pegleg31 Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'm really worried about my partners 13yr old boy. He distances his self from everyone doesn't like to interact with anyone, has no friends at school and spends all his time in his room on his computers. I know you're thinking sounds like most teenage boys, but when you're around him 24hrs a day things add up. We've tried to get people to look at him, the school says there's nothing wrong but are worried he's not making friends and lacks concentration?. The specialist he's under for his illness thinks he's just immature, his father is useless and just leaves him in front of a computer for the 24 hrs he has him and isn't prepared to do anything with him. It's really starting to get to me as I feel I'm always getting on at him and truth be known im probably a lot to do with it as I'm always trying to get him to do things and get him out of his room and I think he's starting to resent me for it. I'm at a point where I don't know wether to give up and leave him to it as my partner and I fall out over it when I bring it up, but I just can't help thinking his life at the minute is lonely. At parties he'll sit in a corner on his own, he has one friend who is my partners friends son who he gets to see every now and again who'll he'll actually interact with. He even finds it hard to interact with his brother which is my son and often gets annoyed with him when he tries to get his attention. He can't tie his shoe laces and loads of other stuff he has difficulties with, he's not stupid by any means but seems disinterested in everything apart from computers, he can't show any affection even towards his mother or sister. Is there anyway I can force someone to look at him?, my own son is I'll and looks like his steroid trial has failed which means he'll be blood transfusion dependant but instead of worrying about that I'm more concerned about Kian. Russ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Don't know what to say i'm afraid, i wish i could offer some realistic advice. However i have a son who will sit in front of a screen all day and every day if allowed. So at the weekends i make a point of getting him off the computer and outisde for a set period of time ( lets say 30mins) just to get some fresh air in to him. He watches his watch, and goes in on 30 min, but its better than nothing. Best i can offer i'm afraid. Good luck with your step son, and your son. Now i can say that i understand, both my children have a condition called Phenylketonuria which means we need to manage their protein intake very carefully. Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 sorry cant help with your OP question but I do have a 13yr son addicted to the xbox and I have found that he has taken to clay pigeon shooting partly because he gets to use a real gun as opposed to a game, I wish you all the best with your children a good outcome for your son and that Kian finds some direction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 If he had friends and sat on his computer it wouldn't bother me as much, it's the fact he's a loner and won't interact with anyone that concerns me plus other things that make me think there's something else wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Did he have friends when he was much younger say at reception and early years school? Are there any indications from the teachers who observed him many hours each day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martyn2233 Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) If he had friends and sat on his computer it wouldn't bother me as much, it's the fact he's a loner and won't interact with anyone that concerns me plus other things that make me think there's something else wrong.dose your lad play xboxEdit to say Why can't you play the games with him I do my kids I'm no good but kids love it Edited March 18, 2015 by martyn2233 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Sounds like he may be on the autistic scale somewhere. Has this been ruled out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Did he have friends when he was much younger say at reception and early years school? Are there any indications from the teachers who observed him many hours each day? I've only known him since he was 9, his dad hashed him on a Xbox since he was 3!. I know my partner isn't blameless on it but her defence the marriage broke up with them having the house repossessed and she's gone on and built a thriving business where she employs 5 people and feels guilty that she hasn't been there as much as she could. The kids get and have everything from her. When he was in nursery apparently he Lindsey was told he should get some special order? (Probably not called that but meant he should get 1 on 1 contact) he's also been to a speech councillor when he was younger as that's the first point of getting assessed but it had to get called off because he got to upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loriusgarrulus Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 It might be just teenagers, but from what you have been saying Aspergers comes to mind. Has he always been like this or is it just as he has got to teens as Aspergers is normally there from the start. It can vary in how it manifests and often isn't diagnosed till a child is school age or older. My sister has looked