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Divorce legal wisdom


Twistedsanity
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OK, so, after 20 years it's all over, is there anyone here with any legal expertise? I have been to see a couple of solicitors already so I'm not trying to skimp and save on the important stuff, I just have one question and my solicitor is on an as and when basis atm and with the vat £300 an hour! It's quite straightforward, once we are all said and done most debts will be taken from the equity in the property, the Mrs is pushing for a quick divorce and has already served papers on me, she knows that financial circumstances dictate for me that I am going to have to rack up massive credit card bills to pay for my legal representation as she holds all the financial cards and legal aid is non existent, my question is if we are divorced before the finances are dealt with do any debts I accrue after the decree absolute still get taken from the equity? Or is this a case of they were accrued after the divorce was finalised but before the court felt with finances so they are all on me? We are and still will be cohabiting until the property is sold, thanks for any advice 

Atb

Paul

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Hi Paul. I can’t help with the questions you ask, but I have been through a messy divorce where considerable assets were involved. 

I started off thinking it would all be amicable, but that soon changes, and has done in most divorces I’ve known of. My advice to you is to keep a diary of everything, every penny you spend, every conversation you have, any work you do on the house. Document everything!! If it’s not needed in the divorce then great, but if it is, it’s absolute gold to have! 

Lastly, best of luck with it, it could be a tough year or two coming up! 

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Thanks, she is basically screwed, I'm disabled so don't have the capacity to get a mortgage whereas she does so she has to buy me a. 2 bed property outright, half her pensions, spousal maintenance etc. , she is also younger than me and I have been our daughters primary carer for the last 5 years now, I was so gobsmacked at how the law has changed now I had to go see a different solicitor to double check! , used to be all about the mum but not anymore, we have over half a million in equity. At the end of the day my conscience is clear, she was supposed to be out with her girlfriends for a night and my mate caught her alone with another Man in his car in a deserted pub car park late at night down a country lane, of course she claimed innocence and had a million reasons to justify her behaviour but then I found a message on her phone two days later to the girlfriend she claimed to be going out with "his friend caught us together in the car but didn't see anything, thanks for your help jess". So aside from. Actually catching her in bed with someone it's pretty conclusive I would say

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My advice is lodge your guns with a friend, gun shop, feo, anywhere but home. I didn't when I was dealing with my ex and fortunately of all the things I got accused of, during a very acrimonious separation and custody battle, she never had the wherewithal to accuse me of threatening her with a gun. I was fortunate because she accused me of some horrific stuff. 6 months later the FEO was round for a security inspection and quizzed me about what had gone on. He said I should have lodged my guns elsewhere and had they been aware at the time theyd have removed them and had I not been honest about the events theyd have considered removing them even months after the event. 

Bad news for you is it's going to get **** before it gets better. Good news is it does get better. I came away with nothing but a big solicitors bill BUT 5 years on I'm married to the love of my life, weve just moved house and we've got the most funny 9 month old baby ever. So it will get better.

Edited by Benthejockey
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1 hour ago, Twistedsanity said:

OK, so, after 20 years it's all over, is there anyone here with any legal expertise? I have been to see a couple of solicitors already so I'm not trying to skimp and save on the important stuff, I just have one question and my solicitor is on an as and when basis atm and with the vat £300 an hour! It's quite straightforward, once we are all said and done most debts will be taken from the equity in the property, the Mrs is pushing for a quick divorce and has already served papers on me, she knows that financial circumstances dictate for me that I am going to have to rack up massive credit card bills to pay for my legal representation as she holds all the financial cards and legal aid is non existent, my question is if we are divorced before the finances are dealt with do any debts I accrue after the decree absolute still get taken from the equity? Or is this a case of they were accrued after the divorce was finalised but before the court felt with finances so they are all on me? We are and still will be cohabiting until the property is sold, thanks for any advice 

Atb

Paul

Can I suggest financial mediation, by all accounts the courts like to have seen that you have tried this avenue to resolve financial disputes. There is the requirement for you both to have individual meetings with the mediator and the a number of joint meetings to discuss the financial split. It's all about  future 'needs'.

You have my empathy; going through the same thing at present, although almost at the end of the process, although the divorce will be after two years separation with a no fault divorce.

It's horrible!!!

27 minutes ago, snow white said:

If you have guns get them stored with rfd I now you said you are disabled but disabled people can still have firearms.

This, this and this. I have been screwed, despite mine going in January!!!!

 

By all means PM me if you need advice.

Edited by Penelope
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5 minutes ago, Penelope said:

Can I suggest financial mediation, by all accounts the courts like to have seen that you have tried this avenue to resolve financial disputes. There is the requirement for you both to have individual meetings with the mediator and the a number of joint meetings to discuss the financial split. It's all about  future 'needs'.

You have my empathy; going through the same thing at present, although almost at the end of the process, although the divorce will be after two years separation with a no fault divorce.

It's horrible!!!

 

I would suggest a forensic accountant. 

 

She is an unfaithful woman, and knowing she will have to give up lots more than the OP may go to lengths to hide assets etc etc etc. 

