Famous sayings and adage's .

[nathanhutchison]

ozzy osbourne- "my lifes not so bad, it could be worse... i could be sting"

[Hatstand]

You can't polish a ****.

[PhilR]

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

 

Mark Twain

[Bloke]

You can't polish a ****.

 

"All you can do is sprinkle it with glitter !" -made me laugh first time I heard it !

Edited December 7, 2010 by Bloke

[border Scott]

You can only p@ss with the c!ck youve got!!

Seem to say this most days!

[The Essex Hunter]

As a dive instructor i used to change the words to the song by the police to 'every breath you take scares the c#@p out of me' when some dodgy rusky would turn up at the dive centre proclaiming to be able to dive!

 

TEH

[william]

You can beat an egg but you can't beat a good w@@nk!!

[Devon Fox]

"putting a cherry on a Tuurd"

 

Or a classic " He who pees in the wind gets His own back"

Edited December 7, 2010 by Hot-Shot

[monster1971]

As a dive instructor i used to change the words to the song by the police to 'every breath you take scares the c#@p out of me' when some dodgy rusky would turn up at the dive centre proclaiming to be able to dive!

 

TEH

 

you gotta love those russian divers just a shame the sharks in sharm have got a taste for germans instead

actually i have just realized that the term 'russian diver' is an oxymoron

[Miroku Mike]

True old saying

 

The Man who never made a **** up, never made **** all

[djrwood]

With reference to the boys racers kitting up old heaps, "you can't polish a ****"

[Willxx]

I used to love RObert Heinlein and some of his best quotes are:

 

An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.

 

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

 

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

 

When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.

 

When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know, the end result is tyranny and oppression no matter how holy the motives.

 

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

[viking]

some of my favourites.

Any fool can be cold,it takes a genius to keep warm.

Pain is only weakness leaving your body.

It's easier to keep a clean gun clean than clean a dirty gun.

 

Life is like a box of chocolates.

There's no point having a rolls royce if you can't drive

 

 

life is like oral sex, one slip of the tongue and your in the s£!t

 

chubby brown

[luvbus]

Here's a few to keep you going.....

 

'You're about as much use as a c**k flavoured lollipop' Courtesy of 'Dodgeball'

 

One from my old Toolpusher....

 

'Excuses are like a**eholes, everybody's got one, but nobody wants to hear it...'

 

There must be about a million & 1 from Churchill:-

 

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out”

 

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.”

 

“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

 

“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it”

 

And my personal favourite relating to him & Lady Astor:-

 

Lady Nancy Astor: 'Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.'

 

Churchill: 'Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.' :lol:

[baikal boy]

dont believe what your own eyes and ears dont account for.

 

 

paddy

[MM]

"Im not gay, but i learn!"

 

 

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

 

 

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

[Doc Holliday]

Another good Winston Churchill quote was in reply to someone accusing him of being drunk. "Yes madam, I am drunk but you're ugly and in the morning I shall be sober!" I think it may have been to Nancy Astor again (didn't she ever learn?)

 

And one from my PT is "If you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got!"

[charliebrown]

Life is like a pubic hair on the toilet seat. Sometimes you get p 1ssed off.

 

 

Ive got a tat that reads: Searchin for heaven cos prayin takes too long.

 

Im not sure why I got it now , still at least its in English, not some faux Chinese characters

Edited December 8, 2010 by charliebrown

[the_commoner]

an eye for an eye and the whole world would be blind

[amateur]

Another good Winston Churchill quote was in reply to someone accusing him of being drunk. "Yes madam, I am drunk but you're ugly and in the morning I shall be sober!" I think it may have been to Nancy Astor again (didn't she ever learn?)

 

No, this one was a reply to Bessie Braddock and the exchange allegedly went -

 

"Winston, you are drunk,and what's more, you are disgustingly drunk. "My dear Bessie, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober, and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

 

Certainly Bessie was no oil-painting

[Conygree]

If at first you don't succeed - give up. saves you going mad

 

ok I made it up after trying to hard trying to save my first marriage.

 

the definition of maddness is doing the same thing twice and expecting a different result - often seen when missing clays.

 

There's no such thing as abstinence - everybody has a sexual bias, I just want to know which way it is Ok I made that one up as well, or lets say dropped myself in it talking to a man of the cloth.

 

to my son when about to ride his first motorbike; there are two ways to learn:

1- listen to me or 2, pain.

 

One for the ladies - never believe what a man says until you see his decree absolute.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Conygree

[Paddy Galore!]

Who would jesus shoot?

[mark the hat]

never ever ever p into the wind

 

atb mark

Edited December 14, 2010 by mark the hat

[The Duncan]

My favourite Churchillian quote:

"This is the sort of English up with which I shall not put."

 

Also:

 

"Never look down on anyone, unless you're helping them up." Not sure of its origin.

 

Duncan

[Fisherman Mike]

My favorite from the Outlaw Jose Wales...Fletcher to the Senator who as just betrayed him "Senator dont p*** down my back and tell me its raining"

 

also my late Grandfathers personal favorite " Son as you slide down the bannister of life you will find that women are just a splinter in your a*s"