Babysitting the grandkids

[TaxiDriver]

Ok, I have a bit of a quandary with which I'm seeking some opinions on,

As many will know I've only gotten to know My Eldest son In the past 12+ months and he has got 3 kids under 4, In the past year his partner has lost 4 stone, got fit and joined HMP.

 

I think they've maybe not prepared themselves for the cost of childcare and have had a bit of a reality check also possibly she or both have assumed grand parents would help out full time.

 

I've been asked to help Mon - Fri 7am till 5pm which I'm happy to do this week, they've offered to pay for my time (we didn't get as far as discussing how much) and my fuel as its a 48 mile round trip.

 

Here's my quandary,

I'd love to help and a part of me says I should do it out of family love/loyalty or whatever, (I'm uncomfortable with being paid/taking money for looking after my grandchildren)

On the opposing hand, it's her/their life choice to have 3 kids and then commence a career and I kinda feel a bit obligated to do it, (given my unemployment) but I still have to be job hunting and free for interviews.

[TIGHTCHOKE]

Interesting, I would be happy to help out in your position on a now and then basis.

 

Unfortunately I reckon you will be at it full time soon!

[TaxiDriver]

I've said I'm happy to help out on an ad hoc basis subject to availability,

I'm considering offering a couple of days a week regular.

[TIGHTCHOKE]

Yes, but nobody likes being taken for granted.

[Harnser]

I personally would not committ myself to that many hours . That's a full time job . I would help out a couple of days a week . They need to get some child care else where . I think they are asking to much of you . As far as payment is concerned I would not want any money ,but I would expect my expenses met .

 

Harnser

[loriusgarrulus]

A 48 mile round trip and 5 days of 7-5 is a bit much especially as your job hunting as well. With those hours you wont be able to job hunt. If its just for one week not so bad, but what are they doing next week.

Since we retired we do the school run and after school 3 days a week for my Daughter. Its not to bad when they are at school all day and 7 and 11 years old and don't need nappies changing and constant supervision. My Daughter books all her days off in the holidays too.

Your Son and Daughter in law might find it cheaper to share a nanny with a friend and split costs which is what I did when I went back to work.

Edited August 14, 2017 by loriusgarrulus

[loriusgarrulus]

Forgot to mention my Daughter only lives 3 miles away and the school is near to us and she drops them off to us.

[super sharp shooter]

Both sets of grandperants offer to help out with childcare on a regular basis. I don't expect them to do this and it on there terms as and when they want to do it. To be honest it gives them something to do and keeps them occupied. I do offer money for this but they never take it so we make sure they are looked after at birthdays and Christmas.

[panoma1]

Only do it if you really want to and as often as you really want to.....you have your own life to lead, you should choose how to lead it!

[Mice!]

My kids are 6 & 3, I know people find it difficult during the holidays but because of child care costs my misses doesn't work, its always nice if someone offers to have them for an afternoon or over night, but were not that near probably similar mileage to what you've said so wouldn't expect anyone there every day as you have been asked, seems a bit much to me.

[100milesaway]

3 kids under 4, 7 till 5, 5 days a week. That to me would be like a life sentence. I really struggle with today's mentality of off loading ones responsabilities. Why have them in the first place if you don't want to take care of them yourself. That is just totally out of order on so many levels. from Auntie.

[TaxiDriver]

Think its the feeling of being taken for granted, feeling somehow obligated, that niggles me, Plus, its bleddy hard work lol

At same time I'd like to do it so may well suggest I can do a couple of regular days if they can cover the rest.

 

Thanks for the input, seems peoples opinions confirm my gut feelings.

[cuffy]

3 under 4 , All day , for 5 days on the trot ???

I'm sure the novelty will soon wear off .

Mrs c would have our grandkids all day , every day , but my heads gone after two days .

[Dan7626]

My kids are 6 & 3, I know people find it difficult during the holidays but because of child care costs my misses doesn't work, its always nice if someone offers to have them for an afternoon or over night, but were not that near probably similar mileage to what you've said so wouldn't expect anyone there every day as you have been asked, seems a bit much to me.

Very similar here. We have a 4 year old and a 24 month old and we live in a tied cottage to my job. When we had the kids we never expected family to help so the wife stays at home with them. My mum looks after them 1 day a week and will have them when we ask but that was my mums choice. As soon as our eldest starts school and the youngest is at nursery then the wife will get a job that fits around them. Not a job that expects family to muck in.

If I was you I would state the day/days you are happy to do and stick to it.

[Mice!]

Yeah same Dan, I've said to the misses when she goes back to work, which she wants for her sanity it has to be school hours, she was working in education before the kids and I see mates juggling holidays over summer and I'm just glad we have avoided it so far.

