So much for that relationship.

[Dr_Scholl]

After a rocky year or so, it appears I've had a permanent falling out with my dad.

 

Long story short, words were exchanged, things were said that probably shouldn't have been said,and we haven't spoken in several weeks. I visited my parents and sister on Sunday, and came close to going off on him again when he made some smart comment while I was talking to my brother-in-law. We've had our spats before, but this time it feels different. With what was said and all, I just don't see us reconciling any time soon. Thing is i'm not that uspset about it, indifferent even. Our relationship has been deteriorating for a while now so maybe it's for the best.

 

Sorry, I just felt like venting.

[paul87]

I don't know the in's and outs but life is too short and I know I'd like to be on good terms with any of my family when there time comes.

If they were to pass away before I could patch things up with them I'd find it very hard to live with myself.

 

Hope things work out for you. It takes a bigger man at times like this to say look we have had our problems but lifes too short, can we put them aside and forget about them?

 

All the best

Paul

Edited September 26, 2012 by paul87

[Tod]

I don't know the in's and outs but life is too short and I know I'd like to be on good terms with any of my family when there time comes.

If they were to pass away before I could patch things up with them I'd find it very hard to live with myself.

 

Hope things work out for you. It takes a bigger man at times like this to say look we have had our problems but lifes too short, can we put them aside and forget about them?

 

All the best

Paul

well said that man

[leeds chimp]

wish i spent my time with my family members before the end came. I have made a decision to spend as much time as i can with my old man

[jasper3]

me and my dad were always at loggers head, but when times were good, they were very good my fault as much as his..i guess we were both of the same nature, dad died 12 years ago..... I wish i had been a bigger man and bit my tongue .....

 

do i miss him...you bet I do , and its only been in the last few years that i realised how much i really loved him,

 

and they have just played that bloody song on TV..in the living years

 

 

I was there when dad died, and i did get to say..I love you

Edited September 26, 2012 by jasper3

[storme37]

very sad hope you get it sorted

[Devon Fox]

My mother in law passed away a week ago, my other halts older sister was always causing problems, we all wrote a little bit about the mother law that was read at the funeral, except the eldest - she cried the hardest through guilt and she is struggling to come to terms with her poor relationship with her mum. You just need to be very tolerant some times, and It can be very hard - but if you don't you will regret it I promise you

[henry d]

There are times to talk and times to stay silent, we sometimes get it wrong.

 

I had a major fall out with my Father in 1976 and only spoke again and made up 3 years ago, if the relationship means a lot to you don`t let it fester and go sore try getting some outside help if necessary.

[hedd-wyn]

Me and the Old **** have never been much mates to be honest. But the older I get the clearer things become.

I dont think he hates me, nor do I hate him, I just think it one of those really old fasioned monsyllabic ofather son relationships and I can live with that.

 

But likewise he still drops the od sly comment every now and again, usually round the dinner table or Christmas and I always react, and that I think is the problem.

We're both too similar.

 

You should be fine though mate, blood is thicker than water.

[leeds chimp]

i dont get on with my brother at all. Not spoken now in nearly 3 years and my old man is always bailing him out. He knows i dont agree with it but its his decision and i would not have a row with him about it

[Dougy]

Me and my Dad were always falling out over what i thought were just silly things, its part of growing up and being a teenager, hormones and all that.

 

In the end i learnt to keep my trap shut :good:

[Dr_Scholl]

Me and the Old **** have never been much mates to be honest. But the older I get the clearer things become.

I dont think he hates me, nor do I hate him, I just think it one of those really old fasioned monsyllabic ofather son relationships and I can live with that.

 

But likewise he still drops the od sly comment every now and again, usually round the dinner table or Christmas and I always react, and that I think is the problem.

We're both too similar.

 

You should be fine though mate, blood is thicker than water.

 

Sounds like your dad has a few things in common with mine.

 

I guess our age difference might have something to do with it (he was pushing 40 when I came along). But the older he's gotten, he's just become more and more bitter and unpleasant to be around.

[bi9johnny]

i never saw my dad for about 3 years before he passed away not that we had a falling out but because we would have over a family issue so i just never bothered, sort of if we don't see each other we wont fall out....my dad was straight as a dye a mans man stand up fella but i just didnt agree with his opinion on some stuff and he did not like it

 

did i regret not seeing him before he passed..not really we parted having not fallen out and i can live with it

 

because of said family issue i have not spoken to my brother for near 7 years...... do i miss him no he was a pain before and prob still is

 

we all make decisions and live with it .... not saying what i do is the right thing but it works for me

 

good luck with your own decisions mare

regards

john

[Eyefor]

But the older he's gotten, he's just become more and more bitter and unpleasant to be around.