after children with Aspergers and a neighbour where we used to live had a son with it. It took a 3 year fight by my neighbour to get her son diagnosed with her eventually taking him out of school and home tutoring him till he got the help he needed. Then again your stepson might just be an awkward teenager. Look up Aspergers and see what you think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Sounds like he may be on the autistic scale somewhere. Has this been ruled out? No, we've asked the schools both primary and secondary but they've told us to go to the doctors, the doctors fobbed us off. The specialist he's under just thinks he's immature. It might be just teenagers, but from what you have been saying Aspergers comes to mind. Has he always been like this or is it just as he has got to teens as Aspergers is normally there from the start. It can vary in how it manifests and often isn't diagnosed till a child is school age or older. My sister has looked after children with Aspergers and a neighbour where we used to live had a son with it. It took a 3 year fight by my neighbour to get her son diagnosed with her eventually taking him out of school and home tutoring him till he got the help he needed. Then again your stepson might just be an awkward teenager. Look up Aspergers and see what you think. My parents used to foster a lad with autism and aspergers. Means always been into himself, he's come on a lot since I've been involved but he seems to be reverting back to his old ways now he's hitting his teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 dose your lad play xbox Edit to say Why can't you play the games with him I do my kids I'm no good but kids love it I wish I had the time!. If I get the time I'll play Fifa with him but xboxs really aren't my thing and I can't see what people see in them. His dad plays them constantly and would rather sit at home playing online then go out and find someone!. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentalmac Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 As Penelope says, sounds like a bit on the Autistic scale, likely Aspergers which is part of the ASD (Autism spectrum) - people with this are often intensely interested in one thing in particular (in your lads case the computer) and nothing else... "Asperger syndrome is distinguished by a pattern of symptoms rather than a single symptom. It is characterized by qualitative impairment in social interaction, by stereotyped and restricted patterns of behavior, activities and interests, and by no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or general delay in language. Intense preoccupation with a narrow subject, one-sided verbosity, restricted prosody, and physical clumsiness are typical of the condition, but are not required for diagnosis." - Klin A (2006). "Autism and Asperger syndrome: an overview". Rev Bras Psiquiatr 28 (suppl 1): S3–S11. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martyn2233 Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 I wish I had the time!. If I get the time I'll play Fifa with him but xboxs really aren't my thing and I can't see what people see in them. His dad plays them constantly and would rather sit at home playing online then go out and find someone!.lol I know what your saying 5/10 min wouldn't go a miss that's all I try to do I lose but one day I'll win Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinRRushton Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 I used to be some what like this due to my dyslexia struggling in school which was fount out 2 years before leaving :( so had no help had plenty of friends but felt dumb compared to them writen wise but the teachers was brutial in making you feel even dumber & i fount it very easy to type through computer, also i was very subconsios about my weight being very thin, having mates saying mc rib lol. When i got a gf that changed me for the best made me want to go outmore, joined gym, apprentership plasterering & Fount a place for us to both to live, now we have 1 daughter at age of 2 & another one due in 3 months , plus not called mc rib anymore so no more winter coats in summer aha, He should find his own way in life, but also there may be reasons unforseen that may make him feel more comfortable at home then out,. Hope it sorts, he has a great future ahead of him,.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFC Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 My 10yr old Grandson, from the age of five, had a habit of pushing his nose and rolling his eyes to the side. At first it was thought to be just a habit but it progressed to the point where he was unable to stop doing it and it really upset him when he was doing it even to the point that he got a nosebleed. My daughter had to run the gauntlet of 'experts' saying it was just something he would grow out of and eventually got a diagnosis from a specialist who confirmed Tourette's syndrome. While he's at school he does his best to suppress it but when he gets home he'll give himself a good going over. We've told him that he should never try to suppress it when he's with us. My daughter has stopped his estranged father from seeing him for now since she heard him calling her son a ****** retard. If he gets something in his mind then it's difficult to distract him and I've found that the best thing is to go along with him on his