rimfire4969 Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Good luck mate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) I can offer an experience from the 'other side' At the age of 11 when I was at boarding school and staying at friends' of my parent's for the weekend with their daughter, I was referred to as 'xxxxx's stepdaughter' I had absolutely no idea - perhaps it was the same case with your son, TD? Anyway, years later at the age of 36 I think it was, I found a number of people in the phone book with the same surname in the same rough area that I knew he lived in and started to ring them. He was the first one. Bearing in mind he had been bad mouthed to me from the very first time my parents spoke to me about it (about age 13), I had no clue what he was like. Anyway, we met up and to be fair he was a bit of a wally, one of those uber intelligent but totally off his trolley types and I found out that the story I had been told wasn't strictly true, more a 'six of one, half a dozen of the other' situation, and when you're that bit more grown up you can make up your own mind. My point is, he may not know much about you at all - the very fact he got in touch was very brave (and believe me, it takes danglies because to then be rejected is anybody's greatest fear). Speak to him, please, he's a person who needs acknowledgement from you if nothing else. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Edited June 15, 2015 by bigbird Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linny Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I can offer an experience from the 'other side' At the age of 11 when I was at boarding school and staying at friends' of my parent's for the weekend with their daughter, I was referred to as 'xxxxx's stepdaughter' I had absolutely no idea - perhaps it was the same case with your son, TD? Anyway, years later at the age of 36 I think it was, I found a number of people in the phone book with the same surname in the same rough area that I knew he lived in and started to ring them. He was the first one. Bearing in mind he had been bad mouthed to me from the very first time my parents spoke to me about it (about age 13), I had no clue what he was like. Anyway, we met up and to be fair he was a bit of a wally, one of those uber intelligent but totally off his trolley types and I found out that the story I had been told wasn't strictly true, more a 'six of one, half a dozen of the other' situation, and when you're that bit more grown up you can make up your own mind. My point is, he may not know much about you at all - the very fact he got in touch was very brave (and believe me, it takes danglies because to then be rejected is anybody's greatest fear). Speak to him, please, he's a person who needs acknowledgement from you if nothing else. Good luck whatever you decide to do. a fair bit to think about well done for posting it might help him out alot of old memories and emotions to get over good luck hope it has a happy outcome for you both Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentalmac Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I can offer an experience from the 'other side' At the age of 11 when I was at boarding school and staying at friends' of my parent's for the weekend with their daughter, I was referred to as 'xxxxx's stepdaughter' I had absolutely no idea - perhaps it was the same case with your son, TD? Anyway, years later at the age of 36 I think it was, I found a number of people in the phone book with the same surname in the same rough area that I knew he lived in and started to ring them. He was the first one. Bearing in mind he had been bad mouthed to me from the very first time my parents spoke to me about it (about age 13), I had no clue what he was like. Anyway, we met up and to be fair he was a bit of a wally, one of those uber intelligent but totally off his trolley types and I found out that the story I had been told wasn't strictly true, more a 'six of one, half a dozen of the other' situation, and when you're that bit more grown up you can make up your own mind. My point is, he may not know much about you at all - the very fact he got in touch was very brave (and believe me, it takes danglies because to then be rejected is anybody's greatest fear). Speak to him, please, he's a person who needs acknowledgement from you if nothing else. Good luck whatever you decide to do. That's a nice and inspiring post Bigbird - I am sure it certainly takes some danglies to do that too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobbyathome Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I can offer an experience from the 'other side' At the age of 11 when I was at boarding school and staying at friends' of my parent's for the weekend with their daughter, I was referred to as 'xxxxx's stepdaughter' I had absolutely no idea - perhaps it was the same case with your son, TD? Anyway, years later at the age of 36 I think it was, I found a number of people in the phone book with the same surname in the same rough area that I knew he lived in and started to ring them. He was the first one. Bearing in mind he had been bad mouthed to me from the very first time my parents spoke to me about it (about age 13), I had no clue what he was like. Anyway, we met up and to be fair he was a bit of a wally, one of those uber intelligent but totally off his trolley types and I found out that the story I had been told wasn't strictly true, more a 'six of one, half a dozen of the other' situation, and when you're that bit more grown up you can make up your own mind. My point is, he may not know much about you at all - the very fact he got in touch was very brave (and believe me, it takes danglies because to then be rejected is anybody's greatest fear). Speak to him, please, he's a person who needs acknowledgement from you if nothing else. Good luck whatever you decide to do. i can vouch for the sentiments bigbird my mum died when i was 10 there were 4 of us and my baby brother was 6 months having an alcoholic father we couldnt keep him and he was adopted its a long story but he found out just before my dad died 30 years later and he turned up on my doorstep loads of tears but i got my brother back he will never be the same as my other brother or sister as we shared our lives poor david missed 30 of them but more importantly he had a good happy childhood and a family of his own my dad might have been a drunken fool but he did right for david Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Strangely enough nobbyathome mine was in your area! Well, ish, Folkestone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliver90owner Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I had a divorce around twenty years ago. My son eventually left the family home as he was decidely on my ex's side with no contact address or any intent to stay in touch. Eventually (after about fifteen years)made contact with his wife and they have three loverleeey children. Still don't converse often with my son, but those three grandchildren are magic. Most contact is with my daughter in law. Don't judge the situation until you know all the details, is my advice. It may be a case of passing a few memories or facts, but there may be