ironhorse Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 I would be grateful for your answers, I have been agonising over this for months. I have a friend who I have known pretty much all my life, we have been close since childhood and I have regarded him more like a brother, we lost touch from the age of 18 until I was around 28 in that time he had married and so had I and both had small children anyway we renewed our friendship and began shooting and fishing together again, My friend has had a tough time over the years with family problems, a son who was a drug addict a wife who became and is alcohol dependent and many other problems more than your average family, through all this my friend has managed to keep his head where most would have gone under, I have helped him and his family in anyway I could beyond the call of friendship and more, backed him through anything, stood with him and his family as if they were my own and never asked or expected anything in return. About 8 or 9 months ago my daughter bought a new mobile so decided to sell her old phone, however the old phone had been dropped in the bath some months earlier but once dried worked fine, my friends youngest daughter 18 asked if she could buy the phone and as far as I’m concerned new the background to the phone, so all was well, about two weeks later I was helping my friends sister move house when my friends daughter turned up saying the phone would not now work ,because it had been water damaged, but had been told that in some circumstances it may be software related and if the phone were connected to the internet it may well work again, she asked me if I would try that and I agreed, however I had only had the phone a day when I received a phone from my friends son, ******* and blinding at me and saying I had intentionally tried to deceive his sister and give her ******** money back, I told him he was wrong without swearing and there was never any question that if the phone did not work she would get her money back, and that he should know me better than that, he continued to swear down the phone so I put it down. My friend new what had been said and had been going on, he telephoned me the next morning and apologized for him self, I broke ties with all his family as no other apology has ever been given, I told my friend that I would have nothing more to do with his family, but have continued to drive 12 miles to pick him up and 12 miles back out of my way to take him shooting, he does give me petrol money, but other than shooting I hear nothing from him. The shoot is mine and the feeling I am now experiencing is that it may be that the shooting is the only reason for contact. I am completely gutted and discussed with his family. What would you do bearing in mind that this friendship is now 35 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomasbeaton Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 i would speak to him nicly and sort issues out with each other. thomas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axe Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 I agree, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he reciprocates, then the friendship is worth saving and most likely will be. If he doesn't then you have your answer and a clear conscience to walk away, knowing that you have tried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malkiserow Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 I agree ... chat it over with him. Just be upfront with him in a contructive way. You know his kids have/had problems so that may have affected their behaviour. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) It all sounds a bit one-sided to me The phone thing is a bit tricky. It's hard to say whether his daughter would have been that familiar with the phones history or known that it would have been for a swim. I might have been inclined to refund that one Unfortunately, you might find that your friendship will never quite be the same again. I had this with a lifelong mate, who sort of sided with my ex-wife during one of my divorces Big mistake. As far as I'm concerned, he chose the wrong side of the fence. It wasn't a difficult choice, but he managed to get it wrong. We tried to patch it up, but it wasn't the same, so I ****** him off I guess you should talk to him about it, but don't hold your breath. Edited April 20, 2009 by Chard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cranfield Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 You have no issues with him at all, you may have issues with his son and daughter, but they seem to have been resolved. He is a "shooting buddy" that you go shooting with, what else are you looking for ? I shoot and fish with a few friends, but I don't want to be joined at the hip with them. You mention that the shooting is yours (and not his), but friends don't have to bring an equal pile of goodies to a friendship to make it work. It would seem with his domestic setup, that extending your friendship to include social trips as a foursome, or something similar, is impractical. Leave things as they are and enjoy his company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight32 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 It seems a bit one sided on the shooting side too in your defence mate.......Your shoot and you run out of your way to collect him and run him home. I have no difficulty blowing someone out when they cross me friend or not.. My job learnt me this long ago. But then I never put myself in a dependent state on anyone which is the same with yourself, although the loss of the friendship will be painfull but in the end will not be detriment to yourself or your family. Any person who rings you up over such a trivial matter and talks to in that manner with no re-compence deserve no better, particularly when they are supposed to be a mate even if it was the son who phoned. If I caught my son ringing up a family freind and talking to them in that way he would be out on his toes..Full stop I have found through life you have to have a distinct parrallel between friendship and what you do or get from it. I never sell anything to mates nor to I allow them to do favours for me even if it will save me money. It always puts you in an awkward position somewhere later on down the line. Regards starlight32 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr W Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 I reckon 35 years of friendship is worth saving over a phone and a *** of a son. I would tell your mate exactly how hurtful his son's comments were especially as it had nothing to do with the son, why didn't daughter just ask her dad to have a word and ask him or you for a refund. I'd ask him to get his son to phone you and apologise and then let by gones be by gones and just not talk to the son. If you are only shooting together then you shouldn't need to see other family members but I'd make sure your mate nows how you feel about it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozzy Fudd Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 dont let the son mess things up, if he was the ones who was a drug addict he's probly a right *** anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Phone up Jeremy Kyle; he can get the both of you together to talk about your problems in the privacy of a television studio. Seriously though, if it's a one way street then leave it. You will already know if it's one way and he's taking the Michael. Indeed, I would wager that if you asked your wife she will already have the answer for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