terms and try and take an interest in whatever he's absorbed with. Provided it's not putting him in harms way in which case I have to be firm with him. My wife and I got together 20+ years when she was 30 and I was 40. I knew she had her little personality traits which I accepted. When she was coming up to 40 she left her nursing job to join me in my Stained Glass and Glass Engraving business. As I taught her the various processes and skills then I started to get frustrated because it seemed that sometimes she simply wasn't listening to what I was telling her. However, I realised that some days she could do the job perfectly and other days it was as if she'd never done the job before. She said it was frustrating because she felt like she had the information in her brain but couldn't access it. I came to realise she had a fundemental problem, especially using, tools and practical dexterity. She said that she had always struggled with practical things at school, especially PE. A term that kept coming up was Dyspraxia and she went to her GP who said that she was 100% sure that whatever Dyspraxia was then my wife certainly didn't have it because it was only known as 'clumsy-child syndrome' and adults didn't have it. Again, through efforts of her own, my wife managed to get a diagnosis from a specialist and she has since completed a Diploma course and returned to nursing as a Mental Health Specialist. An example of the way that I adapted things was that, instead of giving her a list of intructions, I would draw out the instructions in comic-strip style which gave her visual reminders on the days that she struggled. She wears velcro or slip-on shoes because she struggles to tie shoe laces and if she wears her walking boots then I tie the laces for her because she can't do them up tight enough. http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/ Trust your instincts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stubby Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 my wife does have a son who is special needs, his mind was around 7yrs behind his age, it took lots of pushing through the schools to get him statemented, which is what you need for anyone to believe what your saying/thinking, it took us around 5yrs of pushing before we could get him out of mainstream school, and into a special school, he then went in leaps and bounds and excelled in learning, now thankfully he is in normal college and getting on great, if you watch the film "rain man" we can relate to the body moves that are shown, in all honesty, what you describe sounds like a normal kid that needs some self esteem, as he sounds like our sons older sister, she excelled at school, went onto college, then hit a wall, left college, and because we said she needed a job, she ran away up north to a geek she met on the internet, thankfully she came back after 2 months, but now, same as you explain, sits glued to a computer 24/7 we no motivation, thinking the perfect job will land in her lap without her looking, computer games and computers are to blame, I now turn off the free wi-fi, they both get a few hours per night, why not try getting him into plinking targets in the garden Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 I have to disagree with some comments about getting involved with the little chap by playing computer games with him. I personally thing that this is the very reason that some young folk become enclosed in the games, they live there life through computers. How do people mix or interact with other people either there own age or not, then when or if the time comes that they "need" to interact they fail or struggle. I would try and bring him out using other ways, some outdoor pursuits, it doesn't have to be shooting related. Something that excites him, something that gives him some sparkle, canoeing, go-karting, rock climbing, the list is absolutely endless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 The adolescent years are hard enough for teens without learning difficulties and a step Dad, so I don't envy you at all. My nephew has learning difficulties, autism and all the ensuing problems (like glue ear) that includes. You don't say what his 'illness' is, unless I've missed it, but the first thing to do is try and be his friend without becoming cloying or pushy. My nephew is obsessed with Westerns, and will sit and watch them all day if he can. Sharing his interests will go a long way to making inroads into his life, and to see if you could transfer his gaming interests in reality may be a way in. I don't mean buy him a .44 Magnum if he's into GTA obviously, but if he likes shoot 'em ups' then he may be into guns, and as much as it may not be PC, many boys are. We all played cowboys and indians as kids, and although toy guns are now frowned upon by many, I'm still of the opinion that running around outside shouting 'bang, you're dead', is preferable to sitting in a room all day blowing bits off people in graphic glory with surround sound violence. Ask him if he fancies going out with an air rifle to start with, and plink at a few cans. If he plays FIFA, ask him if he wants a kick about on the local pitch. If he likes GT etc take him to a local race track or similar. Anything really to get him to respond. If he likes films take him to the cinema; you can talk on the journey there and back. The best advice I can give is don't