LG

Spot on LG

[pin]

Just my 2p's worth, I have never cheated and wouldn't tolerate it - any proof and its over, no second chances.

 

In my mind once a cheat always a cheat.

 

Hope you sort it out whatever you decide mate, going for a good long walk will help!

[Dr W]

Gutted for you, no one deserves this sort of ****.

 

If someone decides they no longer love the person they are with they should break it off before pursuing someone else rather than put the person they used to love through all that pain.

 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out she's up to something but be an adult and sensible, don't hit her or him you'll lose your licence, my FAO told me that in cases of domestic violence they'll take your guns off you and if you refuse they will send in armed support to do it. Is she really worth you losing your shooting over.

 

Also if you have to move back home, who cares it's not for ever and your family and friends will love haing you around again.

 

Fingers crossed it all works out well for you.

[Gonna Shoot a Wabbit]

wise words spoken by l.g. spot on

 

i am going through separation / divorce at the moment too(similar circumstances). Do not wish to reveal too much because of delicate stage of proceedings i am sure you understand.

 

From what you say you have no cause to blame yourself for what has happened, you work hard to provide for and support your family and as has been mentioned by one of the other members women these days seem easily tempted by greener grass even when it actually isn't. If at all possible do not let the red haze descend especially if kids are involved, as they are stuck in the middle and love you both.

 

For me finding out someone else was involved was the cut off point and was the end of the marriage, but you have to do what is right for you and only you can decide that. My friends in the shooting community have helped me through some dark days pal, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The same will happen for you even though at the moment you can't see it eventually sanity does return i promise you!, do your best to stay calm, be strong and do not do anything rash.

 

Keep your chin up and i wish you all the best. Whatever you decide.

[kip270]

LG, we are not married, and we do not have any kids together. I am divorced have two kids with my ex (20 & 17) who live in wales with their mum.

 

We decided when we got together to move to scotland for a fresh start in life, and i have made some friends, got some good ground for shooting, life seemed to be getting on track, then this.

I am hurting, just because she has made a mug of me, and what did i do to derserve this??? If i fell out of love with her and then someone else, i would of left, no if's or but's..

 

I am currently on a managment programme in work, but due to finances i can't afford to get a place on my own, the only option is to go back to wales.

 

The trust has gone, and that is something that can consume you and then things go wrong. If it wasn't for my shooting i would of done something stupid, but i have too much to lose over some bloke and her.

 

Thanks for the wise words from so many FRIENDS

[new to the flock]

I think that you have already decided to leave by the sounds of it. So if you can not afford a home by yourself, find a part boarder or get a bachlor apartment. There has to be someway for you to make it work....just sit down and think it through logically.

 

NTTF

[roadkill]

The trust has gone, and that is something that can consume you and then things go wrong. If it wasn't for my shooting i would of done something stupid, but i have too much to lose over some bloke and her.

 

that says it all my friend the trust has gone , its all so easy for us to read your post and say leave her , but its not are heart strings she pulls but what you have to think is when ever she is out or you hear her phone beep your head will be ticking thinking who's that where is she who's she with do you want to put yourself through that for the rest of your life?

 

In my eyes she has betrayed your trust with the first time you asked her to stop but when she changed the number to a girl that is proper low and very devious.

 

Have you thought about going to a relationship council session if you want to save it that is

[SecretFollower]

As lots of others have said, she's betrayed your trust and even if you want to try and save/rebuild the relationship, in most similar situations I've known it's hard/impossible to trust the other person again and that can end up being just as destructive as the actual betrayal.

 

If you have decided to leave, rather than throw the life you've built for yourself in Scotland away, could you not lodge somewhere / house share just to maybe save up enough money to get your own place? I know it's not ideal and I personally would hate to do it but it seems awful that you have to give up your life there because of her betrayal.

[louilester]

Kip,

 

Unfortunately some women seem to think the grass is greener, only to find its not. Don’t let her blame you for the way she is acting it is totally out of order.

 

Completely agree with this point of view. I went through a similar situation about 6 years ago now, my wife decided that it wasn't intresting enough being at home and bringing up our son. Long story - but I'm now happily married with a daughter and unlike most people these days it seems we get on well with my ex-wife. For the last 3 years we've had Christmas dinner together all of us.

