955i Posted June 20, 2016 Report Share Posted June 20, 2016 (edited) Needing instructions on how to wipe your own **** Edited June 20, 2016 by 955i Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted June 20, 2016 Report Share Posted June 20, 2016 Where is Nigel Farage when we need him? It's those bureaocrats in Europe I tell ya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Houseplant Posted June 20, 2016 Report Share Posted June 20, 2016 Idiocracy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom R Posted June 20, 2016 Report Share Posted June 20, 2016 There I was thinking it was one up one down and one to polish!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol p Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Believe it or not there are people who live In Britain that don't use toilet paper. And they'll prepare and serve you food after they've been to the toilet as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tadorna Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Believe it or not there are people who live In Britain that don't use toilet paper. And they'll prepare and serve you food after they've been to the toilet as well. Yup, and not all of them immigrants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deker Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) my favourite it the warning on a packet of nuts that exclaims "may contain nuts"... you don't say, that's why I'm buying them Edited June 21, 2016 by Deker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 There is a proposal for a new EU directive to combat the fact that many men splash wee not in the urinal but on the floor nearby thereby causing a slip hazard. Seems men cannot be trusted to point it in the right direction. So, in company toilets the directive says that staff will need to be trained and employed to aid gents to point it in the right direction for you. Being as these toilets don't display much gender diversity, the "pointing" operatives will need to be women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keg Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 The instructions will obviously allow Andrex to seek more of their products. I'm with the "backwards, forwards and a polish" school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I thought that you were supposed to lay a strip of it on the floor and drag your bum along like a dog with worms , or is that just me . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walshie Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I thought that you were supposed to lay a strip of it on the floor and drag your bum along like a dog with worms , or is that just me . No it's not just you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 No it's not just you. Thats a relief , I would have looked like a right fool :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I understood it was the mat with "welcome" written on it that served for this job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyflier Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I think the direction depends on whether one has a tomato pip at the nipsy. Often a single direction wipe will simply not budge the offending object Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Bb Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 3 - 4 sheets per wipe? One's more than enough and if you stick your finger through that'll teach you to be more careful in future! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grrclark Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I thought that you were supposed to lay a strip of it on the floor and drag your bum along like a dog with worms , or is that just me . A coarse towel laid over the edge of the bath gives a deeper clean...... 3 - 4 sheets per wipe? One's more than enough and if you stick your finger through that'll teach you to be more careful in future! Remember to tear a little bit of the single sheet off first before use, that way you can clean under your nail later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 This thread is bringing out some toilet humour from some surprising corners I think the direction depends on whether one has a tomato pip at the nipsy. Often a single direction wipe will simply not budge the offending object Doesn't that depend upon whether or not you have a chocolate hostage in the departure lounge? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 if i cleaned my rear as/instructions....i wouldnt need soapy water as surgested to finish.........i would need swafega followed by the application of a power washer (lidls thurs offer £69.99).............can you imagine some neandertal "PATTING" himself dry..................think not..................... if you used instructions you would be stopped by the scat police... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyflier Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) Doesn't that depend upon whether or not you have a chocolate hostage in the departure lounge? The chocolate hostage has usually been released and the pip is part of the stubborn detritus which remains (this thread is going to go on forever) Edited June 21, 2016 by hyflier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Bb Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 The chocolate hostage has usually been released and the pip is part of the stubborn detritus which remains (this thread is going to go on forever) That'll be the Klingons, Cap'n Kirk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UKPoacher Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Who remembers those Izal shiny paper toilet rolls? We used to have them in the school bogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 (edited) Come to think of it - I've long had an issue with those roller towel machines being mounted too high and having to stand on the sink to reach then trying to line up the blue band in the roller towel with the crack is often tricky. Maybe i am doing it all wrong? Edited June 21, 2016 by malkiserow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Who remembers those Izal shiny paper toilet rolls? We used to have them in the school bogs. they were terrible.........when you went in the loo after someone and peered into the bowl ....you saw what looked like a couple of ariel photos of a volano........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
four-wheel-drive Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Who remembers those Izal shiny paper toilet rolls? We used to have them in the school bogs. I was thinking about those in the day we could have done with some instruction on how they work from what I can remember all that they did was spread the mess out more and though it is hard to believe they still sell the stuff today :sad1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itchy trigger Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 Who remembers those Izal shiny paper toilet rolls? We used to have them in the school bogs. showing my age now, we had those at home when I was a kid, two sided, rough side first then the smooth side 'to polish' funniest thread for quite a while Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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