 

Sorry to go against the flow but whilst you can chose your mates you can't chose your family. Life is too short to try and please everyone so stop trying to be what you aren't and live your life how you want to live it.

 

That way the only things you regret are all of your own doing and in probably wishing you hadn't made changes sooner.

 

As Lee Marvin said

 

"Life can make you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry

Snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry"

 

Move on.

Edited September 26, 2012 by Eyefor

[Lord Geordie]

Old saying "never sleep on an argument!" you may not get the chance to put it right. Family is the one true safe bet you should have in life. Many people have different views and ideal's but non the less we should respect their choices and try to understand them better for it. Sit him down and ask him to let it ALL out and clear the air. Find out whats bugging him and if you CAN'T change let hin know! Tell him you respect HIS views and you would appreciate his acceptance of yours.

 

I have had falling outs with my Dad but always make amends and he KNOWS I worship the ground he walks on.

[12borejimbo]

My Dad goes through these horrible phases and moods and takes it out on everyone. He wont talk, he will make himself a cup of tea and no one else, goes in the other room and watches TV by himself, my Mum and Dads relationship has dwindled for years and I have tried to talk to him, the other night I really tried and all he did was watch the TV and not listening, I am starting to give up, he was never there when I was younger, I never really had a Dad, self taught most things and always been very bold and outgoing. I made a promise to myself saying when I am a Dad I will NEVER be like that! Hes has been a great provider, but thats it, he has no friends, no hobbies, all he does is work, I feel so sorry for my Mum, but thats life. Im 24 and really starting to realise what is going on, his loss.

[SakoQuad]

Some people, men especially just seem to get mean and nasty with older age. It's sometimes to do with losing your status, virility, usefulness, strength and so on. It's also made worse by envy and jealousy of younger people.

 

Your father must be around 64 - can be a hard time if any of these things are effecting him, and you are 24 - pretty much a stark reminder of what he might be feeling he has lost or is losing.

 

It's quite possible the above doesn't apply and that he's always been cantankerous and is just getting worse or your tolerance wearing thin of course!

 

Everybody is different - you might not have lifelong regrets if you fall out big time and don't reconcile before he dies, but if you do regret it you will never be able to make it OK. If your mother is still alive it will impact on her as well so worth trying to find a way around the differences between you if you can.

[Mrs Sweepy]

i live in a house with three men,Ages 15,19 and 42

All three are going though a funny stage of life so yes it can get rather volatile at times

What with doors banging,name calling and alot of stoming out by all three of them

I guess most of the time am the outsider looking in.Waiting in the background for the right moment to step in .

nine times out of ten the storm will past But on those odd occasions just before the fists start flying or things get said that can never be retracted(as we all know words can cause more damaged then a few black eyes) I then step in.

My plan of action is always get the 15 year old out.(the bystander)

Send the 19 year old out of the room telling him to give me five mins

then i sit the 42 year old down with telly control and a bottle of beer in hand

I then check 15 year old who always in his room by then on play station

And i go talked to the 19 year old till his calm then suggest he pops out for a hour or so and i will ring him when things are settle

i then pop head round 15 years old door once more

And then i go grub a beer and try to wrestle the telly controls off the 42 year old

I know that one day and as my men get older my plan may backfire and one could walk out that door never to return

But as long as i always stay in the background and only step in when needed

Then i hope each one of them knows if that time comes they have someone in this house they can talk too .

I hope it works out for you and your dad.

xxxSuzy

[Muggins.]

A sit down mam to man alone chat is needed.

Your parents are the best friends you will ever have.

[Scully]

me and my dad were always at loggers head, but when times were good, they were very good my fault as much as his..i guess we were both of the same nature, dad died 12 years ago..... I wish i had been a bigger man and bit my tongue .....

 

do i miss him...you bet I do , and its only been in the last few years that i realised how much i really loved him,

 

and they have just played that bloody song on TV..in the living years

 

 

I was there when dad died, and i did get to say..I love you

Very similar to my Dad and me.I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he loved me;he showed it in many ways,but never said it.likewise from me in return,and although we got on well most of the time,we often argued to the point where I would just storm off,usually regarding the way 'things should be done'.My Dad had an inherent hatred of all things authoritarian,which I obviously inherited,but then he forgot,so whenever he tried to 'preach'(as I saw it)to me I would take it for so long and then rebel.