 

 

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Having been divorced twice and seen a lot of others go through the same, don't start a war. The Lawyers love a war. Until you have been through it you don't realise how much they charge or how clever they are at cranking up the issues.

You can't get divorced until all the financial issues are resolved and signed off by the judge. 

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Just now, Vince Green said:

Having been divorced twice and seen a lot of others go through the same, don't start a war. The Lawyers love a war. Until you have been through it you don't realise how much they charge or how clever they are at cranking up the issues.

You can't get divorced until all the financial issues are resolved and signed off by the judge. 

Hence mediation.

Individual meeting C. £80 -100 each. Joint meetings c. £150-200 each. As many as needed the meet an agreement. c. £250 to write up a financial agreement which you'll need to present to court.

If you go to court over the finances.

Stage 1. First Direction = c. £5-7K, each. Stage 2. if no agreement Financial Remedy = c.£12-15K each. Stage 3. if no agreement, Finacial Direction (court judge with judge) c.£20-25K.

This is all before the divorce costs, the costs are aggregate, £20-25k each in total, at best, for a judge to decide the apportionment of assets.

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15 minutes ago, Vince Green said:

Having been divorced twice and seen a lot of others go through the same, don't start a war. The Lawyers love a war. Until you have been through it you don't realise how much they charge or how clever they are at cranking up the issues.

You can't get divorced until all the financial issues are resolved and signed off by the judge. 

 

Is that 100% about the financial issues must be resolved before the divorce is granted? She has done an Internet special and served me with papers that was supposed to return within 7 days for unreasonable behaviour, I did like any man faced with any sort of instruction manual and shredded  them instantly in disgust 

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1 hour ago, Vince Green said:

Having been divorced twice and seen a lot of others go through the same, don't start a war. The Lawyers love a war. Until you have been through it you don't realise how much they charge or how clever they are at cranking up the issues.

You can't get divorced until all the financial issues are resolved and signed off by the judge. 

I got divorced without a financial settlement.

Luckily, it was very amicable for us.

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58 minutes ago, Twistedsanity said:

 

Is that 100% about the financial issues must be resolved before the divorce is granted? She has done an Internet special and served me with papers that was supposed to return within 7 days for unreasonable behaviour, I did like any man faced with any sort of instruction manual and shredded  them instantly in disgust 

You sound like the REASONABLE party!

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1 minute ago, TIGHTCHOKE said:

You sound like the REASONABLE party!

Exactly! Her behavior is unreasonable at best?

Examples of Unreasonable Behaviour in Divorce
  • Domestic Abuse. ...
  • Lack of sex. ...
  • Family disputes. ...
  • Inappropriate relationship with another person. ...
  • Debt/financial recklessness. ...
  • Verbal abuse, shouting or belittling. ...
  • Obsessive Hobby.
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Very importantly, 

 

Dont trust anything "your very soon to be EX" wife tells you. As has been said i bet she is already 10 steps in front and has been planning this for some time. 

 

And just to add, it would be far better if they started to treat divorce the same way as criminal law. You brake your contract (marriage contract) lets say adultery, then it should be treated as such, the guilty party pays the price and forfeits any further claim on their previous partner ie pension ! 

Edited by Dougy
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She has proven herself a liar now many times over this matter so whatever she says I can not believe, and yes, very cunning and sly and confident she has been planning this for a while but she doesn't seem so up on the legalities yet, I think some bloke has been promising her the earth to get in her undercrackers and offering her his very bad advice to get her confidence, she has always been the woman who would scour the Internet to get a 2% off voucher for a £100 purchase yet nothing matters whatsoever aside from pushing the divorce through, total tunnel vision to the detriment of everything else so my assumption is "of course I'll leave my family for you but I won't until you are divorced". Its the only thing that makes sense out of it all really, six months of regular false eyelashes, eyebrows, new clothes and nails, restless nights,fortune on face creams and hairdressers etc. Changing passwords on everything 

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I would ask about, unless the law has changed, maintenance for you to be kept in the lifestyle you've become accustomed to over the last 20 years. Never mind a 2 bed house paid for, this could be part of a reason to get things through quick. I remember one of my divorces, this got thrown up and proved a right ball ache to get around if you like. Just remember to stop and think with everything, and although solicitors always cost, look at what they can save you, always best to learn 4 WORDS,        SPEAK TO MY SOLICITOR !!

Good luck

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1 hour ago, ninjaferret said:

I would ask about, unless the law has changed, maintenance for you to be kept in the lifestyle you've become accustomed to over the last 20 years. Never mind a 2 bed house paid for, this could be part of a reason to get things through quick. I remember one of my divorces, this got thrown up and proved a right ball ache to get around if you like. Just remember to stop and think with everything, and although solicitors always cost, look at what they can save you, always best to learn 4 WORDS,        SPEAK TO MY SOLICITOR !!

Good luck

This was my thought as to the attempt to hurry that part through, maintenance for me and my daughter, a home, half her pensions, wondered if the rush a way to try and subvert that somehow, either that or she has been promised a pot of gold by her new man as soon as she is divorced 

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