Carman06 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 My Mrs was the same to begin with and didn't like guns. Wouldn't even allow an air rifle in the house. It all changed when I introduced my lad to air rifle shooting and her opinion changed as it was what my lad wanted to do. We talked and agreed a cabinet was required even for the air rifles. I managed to persuade her that since I was putting a cabinet in I might aswell apply for my FAC and SGC. 17 weeks later cert landed on the door mat and she took me out to buy my first rifle. Things can change but a lot of the time its finding the leverage You need and making it their idea. There is hope yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaun4860 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 I would get to the bottom of her issue if you love her enough. I hate to say this but I think her issue is feeling vulnerable and probably not helped by pregnancy hormones. I think you should do this step by step. Get a cabinet in your dad's house for now. As time goes on you could take the kids with you and she will probably want to come with them. Introduce her to ladies that shoot. She may even eventually want to try. There are ladies clubs as well like the Chelsea Bun Club and Femme Fatales. Good luck but I think the suggestions of bully boy tactics will just add to her anxiety and I think you care more for your family than that. ^this^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FalconFN Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 You have two children with her, she is pregnant, and you are pushing for something which she really doesn't want. I would contact your F.E.O. and say that you would like to suspend your application. Due to your growing family you are unable at the present to commit to owning a firearm. Your partner and children should be far more important to you than owning a gun. It's going to be the long game for you with plenty of gentle persuasion and begging, but pick your time. During pregnancy is the wrong time.And this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daz2202 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 My only worry I have with my ol Doris is if she ever found out how much my guns and scopes actually cost. I reckon most of us say the same. 'That one isn't new, had it ages. It was a bargain. Only £200' Bit like their shoe and handbag collections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rodp Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Rather than listen to the tripe spouted on here I would talk to your feo. Get your ticket on the go so you haven't got to wait when everything is sorted with your missus for it. If it's no hassle picking up the guns from your dads then have the cabinet there. Problem solved, happy missus, happy shooter and more importantly happy kids. Simples This ^^ My Mrs was the same to begin with and didn't like guns. Wouldn't even allow an air rifle in the house. It all changed when I introduced my lad to air rifle shooting and her opinion changed as it was what my lad wanted to do. We talked and agreed a cabinet was required even for the air rifles. I managed to persuade her that since I was putting a cabinet in I might aswell apply for my FAC and SGC. 17 weeks later cert landed on the door mat and she took me out to buy my first rifle. Things can change but a lot of the time its finding the leverage You need and making it their idea. There is hope yet. Or this ^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayDT10 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Put your family best interest first , it may seem harsh that she won't allow a gun in the house but to some it's a big deal , when I started my family my wife hated the idea of me having a motorbike so that went, and if she really didn't want guns in the house and had a very valid reason for it I'd get rid of them too. For me now all I worry about is the happiness of my little girl and my wife and if their happy I'm happy. Don't listen to the " man ups and get rid of her" the fact your putting her best interests first is manning up . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) Put your family best interest first , it may seem harsh that she won't allow a gun in the house but to some it's a big deal , when I started my family my wife hated the idea of me having a motorbike so that went, and if she really didn't want guns in the house and had a very valid reason for it I'd get rid of them too. For me now all I worry about is the happiness of my little girl and my wife and if their happy I'm happy. Don't listen to the " man ups and get rid of her" the fact your putting her best interests first is manning up .Sorry but that's total rubbish. My ex ******** off because I wouldn't put up with the moaning about me working and shooting once a week for a few hours at night. I'm a great dad and things are better than ever. I have them 12 days a month and a great new Mrs with a new baby . She even shoots with me Don't put up with the controlling type unless for example a genuine reason Like a suicide in the family or money has to go else where more important. Best interests works both ways Edited January 10, 2016 by team tractor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ollieollie Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Sorry but that's total rubbish. Best interests works both ways well said my dad was a do as your told husband, eventually it got to much for him and he revolted and left, trouble was he had a family and left a right mess. i can see the exact same thing happening with a mate at the moment, its more like a regime than a relationship. resent will show up eventually in some form. your an adult, you want a gun whats the problem? especially if the law see you as fit to have one. you cant always agree on things but it shouldn't come down to one person falling in to line, thats not good - mutual respect required Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rodp Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 (edited) well said my dad was a do as your told husband, eventually it got to much for him and he revolted and left, trouble was he had a family and left a right mess. i can see the exact same thing happening with a mate at the moment, its more like a regime than a relationship. resent will show up eventually in some form. your an adult, you want a gun whats the problem? especially if the law see you as fit to have one. you cant always agree on things but it shouldn't come down to one person falling in to line, thats not good - mutual respect required And if that means respecting your partners hatred of guns then so be it. It will all come right in the end, don't cause a pregnant woman grief by pushing it for the sake of a relatively short