al4x Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 I see a supposed professional who Knows who Jeremy Kyle is, work must be slack at the moment Mung if you've time to sit round watching daytime telly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironhorse Posted April 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Thanks chaps for all your input I really appreciate all your answers, it all helps to determine my next step, Starlight I agree totally with your sentiments had the boot been on my foot and my offspring acted in this manor trust me there would have been repercussions my end. Thanks again guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pegleg31 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) if he's a friend of 35 years it would be sad to see you lose that friendship.Cut all ties with his family and carry on seeing the person who you built a friendship with.If he tries to get you to help his family out in anyway just make a polite excuse,if his family was out of the way would anything else get in your way?.If there is other problems leave it alone but don't hold the blokes family againts him Edited April 20, 2009 by pegleg31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdubya Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 move on make new friends sounds like you have little left in common, life goes on do what you want, oh and chard I had similar scenario as you with a good mate of mine? his wife moved in with me!!!!! caused a spot of bother that did ? lot of years ago mind. KW Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chard Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 (edited) move on make new friends sounds like you have little left in common, life goes on do what you want, oh and chard I had similar scenario as you with a good mate of mine? his wife moved in with me!!!!! caused a spot of bother that did ? lot of years ago mind. KW My mate just disapproved of me leaving her. Everybody liked her, but that doesn't mean I could live with her In situations like matrimonials, it's best not to take sides. If you do take sides, you need to be damned sure you pick the right one He didn't. Edited April 20, 2009 by Chard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 In matrimonials it's always 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. My 2p never pick sides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harnser Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Iron horse , You have had some very sound advice and i agree to try and save the friendship ,but dont let your friend or his family brow beat you . Harnser . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deeksofdoom Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Ironhorse, As far as I'm concerned you should never have left the sale of that clapped out phone go ahead. It was wrong of your daughter to sell it in the first place and then sell it to a friend is just totally selfish, if the girl wanted it that much she should have just given it to her, tightfistedness of the highest nature selling a damaged goods to a friend. As far as terminating your friendship with this man now........... maybe he'ld be better off! You know blood is thicker than water and family s always back each other up. Your problem is with the son not the father, the father did apologise to you after all. Did you ever refund the girl for the phone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boromir Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Have a lads night out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest topshot_2k Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Move on, life is too short. Get out and enjoy your hobbies with true mates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev 1 Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 BLOODY KIDS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ironhorse Posted April 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Ironhorse, As far as I'm concerned you should never have left the sale of that clapped out phone go ahead. It was wrong of your daughter to sell it in the first place and then sell it to a friend is just totally selfish, if the girl wanted it that much she should have just given it to her, tightfistedness of the highest nature selling a damaged goods to a friend. As far as terminating your friendship with this man now........... maybe he'ld be better off! You know blood is thicker than water and family s always back each other up. Your problem is with the son not the father, the father did apologise to you after all. Did you ever refund the girl for the phone? Firstly you know this phone was clapped out do you, before you start shooting your mouth off and accusing my daughter of being selfish and tight fisted; you should know all your facts. As to my terminating my friendship that is my decision and mine alone, I have to say if you were the person concerned my decision would be very easy. And yes the money was returned there was never any question about a refund. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bruno22rf Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 If you decide to end your friendship with your buddy can you come and pick me up each week-you sound like a reasonable chap to me Theres a possibility that you may be blowing this out of proportion-speak to your buddy about things-i would ask for an apology from his son as well -if you dont get one you could pop round and insert your wellies in him.good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rec-baller Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 i would personally keep freind,s with your shooting buddy BUT would not bother with his kids, i "fell out" with a friend a few years ago over something stupid but after a few weeks i rang her up and appologised, went round to speak to her and made friends again, i am so glad i did as she died of an accidental drug overdose ( anti-depresants) a few weeks later, i lost a realy great friend that day :blushi -- PLEASE don,t let it happen to you !!!! regard s shaun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordon R Posted April 20, 2009 Report Share Posted April 20, 2009 Have a talk to your mate and tell him what you genuinely feel. If he is a genuine friend, it will sort itself out. If it doesn't, cut your losses and walk away. I think you have done as much as any person could or should do. Ignore people who get into issues about the phone. The phone has become a side issue now. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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