more interesting surprises ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) It's a tricky one and having not been there I can't comment. nevertheless, my observation is that too much emphasis is placed on the biological link that is nothing more than the act of dishing out the sperm - this is not the same as being a parent or father. If someone told me tomorrow that the person who brought me up and who I called dad was not in fact my biological father it wouldn't change a thing. Any desire I had to track down my biological father would be purely out of curiosity and that's not enough to risk upsetting all the remaining apples in the apple cart of my life. I guess curiosity gets the best of everyone in that situation and after that it's just dealing with the fall out and consequences. Do people track down sperm donors? Incidentally, I blame your ex for this one landing in your lap. She was in control of the situation and she excluded you. It's not as though she wouldn't have known this day would come. . Edited June 15, 2015 by Mungler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbird Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Mungler, it's not as straightforward as that although I do see where you're coming from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's a nightmare alright - it will provide answers and closure for your biological off spring and a gut wrenching rake over the ashes of your relationship with the woman you now loathe and who he will call 'mum' and massive kick in the balls for you, and your actual family treading on egg shells until this blows over. Realistically even if the meet goes swimmingly well, you have nothing in common, no shared memories or interests and you stand as much chance as becoming BFFs with the first bloke you bump into tomorrow on the bus. Flipping nightmare alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tikkashot Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 Good luck, lifes to short. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I now have visions of seeing Taxidriver showing up on "Jeremy Kyle" Whatever happens don't ever show him how to put up a tent. Lol Seriously though it's going to be difficult not only for you but for the rest of your immediate family. I hope all goes well and he won't demand 26 year's of pocket money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reggiegun Posted June 15, 2015 Report Share Posted June 15, 2015 I now have visions of seeing Taxidriver showing up on "Jeremy Kyle" Whatever happens don't ever show him how to put up a tent. Lol Seriously though it's going to be difficult not only for you but for the rest of your immediate family. I hope all goes well and he won't demand 26 year's of pocket money. Or how to smash a van window lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pimpkiller Posted June 16, 2015 Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 Non of this was your sons fault, I would just meet up and answer questions but dont have a go at his mum thats who brought him up just put your side across Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psyxologos Posted June 16, 2015 Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 Check your PMs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaxiDriver Posted June 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 I now have visions of seeing Taxidriver showing up on "Jeremy Kyle" Whatever happens don't ever show him how to put up a tent. Lol Seriously though it's going to be difficult not only for you but for the rest of your immediate family. I hope all goes well and he won't demand 26 year's of pocket money. Or how to smash a van window lol Oh you pair, You crack me up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaxiDriver Posted October 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 Well, Talk about resurrecting a thread, I thought I'd offer an update since a bit has happened in the past few months. My eldest had made contact with my youngest and they've spoken a few times on Facebook and met at the local town carnival and chatted, my youngest who's now 15 and has always known about my son by previous marriage, Very gingerly told me he had something to talk to me about but didn't know how I'd feel. Fearing the worst, (gay ? Got a girl pregnant ? Or worse, a West Ham supporter) I told him to talk to me. He told me he'd chatted to ****** and they'd met, told me a bit about him and his wife and two kids. It pained me greatly that I just couldn't bring myself to reply to ****** myself, Eventually one evening I messaged back, only briefly, but the step was taken. Some 2 or 3 months on and we've chatted on Facebook and my two sons have been to the pictures a couple of times, the first time they met at the end of the road and the second time at our house which was first time we met, chilly and for me, emotional. We've been over to see them at home, and tomorrow going to see them at their new forever home. He has a 'Dad' and that fella has earnt that title by all accounts and I respect him for adopting in the first place, he's also Grandad, and again he's served the time/earnt the right, I'm just very happy to have the opportunity to meet them all and for now I'm Neil, 'Pops' or whatever else is comfortable. So, Thank you to those of you who encouraged me to take a leap of faith and grab the opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scully Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 I'm pleased things are moving in the right direction and admire your outlook in what must be a difficult scenario for you. I sincerely hope things only get better. Little steps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildfowler Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 Chuffed to bits it's working out for you! I remember the initial topic back when it started, I couldn't imagine being in that situation but I'm really pleased for you that you took the plunge and it's working out - right decision! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islandgun Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 great stuff, hope it leads to a rewarding time for all of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rimfire4969 Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 That is great news, really pleased for you and yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince Green Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 Really glad for you, its hard I can imagine but it is worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aled Posted October 4, 2016 Report Share Posted October 4, 2016 Wishing you all the best. Cheers Aled Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loriusgarrulus Posted October 4, 2016 Report Share Posted October 4, 2016 That is really good news. So pleased for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TaxiDriver Posted November 19, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2016 As time moves on, Born just after 2AM on 17 November, I now have another Grand daughter :) I was in A&E with my youngest in the afternoon when he text'd the good news, So as it was 3pm and 'visiting hours' We were allowed a quick visit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.