discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 And no - the answer isn't cream or tablets (well - not in this instance ) but this does go on a bit if you can bear with it It turns out my Mother has been making trips to Ghana - She went just under a year ago - informing us that she was going on a Cruise (regular behavior). Then, 6 weeks ago she just disappeared - Mobile was just saying they weren't connecting calls to this number - no answer on her landline. Other relatives didn't know anything. I managed to get in touch with a friend of hers who said she had gone away for a few weeks but was on WhatsApp. Then an alarm bell rang from a conversation I had with my Aunt a few months ago where Ghana was mentioned about my mum not being able to explain where she had gone on a Cruise. So I messaged her - asking if she was in Ghana - nothing. Three weeks later I contacted her friend again, and said that I was getting very concerned and I was considering going to the authorities - and half an hour later I had a load of photo's sent through with a message saying she was OK - It was obvious from some of the photo's she was "playing" with the person taking the photo's - No response to when she was coming back home. She then called me 10 days ago - and I asked the questions - and yes - there is a man - a Huber Driver (the H isn't a mistake) and she had been on a visit previously to see him and she had met him in an online chatroom/dating site Sunday, I picked her up from Manchester and tried to have a serious discussion with her on it. Turns out he is younger than me - but she isn't being scammed!! She did say "I don't think I will marry him" which to me says that she is thinking of marrying him (from historical behavior) and will be going back out there soon. So, has anybody had experience of this with family members/friends? I am really concerned about what is going to happen to her and her money/house going forward. She has been sectioned within the past 10 years, and been conned on a number of occasions by "tradesmen" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Are you getting a Ghana'n step dad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 1 minute ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: Are you getting a Ghana'n step dad? A possibility Dave, and he is younger than me.... I may be changing my user name to be Prince Bob!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spr1985 Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 My aunt married a Tunisian guy who for a couple of years was Adamant that they where to live in Tunisia with his family and that he didn’t like England,they got married and hey presto he wanted his uk passport and to live here in the uk. It’s a tough question to answer really. I can see it in from both sides. You have a genuine concern for your mother and feel the need to protect her but on the same hand she’s a grown up and free to do as she pleases. I hope the situation sorts itself out without causing any animosity between you and your mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdadphil Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 speak to a solicitor. there may be a need for legal action to protect your mother. don't delay atvb gdadphil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 (edited) 5 minutes ago, gdadphil said: speak to a solicitor. there may be a need for legal action to protect your mother. don't delay atvb gdadphil Have you any idea of a starting point with one? Would I be seeking something like an LPA I have been googling and everything seems to be based on after the fact - or the person being scammed making the move. I know when she was under the mental health team they wouldn't even speak to me if my Mother didn't know - when I needed to talk to them about her behaviour Edited October 11, 2022 by discobob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
30-6 Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Would it be possible to talk to some organisation, like a scam helpline, about what if this or what if that, I'm sure with her past health problems they would understand your concern. The government is always advertising such sites. I think it needs to be nipped in the bud now, and I bet they would have heard similar scenarios before and would gladly offer you advice. You must be worried sick. I wish you and your family the very best and hope it all works out well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymo Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Firstly, shred her passport and take it from there. It’s pretty unnerving hearing of stories like this. However, I’m happy to send my mother in law in your mums place!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TIGHTCHOKE Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 1 minute ago, Jaymo said: Firstly, shred her passport and take it from there. It’s pretty unnerving hearing of stories like this. However, I’m happy to send my mother in law in your mums place!!! A first class offer! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymo Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 1 minute ago, TIGHTCHOKE said: A first class offer! Ever helpful am I 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Sounds like she's been lacking some TLC and unfortunately found some. I know personally of 3 people this has happened to 1 ended up kidnapping a sibling and taking the child the Egypt (was returned after allot of police investigation etc) Another was left penniless and homeless, and the 3rd is stuck in the country they left UK for, last we heard they were single and destitute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smokersmith Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Others will have better qualifications to advise than me. My post is purely to compliment you on raising the issue and reaching out for help. Hopefully you get some good advice and can lessen your immediate concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditchman Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 48 minutes ago, Jaymo said: Firstly, shred her passport and take it from there. It’s pretty unnerving hearing of stories like this. However, I’m happy to send my mother in law in your mums place!!! 