I yearned to tell my Dad I loved him,but I know it would have embarrassed the hell out of him,and me,so never did.He died in his sleep 9 years ago next month,without me ever telling him,and there isn't a day goes by that I don't think of him still,and just typing this I can feel myself filling up.Loved the man to bits and miss him like anything.

I tell my kids every day,whether they want to hear it or not.

I can't tell you to get your issues resolved Dr Scholl as I don't know the issues involved,but I always think it's a shame when this happens,but I wish you well anyhow.

Edited September 26, 2012 by Scully

[njc110381]

I think that in situations like this you need to sit back and ask yourself how much your arguements actually matter. Are they over stuff that can have a difference of opinion or are they serious? If it's the former you need to get over it and try to get along because I think you will feel bad later if it's not sorted.

 

On the other hand there are men like my grandad who used to beat my gran, spend his whole life in the pub when he wasn't at work and barely provided for the family let alone cared for them. Men like him can rot, family or not. Neither me nor my father (as far as I can tell) regret not spending more time with him. When it comes down to it I think my father could quite happily have left the old ******* to die even if we had found him in time to help.

 

It's not something I talk about much but in this case it's good for the OP to have a read to see just how bad things can be, which in turn may make him wonder what the fuss is about and go and make up. Unless it really is serious then family should stick together but there comes a point where it just can't happen.

[Bloke]

Sorry to go against the flow but whilst you can chose your mates you can't chose your family. Life is too short to try and please everyone so stop trying to be what you aren't and live your life how you want to live it.

That way the only things you regret are all of your own doing and in probably wishing you hadn't made changes sooner.

Move on.

 

I feel the same in some way. My MIL was as mad as Brian May's badgers and spiteful to go with it. I made a good attempt for a few years, but when she was making both my wife and my kids cry one day when I came home, she got her marching orders. Never spoke again for the seven years until she died. Sad in a way, but some things arent like the fairy stories, and some bridges cannot be mended, our life was certainly a lot more peaceful - her choice.

[jmooney]

I'll also swim against the flow on this one. I've never had much of a relationship with my dad. He left when I was 8 and I had to do mandatory visits but he didn't really want to. He cheated on my mom and married the "person" he cheated with. So after him living at home with my and my mom beating the **** out of me every now and then I got to go and spend every other weekend with him and his wife who was rather abusive to me as I grew up, not physically but psychologically and emotionally. I see him from time to time and we are cordial ( I last saw him in July) and last I saw her was Christmas Eve last year and I hope it's the last time I ever see her. I can't say I'd be horribly upset if I never saw him again either. He hasn't done a damn thing for me other than put my mother in a family way. Worse he sat by and watched while his wife tortured the bloody hell out of me.

 

Don't feel as though you have to sacrifice yourself just to "have a relationship" with your father. Lord knows I've been down that road and been hurt badly every time.

[Muddy Funker]

Life's too short mate.

[mick miller]

I'll also swim against the flow on this one. I've never had much of a relationship with my dad. He left when I was 8 and I had to do mandatory visits but he didn't really want to. He cheated on my mom and married the "person" he cheated with. So after him living at home with my and my mom beating the **** out of me every now and then I got to go and spend every other weekend with him and his wife who was rather abusive to me as I grew up, not physically but psychologically and emotionally. I see him from time to time and we are cordial ( I last saw him in July) and last I saw her was Christmas Eve last year and I hope it's the last time I ever see her. I can't say I'd be horribly upset if I never saw him again either. He hasn't done a damn thing for me other than put my mother in a family way. Worse he sat by and watched while his wife tortured the bloody hell out of me.

 

Don't feel as though you have to sacrifice yourself just to "have a relationship" with your father. Lord knows I've been down that road and been hurt badly every time.

 

Sounds familiar, I haven't seen the ***** that was my sperm donor since I was 11. Well, I tell a lie there; he called round when I was 16 and asked if 'your mother' was in, I told him to sling his hook or risk a good thumping, or words to that effect. Haven't spared a thought about him since, except to wonder if he's gotten round to karking it yet.

 

Some folk just ain't worth the effort, believe me.