moondoggy Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 2 hours ago, Penelope said: Exactly! Her behavior is unreasonable at best? Examples of Unreasonable Behaviour in Divorce Domestic Abuse. ... Lack of sex. ... Family disputes. ... Inappropriate relationship with another person. ... Debt/financial recklessness. ... Verbal abuse, shouting or belittling. ... Obsessive Hobby. My solicitor said that a man refusing to do the washing up can be classed as unreasonable behaviour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 2 minutes ago, moondoggy said: My solicitor said that a man refusing to do the washing up can be classed as unreasonable behaviour. She had the bank in her name, I get non means tested disability benefits that go into that account, she refused 4 times to allow me to access any money which as my solicitor said is domestic abuse, separated my money now, and what is this sex thing mentioned in the list? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moondoggy Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 6 minutes ago, Twistedsanity said: She had the bank in her name, I get non means tested disability benefits that go into that account, she refused 4 times to allow me to access any money which as my solicitor said is domestic abuse, separated my money now, and what is this sex thing mentioned in the list? I know its of little comfort at a time like this, but it sounds like you’ll be well shut of her. I hope everything works out as painlessly as possible for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old farrier Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 3 hours ago, Penelope said: Exactly! Her behavior is unreasonable at best? Examples of Unreasonable Behaviour in Divorce Domestic Abuse. ... Lack of sex. ... Family disputes. ... Inappropriate relationship with another person. ... Debt/financial recklessness. ... Verbal abuse, shouting or belittling. ... Obsessive Hobby. Obsessive hobby does she have a horse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MirokuMK70 Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 "half her pensions" i realise shes done the dirty on you, but why should you be entitled to half her pensions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 Dont worry about the sex thing, i bet she isnt. And as for her being green about the laws, dont count on it. Be smart, and be crafty. I bet here's 1 or 2 briefs reading this and laughing their socks off. I really wish i had kept all the paper work from my divorce, it was apparently quite a good one according to my solicitor, we played ping pong for nearly 2 years, i was accused of just about everything, i admitted to adultery in the end just to get it over with. Her so called close friends saved me a considerable amount of money at the time by urging her to not accept a final settlement offer. 2 minutes ago, miroku mk70 said: "half her pensions" i realise shes done the dirty on you, but why should you be entitled to half her pensions? So you wouldnt mind if 1/2 yours were taken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MirokuMK70 Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 No- i just cant understand why anyone would feel they had a right to someone elses pension fund... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 3 minutes ago, miroku mk70 said: "half her pensions" i realise shes done the dirty on you, but why should you be entitled to half her pensions? That the law, I didn't make it or decipher it, I am. Unable to go get job and accrue a pension I guess as I have been stay at home dad for 6 years and am disabled, I'm 50 and she is 38 apparently all that is relevant, I'm. Just quoting what 2 solicitors told me and is freely available on the net, the families act 1973 sec 23 or 25 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moondoggy Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 1 minute ago, miroku mk70 said: No- i just cant understand why anyone would feel they had a right to someone elses pension fund... My solicitor told me, if young children are involved and it goes to court, she could get up to 80% of my pension. So I was advised to keep it as amicable as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 (edited) 15 minutes ago, miroku mk70 said: "half her pensions" i realise shes done the dirty on you, but why should you be entitled to half her pensions? If she's the bread winner so to speak, and the house is in her name, she is obliged to support her dependant, in this case the OP, I'm assuming? This is how it works if the roles are reversed. A couple of mates have been through this; one narrowly avoided his ex getting her hands on his pension by his solicitor advising him to counter claim against an inheritance she had just benefitted from. She didn't pursue his pension after that. Another is currently going through similar; she's done the dirty, but she is entitled to half of his pension, spousal support etc as he was the bread winner. He has just lodged his guns with a mate on the advice of his FEO. Edited to add that I think if the OP marries again, it all changes? Edited September 2, 2019 by Scully Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 2 minutes ago, miroku mk70 said: No- i just cant understand why anyone would feel they had a right to someone elses pension fund... I don't feel. I have a right, the law does though, its not up to me to interpret it as I see fit that's what I pay someone else £300ph to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince Green Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 2 minutes ago, miroku mk70 said: No- i just cant understand why anyone would feel they had a right to someone elses pension fund... Its an asset held in common, when you marry everything you own becomes joint unless you both sign a pre-nup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 Just now, Scully said: If she's the bread winner so to speak, and the house is in her name, she is obliged to support her dependant, in this case the OP, I'm assuming? This is how it works if the roles are reversed. A couple of mates have been through this; one narrowly avoided his ex getting her hands on his pension by his solicitor advising him to counter claim against an inheritance she had just benefitted from. She didn't pursue his pension after that. Another is currently going through similar; she's done the dirty, but she is entitled to half of his pension, spousal support etc as he was the bread winner. He has just lodged his guns with a mate on the advice of his FEO. Yep, you got it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 I sincerely hope it's all sorted asap TT, and as painless as these things can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjaferret Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 You really want to look at the maintenance thing for you and your daughter, you'd be happily surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 2, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 43 minutes ago, ninjaferret said: You really want to look at the maintenance thing for you and your daughter, you'd be happily surprised. Hope so, twenty years and I have done everything in my power to try and sort it out for the sake of my daughter but she clearly isn't interested In playing ball in any way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjaferret Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 You'll go through stages in your feelings, from saying you want to hurt her as she's hurt you, to wanting to be fair and even, through to finally hating her for what she has done. It's easier going straight to the hate mode and getting yourself with your lawyers help the best deal for you. To be fair would you even want to be friends with her after all this ? No. So go for it, you can always be civil but you don't have to like her. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but sometimes, its cruel to be kind. And she's already showed her colours as well as her honey pot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martyn2233 Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 22 minutes ago, ninjaferret said: You'll go through stages in your feelings, from saying you want to hurt her as she's hurt you, to wanting to be fair and even, through to finally hating her for what she has done. It's easier going straight to the hate mode and getting yourself with your lawyers help the best deal for you. To be fair would you even want to be friends with her after all this ? No. So go for it, you can always be civil but you don't have to like her. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but sometimes, its cruel to be kind. And she's already showed her colours as well as her honey pot. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oowee Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 Having been through this a few times. It is preferable to be fair and even handed whilst protecting your financial position. You have children and will want to carry them with you. It is very easy for them to pick up on 'hate' within their world and its likely to have unintended consequences in the development of behavior issues. If your partner has a long term future relationship that relationship will share your childs upbringing. You will want this to be (hard as it may sound) warm and positive. Ultimately a 3rd party is likely to be at school open day with you. It's tough but the smoother the flow the better the outcomes for your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mice! Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 Just remember this forum is open to the public, does your other half know your user name? I fully understand you want to vent, just be careful what you type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old farrier Posted September 2, 2019 Report Share Posted September 2, 2019 1 hour ago, Mice! said: Just remember this forum is open to the public, does your other half know your user name? I fully understand you want to vent, just be careful what you type. Best advice yet 👍 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 3, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2019 9 hours ago, Old farrier said: Best advice yet 👍 Very true, yep, I will be wary thanks, I have offered to loan her one of my spare spinning rods a few times now to aid her fishing expeditions she seems to embark on regularly, did you know you use and apple I watch to record things without the phone being present? Amazing what you learn when uou have to, I think there has been a bit of that going on previously but I'm usually quite Aware if the things I say so naturally cautios Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted September 3, 2019 Report Share Posted September 3, 2019 (edited) I remember a judge once saying that most divorces were like an old firm derby where both sides intentionally turn up to kick 7 bells out of each other and then when they don’t get the result they want at the end they blame the match officials and everyone else but themselves 😆 When you’re in the thick of it, it’s all about the raw emotions, however, divorce is an accounting exercise and it’s all about the money - yes kids’ needs come first, but that then becomes all about the money as everyone works out the cost of their housing requirements and how many bedrooms they need to house the kids. So, given that the divorce process really is just all about money, people separating and moving forwards, you’d be amazed how much time, money and energy is spent on other distractions as the parties actively search to find something to argue over - that’ll be the hurt talking. Businessmen know that there is no profit in a dispute and whilst the court process has transformed divorce into an accounting exercise, marriages are funny things and they aren’t businesses. The courts long scrapped fault based divorces because the parties would just argue, argue and argue about who forgot the anniversary through to who who shagged the neighbour and so by this, who did what, stuck what into who just doesn’t matter or count at all in the court process. But of course it does matter to the people involved and that’s the rub of it. Oh and divorces are only amicable right to the point one partner finds out the other is ‘over the side’ or well advanced in their plans for a Plan B life with someone else - then it all goes off. Needless to say, get you’re own legal advice and cut your cloth accordingly. Edited September 3, 2019 by Mungler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 3, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2019 Lol! She has already been caught over the other side but clearly denied and continues to deny it, I have ensured that I have exhausted every avenue to sort this amicably now and regardless of whatever the future holds my conscience is clear which as this is my second divorce now somehow seems of primary importance to me, the last one was 30 years back, so much has changed now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twistedsanity Posted September 6, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2019 Nearly managed a conversation last night,turns out she just wanted to discuss how I should alter my behaviour to make her life easier for her and admitted that she hasn't given any thoughts whatsoever to our daughters living arrangements after we split which is what the mediation process is all about, it beggers belief that the singularly most important person in this entire facade isn't worthy of her thoughts or attention over herself, my solicitor has told me that the divorce isn't relevant to the family or financial matters and I should just sign her papers anyway, thanks for all the input and advice everyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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