Military school for boys recommendation

[Jaymo]

https://www.legion-recrute.com/en
 

This should do it👍🏻

[WalkedUp]

@Walker570 will not be pleased to see you siding with the frogs 🤣

[Jaymo]

45 minutes ago, WalkedUp said:

@Walker570 will not be pleased to see you siding with the frogs 🤣

Open to all Nationalities. 
The recruiting centre is near a very nice little seaside port/village of Cassis. 
know it rather well from living down that way for many years before wifey imposed a return to Blighty.
 

My old Avatar was ‘I am a frog’ 😂😂

Hey, at least I linked to the English part of the website 🙂

[ditchman]

25 minutes ago, Jaymo said:

Open to all Nationalities. 
The recruiting centre is near a very nice little seaside port/village of Cassis. 
know it rather well from living down that way for many years before wifey imposed a return to Blighty.
 

My old Avatar was ‘I am a frog’ 😂😂

Hey, at least I linked to the English part of the website 🙂

what is your new avatar...........it looks like a skinny otter with a big testicle hanging under its chin.........

[Jaymo]

41 minutes ago, ditchman said:

what is your new avatar...........it looks like a skinny otter with a big testicle hanging under its chin.........

Nah, it’s just me ‘post lockdown’ weight gain….

[Jim Neal]

On 27/06/2021 at 18:34, Doc Holliday said:

As per the title, I've been asked by a friend if I know of a military school where she can send her son. He's got in a bit of trouble and she wants him to have some discipline. 

Thanks in advance. 

 

13 hours ago, Doc Holliday said:

I didn't want to go into all the details but, in a nutshell, parents are divorced and kids spend alternate weeks with each. Not ideal as there is no stability and possibly quite unsettling for the kids. The daughter (soon to be 12) is fine and very bright. The son (soon to be 14) is also very bright but has Asperger's so doesn't understand how to empathise with others especially where his actions are concerned. The mother (my friend) tries to instill some kind of regime but is undermined at every turn by the father. 

Yes, it is easy for anyone to assume anything without knowing the full facts. 

This is a real curly one mate.  I completely understand you wanting to help your friend, but sometimes helping means questioning the validity of their ideas.

I have a young son who's very obviously somewhere on the spectrum; we've made the decision not to go down the route of diagnosis as yet but might well do.  I would die inside if he was forced into some sort of "beat them into shape" boot camp as an attempt to "correct" his behaviour because it would just break him apart.  You simply cannot do that with kids whose brains are wired up a bit differently.  It will not work.

There is no "cure".  The only way to help guide someone with autistic traits is to empathise with them.  Tap in to what makes them tick, and channel that into something positive.  Art, music, a hobby... whatever, just something they are interested in and can use to fill their brain with positivity and good feelings.

The autistic mind is constantly doing battle with negative emotions such as fear and anxiety, and when these emotions come to the forefront that's when the perceived "bad" behaviour manifests itself.  An autistic mind wants things to be a certain way and can't cope when they're not, causing the negative emotions to come flying out.  You need to help them by nurturing the positive aspects in their life that bring calm, order, predictability, safety or whatever it is they need into their mind.

It's already been mentioned above, if the child already has an official diagnosis then the door is already open to the services that need to be accessed, and that won't include uniforms, marching up and down and being shouted at by someone who makes you think you're worthless.  If they haven't been diagnosed it sounds like it might be the time now?  This would solve the issue with the father because he'll either need to get on board or lose his access to the child.

What I've said is not namby-pambyism.  Helping people with autism is a task that first requires you to understand exactly what it is you're helping with.

I would urge your friend to access the available help and not inflict mental torture on her son.  Frankly, her plan is a cop-out and has zero chance of achieving the desired result.

 

[Doc Holliday]

Thanks for the replies, the sensible ones at least even if some were a bit judgemental. 

No one was talking about beating the lad. What his mother wants is some order and structure for him. She has tried to instill it herself but, as I say, the father undoes any attempt at this by telling him he can do whatever he wants. He acts more like his best friend than his father and there is no guidance or boundaries set by him. 

I've never had kids but even I know they need boundaries and it's the parent's job to enforce this, and whenever they are crossed then the parent needs to get to the bottom of why this happened. 

It's not through a lack of trying but she is desperate that he has some strong male figures to help guide him and feels that something with a military aspect (or even a martial arts aspect) would help him to understand his actions are not acceptable. His level of Aspergers is somewhat mild. He is just not capable of empathising with people (or animals for that matter).

I took him shooting last year and he wanted to shoot anything that flew, walked or crawled. Yes, I found him hard work and had to keep telling him that this is not what shooting is about. 

But thank you for taking the time to reply as there are some things thst I can forward on to his mother and she can look at these. 

[Mungler]

22 hours ago, Doc Holliday said:

I didn't want to go into all the details but, in a nutshell, parents are divorced and kids spend alternate weeks with each. Not ideal as there is no stability and possibly quite unsettling for the kids. The daughter (soon to be 12) is fine and very bright. The son (soon to be 14) is also very bright but has Asperger's so doesn't understand how to empathise with others especially where his actions are concerned. The mother (my friend) tries to instill some kind of regime but is undermined at every turn by the father. 