time. I notice quite a few posts about standing your ground have come from folk who have split up ! Really going to listen to them isn't he :lol: Edited January 10, 2016 by rodp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftycarper Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 All sounds strange to me, first point is you've applied for a sgc knowing she's against having guns in the house. To me this is only going to create a problem further down the line, I wouldn't bother if I could not keep it at my residence end of. By the way what happens when she wants something that you don't agree with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 I notice quite a few posts about standing your ground have come from folk who have split up ! Really going to listen to them isn't he :lol: And are happier than ever instead of treading on egg shells all the time. It's mad that I can go talk to the ex as a mate now after 5 years apart and two children we share. She's now making my mate miserable and he can't shoot either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul taylor Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 My wife wasn't going to go through with the wedding if I bought a motorcycle even though I'd ridden since age 5 but I bought one and the wedding went ahead. Then we would get divorced if I bought air rifle still married then we would get divorced if I applied for SGC now have cabinet with shotguns in and still married lol. Have found not backing down but doing things slowly and bit by bit worked for us as well as me carefully explaining that bikes and shooting are all a part of me that I've done since an early age and that not doing these would be changing me personally and that if it was something like drinking or drugs or smoking that she would leave me over I'd stop at the drop of a hat as they're just habits not part of me she's come around and now just accepts the cabinet gun etc as normal. I teach her and the kids about safe handling and prove I check the gun is unloaded into and out of the cabinet, slip etc every single time even after cleaning and she now trusts me and even begrudgingly lets me take our son out with the air rifle. Hope you sort your situation and good luck with the new arrival. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbox Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 At some point or other we all have to deal with what we consider to be 'unreasonable' demands or views of our other halves. As for all the bravado of the "grow a pair and tell 'er to sling 'er hook" brigade, I'll bet half are brave on the keyboard but under the thumb in real life and the other half are single ! For whatever reason your other half has an issue with firearms in the house... it's probably down to ignorance of the overall aspects of the subject. Sadly most peoples 'knowledge' of guns is what they see on TV or read in the press and that's not conducive to a positive view-point on the subject... Not her fault, its just conditioning really. If it were me, I think I would be tempted to get my SGC, put the gun in my fathers house and go from there. I reckon once your other half gets used to you going shooting, and perhaps once in a while bringing your gun home to clean before dropping it back at your dads, and once the kids start getting interested in it as a sport (coz with your quiet encouragement they will - my daughter started by coming along to press the buttons on the traps and her interest grew from there!), she will start to rationalise it in her own head, and perhaps realise that her concerns are unfounded. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rodp Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 My wife wasn't going to go through with the wedding if I bought a motorcycle even though I'd ridden since age 5 but I bought one and the wedding went ahead. Then we would get divorced if I bought air rifle still married then we would get divorced if I applied for SGC now have cabinet with shotguns in and still married lol. Have found not backing down but doing things slowly and bit by bit worked for us as well as me carefully explaining that bikes and shooting are all a part of me that I've done since an early age and that not doing these would be changing me personally and that if it was something like drinking or drugs or smoking that she would leave me over I'd stop at the drop of a hat as they're just habits not part of me she's come around and now just accepts the cabinet gun etc as normal. I teach her and the kids about safe handling and prove I check the gun is unloaded into and out of the cabinet, slip etc every single time even after cleaning and she now trusts me and even begrudgingly lets me take our son out with the air rifle. Hope you sort your situation and good luck with the new arrival. But that's doing it slowly, which is what a lot are saying. It's not exactly saying **** you b***h, I'll do as I want is it, which some are telling him to do. Don't see as it really matters anyway, sensible person would do what his heart tells him at the time, not a gang of blokes on a forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rodp Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 And are happier than ever instead of treading on egg shells all the time. It's mad that I can go talk to the ex as a mate now after 5 years apart and two children we share. She's now making my mate miserable and he can't shoot either I talk to my wife as a mate .......... all the time. I don't share my children, until they left home they were with both my wife and I 24/7. Two sides to everything I understand that not all marriages are meant to be, but some are great, and mine has been for over 30 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
margun Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Dump her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayDT10 Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 Sorry but that's total rubbish. My ex ******** off because I wouldn't put up with the moaning about me working and shooting once a week for a few hours at night. I'm a great dad and things are better than ever. I have them 12 days a month and a great new Mrs with a new baby . She even shoots with me Don't put up with the controlling type unless for example a genuine reason Like a suicide in the family or money has to go else where more important. Best interests works both ways not all relationships are the same nor are people. To say that's rubbish when I'm happily married and I hope I'm a great dad " I try my hardest" and yet I manage to get a fair bit of shooting and fishing in without much moaning , I'll settle for that for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul T Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 