Dave-G Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 A friends wife died yesterday. Are there cards for that and is there anything I ought to do? I'm slightly autistic and not good at speaking of such things or dealing with them but I'm popping in to see him tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 8 minutes ago, Dave-G said: A friends wife died yesterday. Are there cards for that and is there anything I ought to do? I'm slightly autistic and not good at speaking of such things or dealing with them but I'm popping in to see him tomorrow. what you are doing is the very best thing by going to see him in person.............so many times when a person is diagnosed with cancer or dementia you are treated like you have black death and everybody avoids you......what your friend needs is a person to talk to.....and unload...he will never ever forget the kindness and being brave by actually going to see him well done....i wish i had friends like you.....all our so called friends of many years....you didnt see them for dust.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnphilip Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 What simon has just posted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 2 hours ago, johnphilip said: What simon has just posted. and take a nice "With Sympathy" card upon which you have handwritten how sorry you were to hear of (his wife's name) death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mel b3 Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 The above advice is perfect dave . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 All good so far; A card with personal wording from you mentioning her name. Your being there for him. To let him "get it off his chest" Make time available for him, he will need it and will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave at kelton Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Just right something like sorry you have lost…name… no other words to,express it just my thoughts and prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Just go round and see him, take a card if you like, and give him a hug, and tell him if there’s anything you can do to help, just to let you know. Many people avoid others in this situation because they don’t know what to say. Avoiding them is the worst thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dessyb Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 having just gone through this my self i would have loved to talk to someone cards are ok but you cannot talk to a card or bunch of flowers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claydodger Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 8 hours ago, ditchman said: what you are doing is the very best thing by going to see him in person.............so many times when a person is diagnosed with cancer or dementia you are treated like you have black death and everybody avoids you......what your friend needs is a person to talk to.....and unload...he will never ever forget the kindness and being brave by actually going to see him well done....i wish i had friends like you.....all our so called friends of many years....you didnt see them for dust.... Well said, it's the personal touch that makes all the difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsh man Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 I went through this situation myself and yes having a friend just coming around for a chat is all you need , the amount of people you see at the funeral service asking if you need anything then just let them know and that is the last time you see them , no phone calls , Emails or nothing in the early stages you are very isolated , life have to carry on and just seeing one of your friends who share the same interest is all you want , it take your mind off the recent events and these are the first steps in trying to get your life back to some form of normality . MM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave at kelton Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Yes going forward it’s a case if just being there for them. Get them out for a coffee or a beer etc and listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave-G Posted November 5 Author Report Share Posted November 5 Thank you very much gents, it all seems so straight forwards now you have told me. I guess I just needed the nudge at this awkward time. I'm really lacking in the empathy aspect of life and even general chit chat, but having realised I'm slightly autistic - having googled the things to be aware of with most of my grand kids and their kids, I seem to be able to avoid some of the issues I can now see I had as a kid and later life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 1 hour ago, Dave at kelton said: Yes going forward it’s a case if just being there for them. Get them out for a coffee or a beer etc and listen. that is a superb idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsh man Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 2 hours ago, Dave at kelton said: Yes going forward it’s a case if just being there for them. Get them out for a coffee or a beer etc and listen. Any time of the day is good but I found the long evenings were my worse times and would had liked some company in the early evenings , I lost my wife in early December so it was getting dark in the late afternoons , I was keeping myself busy during the day with house work and taking my dog out but the evenings seem to last forever , the long days of the Summer were different and I would often go out after tea and meet other dog walkers and got through the day a lot better , now I have come to accept my loss and getting myself back to normal by going on the shoots and again meeting people and knowing you are not alone . MM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 2 hours ago, Dave-G said: Thank you very much gents, it all seems so straight forwards now you have told me. I guess I just needed the nudge at this awkward time. I'm really lacking in the empathy aspect of life and even general chit chat, but having realised I'm slightly autistic - having googled the things to be aware of with most of my grand kids and their kids, I seem to be able to avoid some of the issues I can now see I had as a kid and later life. Well done, I'm sure he will appreciate your thoughtfulness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gmm243 Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 My friends father died last week. I couldn't make the funeral but called to him yesterday for a cup of tea and a chat. He got a few things off his chest and I was glad I called round. Too many folk ( in my opinion)think that it is OK to put a post on Facebook and that's the job done. Hard to beat the personal touch whether it is a visit, a card or a phone call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minky Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 The above... always considering that they got on well. It could be that he is doing triple backward somersaults and needs someone to go shooting with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armsid Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 Dave exactly as Ditchy said and take him out for a beer or two Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave-G Posted November 5 Author Report Share Posted November 5 28 minutes ago, armsid said: Dave exactly as Ditchy said and take him out for a beer or two I visited him this evening for a few hours, I'd gone at lunchtime but he was out with friends. I'm just about teetotal but will see about that soon. Thanks very much everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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