 

Just realised taxi, you've been asked to do 7-5 but you still have to get there so leaving at 6:15 say, I can understand them asking if it was a week knowing your not working but not regular.

[Deker]

If you're looking for jobs you need to think about what happens if you get an offer, how will they take it suddenly finding that they have to find an alternative arrangement which may be cost prohibitive, personally I think I'd offer a few days here and there but not full weeks at a time (on a regular basis), at least that way they'll be able to get used to any child minding fees and if\when they have to use them full time it won't be as much of an impact.

[Pigeon Shredder.]

TD it is not an easy or cheap task looking after the GC.Myself and Mrs PS have our GC 3 days a week,.

3 on a Monday 07:30 till 17:00 aged 4,2 and 1 while their mother is at work, we then get the 1 year old on Tuesday for the same amount of time while the other 2 are at nursery it's 100% attention as soon as they arrive.

On a Wednesday we get a different GC who at 15 months still needs 100% attention and is dropped off at 08:00 until 17:30 again while the mother goes to work.

At 5 days you will be making a rod for your own back and l would very carefully access what you can and can't cope with.

I love them all but did not retire to run a crèche,while others are having their social time.

[AVB]

I don't have grandchildren but will probably have them at some point. I will simply tell my children "I didn't dump you on your grandparents so don't expect to dump yours on me". I have too many things on my bucket list to be enjoying and looking after grandchildren isn't one of them.

[ips]

I agree with many others its a full time job for those hours. I don't have grand kids but we look after some friends 7 & 3 year olds from time to time , there great kids and as much as I love them I am thankful when 6pm comes around. Also if were being practical I doubt what there offering in terms of payment will be anywhere near minimum wage 😞

[Bluebarrels]

I don't have grandchildren but will probably have them at some point. I will simply tell my children "I didn't dump you on your grandparents so don't expect to dump yours on me". I have too many things on my bucket list to be enjoying and looking after grandchildren isn't one of them.

 

I'm with AVB on this one,grand kids are like puppy's lovely for a short while,but lovely to hand back lol

[CharlieT]

"I didn't dump you on your grandparents so don't expect to dump yours on me". I have too many things on my bucket list to be enjoying and looking after grandchildren isn't one of them.

 

Exactly my thoughts.

 

They choose to have children, it's their responsibility to look after them. Some children seem to want their cake and eat it. Simple answer is to do what parents have done for millennia, stay at home and look after them and accept that whilst they are young you can't have all the extras a second wage brings in.

[ehb102]

Free things are the most expensive.

 

If you aren't saying "Hoorah! This is a great privilege" then for goodness' sake, don't do it. Better to offer the odd or regular Saturday or evening on your terms. Yes, childcare is expensive, yes there are lots of grandparents looking after their grandchildren in place of formal childcare, but they are usually retired or weren't working or were looking for an excuse to give up work. Parents need to be able to depend utterly on their childcare, and that's a lot to put in a single person.

 

Of course if you want to retrain as a childminder, have at it!

[ferguson_tom]

If its just for holiday care then by all means help out if you want to but if its more long term then i would be very hesitant as the childcare issue needs to be sorted properly. Unfortunately, like for a lot of families, they have to make the decision if her wage is enough to even warrant going to work yet or if they are better off leaving it for a couple more years until the kids are at school or at least when the kids are eligible for the 30 hours funded childcare (normally 3 years old) and things become a bit cheaper.

 

We had the same decision to make last year and decided my wife would go back to work but only because the job she was offered was a good opportunity in the career she wanted to go into, however the last 12 months her wage has only covered the childcare costs. Things are different this year because our son is starting school and our daughter now eligible for the 30 hours funded.

 

Not forgetting 3 kids under 4 is bloody hard work especially if you have to pick them up and 7 and drop off at 5 realistically your day will be 12 hours long with travelling time.

[TaxiDriver]

I'm looking after them in their own home, 24 miles from me hence 48mile round trip,

So far it's been all good and a few proper funny moments.

 

I've told my sons partner that whilst I'm loving doing it this week, and for nothing more than diesel money to help them out whilst they make more suitable long term arrangements, but it is a full time job for someone and more responsibility than I can take on.

 

I've reiterated my willingness to help out on an add hoc basis or even just a couple of days a week.

 

Her HMP salary I believe is circa £26k,

But they both seem to be ill prepared for the cost of childcare, (or resentful of paying for it )

[kyska]

I don't have grandchildren but will probably have them at some point. I will simply tell my children "I didn't dump you on your grandparents so don't expect to dump yours on me". I have too many things on my bucket list to be enjoying and looking after grandchildren isn't one of them.

My parents have the exact attitude, and I respect it.

 

They have them now and then, to enjoy them, play and have fun, not to be a burden.