OP are you really expecting to get a reasoned answer or compromise from a very pregnant woman? If she REALLY doesn't like guns then it's completely the wrong time to try and convince her otherwise. However, your application is in, so tell her straight that this is a hobby you really want to try and you would appreciate her support to get your cert. That will enable you to loan a gun at a clay ground and shoot (yeah, I know it's flowering it up a bit). Tell her you might not like it even, but you want to try - it's on your bucket list! Start and buy some shooting mags and really make an effort to show her the kids are shooting in them as part of a normal life. Keep pushing and DO NOT back down. Get the whole family out to a Game Fair, but make it a family day - don't just drag them round the gun stalls! After 6 months broach the subject of your own gun again as the ones you've been borrowing doesn't fit properly. Basically, come up with any old codswallop to gradually soften the final blow of "I'm going to buy a gun and keep in my cabinet." It's a talent we've all learned to master, but it gets easier once you've got the first - you need a lighter gun for lots of walking, one for steel, a SxS, one for wet weather etc. You can always find an excuse to buy another gun! Oh, and don't forget they all cost £200 or less, but make sure you keep proper values in your cabinet! Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STOTTO Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Put in down to just one of the many compromises that you will have to make before either, eventually separating due to, irreconcilable differences or capitulating into total submission to her way of thinking in matters of what she considers acceptable influences upon her children entering the home environment. Which of course includes you, your hobbies, related equipment and most importantly the influence that your particular sporting interests will have on her children! The best of luck with that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftycarper Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Try this, do a you turn and tell her that your binning the idea for now and instead tell her that you are joining a local naturism camp you have found online, fingers crossed and she might say go out and get the gun then....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bruno22rf Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 I have been married for 26 years and ridden motorbikes and had a great many guns since day one. If your partner has a problem with guns and thus will not allow them in the house then she is simply being unreasonable at best and controlling at worst. What next? will you have to change your car? Stop wearing jeans?-I'm all for a compromise but if the other party is incapable of intelligent reasoning then you need to lay down the law. Don't bother messing about taking her shooting cos its not going to help-when she spends £70 having her split ends trimmed you don't go along for a quick short back and sides just to help you understand why women seem hell bent on wasting money do you? She has the problem-do not pander to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharlieT Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Although successful relationships are always, by their very nature a compromise, to work such compromises must be based on logic and fairness. Each person must appreciate the feelings and aspirations of the other and for one to blatantly forbid the other from something does not bode well for the future. There are in excess of 583,000 shotgun certificates on issue in England and Wales, that's over half a million people whose wives quite happily live with a shotgun in the house knowing that the prescribed security arrangements, which one must implement, ensure that a gun in the house poses no threat to them or their children. Quote the figures to your GF, explain that nearly 600,000 of us are not setting a bad example to our children, rather, we are, by exposing them to shooting and guns, educating them and bringing them up in a well rounded family unit. You may also wish to show her the comments made on this topic, it may just make her realize quite how irrational her demands are. I've been married for nearly 50 years and love my wife dearly, but had my wife been the sort to impose such daft, irrational rules on me, I can categorically say our marriage would not have worked. I doubt any would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tx4cabbie Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 When my girlfriend and I were getting towards the point of her becoming my wife and buying a house etc, she was totally against the idea of guns in the house. I started by making a big deal about the security - 16 gauge steel cabinet, rawl bolted to load bearing wall etc, 7 lever locks, no way anyone is getting to the guns, keys would be in another safe, kids couldn't possibly access guns, etc etc. Guns in cabinet except when shooting or cleaning, totally safe. This cut through the worries she had built up through knowing nothing about guns save what she'd heard on the news. Once the well reasoned arguments were on the table, I said that this was a major part of my life and who I am, and it WOULD be happening, that I'd help her understand about guns and would compromise on areas she really had issue with, but that I would no more stop shooting than she would stop being Catholic. We went from that, to her trying to buy me a browning auto 5 because I liked it and it was engraved nicely, to her getting me an armsan 612 for Xmas. Worth going slowly, and explaining the details, as most anti gun people aren't really anti gun, they just don't know about shooting, they just hear gun and think Dunblane or columbine. Once they get that a shotgun is the same as a cricket bat or a fishing rod, they tend to lighten up. Saying that, have never tried the reasoned argument thing on a heavily pregnant woman - good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Underdog Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 See this a lot, men frightened of upsetting the little woman. So much so they capitulate and compromise on everything. That is an un trusting and disrespectful relationship and destined for failure! Be kind but grow a pair. Crack on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
team tractor Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 See this a lot, men frightened of upsetting the little woman. So much so they capitulate and compromise on everything. That is an un trusting and disrespectful relationship and destined for failure! Be kind but grow a pair. Crack on. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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