Yes, it is easy for anyone to assume anything without knowing the full facts. 

This is the blue print for every divorce I’m afraid 

[captainhastings]

You can't discipline a kid they are the way they are. You can steer and advise and set an example but they have to find there own path and hopefully learn from there mistakes. In the end it either works out or it don't

[WalkedUp]

Apologies if the advice has been blunt and heartless. It is easy for everyone else’s problems to seem simple and ideas to seem stupid from the outside.

However behind every joke or snarky comment is the truth.

I don’t mean to speculate unduly but beware of getting overly involved even with best intentions unless you wish to risk making the situation far worse. My father left my mother and us 5 children (aged 0-7), the best thing she did was to never date another man until we had all flown the coop. She didn’t want a succession of men traipsing through our lives, us becoming attached to them and they disappear again etc.

Likewise whilst you have a boy developing into a man, any additional 3rd male influences and interference, or worse being pushed out of the home to military school, is clearly a bad idea.

 

 

[Old Boggy]

On 27/06/2021 at 21:31, bottletopbill said:

Used to be a Navel school near Waterloo Station some years ago if any help. London Nautical School

I did a  heating installation at the Sea Training School near Gravesend many years ago. Not sure whether it’s still there.

OB

 

[bottletopbill]

Old Boggy think it was called National Sea Training in Northfleet Kent .

Edited June 29, 2021 by bottletopbill

[ehb102]

Any boarding school would provide that kind of structure and discipline needed to offset a wastrel parent. A good one will provide SEN support too, pastorally as well as academically. 

 

[Old Boggy]

14 hours ago, bottletopbill said:

Old Boggy think it was called National Sea Training in Northfleet Kent .

That’s the one Bill. Is it still in existence?

OB

[bottletopbill]

Yes the web site is still running  just type in National Sea Training

[mel b3]

My mate went into the army at 15 , the army finished his schooling , and was mixed in with military training .  He spent his first two years having to fight off his co who would try to have sex with him on a daily basis .

[Jim Neal]

On 29/06/2021 at 06:44, Doc Holliday said:

Thanks for the replies, the sensible ones at least even if some were a bit judgemental. 

No one was talking about beating the lad. What his mother wants is some order and structure for him. She has tried to instill it herself but, as I say, the father undoes any attempt at this by telling him he can do whatever he wants. He acts more like his best friend than his father and there is no guidance or boundaries set by him. 

I've never had kids but even I know they need boundaries and it's the parent's job to enforce this, and whenever they are crossed then the parent needs to get to the bottom of why this happened. 

It's not through a lack of trying but she is desperate that he has some strong male figures to help guide him and feels that something with a military aspect (or even a martial arts aspect) would help him to understand his actions are not acceptable. His level of Aspergers is somewhat mild. He is just not capable of empathising with people (or animals for that matter).

I took him shooting last year and he wanted to shoot anything that flew, walked or crawled. Yes, I found him hard work and had to keep telling him that this is not what shooting is about. 

But thank you for taking the time to reply as there are some things thst I can forward on to his mother and she can look at these. 

My words "beat him into shape" were meant figuratively rather than literally, if that's what you were referring to?

Anyhow, once again, empathy is the route to take.  You can only fix a problem if you can understand it.

I must take issue with the mother's idea that the child needs the input of someone his own gender to make a difference.  I take issue with the fact that the mother has signed out of responsibility because she has the wrong bits between her legs.  That simply isn't a valid excuse.

I can think of several examples of perfectly decent human beings turned out by single parents, in all combinations of parent/child gender.  The parent simply needs to step up.  Easy to say, very hard to do.  I don't envy any single parent.

Is the main problem the thing about wanting to hurt?  Really that is a clinical issue not a social issue, definitely in need of specialist intervention if that's the case.  Is the kid diagnosed?

[henry d]

On 29/06/2021 at 06:44, Doc Holliday said:

I took him shooting last year and he wanted to shoot anything that flew, walked or crawled.

I would suggest that military school would be the last place he should be going. 

[Mungler]

The brutal reality is this:

1. It’s not like the movies, there’s no cure, thanks, epiphany moment or great end result. You are on a hiding to nothing for all sorts of reasons some you may invite to hear, others you will not. Indeed, I sense some thin skin here in your replies. 

2. you’re not the child’s parent and you are being invited to get involved in critical long term decisions - if the plan goes wrong, you will carry all the blame. It’s human nature. Even if the plan goes swimmingly, the door on your relationship with the boy / mother can be closed shut in an instant.

3. they say you need 2000 hours to have any real experience of anything, and parenting can be like that. 

 

[Jim Neal]

15 hours ago, Mungler said:

3. they say you need 2000 hours to have any real experience of anything, and parenting can be like that. 

That's 4 months if you factor in 8 hours sleep a night (if you're lucky to get that much)

Parenting hasn't even begun by then, and then to cope with a kid who is on the spectrum...... double it and add a couple of zeros

[Mungler]

7 hours ago, Jim Neal said:

That's 4 months if you factor in 8 hours sleep a night (if you're lucky to get that much)

Parenting hasn't even begun by then, and then to cope with a kid who is on the spectrum...... double it and add a couple of zeros

Agreed