1. what does she look like 2. is she flush 3. does she you know what Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mungler Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Unless you can get her sectioned under the mental health act, it's her life no matter how daft and reckless she wants to lead it. I feel for you. She's your mum but clearly she's an attention seeking handful and it's parents that are supposed to look out for kids, not the other way around. With all the publicity on the TV about on line scams, foreign romances and all the Shirley Valentine dupes that turn up on the GMTV sofa brimming with love for a foreign waiter a fraction of their age, only to be back a couple of months later skint, with a black eye and abandoned; well, it's like trying to explain the colour of orange juice to someone - where could you even start. I can't condone shredding the passport, but I tip my hat to the idea 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 1 hour ago, Jaymo said: However, I’m happy to send my mother in law in your mums place!!! I have just had to clean the coffee off my monitor!! It did get me thinking about my Mother in Law, then the wife 30 minutes ago, ditchman said: 1. what does she look like 2. is she flush 3. does she you know what 1. Alright I suppose for 74 2. She is 5' 3. Oiiii - that's my Mother 28 minutes ago, Mungler said: With all the publicity on the TV about on line scams, foreign romances and all the Shirley Valentine dupes that turn up on the GMTV sofa brimming with love for a foreign waiter a fraction of their age, only to be back a couple of months later skint, with a black eye and abandoned; well, it's like trying to explain the colour of orange juice to someone - where could you even start. The trouble is she thinks she is too clever to be scammed - I have told her she isn't - and there are thousands of women that have said those exact words and now say "I thought I was clever" 1 hour ago, Smokersmith said: Hopefully you get some good advice and can lessen your immediate concerns. 👍 1 hour ago, Dougy said: Sounds like she's been lacking some TLC and unfortunately found some. I know personally of 3 people this has happened to 1 ended up kidnapping a sibling and taking the child the Egypt (was returned after allot of police investigation etc) Another was left penniless and homeless, and the 3rd is stuck in the country they left UK for, last we heard they were single and destitute. 2 and 3 are the ones that concern me - regarding TLC - She is a very difficult person who has forced away the rest of her,her late husband's, and my family leaving basically Me 😞 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymo Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 39 minutes ago, ditchman said: 1. what does she look like 2. is she flush 3. does she you know what U.G.L.Y Nope Dont even want to think about that last one. She has been divorced for many years. You were referring to my MIL, can’t vouch for DiscoBobs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enfieldspares Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 (edited) It's her life but, FWIW, I'd maybe get her an appointment with a GOOD immigration lawyer who (if they are GOOD) will explain what the huge difficulties there are bringing a Ghanaian husband into the UK. Effectively your Mum will have to have never claimed any UK Government benefits, will have to show a minimum disposable income of around £2,.000. Where it all then gets interesting, and expensive, is the £1,800 medical bond, the £1,500 on top for a visa, plus the mandatory Proof of English Test (which given the Ghana is a Commonwealth nation where English is an official language is quite disgraceful). Anyway here's some links: https://www.gov.uk/check-uk-visa/y/ghana/family/yes Edited October 11, 2022 by enfieldspares Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
henry d Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Would LPA help? Sounds like a worrying situation for you, but I think that the legal profession would be the best way forward but on second thoughts what about CA? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougy Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Now im on the laptop, i can add a little more to one of the story's. It started with a romance with an Egyptian living in the UK, along comes a child together with 100% control, both had had quite decent incomes and very good education. Then came the split in the relationship and divorce, and then the custody battle, its wasn't going too well for the father, so he took the child off to see the pyramids. Im not sure if it hit the tabloids or not but it was a pretty big thing at the time. Custody eventfully awarded to the mother and lived back in the UK. i always remember my dad warning of the outcome , like always parents are more often than not right. I wish you all the best in sorting your M.I.L out hope she doesn't get fleeced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigbob Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 Shes a adult unless she has problems and you can get control of her affairs its going to be a rough ride Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdadphil Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 As suggested it's to do with her current mental capacity. If the CMHT has been involved it is because she would seem to have a diagnosed known MH issue so that will have been written up. I would suggest that this matter could come under Safeguarding Adults legislation due to potential financial abuse and sadly personal abuse possibly due to her MH. There seems to be more joined up thinking (police health social services gp etc) around safeguarding than many local government responsibilities. Look up your local or County local authority and try to get a number to call someone if only to ask advice. Again urgency is the name of the game . If you do get their help ...don't be just another case number .... be polite but press for action. those who shout loudest etc..... Personally I would take her passport if she complains to the police you can give them the whole story cheers Phil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 I have been informed tonight that the guy is 35, 6’3” and 20 odd stone Also, she cut her first trip last Christmas by 3 weeks and told someone that it was because she had been raped but yet she has returned since This just keeps getting worse one concern that I do have is she has a history of vindictive actions and I am a prime target for accusations due to being licensed ☹️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashman Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 I’m struggling to decide whether this thread’s a wind up. If not, why would anybody post this stuff on a public forum? It’s all beyond my comprehension. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discobob Posted October 11, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 11 minutes ago, Flashman said: I’m struggling to decide whether this thread’s a wind up. If not, why would anybody post this stuff on a public forum? It’s all beyond my comprehension. I only wish it was. I have posted it on here looking for advise from an audience with a wide range of experience as I am going round the bend trying to get my head around it all To put it bluntly, I am desperate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agriv8 Posted October 11, 2022 Report Share Posted October 11, 2022 8 hours ago, Jaymo said: Firstly, shred her passport and take it from there. It’s pretty unnerving hearing of stories like this. However, I’m happy to send my mother in law in your mums place!!! Can I have second dibs on the sending the mother in law ! or perhaps a two for one offer ? seriously it sounds very fishy to me - I don’t know where you could go for advice. has she given her new partner ant money ? I think if there is previous of being scammed it may be worth looking at age concern about power of attorney? Agriv8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.