show your annoyance when there's no response; persevere and don't force it, but don't give up. A lot of teens live in their own minds, and as a teenager there are many times it's not a pleasant place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lineshooter Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 You have to persevere and basically badger the so called professionals until they are fed up of you and take notice, my lad was born with the two main arteries of his heart reversed so lacked oxygenated blood reaching the brain, anyway cut a long story short we were advised by the specialist after five hours of heart surgery that he would be left with some form of learning disabilities, some may not show up until he got older. He showed signs of all in the above mentioned posts, Dyspraxia ,Autism, Asbergers etc,etc, luckily we had a good doctor who referred us to a specialist who basically ruled them all out, after months of voicing our concerns at his school about his behavior he was diagnosed as being Dyslexic, but only after we paid for him to be tested, the school just said he was a "naughty child" and they didn`t agree with the labeling of children with a specific disorders. He is now twenty five, has no end of qualifications for one thing and another, a job looking after special needs children at a local nursery, been signed off from the heart unit, has two small children of his own that he looks after and he organizes his own and the children s lives, a credit to himself. So don`t give up just yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_b_wales Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Sounds like he may be on the autistic scale somewhere. Has this been ruled out? I agree with the above. He could have mild autism or aspergers syndrom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Get him a dog Echo LG it does sound a bit like Aspergers - we have CAMHS here for children with difficulties who will come out and assess on the parents' request - is there an equivalent in England I wonder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southeastpete Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) Hi, I haven't read every reply so sorry if it's been mentioned. I work with at risk children in care. Computers, xbox etc worry me. Does he have Internet access in his room. If so, do you monitor it? Or parental controls, chat rooms, web page history, online 'friends'? I often think I'm overly paranoid about it due to my job, but withdrawn behaviour and excessive computer use makes me nervous. If you were to go on his computer would he be upset/angry? On another tack, what does he do on his computers, racing games, shooting games etc? Ie If he plays racing wod he enjoy go karting, sports games, the driving range? If you can find him a hobby he would enjoy, especially one that is individual rather than team. Could be good bonding time for you and him also? I have a 9 yr old stepson who is addicted to iPad and minecraft also, but will do other things when forced. All the best, hope you can engage him in something! Ps yes there is camhs in England. Some kids from our work go there. Just read through more replies, some are similar to mine, ie scullys. Seems like some good advice people are giving really. Edited March 18, 2015 by southeastpete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 CAMHS are brilliant, they work with parents and schools, I've had first hand experience with them. Maybe think about getting in touch with your local ones, Russ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonny thomas Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 Sounds a bit like aspergers to me our oldest son has it symptoms are really varied as is severity Try getting him away from his computer take him shooting teenage boys and guns you should be on a winner there or fishing He needs something to concentrate on intently You need to pressure your gp to get him checked Pm me if you like I'll give you my phone number if you want to talk you could even talk to my son if you like he's 20 now but it might give you some insight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubble Posted March 18, 2015 Report Share Posted March 18, 2015 (edited) I agree with the above. He could have mild autism or aspergers syndrom. Yep, have to agree, perhaps Autism Now before you get too pee'd off, Autism is a gift, he is on the scenic route, he is taking a different path, not a better or a worse path, just a scenic route. Tap into what he wants to do, Xbox, then play xbox with him [in moderation!!!] Soldering an electronics kit.....then solder with him Space museum... then have a day out with him Etc etc etc If he has no friends, YOU need to be his FRIEND, don't push him too much, remember , you are on the scenic route, its a slower road You do need to find some one to guide you, try via the school, there are loads of help groups/charities Autistic people seem to be good at spotting other autistic people so a group will help with like minded people and may help make friends Remember his feelings, he probably isn't having the best of times, so you can make a fantastic difference Oh..... and don't forget............., your'e not on your own, and he's not the only one Edited March 18, 2015 by bubble Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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