My wife!

[steve_b_wales]

Continuing with the 'wonderful' things she comes out with, we were taking about horse racing etc yesterday, and she commented, 'I'm always wanted to go to the dogs'. I couldn't help myself when I said, 'Love, you went there years ago'!

I'm currently writing this in the A&E department at my local hospital.

[clakk]

When i drop such wittysism,s as she calls them she looks at the kitchen knife draw and tells me you,ve gotta sleep sometime

[Farmboy91]

My missus mate has just had a baby, she showed me a picture and said ' it's eyes are open, I didn't think they did that for a couple of weeks' 

'I think your thinking of cats sweetheart' 

She comes out with some real corkers. 

[old'un]

That’s the problem with woman they don’t appreciate men’s humour

[Howling Hound]

12 minutes ago, old'un said:

That’s the problem with woman they don’t appreciate men’s humour

The problem? the problem? have you only found one?

[old'un]

3 minutes ago, Howling Hound said:

The problem? the problem? have you only found one?

Yes, my wife is perfect…….she as access to the internet!

[Howling Hound]

[Mice!]

48 minutes ago, old'un said:

Yes, my wife is perfect…….she as access to the internet!

And you have to sleep some time ?? 

[krugerandsmith]

10 hours ago, old'un said:

Yes, my wife is perfect…….she as access to the internet!

Obviously a very wise and intelligent man.

[keg]

This thread has had me in creases!

[Howling Hound]

On ‎01‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 10:08, clakk said:

When i drop such wittysism,s as she calls them she looks at the kitchen knife draw and tells me you,ve gotta sleep sometime

To all those men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

[loriusgarrulus]

14 hours ago, Howling Hound said:

To all those men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

And the frying pans.

Plus you never know what could be put in your food.

Edited April 3, 2018 by loriusgarrulus

[Mice!]

you see chaps, the ladies are up in the middle of the night checking what you've been up to, while your fast asleep and vulnerable ?? 

5 minutes ago, loriusgarrulus said:

And the frying pans.

Plus you never know what could be put in your food.

 

[Farmboy91]

2 hours ago, Mice! said:

you see chaps, the ladies are up in the middle of the night checking what you've been up to, while your fast asleep and vulnerable ?? 

 

Checking my pigeon watch is what she's been doing...... 

If this forum was a woman we'd be having an affair according to her. 

[loriusgarrulus]

I would gladly exchange the achy joints that keep me awake some nights for just checking up on you.

[davewh100]

im ok then only have pw on my phone, she doesn't know wear the knives are has she not the best cook in the world unless you want slices of gravy with your Sunday dinner 

[JohnfromUK]

You have to find a way of falling into their arms .......... without falling into their hands.  Tricky.

[Hendrix's rifle]

7 hours ago, davewh100 said:

im ok then only have pw on my phone, she doesn't know wear the knives are has she not the best cook in the world unless you want slices of gravy with your Sunday dinner 

[Buck100]

On 4/1/2018 at 08:16, steve_b_wales said:

Continuing with the 'wonderful' things she comes out with, we were taking about horse racing etc yesterday, and she commented, 'I'm always wanted to go to the dogs'. I couldn't help myself when I said, 'Love, you went there years ago'!

I'm currently writing this in the A&E department at my local hospital.

LOL, Mine once said that she wished her boobs were bigger and i told her to wipe them every morning with toilet paper.

She said "will that make them bigger?"   I said it's worth a try coz it worked on your ****!!!!..bless her.

My bruises soon healed!

[markhoward13]

[guzzicat]

Found my wife ironing her bra why do that I asked ? you have nowt to put in  it, I iron your underpants don.t I she quipped.

Edited April 14, 2018 by guzzicat

[Sha Bu Le]

On 4/3/2018 at 04:20, loriusgarrulus said:

And the frying pans.

Plus you never know what could be put in your food.

Some years ago the husband of one of my wife's friends did something that badly peed her off. Two days later he was stricken with a serious case of continuous runs resulting in the bathroom being occupied for long periods over the next two/three days. The husband lost three days work and wages and was not a happy bunny but put it down to a virus.

Around two months later she managed to let slip that his gippy tummy was down to the triple dose of laxatives she had put in his curry, he was an even unhappier bunny and plotted his revenge.

One night she was feeling frisky so they retired to the bedroom and spent a pleasant hour or so passing the time. Next day he asked if she would like to see a short video and then showed her the results of the previous nights friskiness. Told her if she ever pulled anything like the laxative stunt again he would put it on youtube with her email address and name.

The girl would not say what they had been up to (in detail), husband told the girl the video recording was on a disc and now in a secret place. She turned the house upside down but never found it and he never told her he had erased it afterwards.

EVERY WORD TRUE 

 

Edited April 15, 2018 by Sha Bu Le

[krugerandsmith]

34 minutes ago, Sha Bu Le said:

Some years ago the husband of one of my wife's friends did something that badly peed her off. Two days later he was stricken with a serious case of continuous runs resulting in the bathroom being occupied for long periods over the next two/three days. The husband lost three days work and wages and was not a happy bunny but put it down to a virus.

Around two months later she managed to let slip that his gippy tummy was down to the triple dose of laxatives she had put in his curry, he was an even unhappier bunny and plotted his revenge.

One night she was feeling frisky so they retired to the bedroom and spent a pleasant hour or so passing the time. Next day he asked if she would like to see a short video and then showed her the results of the previous nights friskiness. Told her if she ever pulled anything like the laxative stunt again he would put it on youtube with her email address and name.

The girl would not say what they had been up to (in detail), husband told the girl the video recording was on a disc and now in a secret place. She turned the house upside down but never found it and he never told her he had erased it afterwards.

EVERY WORD TRUE 

 

Is this another someone else story or  is it nearer to home?

[Sha Bu Le]

No it is some one else, girl my wife used to work with and still sees occasionally. 

[steve_b_wales]

Another 'classic' from my wife:

She was helping me remove the old cement grouting from between the patio stones, using a hammer and chisel. I commented later, that I had a blister on the palm of my hand, and she replied, 'I've got a blister under my ring'. Later she commented, 'I've now got blisters on both sides of my ring'.