 

I'm really happy with the way things turned out, my ex-wife, however still rue's the day that she made the wrong decision and is on her own.

 

I found that erlate really helped me - find their number in the yellow book and give em a call. Their friendly and supporting and can also help you deal with practical things too.

 

I wish you all the best Kip - try and keep posotive and make use of any friends that are near you as you'll often need their support, make sure you ask though as they will feel awkard calling you.

[Devon Fox]

I wish you all the best Kip - try and keep posotive and make use of any friends that are near you as you'll often need their support, make sure you ask though as they will feel awkard calling you.

 

 

That is sound advice, i wouldnt be sure whether to give my mate a ring if he was in this situation!

[Gordon R]

Only you can decide. Personally I would dump her. Ask yourself - "Will I ever trust her again"? If you can and, I would find that hard to credit, then patch it up. If you patch things up now, how long before it kicks off again? Rebuild your life with someone who wants you - not someone else. I could not live with the doubt.

[NorfolkBoy]

Once the 'trust' has gone its very hard to rebuild a relationship. If you were to patch things up you will continue to experience the nagging doubts which could ultimately turn into something more damaging - paranoia or other health issues.

 

At the risk of using cliches - life is way too short - it seems to me that people often prefer to cling to the hope that things will improve when the reality is that they only get worse. Do not worry about short term practicalities or inconveniences, they are nothing compared to your own personal long term health & happiness.

[mossy835]

a farmer friend of mine moved out because his wife had an afair, but now will he be able two trust her she has done it befor, i would not have gone back, the dout will all ways there.

[trakker01]

Well this is something i would not normally do (washing my problems in public) but i feel that you are after all my friends

 

Your partner is a friendly person, gets on well with fellow work colleagues etc, and you trust them. Then things start happening that seem wrong, so you start snooping and look at the Mobile phone and find a text from a bloke saying "Morning Sexy xxx" and your partner had been out the evening before while you have been to work!!!!

Then you find out that they have purchased a Christmas present for this persons child but not your own with your ex-wife. So you have an argument and decide to try and get through this.

I phoned the guy in question and asked what his game was, and told him to back off. Then i had to work with him for one shift, and he asked why was i on this shift my reply "To keep an eye on my girlfriend, and to make sure i know your face "

 

Then over a year later your suspicion's are aroused again so you check the phone and there is a text message "Morning sexy, I'm knackered, c u later xxx" but this time it is on the phone under a girls name And the previous evening she said she was going to collect some Avon books from a friend, so when i came home there were no books in the house, so when she was up for work i mentioned the books "oh they are in my boot" and she heads off for the shower. So i get up go to the car and there are NO books in the car either, hence why i checked the phone.

So for me it has all ended, i moved to Scotland to make a new life for the pair of us leaving my family in Wales, so no-one to talk to really hence this post to my Friends.

 

 

If it were not for the fact i hold my FAC & SGC i would of asked for Steven Seagal to possess my body and let loose.......

 

 

There is a line when you are in a relationship, and how far over the line would you let it go. Now i have never been one for exchanging my number with the opposite sex, some people do but they know how far they can take things.

Since i have been here i have had offers, but have always declined because i know where the fine line is in a relationship.

 

I have my faults (who doesn't??) but i was committed to this relationship 100%.

I am BORING as i don't drink, smoke, like TV sports,Porn etc, i dress in GREEN and there are books with guns on them everywhere, when a passenger or driving for that matter i am always looking out in the fields, her words "God your SAD"

 

I do not have any one's number i shouldn't and there are NO WOMENS NUMBER OR EMAIL ADDRESS. But she is trying to make out that i have been up to something.

 

So i have to try and get a transfer with my job back to wales, as i cannot afford to stay in Scotland (CSA payments) and will have to move back with my parents(38 yrs old, this is not a good prospect).

 

I would like to hear your thoughts, and i know there are two sides to every story

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this

 

if this is the case & its garanteed, have a chat to her in doors, see whats the score..ask her to be truthful as you see her as a bud & you don't lie to buds who are so close (or any)....get some home truths

 

she may be on a simpathy game , seeking some jealous attension, from you.

 

some ladies are (sorry) nutty to say the least, but you should know her well..

if she aint gonna be your bud, ok....

 

time to part/ex....party on!!